"I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields , that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a whige quilt; and perhaphs it says "Go to sleep,darlings, till the summer comes again."

                                                                                                     -Lewis Carol, Alice's adventure in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass

"Time... I've been passing time watching trains go by. All of my life......

Lying on the sand watching seabirds fly..."

Pale sunlight dappled on the snow -covered  rocky pavements of inwood hill park, just on the northern most tip of  manhattan,new york, as an auburn-haired woman sat cross-legged on one of the benches; holding her cup of caramel macchiato- the caffeinated drink warm as opposed to the chilly weather of mid-december- on one hand; and her phone in the other.Her purse, placed daintily on her lap. With the earbuds stuck tightly to her ears, Jessica Jung continued to hum the distant yet familiar tune.

"Wishing there would be.. someone waiting home for me."

"Something's telling me it might be you.."

She momentarily set her cup down-missing the heat emanating from it- adjusted the scarf around her neck, brushed the dust and snow off of her parka, and finally took a glance at the scene before her while reaching for her coffee.

"How could winter be so warm and cold at the same time?" She sighed deeply as she stepped on a dried twig.

She drank the warm beverage, the steam giving her comfort and the scent of the sweet and yet bitter permeating through her nostrills.

As she finally closed her eyes, her mind faltering at the descision she was about to make, she swore that she could smell the faint scent of pine trees and chestnuts being roasted on the street as the chilly breeze swept accross her face.

~

"Get lost."

"You don't belong here."

"Hey. Wanna be friends?"

Was that the first time I felt loved? I don't even know..

"Just know that I'll always be there for you."

 "Thanks, oppa."

Was that the first time i ever felt secure? I can't believe myself. I was so pathetic...

Amidst the cherry blossoms of that spring day, Jessica Jung, finally graduating, decided to confess.

"Donghae oppa, I've always been thankful for what you had done for me.. and i just wanted to tell you-"

"That you like me? Oh cut it! You are not my type Jung! What i did- that was all an act. Out of pity! Don't expect too much

"But you said-"

"C'mon i knew you were stupid but i didnt know you were so foolish! Stop it, alright ? I dont date losers. I only want women with all the right proportions..."

A sly smirk was shown on his face.

I wonder how i used to like the way he smirks, how a dimple always forms on one of his cheeks...

"Don't. Ever.come near me. You're disgusting."

And although the warm embrace of the breeze in spring was rather comforting, all jessica could feel was numbness as she tasted the faint saltiness of tears trickling down her cheeks...

"Someone call the doctor nal butjapheo malhaejwo.."

Jessica jung woke up with a start. She flashed her phone and looked at the time.

"Its gotten late...stupid dream! "She finally looked at her music playlist.

"I thought i set the first song on repeat... at least this song woke me up.." She whisphered to herself as she rubbed her hands together, hoping to find the least bit of warmth in this weather.

Darkness has finally set on New York City. Different signposts were lighted up, creating a wonderful panoramic view before her very own eyes. "Like this was just made for me.." she thought deeply.For late night workers,this must have been how they start ther day,jessica thought, seeing all the streetlamps illuminated and different coffee shops inviting guests in for some tea. But that is not so,for the young woman who was not used to staying up this late. From afar, the auburn-haired woman could faintly smell the scent of freshly baked cookies and chamomile tea.

"I must be getting hungry. I should probably go home and fix up something to eat."

But with all these thoughts running through her mind, she just can't seem to stay still, and despite her wishes to move forward, she can't help but to stay rooted to her spot.

She reached inside her purse and grabbed a key chain with a wood attached to the loose silver rings. The feel of the smooth arbutus  on her hand never failed to make her calm. And amidst the din of the people at the nearby shop,  the couples milled together, and the falling of the first snow; this time she could not  care less. She held the item near her and prayed. Wished. Hoped. That this time she would be stronger. That even a precarious 21 year old woman like her can find courage. She took one last look at the words carved not only on wood but also in her heart.

Engraved in it were the words:

"You are stronger than what you think you are and what others make of you. "

-tiffany hwang

And finally after taking a deep breath, she assured herself that what she chose to do might set things right after all. She knew leaving would be her best option, her cure. Even it meant getting her off this bench and this place , that is, she knew it would be worth it.

"Don't ever see me huh.." she huffed.

"Well guess what? I wont ever see you, you freak." 

"Tiffany Hwang." She said in her slight american accent, a smile forming on her lips.

"Seoul." She breathed out this time,  the once happy face breaking out into a wide grin, and if she only noticed, her eyes would've formed its own crescents.

"I'm coming for you."

And for once , The Jessica Jung was free. She just knew it.

A.N: how was it? Comment , upvote and subscribe pls .thanks^^

-Shizu