unfadablecray-on This One Is For YOU.

HERE WE GO!

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TITLE: When I Kissed You In The Rain

It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say. 

Not like that.

Since when had ‘I love you’ turned into ‘don’t ing touch me’?

Since when had lingering hands been replaced with cold shoulders?

God, since when had Jongin decided his time was better spent with anyone other than the person who made his heart flutter every time the beat picked up? Interpreting a song had never been harder than when he was willing his mind to forget the image he’d burned into it; exhausted, beat down, sprawled across the practice room floor, with a full smile like he could go another hour.

How could he ever forget something like that?

All those nights spent waiting by a phone, spent waiting for a message, spent waiting for the other to walk through his door - what were they all for if he was just going to pretend they were no better than strangers now?

It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say.

"Jongin I -"

"Look, I don’t care, it’s what ever. It’s behind us anyway."

"Please, I just need-"

A hand? A heartbeat? A crack in the weather?

"Don’t ing touch me, okay? Go ask Xiumin or Sehun to give you the attention you want, because God knows mine wasn’t good enough for you."

Not like that.

Not like that at all.

It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say.

The sky had turned during their performance and he remembered how broken Yixings face had been as he’d walked away. 

They use to talk. They use to talk a lot - almost everyday - but those where in the past, and he’d grown up. Jongin wasn’t the same kid who had run around after Yixing like a puppy anymore. He’d learned to forget. No, he’d learned to distract. He knew that there was no sure way to erase the enigma that was Zhang Yixing just like there was no sure way he could say the rain was a sign of healing. It felt cool against his skin, but he didn’t feel any lighter as he glided over a thin layer of it as he danced for their fans. 

It had happened all at once. Like the flood gates bursting open, all in one go. Last week, it had all happened too soon.

The storm within himself hadn’t yet given way; the distraction was still just a futile distraction when Yixing had caved and let out that he’d been keeping a secret.

"I love you… and I know it’s not one sided Jongin."

In that confused moment, after months of trying to convince himself he could move on because it was all one sided, surely, he’d let the anger blind him. What a love sick fool dancing all alone in the rain he’d been that night.

"Really? After all this time, what, now I’m suddenly qualified?"

Why had he said it like that? It wasn’t what he wanted to say.

"Jongin we were just trainees back then, we didn’t know what we wanted and-"

"Oh but suddenly now we do? Suddenly now you do? That’s great, but that was then and this is now and no, no I don’t love you.”

"I know you’re lying."

"Yixing I’m going to pretend this didn’t happen. I moved on, and you clearly don’t love me if we barely even talk. You said so yourself."

He should have ravished the Chinese male right then, at least the guilt after of rejection when Yixing realized he didn’t love him would have been far less stressful than what was now happening.

It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say, but it was the safer way out. What once could have been, he had to forget it because they were two worlds apart, right?

It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say.

The clouds let torrent after torrent of water down, and Jongin could feel his clothes sticking to him more and more as the seconds ticket by. He glanced to his left and noticed s own clothes were starting to show signs of getting heavy. He felt his mouth form a small grin as he fixed his attention back to the fans before him who still cheered them on like the sky wasn’t releasing hell on them. Jongin noticed that the closest fans where looking on with a mix of confusion and admiration  to his right and he chanced a glance to see what his dear hyung was doing to encourage such a reaction.

His breath hitched.

Yixing was mesmerizing.

Body moving as fluid as the water around them, and his hair dripping with the weight of the rain - Jongin hadn’t seen something so perfect among such chaos in his life.

When the older male whipped his head in his direction, eyes locking for the briefest of seconds, was when Jongin felt his heart ache.

Empty.

His eyes were empty.

Jongin then came to the startling realization that it wasn’t just his eyes, but his dancing was also empty. 

Sure he was hitting each point, but it was nothing more than trained muscle memory. It was all literally just second nature taking over as the haunting look in his eyes reflected what was going on inside.

He felt his heart quiver.

Why did he have to say what he did? Why couldn’t he have just let his mouth fumble out the words that needed to be said? 

Yixing was dancing with a broken heart.

If he hadn’t spent so much time dancing with the other, falling in love as the sun set, he’d never have noticed. He really was an amazing performer to disguise such emotion, but Jongin couldn’t be fooled.

That was when he made up his mind.

Time be damned, it wasn’t all one sided. Dancing was the one thing Yixing held just as dear as he did. It was the one thing that they couldn’t use to lie, not to each other. Yixing hadn’t been lying and Jongin was ready to stop trying to lie to himself.

The song came to an end and the lights dimmed to a red, a lovely contract against his hyung as he closed the distance between them. 

Rain; it was supposed to be symbolic of healing. It had rained the night Yixing had let him sleep on his bed  after his first waist injury. It had rained the day they’d managed to get locked in the practice room over night as they lay on the floor laughing away the unease. It had rained when Yixing called him in the middle of the night when EXO M was in China; talking about how he’d forgot his stuffed unicorn plush and couldn’t sleep all the while Jongin played with the gift. Now, as Yixing looked on at him questioningly, his heart as exposed as Jongins had always been, the rain poured down around them and Jongin felt all the weight lift off his shoulders.

"I don’t love you," Jongin tried; the words sounding foreign to his ears and he’d never been more content.

"I don’t care," Yixing choked out; his eyes confirming what the younger already knew was a total lie.

He coiled a hand around his hyungs neck and pulled him in; their lips meeting longingly and Jongin wasn’t sure were he ended and Yixing started. The company was going to give them hell, but in that moment - lips making up for all the time wasted to stupidity - Jongin couldn’t bring himself to give a damn. It was suddenly very clear that they’d both waited far too long to do this, but it was never too late to catch up. The lights dimmed and shut off, hiding them away as the next act started up and Yixing looked like he had just shed the weight of the world; eyes glossy with tempting tears.

"You’re a ty liar," The Chinese male said softly, a smile coming out despite the pout Yixing wanted to show him.

"So are you," Jongin breathed out and he led them backstage. He pulled Yixing close and put their foreheads together as they walked; water cascading down their faces.

"Promise me that you’ll love me even after it stops raining," Jongin spoke. "Just that, I just need that."

Yixing cupped his face and kissed him senseless.

"The sky is never going to stop raining, it may brighten sometimes, but it’s always going to rain no matter what until the end of time."

Jongin chuckled.

"Hyung, did you just promise me forever?" He asked, and just like that they were just two trainees waiting for the staff to unlock the door again.

"I think I promised you forever the first time you talked me into practicing with you until 6 in the morning with nothing but hand signs and broken attempts at Chinese."

It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say, but the rain had done the rest.

END!