“You can choose to save the patient and lose the baby, or keep the baby and…let him die.” The doctor said as gently as possible, catching the Kevin’s pregnant body before it fell to the ground.

Both were of utmost importance, Kevin didn’t know which to choose.

Kevin hadn’t had the mind to discuss it with anyone. At that point of time, it seemed to only affect him. The worst thing was that he had no time to cope, and he was being stressed by the seemingly biggest decision of his life.

“I-“ Kevin choked on his words, tears warm as they fell. “I’ll…keep the baby.”

-

”I love you.” Kevin whispered, a sweet smile forming as the ends of his lips were raised.

Kibum hummed a reply, nuzzling Kevin’s neck before anger took over the kind expression, Kibum’s eyes cold. “LIAR!”

“Kibummie-hyung!” Kevin called out, flustered at the sudden change.

“You wouldn’t let me go if you loved me.” Kibum pushed Kevin away and stomped off, leaving Kevin limply on the floor. “You wanted me dead all along.”

“I didn’t…” Kevin sobbed, though unable to deny the fact that he killed Kibum. “I NEVER DID!”

Kevin trembled in the cold as he was jerked awake. Eli gave him a cross-eyed face with his tongue sticking in a random direction, but Kevin only stared back, unamused.

Eli blinked, keeping silent about the tear he saw slid down the side of Kevin’s pale face.

-

Kevin hated the way everyone was acting. All smiles and as if nothing happened, as if Kibum hadn’t died.

“Hey Kev, let’s take a picture!” Kiseop grinned, an arm circling the younger’s body to support the extra weight in Kevin. “Smile~!”

Kevin didn’t, but Kiseop happily skipped away.

He slumped to the floor, wondering if there was something wrong with him. Why is it that everyone had moved on, and he hadn’t? Was there something wrong with him? Or was he the only one left normal?

Kibum died. Kevin caused this; he could have sacrificed their baby.

But he was selfish, he wanted to see their baby grow up. He didn’t want to give up a small life that hadn’t seen the world, but he doesn’t understand why he chose to give Kibum up.

What was he thinking?

-

”I trusted you to keep me alive.” Kibum cried, clinging onto Kevin’s arm like a little Koala bear. “Don’t let me die…”

“Kibummie-hyung…” Kevin coughed out, tears blurring his vision. He held Kibum’s hand tightly, whispering promises of not letting go. “Hold on tight, hold on tight!”

Giant hands held on to Kibum’s limbs and tried to tear him away from Kevin. Kevin used all his might to keep the older safe, but a relatively smaller hand poking his stomach was all it took to direct his focus on the baby he was keeping safe.

“KEVIN!”

Kevin grabbed tightly onto Dongho, gasping for air.

“Another nightmare?” Dongho quietly asked, wiping the sweat away from Kevin’s forehead. “Don’t think too much, it’s bad for the baby.”

Kevin timidly nodded. Everyone else might curse him for thinking this way, but he wished he could turn back time and choose to save Kibum instead.

There wouldn’t be a baby if there wasn’t a Kibum in his life.

-

Kevin remembers why he chose to save the baby one day. Kibum helped him forget the issue, but the recent nightmares came back stronger.

“He died.” Kevin sobbed, hugging his knees closer to his body, though making sure he wasn’t pressing on his stomach. “Our first baby died in a few months…”

Kevin was afraid history would repeat itself; he didn’t want to lose another. Also, the doctors already reminded him that a second miscarriage might cause him to become infertile.

That wasn’t enough excuse, but Kevin didn’t know why else he would be so stupid to let the love of his life die.

If he had only one regret in his life, this, might just be it.

-

Hyungjoon refuses to acknowledge his presence; Kibum’s mother was slightly more accepting.

“Hyungjoon-hyung, w-where do I place the flowers?” Kevin stuttered, afraid of Hyungjoon’s very contrasting behaviour. The older sighed and walked away, while Kibum’s mother kindly directed him to Kibum’s coffin.

“You can place it above the coffin.” She managed a smile, patting Kevin’s shoulder awkwardly. “He’ll keep it safe with him, knowing it’s from you.”

“Mom, let’s go.” Hyungjoon averted his eyes, holding onto his mother’s hands and “accidentally” pushing Kevin’s flowers off the coffin.

“Hyungjoon.” She called sternly, frowning.

“Sorry, accident.” Hyungjoon shrugged.

“Don’t blame it on Kevin, it was an accident, and he has only enough blood for two.” Kibum’s mother whispered, pulling Hyungjoon by his ear and making sure he behaves himself.

“Well, the two could have been Kibum and him.”

-

A sharp pain jolted his frail body, Kevin was immediately rushed to the hospital. The baby was in a sudden state of danger.

“You’ll get through this, we’ll be here with you.” Soohyun promised, holding Kevin’s cold hands tightly.

Alexander was nowhere to be seen. His love-hate best friend that could calm him down however he did it.

Kevin squeezed whatever he could and clenched his fist tightly, hoping to fight the pain away in this manner, but it never worked.

It was as if alien bugs were in him, biting his stomach, his baby’s shelter.

But he shouldn’t, couldn’t, would never ever leave his baby in the hands of evil. Even if he cannot resolve the situation, he would stand before the baby and protect it with his life.

The way Kibum would, Kevin thought with a faint smile.

Only now, there’s only him.

-

He clung to the bed, the warmth of the bed so weak, unable to properly keep him from shivering. It would have been enough if the second body was still beside him.

A ray of sunlight fought its way into the room, landing over Kevin’s chest, covered by a Kibum-size shirt. He felt his heart burn at the memory of Kibum’s coffin right before him, repeating “Goodnight” so desperately, and wishing Kibum replied.

“My one last cry, one last cry…” Kevin whispered, voice barely a tune. “Before I leave it all behind…I gotta put you out of my mind, this time…and stop living…a lie. I guess I’m down…”

A hand over his tummy, caressing so gently, and wishing the baby would be fine despite growing up without a real father. Everyone’s moving on, and everyone promised to be there for him to move on. He only could hope he would be fine, the baby would be fine, and Kibum would be watching over them both in God knows where.

“To my last cry.”

- 

The baby isn't simply a baby.
 Think back and you'd realise it was a representation of the situation about 9 months ago.
Anyone who doesn't get it can ask and I'll tell you what the baby represents? :)

My subscriber count actually went down by one, but ah, can't please everyone :S
Love to my ~current~ readers and the six commenters :) <3