There are days he wishes he didn’t care. The moon managed to come up everyday after the sun set; so why couldn’t he move on with the choreography once Yixing was out of the room? Why did his thoughts always stray away from his steps - back to the one thing that didn’t make sense?

Or rather… maybe it did. He had spent countless nights prior to EXO trying to memorize the way Yixings body moved like water and thunder all at once that, didn’t it make as much sense as breathing that he was all he could think about the moment the music started? Every damned drop, every damned riff, every damned pause, everything took him back to the Chinese dancer. There were days Jongin didn’t know if he even knew the difference between dance and Yixing anymore - something that ate him alive because, wasn’t dance his life? God, what did that mean Yixing was to him?

Nothing. He had to be nothing. Nothing more than his hyung who loved everything he did… and everyone around him. The way Yixing showered everyone with attention, everyone but him, was getting to be too much. Maybe they weren’t close. Maybe they weren’t like Tao and Sehun who were like long lost soul mates one moment then acquaintances the next. Maybe Yixing ignored him because he knew something was up. Maybe his one sided what-ever it was, was really just one sided.

Yixing didnt talk much to him anymore. Endless nights of talking and hoping to catch the string that would lead them to fame were just memories.

Memories Yixing seemed to want to forget… how selfish.

Jongin was left to muddle through routines with images of dimpled smiles and curious eyes running through his head, but Yixing was able to go days without so much as a “hey” in his direction. Him, it was always him.

Forgetting was a blessing that wouldn’t come. If he was the moon and Yixing the sun, he’d never leave. He’d wait like a fool to watch it glow until his eyes would burn out. Oh, he’d tried to forget. Who wanted to live feeling like a part of themselves didn’t value them? Like a piece of them didn’t care half as much as he did, and if he did, it was all just a fleeting fancy?

No one.

No one that Yixing ever talked to felt like that. Unless they were Jongin himself. Because with him, he was always fleeting at best.

In attempts to hush the storm within his mind every time the beat hit he’d even dated Kyungsoo. They were close, and Kyungsoo adored him just like he knew he should want. It had seemed to work for a while, and the fans soaked it up like months to a flame….

But it was a fruitless venture.

For months Jongin questioned his sanity and hated himself for letting the music take hold… for letting Yixing invade his mind like an addiction he needed. For ignoring someone kind to his heart in hopes of his one sided love affair being more than just a string he couldn’t reach. Obviously he and Kyungsoo didn’t last, Chanyeol was better suited anyway, but what of him?

Jongin was left to dance alone, to the rhythm, the sweet torturous rhythm, of his heart yearning for a piece of him that didn't make sense… but should. The music played again and he danced like he’d never be able to again and sure enough, there, just beside him but a million miles away, was Zhang Yixing. The only thing his life needed as much as Dance.