A scraped knee was the most painful thing that ever happened to Kim Jaejoong when he was young. A child that ran and played on dirty grounds and laughed carefree as he chased Junsu with his toddler legs. Without any idea what the world really was. 

Throughout his adolescence days, the death of his old faithful dog had crashed his heart. The pain was never compared to any wounds he had attained when he was younger. It made him stayed late at night, crying.

But now, Jaejoong can't compare how painful it was than those moments he thought it hurts more than anything. No one and nothing had prepared him for that kind of pain.

Though he had researched and had first hand knowledge about chemotherapy, he never had any idea how painful it could be. And now, he regretted those times when he underestimated the disease he was facing.

Inside that tunnel-shaped machine, he felt heat converging to his body. He wanted to scream in pain and he almost did but it jammed on his throat. He wondered if he ever let that cry into space, will anyone hear him? 

The stingy pain started on his exposed skin and he almost thought his clothes would get burnt somehow. After few moments, the pain worked its way to the deepest of his bones and between the heat and grinding of his own teeth, he suddenly felt electrocuted. He gritted his teeth harder to stop himself from banging the tube and begging the doctors to stop whatever they were doing to him.

Because he felt it, the evil heat was taking something away from him. Sanity? Perhaps. It had killed his cancer cells but simultaneously, it was also killing the remains of his healthy and living cells. 

His battle against heat lasted longer that he expected. He recalled Dr. Park and his nurses telling him it will take time because the cancer cells it has to kill had spread to his body. Too many for his failing body to take. 

After what it seemed like a lifetime, he was finally withdrawn from that devious tube and was freed was from torture called chemotherapy. He had to remind himself he'll be spending time with that tunnel for the next months.

Only when he was carried back to the empty gurney that brought him there had Jaejoong realized how weak his body has become. He can't even move an inch of his fingers and opening his eyelids proved to be a difficult task. He then realized that his voice had also escaped his will.

Can't no longer hold the battle against himself, he firmly closed his eyes and he felt he was being carried back to his room. When the darkness succumbed his mind, he fell asleep. But his face remained conflicted with the pain he will never have the power to express into words.

June 13th

Only one session of chemotherapy had taken its toll to Jaejoong's body, and everyone noticed the changes. The cruel side effects of the procedure was already leaving its remnants to him.

His skin had gone paler and his lips were chapped in dryness. The dark circles under his eyes had caught their attentions, his brown orbs that was once full of life lost its brightness and the dull look was all Yunho could see. But on his eyes, he could see his own reflection back, a dread man in the edge of despair.

After a week of his first therapy, Yunho noticed more things had gone worse than better. Jaejoong started to lose hair, a handful was an understatement. In less than a week, his hair grew thinner and thinner, every passing day. 

And one night, on that hospital that was supposed that place he'll get better, Jaejoong started to cough. Only it wasn't a normal cough.

For when Jaejoong coughed on that immaculate white handkerchief, Yunho saw a sanguine color. A color of blood. And after that, he fainted again.

Doctors brushed him out if the room and he was too weak to argue. His feet dragged him elsewhere and he was inside the hospital's mini-church when he came back to his senses.

He never believed in God and he never really have faith in prayers but at that very second, he fell down on his knees, hands on the white-tiled floor, his voice hoarse. He dropped his head down and for the for time since he was born, he prayed and he did it with faith in his heart. Because he knew, no one and nothing can save them now. 

June 25th

The room of Jaejoong on that hospital received changes after he coughed blood. Surrounding his bed and some machines, thick transparent plastics had separated him from Yunho. Only Dr. Park and authorized person was only allowed to enter that vicinity but Yunho, being stubborn, still made his way to Jaejoong's, much to Dr. Park's dismay. Nonetheless, after few more resistance from Yunho, he finally let him, only with the presence of a mask and hospital gown incase he caught viruses and passed it on Jaejoong.

Yunho greeted Jaejoong with a smile when he woke up from his sedatives. It was one of the effects behind chemotherapy.

When Jaejoong can't no longer withstand the pain, they had no other option but to sedate him. Anesthetizing the pain even for a short time was all Jaejoong needed.

However, sedatives wore off and once they did, Jaejoong faced withdrawal symptoms. Throwing everything up, he became weaker.

Jaejoong returned the smile and he grinned. Though Jaejoong had changed one form and another, he still has that smile. The smile thay caught him in love. A smile even leukemia failed to take e away.

Few brief exchanges were passed between them. Hello's how are you's and I'm sorry's. Words nothing in importance. Because none of them has the guts to voice how they really feel.

A cough had broken their silence and a nurse walked in. "It's time, Mr. Jung." he said. 

Yunho nodded and Jaejoong cringed in pain. It's time for yet another torture, Jaejoong thought to himself.

Time ticks slowly but his time burned faster, like a candle in the verge of losing it's fire.

"Hey." Yunho called before he was to lay on the bed of that tube. He glanced at him, Yunho was smiling, but a stiff one.

The latter placed his hand on his cheeks and Jaejoong smiled too, it was the least he could do. Because when everything came to an end, when he came to his end, Yunho will be alone. Alone with his memories of him and his unfulfilled promises will broke him beyond repair.

Jaejoong brushed off the idea and nodded. "Don't worry. Okay? I'll be right here. And besides you're way stronger than thay tunnel." Yunho grinned and it reached Jaejoong's heart. He nodded again and Dr. Park pressed the button that will take him inside.

Once the procedure was over, Jaejoong felt something he never felt before. He felt sorrow yet he felt incompleteness. He felt too hurt he don't know if he still has the hold on his life.

July 10th

The summer have been scorching hot like Yunho had predicted. There's next to no rain and the wind almost ceased to blow. Yunho sighed and sniffed the flowers he bought for Jaejoong. Luckily, the flower shop owner lend him a vase. 

He was about to walk inside his room when he heard screams. Coming from Jaejoong. He don't know if the vase fell or he dropped it or if insanity had taken over his body. But it no longer matter.

He immediately opened the door and he find three nurses holding Jaejoong back as he screamed in agony.

He wanted to walk and calmed him down but Jaejoong's mother stopped him. He bit his lips as one of the nurse worked to inject another dose of sedatives to his body. A larger dose this time. It must be strong because in an instant, his screaming receded and he lay on his bed, completely knocked out.

A shy smile crept on Jaejoong's face when he woke up later that day, Yunho only nodded and he closed his eyes. Nowadays, their talk lessened because Jaejoong's voice was to languid he can only manage a silent whisper. Not to mention that words were too excruciating now.

"It's getting nearer." Yunho said to kill the uncomfortable silence between them. It was all he could do to stop himself from placing his hand on Jaejoong's cheeks.

After mostly his second therapy, Jaejoong became sensitive in pains. Even a slightest of touch can hurt him. And bruises started to appear on his body. Even a blew of a wind can hurt him now. Frequent coughs with blood was their casual visitor every night. Nosebleeds came in between coughs and headaches grew intense. And Yunho felt that Jaejoong was slipping farther and farther away from him. 

"Yeah. I still can't believe it will all come to that." Jaejoong whispered, taking his time to speak. "Kim Jaejoong will end soon."

Yunho nodded. "Yes. It will be Jung Jaejoong after a week."

"I'm excited. Can't wait for our wedding." Jaejoong tried to grin, closing his eyes. Tasting the moment.

Yunho faked a cough and a playful grin glued on his face. "Well, to be honest, I'm more excited on the part after the wedding."

Jaejoong opened his eyes and in his pale white skin, his blush was more prominent. "I'm looking forward to that too." he admitted sweetly and Yunho's face turned scarlet.

"Jae. Mind if I kiss you?" stammering, Yunho go on and tried to push his luck. Jaejoong nodded. Yunho was hesitant.

"Will it hurt? If it does I'll wait until you get better." Yunho muttered. Regretting he even asked that. 

"I'm okay." Jaejoong assured. And slowly as he could, Yunho leaned in closer to his face. With a slight and soft movement, he kissed Jaejoong's trembling lips. In between the kiss, he felt Jaejoong cringed in pain.

Yunho pulled away quickly and guilt was written on his face. "I'm sorry." he said, for a moment he was afraid he'd hurt Jaejoong big time. He was about to reach for Jaejoong's hand when he reminded himself why Jaejoong was hurting in the first place. It was his fault.

"I'm fine. You don't need to apologize. I'm just happy you know? And I just missed you." Jaejoong offered.

Yunho knew better. He forced his voice to sound cheery. "Missed me? I'm just here Jae. I won't go anywhere. I'm here." he promised.

Jaejoong smiled and he was the one to reach Yunho's hand and entwined his fingers to his. Both of them never thought they'll be happy with that simplest of gestures.

July 17th

Though they were tied with pain, time flies when you're happy. And both of them were grinning when they parted that night. A smile never leaving their faces.

Not knowing that tomorrow, July 18th, everything will be over. On that fateful day, the day of their marriage, they'll both lose themselves ..

AN. Im sorry about the chemotherapy part. But I talked to someone who went through that. They say it's like something was running to their bodies and he can't explain it to me. So i just assumed it's kinda hot or heat. I'm sorry if that's not how chemotherapy really works. But I read that while it kill cancer cells it also kills healthy cells. That's why they become weak after every session. I just assumed it's like that. But I'll edit it as soon as I know what it really feels like.