A.N: I know it has been a while since I have updated this fic... so here, a new chapter! I hope you enjoy :) a small flashback will be given to you ^^

 -

''If you gave someone your heart and they died, did they take it with them? Did you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?"

Jodi Picoult, Nineteen minutes.

Jessica's POV

Two weeks after the incident, the two started dating. Everyone in the workplace was accepting of the fact. Everybody was happy. Everybody was excited. And I know, I should be too. I should be the first to congratulate them. I should be the first to be happy. Happy that now, Yuri won't hurt. Happy that now, Yuri will be happy. Happy that now, I won't feel guilty, happy that now, I won't feel regret 

But I do.

As much as I hated to admit it, I do. 

I thought she would feel the hurt I am feeling too. And I-I hate it. I hate that I don't know who I should hate. I hate that I don't know how much I could repress what I feel, and I hate that now, everything ended.

Because I loved her.

But that is not going to bring anything back. 

"Hey, Sica." A hand made its way around my shoulder. Taeyeon. Warm and comforting Taeyeon. The person I leaned on to a lot. The person who was there when I needed someone the most. The person who I wish was Yuri right now. The person who had to be hurt because of me.

Taeyeon. 

A month after their incident, I started dating Taeyeon.

She told me she'd let me move on.

I told her I'll love her instead.

I remembered those thoughts back then. And I know I promised that  I can do it. I can move on. I can start anew.

And silently, I hoped that I will.

And quietly, I prayed that time would fade everything away.

Because this is too much. Because I-I can't reach her anymore. Because all the things I miss about her, I knew I've lost it.

Because goodbye finally feels real now. 

-----------------

The phone rang, it's incessant tone echoing in the four corners of the office. Picking up the phone, I heard nothing but light breathing.

"Hello?" I spome through the phone, my temper rising.

"Hey, Sica" a child-like tone spome from the other line. "Don't be so angry. Wanna have lunch later?" She said, followed by a fit of giggles.

"Oh, Taeyeon." I tried to sound as enthusiastic as I can despite my throat feeling dry. "Why the sudden call? You are just on the other side of the room, missy."

"I wan't to surprise you, see?" She tried to hold back a laugh, I am sure.

"I think you're just lazy, Taengoo." I joked back, and bit my lip at calling her her pet name. She cleared before speaking, "A-alright, I'll pick you up from- from the-there. A-after your shift. Excuse me." She covered the mouth piece, and despite that, I can hear her coughing and cursing at her "stupidity" as I have heard her say at the same time.

"I'll meet you later, Taengoo. See you." And as I heard an "ok, see you later.", I can't help but notice how much I was anxious too. 

On how much I am afraid of falling for her. On how much I was scared to tell her that I like her, or how I found that what she does is cute. 

I can't.

But if I tried to let go for once, will I reach Taeyeon this time?

If I gave up chasing for Yuri all by myself, If I gave up trying to reach Yuri, If I gave up and ended everything- all the things I have created for myself, all the memories I keep playing back to remember her, If I gave that up, will Taeyeon reach me in time to say the words I long to hear?

 -

"Hey, how are you?" I heard Tiffany call Yuri, a large smile immediately plastered on the tanned woman's face. 

"I'm good Fany-ah." Yuri held Tiffany into an embrace, and as much as I wanted to look away out of propreity's sake, I can't. 

"I know you, Yul." Tiffany muttered, her face buried on the crook of Yuri's neck. "But well, it's time for work, so busy,busy,busy."

"But-" Yuri muttered earning herself a smile from Tiffany, and an empty can of soda thrown her way by Sooyoung. "But what about 'our' time? Don't we need to get busy, too?"

"Yah!" Sooyoung shouted, chunks of food going out . Disgusting. "Are you here to work or to film some ?" With her usual, "tsk.tsk.tsk." that she learned from the elders, she continued. "Kids these days, no sense of shame." Earning herself a couple of laughs from the crowd.

"Alright, alright, Soo. You got me. I was just kidding." Yuri clutched her stomach, and held onto Tiffany for support. With the laughter dying, Yuri asked, "So Tiff, what have we got to do today?" 

"Tiffany straightened out her dress, before her eyes landed on mine. A brief eye-contact, that's it. 

I felt arms reach out and hold me by the shoulder, chills running at my spine in response. I didn't want to. I didn't want to ruin Taeyeon. But I held her hand in mine, and for a while, I got lost in her while she leaned down and kissed my cheek. The conersation between Tiffany and Yuri continued on, drowning out my senses, but all I could hear was Taeyeon leaning in my ear and whispering, and I'm sure, I'm sure that Yuri's jokes, Sooyoung's impressions, and the crowds laughter didn't make me smile one bit.

But her question, "Are you hungry?" did it.

-

The cafeteria was quiet except for a few pans clanking, and the boiling of soup was heard. The ahjumma at the counter grinned at us before giving us extra side-dishes. For being the first customers. "So...Taengoo, any plans for the day?" I smiled seeing her stuff with jajjangmyun in one go, before wiping the sauce out of the corner of her lips and reaching for the tonkatsu.

"Ummm...I don't know." She muttered, smiling at me and again took a huge spoonful of soup. "Tiffany and Yuri are supposed to go film at one of the rural areas in Korea, maybe stay there for a few days, interview a few people. It's gonna be one of the headlines of our company! No one has ever dared venture near the mountain areas, considering it would be raining a lot. I mean-a lot." She continued as she looked at me and urged me to finish my bowl of udon. I smiled in response before taking a mouthful of the hot, steamy noodles before I heard her say what is on my mind.

"Do you want to go along with them?" She muttered, as she bit her lip. "I mean, it might not be the best place and all...but-but I think it would be fun if the four of us went there...don't you think?"

And unknowingly, my lips found hers in a slight peck before I told her I'd love to. 

I didn't know what I was doing, but I meant for it to happen. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to thank her, and say that I am finally starting to fall for her.

But I couldn't, not yet.

Because I'm not sure.

Because I need to know that what I am feeling is not false.

Because I need to know that I am seeing Taeyeon as she is. That I am not seeing Yuri in her.

She looked down, as she squirmed in her seat, before standing up, her grin almost splitting her face, and offered me dessert. 

-

"Thank God for the air-conditioning System!" Tiffany wailed out, as she got in the van along with us. Yuri gave her a pat in the bum teasing her for being slow. Looking to my side, I hear Taeyeon making small talk with the couple and the driver.

I plugged the earphone jack into my phone, set it to the maximum volume, and listened to anything. Anything that would make me forget agreeing to this trip. 

When all I wanted was to get away from her.

Silence went along the ride, and I didn't know if it was because of me not paying any attention or if it was because of the music that I had not noticed anything, anybody, not even the bumpy road causing Tiffany to feel like throwing up. She always said she had motion sickness. I didn't think it would be this worse. 

"Hey, Sica." Taeyeon nudged me. Removing the earphones, I smiled back faking a yawn, hoping she'd leave me be.

"Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?" She asked, her eyes darting around the vehicle. "You seem to be really quiet. I- mean," she continued, "God, I'm sorry for bringing you into this, I really am stupid! Stupid, stupid-"

"It's alright, Taengoo." I say leaning on her sboulder. "I'm just a little tired, that's all. "

She placed a hand on my head and whispered and sang lullabies as she held my hand in her's and rubbed soothing circles at its back.

I felt my eyes grow heavy, really heavy, with her soulful voice in my ear, and I thought, at that moment, that if I could sleep forever, I would be listening to her voice- I would be sleeping with her  voice lulling me away, taking me places in my dreams. I would be lost, and I wont be thinking of anything anymore. And I so badly wanted to.

Snuggling closer to the crook of her neck, I had an inkling, a thought perhaps, that I saw Yuri looking at me from the mirror, her face showing lines, and creases can be traced from her forehead.

And that is when I realized.

We can't be together.

I can't ever reach her.

I'm meant to look at her throught the car's mirror; and she at my back.

Because we are meant to live different lives.

And meant to love different people.

-

"Eeeeeek!" Yuri squeaked as a rat scurried past her foot. I tried to stifle my laughter as Tiffany teasingly pushed her girlfriend saying she can be 'girly' too, when need be. Looking around the bungalo where we could lodge - a small place with two rooms, a small bathroom by the corner and a dirty kitchen- I knew why nobody ever visits the place. The stench, oh the stench was horrible. The whole place smelled like animal droppings and overripe fruit, its sickly sweet scent making my toes curl.

"Ummm...guys, let's unpack...shall we?" Taeyeon urged, a slight look of disgust on her face as she placed her bag by the table, and removed its contents. Unpacking her laptop, she proceeded to open it, while telling us to go to our rooms. Yuri and Tiffany unwillingly placed their backpacks onto the side table, as small roaches began squirming out of the wood's crack, further surprising the two. 

Taeyeon grabbed her slipper, as she squished the 'little bastards' as Tiffany called it, before soothing Tiffany with a gentle back rub. 

And I know I'm supposed to be jealous, but I'm not. Somehow  I'd rather my girlfriend do the consoling than Tiffany's girlfriend.

Placing my bag at one side, I quickly went to my room, before plopping myself on the bed.

I wish this day would quickly end.

-

10:00 pm

The rain fell down harshly on the rooftops waking me from my slumber. Glancing to the side, I saw Tiffany snuggling by me, a tired look on her pale face as she mumbled incoherrent words. Sitting right up, I grabbed a bottle of water from the bedside table amd took big gulps from it, as I remembered the conversations awhile ago as I slept outside. How Tiffany said that 'girls sbould sleep together and the men go in the other room.' as sterly as she can. Seeing lightning illuminate the dark sky, I grabbed my coat and decided to mosey out the place. Maybe all I need is a  bit of fresh air to clear my mind up.

-

I never expected to see her, but I did. 

And I don't know, I'm not sure if what I felt was happiness, nostalgia. Because just like before, it's us, again-alone together. Or guilt. For feeling that way. Making my way to her, I placed a coat over her drenched body, smiling a little at her shocked expression. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked, a little bit too cold. Grabbing a box of cigarettes from her jacket pocket, she furiously tried to flicker the lighter to no avail.

"I didn't know you smoked." I frowned, seeing her speak profanities, chucking the cigarette to the ground.

"You don't know anything about me." She replied before grabbing another stick. "Now where was I?" She tried to light it again. "Why are you here?"

 I held the coat over her head, my mind racing, trying to grab for answers, my face blank. "Can't sleep, that's why. Although I didn't know why I had to explain to you. It's none of your business anyway."

"Well, whatever it is, you better get going." She said in a calm manner. "Dangerous area, see? It's like you didn't know we are on a mountainous area. It's like you didn't know that this area is prone to erosion. It's like you didn't know it's raining hard right now. It's like you didn't know this place is under construction. It's like you didn't read the 'no entry' sign-"

"Just- keep your mouth shut for me please?" I snapped throwing the coat away. 

"Well, I'll be leaving. You could stay here longer if you want to." She said taking steps away from me. 

I turned my back on her.

And then she is gone.

--

Third person POV

Yuri climbed to bed, after drying her clothes. Thirty minutes and still no door opening. Tbirty minutes and still no Jessica. When that person is such a scaredy-cat. When that person is afraid of everything.

Flicking her phone open, she called under Jessica's name, with no one answering. With a sigh, she grabbed an umbrella and dashed towards the door.

--

"Yah, Sica!" Jessica heard her scream from miles away. Wipimg the tears off of her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt, she groaned as she crouched low, and tried to focus her eyes on the ground despite the rain.

"Yah!" She heared her. She is closer. But still far away. "What are you doing?! Let's go back home, Sica!"

"Leave me alone!" Jessica shouted, as she hit the ground with her fists. "Leave me alone! Just - just leave me!"

Jessica tried frantically to claw at the ground, mud and wet cement on her fingernails. Grasping another shaky breath, she tried to find her bracelet. 

The last thing thag ever reminded her of Yuri.

The last thing that ever let her know that she had loved.

That she had lived.

"Sica!" Jessica heard her again. She looked side to side to find her, seeing Yuri with panic in her eyes, as she ran for her. 

Ten steps?

Seven steps?

She saw Yuri, tears in her tanned skin, as she kept mouthing words she didn't understand.

And other than the sound of rain, she heard somehing crashing, something sharp, falling. Somethi g she wasn't quite sure of.

Seeing something in a crack near the rock, she reached for it, the stone cutting her skin. 

And then she heard something roaring, pelting, falling.

But amidst that, she felt arms. Someone tugging her. Just in the slightest bit.

And then everything went blank.

And as her eyes closed she only thought of one thing.

Of Yuri reaching her.