The Christmas night on Friday December the 25th was sure chaotic and brutal.  After I came home on Saturday, the rest of the week slowly went by as well. During the week, it was more than awkward between Luhan and I. Every night, the scene where he forced himself on me was replayed again and again in my head. The look of a suspect waiting to be interrogated.

I was told the best choice to clear up this mess was for me to talk it out with Luhan. We should discuss out feelings and understand how the other party feel. But that is more easily said than done. We weren't even able to look at each other in the eye.

During the week that followed that day, Luhan was out most of the day for different classes, tests, and things that had to do with the party that he attended. Apparently, the school was contact regarding the behavior of the students, and some people were bound to get expelled. Our family hoped that he wouldn't be one of them.

On Friday, New year's day, our family planned to attend a family gathering at a restaurant. They booked a room and invited our relatives. My grandparents were coming, and so was my aunts and uncles from my dad's side. The relationship of my mom's family was twisted by the wealth my grandmother obsessed. The smiles turned fake, and the conversation became lies. My mom didn't want anything to do with the fight and inherence. 

That day, early in the morning, my dad woke the family up and we had a big clean up in the house. Junk was thrown away and we replaced some furniture. By the time we finished cleaning, it was almost noon. We ate Lunch and then proceeded to get ready for the restaurant gathering. 

Luhan and I were told to dress nicely since it was an important event. It'll be the first time Luhan meet our relatives from my father's side. My grandparents welcomed him since they thought having a boy in the family was nice. 

I picked out a nice bright red sweater with black leggings. I clipped up my hair with a matching bow tie clip and made myself look nice. When I was satisfied, I packed my bag and headed down the stairs. 

Luhan was also ready by then, he had his pink hair combed and gelled up. He wore a white dress shirt and jeans, making himself look spectacular and gentlemanly. I wasn't aware that I was staring at him until he coughed a little and awkwardly turned away. I quickly looked away as well and tried to greet him. "Are you ready for the get together?"

The boy turned to face me but still avoided my gaze. "I guess so, but I don't really know anyone."

"It's okay, there'll be good food," I replied knowing that my response made no sense what so ever.

"Mi-hyun, happy new year," Luhan said and moved closer to me. "I, I need to tell you something. I just really..." he trailed off as he got lost in his words. I looked at him expectantly and gave him my full attention. "I, I'm... Never mind, I'll tell you later..."

I almost smacked him as he ended the conversation like that. "Tell me now, I'm listening," I said.

"No, I'm not ready yet, I'll tell you later," he shook his head and quickly walked away. I looked at him in confusion and sighed. Perhaps he wanted to apologize to me, or to reveal another secret and mistake he made. I felt uneasy thinking about what might happen.

The restaurant, elegant and large, sat in the middle of a empty snowy field surrounded by gardens that was filled of cool ice sculptures, frozen ponds and wooden standing surfaces. The building was an old European style mansion with parking out in the back. There were already plenty of other cars moving in and out from the entrance gate. I didn't know we would be going to such a high end place. 

The sun shone high in the sky, making everything seem bright and happy which didn't match my mood at the time. Our car entered the gates and checked in at the parking lot. Once we found a spot to park, we proceeded to enter the restaurant.

We checked in at the door and a waiter led us to our booked room. A couple hallways down from the door was where our room was located. It was well spaced out inside with a large 12 seater table in the middle and couches on the side, including a door that led to a washroom.

Our family was the first ones to arrive followed by my aunt and uncle with my grandparents. Everyone that attended today was from my dad's side. My aunt's child went as well, he was a university student studying at University of Seoul. Everyone greeted each other with manners, my grandparents asked how I was, and we introduced Luhan to the family. It was clear that they judged him for his pink hair but none of them said anything which was a relief. 

When the food came up, my parents and the others ate, talked and laughed. They were all enjoying the family get together, except for Luhan and I.

After I was more than full, Luhan also finished eating. He, sitting across from me at the table, looked at me and gestured for me to go with him. He was going to tell me now. My heart thudded in my chest as I nudged my mother.

"Mom, can Luhan and I go around the restaurant and go see the gardens. It looked really pretty," I asked and my mom nodded.

The two of us walked silently down the hallway and exited the restaurant through a side door. The garden outside was cover in a thin layer of white. Icicles hung from tree branches decorated with new year's decoration. 

"So, um, do you want to sit down in the shade? I don't want you to get a sunburn," Luhan said awkwardly and shaded his eyes from the sun.

I nodded. "Okay, let's go."

There was a wooden bench underneath a tree not far away. We walked over and sat down. I waited for Luhan to start speaking.

The boy inhaled a deep breath before starting to talk. "So Mi-hyun, I just wanted to tell you that I'm very sorry about what happened from before, a couple months ago and just last week where I tried to... you know," he said quietly and avoided my gaze. "You are a wonderful girl who has been by my side through thick and thin. I can't express my love for you in words... Please understand that I wasn't trying hurt you on purpose, and I hate seeing you suffer..." He said weakly and his voice shivered. 

"Luhan, I..." Before I could continue my sentence, I felt the back of throat tense up and I had difficulties speaking. All the emotions imposed from the past conflicts between us built up in my heart. 

"Mi-hyun, please, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear... Listen, just give me one more chance Mi-hyun, I'll prove to you that I'm not a deviant and I will protect you and keep you happy," Luhan exclaimed and tears filled his sparkling eyes. He shut his eyes and forced the tears away. His eyelashes glistened underneath the bright sunlight. "I wish I can turn time back and fix all this problems I've caused," Luhan said, his voice was filled with sorrow.

I swallowed and tried to reply, but I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. I shuffled closer to Luhan and looked at him angelic features. "Luhan..."

"Will you please forgive me? Please Mi-hyun, let me start over again... We can start over again!" My brother said emotionally and a single tear trickled from his eyes, down past his cheeks, and dripped down. The tear drop didn't freeze but melted the surrounding snow. My heart ached.

"Luhan, what do you want?" I asked in a whisper.

Luhan paused for a moment before he reached for my hand that was getting cold from the winter. As he took my hand into his, a wave of warmth rushed into my heart. That instant, my tears filled up to the rim of my eyes and overflowed. I couldn't stop myself from crying. "Luhan, what is it that you truly want?" I asked again in between my breath. 

His tender gaze became serious and desperate. "I want your love, I want your forgiveness, I want to start over again... Mi-hyun, I want a chance."

Before I could respond, the boy pulled me into a hug. I didn't resist but hugged him back. Luhan smelled nice and he was so warm. That moment, he felt more close to me than ever. I didn't care about the stares passerby gave us, I just held onto my brother. We were healing.

"Mi-hyun, I love you so much," Luhan whispered. I thought about his words and gently pushed him away, ending our sweet little session. 

I put Luhan's bangs away from his face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I cannot forgive or forget what you have done to me. But I will give you a chance to prove that you are a good person. Let's go back to the way we were. Let's be family again."

Luhan's eyes fell. "But, like I have said before, I love you, not as family..."

"I'm sorry Luhan, not right now, I cannot see you that way. I don't want to hurt you, but you need to understand..." I replied.

He nodded, "It's okay Mi-hyun, I'm not going to force you into anything. I just wanted you to know my feelings."

"Don't worry, I know, and I won't be able to forget. Luhan, feelings can change overtime, whether it's your feelings or mine. No one can predict the future," I said and took his hand and squeezed it. "Let's go back, I'm getting cold out here." I stood up to leave. The bright sun was slowly melting the ice and snow. Today was the beginning of a new year, and it is a fresh start, for both of us.

Luhan followed me, but he mumbled something under his breath. I couldn't perceive him clearly since he was so quiet. I tried run his voice again in my mind, and it sounded like 'But I don't have much time left...' I tensed up and turned around. "What did you say?"

"Nothing at all," he replied and smiled sadly at me. I nodded and resumed my steps, feeling uneasy.

We got home rather late today. After the family ate together, we then went sightseeing at a near by mountain, by near by, I meant an hour away. The January wind was still cold, and I shivered when gusts of wind blew against my cheeks as I hiked in difficulty. Luhan and I talked a lot more after his apology. It felt like things could go back to how they were before.

When it was nighttime after my aunt, uncle and grandparents had left, my father decided that we would go watch a movie together as a family. We went and saw a cute Pixar movie called Inside Out. We all got a little teary during the emotional scenes of the show. Over all, we had a great time. New year equals new start. 

On the car trip home, my parents nagged Luhan about how he should avoid the stupid mistakes he made last year and hopefully have a great new year. They also made a little cheesy speech about Luhan joining our family and how it affected how lives. They talked about how they really cared for him and they hoped for him to succeed in life. 

Luhan, who was listening to my parent's words, occasionally rolled his eyes at the cheesy sections and I laughed along.

Today made me feel like that we had a great year ahead of us. Although I really wanted to believe it, not all fairytales had a good ending.