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written in Sunggyu POV (point of view)

When I found out, I am going to be on the show with Woohyun, I was more scared than ever. Woohyun is my best friend. Someone, I can count on. He appears as someone irresponsible, easy-going and laid-back. It is true to an extent. Woohyun is a very sociable person, he is not ashamed to flaunt himself but he can be serious. It's this job that made him an entertainer, someone who jokes around and makes people happy. However, there is more to him than what we can see on television. He is smart and he takes his obligations very seriously. All the members are careful when on TV but he is still the one I worry the least about. He almost never makes a mistake. He knows what to say, what to do. I think, he fits the image of an idol the best. He may not be a great dancer like Hoya or look as good as Myungsoo, but it's how he carries himself, how he reacts in shows, what makes the perfect example of how an idol should be.

On the other hand, he is also a member, that worries me the most. We are all pushed to our limits, we all work incredibly hard and we don't complain. Not much. But when it gets too unbearable, we voice our opinions out. We say, that we reached our limit. Never him, though. I think, he would rather die on stage than admit he is sick or hurt. That's why I was so suprised by his outburst. He sees me in the same light as I see him. He was right. I tend to keep things to myself but it's because I know how tough this industry is. You make one misstep and it's over. I can't risk that. I've put my whole life on this chance. Being in Infinite... it's the only thing I have. I can't risk to loose it. That's why I don't say anything. Who knows which sunbae won't like me talking back? Who knows which production crew won't take my complaining?

I am mad at Woohyun for doing what he did but I also feel happy. For the first time, someone protected me. Someone defended me. He was like my knight. I... This is what scares me. I've realized my affections for the younger boy a long time ago. But I could ignore it, I could hid my true feelings effortlessly. I am happy just being his friend. I don't need more. However, being on this show... Moreover, with people who are dating each other, then how am I... How can I possibly resist? It's not true that I hate skinship. I fear it, especially with Woohyun since it makes things harder. I don't want to pull away. I wish for more and I am not allowed to have such thoughts. I know, I am often hurting Woohyun by rejecting him but it's the only way. I need to keep my distance.

Here? Here we are married. And it's wonderful. This pretending... it's as if I was dreaming. Living for the first time. But after having a taste, after knowing how great this is, how much I really love Woohyun, how am I supposed to go back? To live in the same way as before? I am not strong enough. Maybe, I should have say no. Maybe, this was a mistake. I fear this show will be the end of me.

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a/n: suprise! sunggyu does love woohyun :) but you all know, what being gay in korea means, so sadly, he is not gonna act on it :/ sobs sobs. poor pairing. loving each other so much and yet unable to be together TT_TT will the other couples be able to lead them together? you will find out if you continue to read this story :) short update since it's only one pairing. more coming soon. ;)

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