I almost kissed her. I almost kissed her. I almost kissed her. I almost kissed her.

I almost kissed her.

The sentence was replaying inside of my head. I had been replaying from when we walked home hand in hand in the rain. When I finally let go, my fingers cold and stiff. When I took a long hot shower. When I sat on my bed in my boxers, my heart thumping loudly in my chest.

I almost kissed her.

I ruffled my hair. What had I been thinking?

When I had seen her play with that necklace I had given her, I had escaped school with the excuse of feeling unwell and found my way to the place where I could find some peace, to collect my mind.

For some reason when I had heard Liyue and Alviina talk about the meaning of stones, I had felt like I had to give her something with meaning.

Through out these past two months, I had felt myself getting more and more reluctant about breaking off the engagement.

I knew that it would be the best. We had something before but she broke it off so suddenly without any reason.

And I was hurt. I was still hurt. Not that I would ever admit that ever in my life.

I knew that she hated me. Why? I didn’t know. I had absolutely no idea.

After our breakup I found myself pretty popular with the girls. Something I hadn’t noticed before but suddenly seemed like a fine getaway.

That one third year girl in my first year soon became one out of many.

I hadn’t really thought about it. It kind of just happened that way.

But then I suddenly got engaged to the exact same girl who broke my heart into a million pieces.

The years I had spend as a sought-after bachelor, all fell to the ground. She was just as I remembered, only more mature and even more beautiful.

All those things had been on my mind as I had sat on the swing in the rain. The dull and cold rain numbed my body and I felt like I would wash away with it.

I had felt lost. Everything brought me back to the day she broke up with me. How she had called me out in the rain, slapped me as soon as she saw me, saying that we were through.

I was still confused. With all of this shared history, how could we ever be together? Get married?

It felt like a big joke. I … I don’t know what I felt.

I had felt so helpless and lost, asking for some sign.

And then she had showed up. An umbrella in her hand, half soaked by the rain.

Her eyes had been bright and she had been slightly out of breath as if she had been running.

Then she had offered me her warm hand. Her skin had been soft under my cold fingers and her small hand just fitted well with mine.

And then we had been standing close to each other. Her face close to mine.

I had noticed her long lashes, the little button nose and her pink lips. Her warm body was dry against me and she was radiating heat, warming up my cold skin.

It felt like I was three years back in time. Back where we had been standing on the exact same spot, in the rain and had our first kiss.

I felt myself lowering my face and slightly tilt it, back to where I once was. I had felt her warm breath on my lips, her eyes fluttering against her cheeks.

She was like a mosquito lamp, luring me in with her lightning beauty and I was a fly, so cold from the rain.

She breathed in and I had suddenly remembered where I was and I had quickly retracted.

It was funny how close I was to fall under her spell again.

I laughed a dry laugh. She had no idea. She hated me and I should hate her too.

I ruffled my hair and lay on my bed.

She can’t stand me and she want to get out of this engagement as soon as possible.

I sighed. Why should I hold on to something that clearly had been broken long before we was pushed into this arrangement.

I woke up the following monday, feeling a bit dizzy. The cold rain hadn’t done me anything good and I felt a cough pushing it’s way through.

Good job Baek, you’ve caught yourself a cold. Brilliant.

I blew my nose and entered the kitchen. She was still asleep and I decided not to seek her out.

I felt stupid about the almost kiss before. Almost embarrassed. Better not confront her or anything like that when I’m feeling a bit sick urg.

I quickly left for school, not having an appetite for anything.

At the school entrance I met up with Kyungsoo. I had called him last night, thanking him for looking after me or whatever.

“Don’t worry about it dude. Aeryo sounded pretty much out of it and I was just in the area”, he said with a shrug.

In the area… Why would he..

“In the area? Why would you be there? You live like the opposite way from me”.

He cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable.

“I uh went out with uh Liyue to grab some food after school”.

“Only the two of you?” I raised a brow and smirked, “Kyungsoo my man, are you and Liyue maybe dating?”

He clicked his tongue, annoyed by my teasing.

“It’s not like that Baek. She’s not … Why am I even explaining myself”, he grumbled.

I laughed and swung an arm around his neck.

“It’s okay man. She’s a nice girl and she obviously has hots for you”, I grinned, “She doesn’t even talk with other boys, you know that right?”

He looked at me without saying anything but I could see the little spark of hope glistening in his eyes.

I ruffled his hair and he looked down on his hands.

I smiled and we walked into class together.

The next time I saw Aeryo was monday night. She came home in the late evening, probably out with her friends having fun.

I was home nursing myself back to health and if it hadn’t been because seeing her enter the kitchen, I wouldn’t have known that she had come home.

I was lying on the couch, watching tv but when she saw me she didn’t acknowledge me.

Just a few weeks before, it would have annoyed me immensely but now I just felt a relief.

I didn’t have to answer to her nagging, I didn’t have to be reminded of her hating me with all of her might. I could just be there.

But when she entered the living room, the air turned awkward. She couldn’t completely ignore me and I couldn’t ignore her.

As if the night couldn’t have been more awkward, I had accidently lied on her sweater and she had to ask me to move myself.

Something so simple, made so awkward.

The whole week went like that. We wouldn’t communicate unless necessary and when we did, it was short and weird awkward conversations.