(Wrote this the very second I found out about the news, may contain inaccuracies, esp. on Xander’s case.
In a interview a few days after the issue, Kibum stated that NHM told him about the replacement in Feb (which doesn’t make sense because Xander was already upset in Jan), but I’m using his tweet translation since this interview was three days later and I already wrote 7000 words. )

Hello this is U-KISS Kibum, or more specifically, an ex-member of U-KISS, Kim Kibum.

After two months of delay, I’ve finally plucked up the courage to write this post.
First off, the agency and I have made an agreement about my exclusive contract on February 2011.
As the agency desired a member replacement, we wrote out a consent document for a contract dissolution, and from that day on, I became a former member of U-KISS.
Contrary to what most of you might be thinking, this is unrelated to my Piro Piro business… nor is it about losing interest in U-KISS.

I always thought importantly of U-KISS more than anyone, and I’m proud to say that not once did my Piro Piro character business impede my schedules with U-KISS...
I always thought of the members as more than family. I’m extremely upset that I have to part with them like this, but it was because of my lacking areas which warranted my former agency to desire a member replacement.

I may be leaving on a one-sided decision, however, I was able to learn a lot and meet many people, as well as the U-KISS members.

My feelings are very mixed up on the thought that the few lines in this message could hurt a lot of people I love.
I will continue my personal activities on broadcast.
Thank you to all the people who supported me wherever I was, and I will meet you once again as an entrepreneur.

Thank you.

-

Two months ago…

“Hyung, my musical is going to start soon~!” Kevin bounced around with a cheeky smile, nudging the slightly older member as some kind of hint.

“I did not just hear what you said.” Kibum laughed. “All right, what do you want?”

“Visit me at least once. Pleaseeeeee?” Kevin whined cutely and tugged Kibum a little harder than before.

“Kibum.” Their manager came in casually. “Boss wants to say something to you, doesn’t seem bad.”

Kibum blinked, nodding after comprehending. “Will be there in a minute.”

“You have to promise me first!” Kevin gasped, not letting Kibum leave however important the boss is.

“Later, Kevin.” Kibum said sternly, putting work before his secret bias for Kevin.

Kevin pouted but was made to let Kibum stand up and leave, mind wandering to what the older member could be told about.

“Will he talk to me too? Hmm…”

-

“Kibum, I have something to discuss with you.” Their boss, Kim Namhee smiled faintly and gestured at the seat opposite him. “I trust that you’ll take it like a man.”

Kibum stiffened at the words, slightly worried. He smiled back, purposefully casual when he walked to his seat. “You kidding me? I’m a total man.”

Once Kibum was comfortably in his seat and staring back at his boss, the senior of the two cleared his throat. “The company has put in a lot of thinking into your situation. We were also observing new trainees performances, and we were thinking of…Do you…get my drift?”

Kibum kept silent and frowned. “No.”

“We want to replace you with someone else.” Kim Namhee sighed, waiting for whatever reaction Kibum might have. “Kibum…”

“What if I say no?” Kibum twitched. “U-KISS is my home. Even closer to home, I’m with them so much, I-”

“Kibum, I understand that you are attached, but we both know your strength as a performer.” The president raised his voice a little, expression no longer kind.

Kibum growled. “How badly do I perform, really? My parts are reduced due to the company’s decision. You have been planning to make me leave long ago, right after Kiseop joined in because he’s a stronger vocalist, no? Because you have no need for my brother’s group as a promotional stunt, because now I lack the “SS501’s Kim Hyungjoon’s younger brother title” due to the whole world knowing it already. Is that all? Is that why you accepted me so willingly into your group when I was finding a group to debut with? So there is some certainty that U-KISS will last at least two albums and after that, I am no longer of a concrete use?”

“I didn’t say any of this.” The older’s expression darkened.

“I can’t say I didn’t think such a thing would happen.” Kibum lowered his volume, faking a smile. “There was something off with the whole situation and some fans actually found my lack of parts unfair. Or the fact that I became a rapper.”

“We want to replace you with someone stronger, nothing else to that.” A reinforced statement. Kibum resisted the urge to punch the living hell out of the man before him. “Or I’ll terminate your contract right now.”

“What’s the difference?” Kibum gritted his teeth, placing both hands firmly on the table and leaning over it to come face to face with the other man. “Either way, I’ll leave.”

“I’ll give you two months.” A slight tremble in the strict voice. “You’ll leave just before U-KISS makes a comeback. Use the time to clear up your feelings and break all bonds. That’s also enough time for you to find something new to venture in.”

“I-”

“There’s not much left to think about. 2 months or nothing, your pick.” A piece of paper was pushed to the front of Kibum. “Just so you understand, read through it.”

“…”

“So I’ll have to tell the public that I left on my own accord, to venture in whatever I’ll be trying my luck out in in these two months.”

“Correction, the contract states that once you sign this, you agree to leave U-KISS. Sorry if you don’t feel this way, because the next choice is instant termination.”

“…”

“Any violation of rules and we’ll terminate your contract immediately. If it is after the two months, we’ll use this as evidence against you on court.”

“…”

“I need to think about this.” Kibum finally said, shoving the paper back to his most probable ex-boss.

“No, we don’t want you to tell and affect the other members right now, which is what you’ll most likely do. We’ll tell them when it’s February.”

“I don’t actually have a say in this, do I?” Kibum smirked, in actual fact, full of annoyance.

“If it’s any source of comfort, we’re thinking about taking another member out.” There was a flash of pain across the president’s face, and Kibum had no idea why their usually nice and friendly “father” became like this.

“That’s not comforting at all. I rather it be only me.” Kibum glared coldly, but the other avoided his intense gaze.

“Pick a pen.” The president cleared his throat.

“ I must sign this today, right now, don’t I?” Kibum knocked over a container filled with pens, picking out a red one and signing his name haphazardly. “Happy?”

He chose not to register that his signature that usually looked like a mess, now looks like a bloody mess that happened after his heart was torn into pieces. Without any thoughts of courtesy, he kicked the door open without so much of a proper goodbye.

-

“Hyung? What did President Kim say to you?” Kevin asked curiously, surprising the older member with a hug from behind.

“Kevin, not now.” Kibum tried to keep the edge in his voice away. Whatever that old man said about not letting the members know, as much as Kibum didn’t want to abide by it, Kevin was fragile.

Kevin was fragile.

Kevin was fragile.

Kevin cried once, Kevin cried twice, Kevin cried countless of times and Kibum wasn’t going to be the one to make him cry again. He was selfish, but he would rather the company break the news to Kevin and let Kibum have some way of saying, “It’s okay, screw them, I’m with you. I’ll leave, but I’m with you.”

“Why not?” Kevin whimpered softly, understanding almost everything when Kibum took Kevin’s hands off him. “Did something bad happen?”

“Let me think about it and I’ll tell you if it’s a bad thing.” Kibum sighed and walked away, leaving Kevin clueless as to what was happening.

-

“Don’t you think Kibum’s acting a little weirdly?” Soohyun frowned. “I thought he recently got pretty attached to you?”

Kevin fidgeted. What could he say? He didn’t know?

“I don’t know.”

“Liar.”

Yes, he always has to know. Because he is Kibum’s best friend, because they share telepathy, because they’re constantly around each other and because Kevin loves Kibum the most, so he should know and he has to know.

“I really don’t know!” Kevin cried. “He doesn’t even talk to me anymore, can’t you tell?”

Soohyun quickly fanned the younger man and pass him a bottle to cool him down. “I’m sorry, I was just…just, well, I don’t know. When did he change?”

“After…after a talk with the boss?” Kevin frowned. “You think something’s going to happen?”

“Maybe they want him to create a hot scandal with some female celebrity, and you know how against he is towards these issues.” Soohyun sighed. “Sounds possible, he doesn’t have much news on him recently.”

“No, there’s the HnB company…” Kevin pondered a little. “Oh no! Do you think they don’t like what he’s doing?”

“No, it has been around for quite long now, why would they suddenly stop it. Besides, it doesn’t stop our schedules?” Alexander walked in with a bun in his hand, munching.

Eli followed behind happily, jumping around. “You have no idea how happy I am! I just gained like 500 followers from two days ago? Am I awesome or what?”

“Are you sure you did not just add an extra zero again?” Alexander rolled his eyes.

“Hey! It’s true all right! One day, I’ll beat your number!” Eli replied smugly.

“Just you try, you don’t have the title of “Twitter King” next to your name unlike me!” Alexander childishly replied.

Eli smirked. “I’ll make you my Queen and strip you off that title.”

Kiseop brought Dongho’s wooden drumsticks over to hit the two empty-heads. “Jokers, time to practice! Or something!”

Alexander gave his saddest expression. “But he wants to strip me! I should run away!”

“YAH! GET BACK HERE!” Eli yelled in a purposely-made rougher voice, laughing wildly.

Kiseop looked to Kevin and Soohyun, who only chuckled and sat back, relaxing the last few minutes of break. Kibum was nowhere to be seen, for the fifth time that day.

“Oh, where’s Dongho?” Kiseop asked, looking around for the huggable magnae.

“I don’t know, probably discussing new movie scripts or something. Heard he has a lot piling up for him, poor thing.” Kevin shrugged.

“Ah, he’ll never graduate at this rate.” Soohyun joked, closing his eyes and easily slipping into slumber.

The choreographer came in ten minutes after the end of their break time to say practice is abruptly cancelled. “Tomorrow, guys. Go have a good rest.”

-

“Hey.” Kibum greeted.

Despite feeling sad for the past few days of complete ignorance from the older member, Kevin put on his best smile. “Hello! How are you feeling?”

“Never better.” Kibum replied dryly, yawning even.

“So you didn’t talk to me and finally do so after three days to tell me, oh, I’m still sad!? Then why don’t you just tell me in the first place so I wouldn’t be called a liar!” Kevin ranted with slight anger, all melting away when Kibum’s eyes reflected too much light – there were tears in them. “I’m sorry, who cares if I’m a liar or not. I lie a lot anyway. Don’t be sad…I’ll be sad too.”

“Kevin, could you…give me a hug?”

Kevin cooed a little with a bright smile, mumbles of “you’re so cute” could be heard, but Kibum could only concentrate on memorising the way their bodies fitted each other’s so nicely that it was even more heart-breaking. Kibum knew, Kevin was never one to pull away from a hug he initiated. So he tightened his grip and stayed that way, tears blurring his vision as he clutched Kevin’s shoulders.

“C-Cry it out.” Kevin whispered, hand reaching to Kibum’s hair the way Kibum used to do it to him. “You wouldn’t tell me what, but cry it out. You’ll probably feel better…I’ll be here to hug you, no?”

But it wouldn’t be like that forever.

“Wow, you two lovebirds are back on good terms?” Dongho raised his eyebrow and dropped his schoolbag to the floor. “I don’t wanna do homework…”

Kibum pulled away and roughly wiped his tears, laughing at the youngest. He turned to Kevin and flashed the evil smile Kevin understood, before the two advanced to Dongho.

“Please! Let me rest for a while!” Dongho whined, falling backwards and acting like a corpse.

Kevin and Kibum smirked, each punishing Dongho with their own methods.

But neither of the two could forget that moment when there’s only them two.

Kevin couldn’t understand. Kibum wouldn’t tell.

-

Kibum patted Kiseop’s back randomly one day, grinning widely. “Do well.”

“In what?” Kiseop blinked at the sudden pat. “Oh, sitcom? I’m doing well, thanks hyung.”

“No, silly.” Kibum chuckled. “Everything. And you better take care of yourself. How old are you already?”

“Five?” Kiseop grinned. “I’m a baby so I need tender loving care!”

Eli popped by randomly with Choco pie in his hands. “Want a bite?”

“Eli, do well.” Kibum smiled, leaving Eli confused.

“What is this?” Eli frowned, fishing out a packet of Choco pie. “Is that like, your way of saying you want Choco pie?”

“Maybe.” Kibum shrugged, leaving when Eli held it before him.

“Has he finally been possessed?” Kiseop wondered, pressing his lips together as he engaged in serious thinking. “He’s like, suddenly affectionate. Maybe he’s been with Kevin too long. Knew it was a bad idea.”

Eli rolled his eyes, waving the packet of Choco pie in front of Kiseop twice before keeping it safely in his pocket. “Went once, went twice, now gone~!”

“Humpfh!” Kiseop sulked in mock anger, but then again, he was used to Eli’s harmless pranks already. “I wonder what Kibummie-hyung meant though. Do well? What’s the nearest performance we have?”

“I don’t know, are there even any?” Eli scratched his head naively.

-

“Soohyun-hyung…” Kibum smiled as he greeted the older member. “How’s life?”

“Slow. Nothing much happening, I guess.” Soohyun returned a warm smile. “That’s good, more time for me.”

“Sure, but never a good thing always.” Kibum laughed, but Soohyun missed the slight edge in the younger’s voice.

“You and Kevin better?” Soohyun asked, resting against the nearest concrete thing.

“We were never on bad terms.” Kibum shrugged. “At least not recently, not yet.”

“Don’t know. Felt like it at one point of time when you wouldn’t talk to him. Or anyone else for that matter, but mainly him since you guys talk everyday.” Soohyun returned the shrug.

“You say it like we’re a couple or something.” A small smile tugged at Kibum’s lips, and he couldn’t fight it away. It will be fun telling Kevin this thought of Soohyun’s on them, fun watching him fidget in embarrassment.

“You’re not?” Soohyun teased, ruffling Kibum’s hair as a way of being affectionate. “I wish you guys were, so you both can fight all day long and we can be slightly amused by it. I say slightly, because you guys already fight a lot. Childishly, if I might add.”

“Well, it’s one of the few personal entertainment you have a for. So shut up.” Kibum grinned, watching their manager walk in. “You have to go now, have fun with spending money on Yura.”

“Tch, well, you spend yours on Kevin, so shut yourself up.”

-

Alexander blinked confusedly when Kibum hugged him tightly suddenly in the midst of their practice break. “Hey, I’m not Kev, just so you know.”

“Okay, that’s getting annoying. I know I seem to be really nice to Kevin but can all of you stop rubbing that in my face?” Kibum laughed heartily, waving that heart-clenching feeling away.

Dongho grinned beside the two, the only other that stayed since the other four went to the toilet. “Retribution for making me do homework.”

“That’s a good thing, it means.” Alexander chuckled, pinching Dongho’s cheeks. “Kibum probably likes it secretly.”

“That’s not true!” Kibum pouted. “Anyway, I just wanted to ask you to do me a favour.”

“Those don’t come by cheap, will you part with you money?” Alexander joked, nodding. “What is it?”

“Can I record you?”

“What? Hey, you know I’m actually camera shy.” Alexander frowned.

“I was thinking of creating memories.” Kibum shrugged. “Then I can make it into a video and send it to you when you’re fifty, telling you how you never changed.”

“HEY!”

Kibum chuckled, instantly taking a few videos on the spot.

-

“There will not be any more filming of We Are Dating.” Soohyun frowned at the message he got. “Hey, Xander-hyung, you got that?”

“Yeah, but why?” Alexander pouted. “I didn’t like to act all mushy, but it was nice making friends and actually feeling busy. We also have excuses to skip practices!”

“Tch, that’s all you think about.” Eli rolled his eyes. “And free meals?”

“Hey! That’s what YOU think about!” Alexander gritted his teeth and punched Eli jokingly. “But seriously, why so sudden?”

“I don’t know, they wouldn’t say.” Soohyun replied. “Should we go ask the company? Maybe they know something more?”

“Guys.” Their manager came in with a solemn expression. “I heard about the news on We Are Dating.”

Dongho rolled off Kevin’s shoulder, jerking awake. Tiredly, he opened his eyes and greeted the manager. “Hey, hyung.”

“Hey.” The manager quickly said. “Well, the company stated there’ll be many thing for us to be busy with, so forget that for now.”

“Busy? What busy?” Eli frowned. “We’ve just finished our Japan concert like a month ago or something, no longer casted for Made In BS Japan, what else could there be?”

“I don’t know yet, but there will be us going to Taiwan. That is confirmed, at least.” He fiddled with his phone a little. “Reaching on the thirteenth, get ready, okay? Wake Kevin and tell him that, Dongho.”

“Yeah, and I’ll tell Kibum and Kiseop.” Soohyun volunteered with a smile. “Thanks hyung.”

-

“Overseas Idol Group with Most Potential…U-KISS!” Alexander repeated, while Dongho and Eli who understood him cheered like crazy fanboys. The other four went along with the four and shouted incoherently, laughing as they made their way to the toilet.

Unlike in Korea, they didn’t really have a dressing room to themselves in Taiwan. Their manager rushed them back to the hotel after they were done with the performance to rest, and since the toilet was really pretty in Alexander’s eyes, he suggested for them all to move to the toilet to take group pictures.

Eli volunteered to take the picture for the other six. Despite protests, he managed to leave himself out of the group picture and purposely made them move closer to each other so it looked more like a group photo. “Get closer, I can’t get you in the frame like that!”

Kibum left Dongho’s side and filled in the space between Kevin and Kiseop, casually draping his hand over Kevin’s shoulder. Dongho turned so he was pressed up against Kiseop while Alexander bent forward towards Soohyun, who was holding the award with him.

Eli grinned, taking the picture and shouting for them to make funny faces. He took that with his own phone and saved it, returning the phone to his pocket. He then passed Kevin his phone with the picture previously taken.

“I want the picture too!” Alexander demanded, snatching Kevin’s phone and sending himself the picture. Kevin rolled his eyes, smiling.

“I wish we could stay like this forever.” Soohyun grinned, kissing the award. “Getting awards everyday, MUAHAHA!”

“Yeah, if only.” Kibum smiled sadly, but the others were too caught up to realise. He suddenly remember the English words he retweeted, looking to the only one that had a hope of finding out.

“Real eyes. Realise. Real Lies…” Kibum let the words leave the tip of his tongue, accented English unable to be understood even when Kevin turned to look at the older member curiously.

“Is there something wrong?”

Kibum sighed, managing a smile. “No.”

Kevin only nodded.

-

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY KISEOP~!” Alexander screamed exaggeratedly, laughing as he caught Kiseop in his arms.

“I wished him one earlier than you!” Kevin stuck out his tongue childishly, tugging on Kiseop’s left hand.

“Yeah. He won you.” Kiseop grinned, using his left hand to snake around Kevin’s waist while hugging Alexander with the other arm. “Thanks a lot, though.”

“Tch, ganging up against me now?” Alexander gritted his teeth, albeit happily. He ruffled Kiseop’s hair when Dongho came running.

“GOOD MORNING, KISEOP-HYUNG!” Dongho greeted with a loud laugh. “I think today is a special day! Let’s see…it’s the day when we’re returning to Korea!”

“Silly magnae.” Soohyun rolled his eyes, dragging Dongho’s luggage and his own out of their room. “Yah! Get back over here and carry your own luggage!”

“Hyung, you need the workout.” Dongho grinned cheekily, skipping around the other three. “So, it’s also…two days after we got an award!”

Kiseop let go of the two members in favour of hugging Dongho. “Yah! Very funny.”

Dongho returned the hug, smiling. “Happy birthday, hyung!”

“Birthday greetings? Let me join in!” Eli bounced out of the room and jumped on Dongho. “Happy birthday, Dongho!”

“HEY!” Dongho and Kiseop yelled at Eli, before laughing Eli’s silliness off.

“Kidding!” Eli chuckled. “Oh, by the way, Kibum’s dead on the bed.”

“He’s always dying on beds.” Alexander rolled his eyes.

“Argh, stupid hyung.” Kevin pulled his sleeves up and stomped into Kibum’s room, before a loud groan was heard.

“You’re gonna break my bones one day if you keep jumping on me!” Kibum yelled, probably pushing Kevin off the bed the next second.

The other five looked at each other, laughing the matter off. “Let’s go eat breakfast!”

-

“Happy birthday.” Kibum smiled, greeting Kiseop at the breakfast table twenty minutes after Kevin woke him up. He took the second last available seat, since he made Kevin do some errands.

“Thanks.” Kiseop smiled, looking around. “Where’s Kevin? Didn’t he come down with you?”

“He has diarrhoea.” Kibum joked, but not offering any other explanation.

“Happy birthday to you~! Happy birthday to you!” Kevin sang, walking in with a small cake in his hands. Two long candles and a smaller one was standing on the cake, burning brightly.

The rest of the group sang finish the song, and Kibum proudly stated that he came up with the idea.

“But I put it into actions!” Kevin pouted, wanting to claim credit.

“Well yes, but it wouldn’t happen if I didn’t come up with it.” Kibum argued back.

“It wouldn’t even happen if I didn’t remind you it was Kiseop’s birthday.” Kevin frowned and hit Kibum’s shoulder with feigned anger.

“I remembered Kiseop’s birthday the second I woke up!” Kibum rebutted with his eyes rolled. “Hey, I’m not that forgetful.”

“Well then, you wouldn’t have remembered it if I didn’t wake you up!”

“Oh, shut up.” Kiseop laughed. “That’s my birthday wish, so shut up.”

“Thanks, Kiseop-hyung.” Dongho earnestly said, rubbing his ears. “I was going to have a migraine.”

“I was going to yell.” Alexander shuddered at the thought. “Kibum, I thought I told you to stop feeding Kevin’s childishness, it’s noisy.”

“Well, you are too.” Kevin and Kibum retorted, before high-fiving each other with a contented smile.

“Yeah, gang up on me, that’s all you guys ever do.” Alexander sulked, which only faded away after Eli and Soohyun simultaneously dropped food on his plate. “Yay!”

-

“Alexander, the boss has something to say to you.” Their manager came in and called for the oldest member, who skipped towards the door light-heartedly.

Kibum twitched. A nagging feeling told him it wouldn’t be a good thing. Yet, it was only one day after they had returned from Taiwan.

The other members didn’t realise anything. They just shrugged it off as if it was something that happened everyday.

He could only pray things would be fine for Alexander.

The manager looked clueless as to why Alexander had to go see the boss. He was even playing with Dongho and fake punching Soohyun.

Kibum tightened his fist.

“Please, be all right.”

-

Alexander frowned at the thick silence. He looked curiously at the bird that was pecking the window sill from the outside, before it flew away probably in search of food.

He was hungry. Alexander pouted, wishing the president would quickly speak up and let him go eat.

“Sorry, I just don’t know how to get the message across nicely.” The older one finally spoke up. “Well, I hope for the best. Here goes nothing.”

“Hm?” Alexander smiled encouragingly, nodding for the other to continue.

“Well, please trust that we’ve been deliberating on this issue for a very long time.” A sigh. “We want to take you out of U-KISS.”

“…” Alexander blinked, staring back at the president. “Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What did you say?”

Leaning back and closing his eyes, President Kim sighed. “What you heard is what it is.”

“I didn’t hear it.” Alexander’s eyes darkened. “I didn’t hear a thing you say, I’m very hungry, I think I should go get some food.”

Alexander stood up too quickly, causing himself to almost fall to his side. He shuffled his feet and managed to regain his balance, bowing once and heading towards the door so quickly it looked like a run, despite the limited space. His hand shakily grabbed the handle, before he pulled it towards him.

“Alexander.”

“You want me to leave.” Alexander closed the door, turning around and leaning against it. “You want me to leave…?”

“Yes.”

“NO!” Alexander shouted, further pushing himself against the door. The door happened to be a one-way door, which supported his weight. “NEVER!”

“Alexander…” The president gestured at the empty seat. “Please sit.”

“I don’t want to.” Alexander cried, replying to both issues. Tears easily slid down his cheeks while he begged the older man. “Don’t make me!”

“I’m sorry, things don’t always go our way.” A frown formed on Kim Namhee’s face. “Enough with the niceties, we’re taking you out.”

“NO!” Alexander screamed louder, falling to his knees helplessly. “Please, please, I’ll do anything! I’ll train harder, have extra practice, I PROMISE!”

“It’s not that. We just found someone better.” A wince could be seen flashing across the president’s face. Alexander saw it as his chance to plead his case.

“Don’t do this to me…you were the one who came up to me and asked if I wanted to be a singer.” Alexander moved closer towards the other and bowed. “You gave me hope, don’t let it fall like that!”

“Alexander, we really need to take you out. We’ve been considering this for a month and your tears cannot change the decision.” A warm hand wiped the tears away from Alexander’s pretty face, but he shook the hands away angrily.

“A month is not long enough!” Alexander stood up and backed away. “After three years, you just thought about the issue for a month and decided to kick me out?”

“Sign this.” President Kim said coldly despite Alexander’s refusal, placing the paper Kibum once signed closer to the other end of the table. “Or we’ll terminate your contract this instant. This paper will give you a month to stay on, and clear up your feelings with the rest of the members.”

“I don’t want to!” Alexander insisted, stomping out of the company, even ignoring Eli and Dongho’s stupid skit. “You can’t make me!”

Kibum gritted his teeth. His prediction came true, as he saw the tear-stained face of the oldest member.

-

This world is very realistic. The worst person might be the person who would have the least interest in hurting you. The best person, the person you trust the most, might be an evil enough bastard to stab you behind the back more than ten times. I pray to God to give me endurance, so I can endure these hardships, to go straight down to face the cruel truth.

-

Alexander hugged his bolster tightly, crying harder as the memory kept haunting him. Was he really horrible and useless that they needed someone to replace him? He gave his all to U-KISS, he was alone on this considerably foreign land with no friends and only s.

After three years of this, they decided he would no longer be of use?

He flipped, ignoring the constant ringing of his phone. Kibum has been calling too many times and too insistently, but Alexander thought nothing of it as he cried himself to sleep.

-

Kibum knocked the door till his knuckles turned red. He slammed his body forward, and when all else fail, he risked his life and climbed into the house.

“Xander-hyung! Xander-hyung!” Kibum yelled, frantic when the place looked untouched. “You have to be all right!”

Noticing the keys that were sitting on the dining table, he ran towards Alexander’s room and panted at the door. A small smile, as he saw the oldest member sleeping soundly.

“I’m glad you’re fine, so glad.” Kibum sighed, tiptoeing in to get a better view. “Of course you cried, always had been such a baby.”

He wondered if he should stay on to provide comfort for the oldest member the next morning, and decided that climbing out of the house was indeed dangerous and he shouldn’t consider that option twice.

Placing a cushion from the sofa in the living room on the floor next to Alexander’s bed, Kibum made himself as comfortable as he could and fell asleep soon enough.

-

“AHHHHHHHHH!” Alexander screamed, successfully waking Kibum up.

“What are you screaming at, early morning.” Kibum mumbled incoherently, turning around to sleep in a more comfortable position.

“WHY ARE YOU HERE!?” Alexander asked, before adjusting his volume. “Why are you here!?”

“Because you wouldn’t answer my phone calls.” Kibum replied, yawning as he sat up. “Morning.”

“How did you get in?”

“I climbed in.” Kibum shrugged, standing up to be of the same eye level as the other. “Feeling better?”

“W-What do you mean?” Alexander guiltily turned to face the floor.

“You’ve…been asked to quit U-KISS, no?” Kibum blinked. He wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t as he thought.

“Asked? More like forced.” The oldest member rolled his eyes, before pausing every action, including his breathing. “How did you find out…?”

“Me too.” Kibum pulled Alexander into his arms, patting his back. “A month ago.”

-

“So you just agreed to leave? You didn’t even try to stay on for the members?” Alexander quietly asked, pouring milk into Kibum’s bowl of cereal. He was too tired to conduct proper interrogation, swollen eyes forced open to see clearly.

“I tried to stay on, that’s why I agreed to leave.” Kibum replied. “Ironic, isn’t it?”

“Huh?” Alexander yawned, adding a different kind of cereal into his own bowl before adding milk.

“Instant termination otherwise.” Kibum stated simply. “But I was afraid of losing you guys too soon.”

“I guess, at that point of time, everything surges to the brain and we only process the best method given.” Alexander gave the other a pat on the shoulder and an encouraging smile. “I thought about it for a night. I’ll try to make them tweak the contract a bit.”

“How?” Kibum sighed, as if all hopes were lost. “Next to impossible, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know, but I won’t give up before putting up a proper fight.” Alexander smiled. “That wouldn’t be like me, would it?”

Kibum nodded with a smile. “I’ll be here for you.”

-

“Are you okay?” Eli carefully poked the oldest member at his ribs.

Kibum looked at Alexander who stared into space, before sighing and shaking his head at the younger member. “Don’t bother him.”

“Is he okay?” Eli cocked his head to a side, waving a hand before Alexander’s eyes. He faked a hit to Alexander’s face, grinning widely when he blinked. “HAHA! YOU BLINKED!”

Alexander remained in his position, unmoved. Kibum led Eli away, much to the protest of the younger boy.

“What happened to him? One of his mood swings?”

“Not really.” Kibum vaguely replied, spotting Kevin. “Kev, Eli has something to tell you.”

“I do?” Eli stared with eyes wide open at Kibum.

“Oh, Eli!” Kevin greeted. “Hey, before you tell me something you want to tell me, let me tell you something I want to tell you! Have you heard any recent English songs? I was spamming Chris Brown’s new song, I know it’s kind of late, but it’s so good! Yeah~ Yeah~ Yeah!”

Eli ended up listening to Kevin’s whole new playlist synced in yesterday.

-

“He got distant, I think something’s up but I can’t quite place a finger to it.” Soohyun frowned. “It’s affecting Eli. He doesn’t like not having someone to tease.”

Kibum stirred his drink so there was something he could act like he was doing. He decided he doesn’t want it anymore, now that it wasn’t steaming hot.

“Kibum-ah…”

“He can tease Kevin, if he wants.” Kibum cut in before Soohyun could repeat.

“Eli knows boundaries. You and Kevin have an imaginary circle surrounding, he’d rather play safe.” Soohyun shrugged. “You seem to know what happened to Xander-hyung.”

Kibum twitched. “I don’t.”

“A little defensive there?” Soohyun raised an eyebrow, patting Kibum’s shoulder. “You know you can always confide in me if Kevin’s too much of an idiot.”

“Kevin’s an idiot, but that’s why he wouldn’t probe me too much.” Kibum smiled, purposely giving Soohyun an obvious hint. “I think I need to go, Kevin likes his tea cooled.”

“You know you can’t keep fire within a paper.” Soohyun sighed. “I’ll find out one day, eventually.”

“We’ll wait till that day comes.” Kibum choked on his words, but Soohyun didn’t realise. “For now, I’m Kevin’s delivery boy.”

-

“Xander-hyung…doesn’t like me anymore.” Kiseop pouted sadly, plopping himself ungracefully onto the floor, limbs spread out on the floor.

“Nah, he’s not that mean.” Kevin smiled faintly. “He’s just going through that phase Kibummie-hyung went through. Probably because they got old.”

“You mean, Soohyun-hyung will go through that one day or something?” Dongho joined in the conversation. “Man, that’ll be like the last of mankind. Kibum-hyung has a bit of a girl in him, Xander-hyung’s a girl, and if Soohyun-hyung’s go through that, we probably have no one to carry on the Shin line.”

“Tch.” Kevin rolled his eyes. “What about you?”

“We all know I’m a full man.” Dongho laughed. “Fine, I’m a total girl, but so are you.”

“Hey!” Kevin sulked. “I’m three years your senior! Respect me please! Just because I’m comfortable with you, you treat me like a friend! Humpfh!”

“What was Kiseop-hyung talking about before I joined?” Dongho questioned, purposely ignoring Kevin.

“Xander-hyung doesn’t like me.” Kiseop blinked sadly.

“Why do you say that?” Dongho grinned, happy that Kevin was getting annoyed.

“I haven’t got my birthday present yet.” Kiseop scratched his head innocently. “He promised to give me one as soon as we get back to Korea.”

“Oh yeah!” Kevin nodded. “He did tell me about it before he got into his mood swings.”

“He did?” Kiseop widened his eyes with hope.

“I’ll pop the question the next time we go record Pops in Seoul.” Kevin smiled brightly. “I know what it is, and I’m sure you’ll like it, so don’t worry!”

“Hehe.” Kiseop giggled mindlessly. “Thank you, Kevvy~!”

-

“What do you mean there’s no more Pops in Seoul?” Kevin blinked in surprise as Eli asked the question, a slight hint of anger in his voice.

Alexander tiredly walked away.

“Arirang sent a notice this morning, I don’t know.” The manager shook his head. “The company said they have plans.”

“We’ve been doing it weekly, it can last a few weeks even if we have whatever plans we have.” Kevin reasoned, joining Eli in the confusion.

Eli nodded furiously. “And there wasn’t any prior notice. Is this a hoax?”

“Xander-hyung?” Kevin called out, pulling the oldest member into the discussion. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

“What?” Alexander snapped. “Pull out for all I care, Eli, Soohyun and I got pulled out of We Are Dating as well.”

The youngest of the three backed away, staring at the oldest as if he went crazy. “We were all attached to the Pops family…It’s…different…”

“What’s wrong with you?” Eli questioned, voice gentle unlike the sharp words. “You’re not like you.”

“Just leave me alone.”

-

I’m not trying to escape from anything, just that, I need some time to calm down, to get used to everything around me, to analyse and know the people around me again. My mind is blank, my heart is already numb, I have no strength to think about anything, no mood to feel anything. I just want to follow what GOD tells me to do, one step at a time…

Only smart people will understand the reason on why I use Chinese to post on Weibo….

-

“So if I sign this contract, I agree to leave U-KISS but I’ll still be under NH media as an artist?” Alexander frowned. “What rubbish is this?”

“Alexander, our patience also has limits.” A representative took over the case, someone Alexander didn’t recognise. “And we’re on our way there.”

“Well, guess what?” Alexander sarcastically started. “I was never tolerant either.”

“This is the best we can offer.” A shrug. “Take it or leave it.”

Alexander swore (he shouldn’t have, he knows) he would have beat up the opposite party if one, she wasn’t a girl, two, it would do the situation good. But it was neither, so he kept whatever remains of his cool.

“The company might consider letting you get into some of the events if they need you.” The representative half-heartedly said. Alexander knew that meant it was almost as good as definitely never.

“I have a condition.”

-

“We’re going to Indonesia? Really? Do we have fans there?” Dongho excitedly asked, half anticipating, half worried. “What language do they speak?”

“Indonesian language!” Eli replied intellectually, with a wide grin. “I’ll check if we have fans.”

“I’ll use Google, you use Yahoo or something.” Kevin suggested. “Don’t fight with me! I love Google.”

“Hey! Unfair!” Eli childishly sulked.

Kibum looked to Alexander with questioning eyes. Alexander pointed subtly at the door, which he stood up and left after a minute, with Kibum following ten seconds after.

“Where are you going?” Kiseop smiled widely at Kibum. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah, you think it snows there?” Kibum quickly made up, before letting Kiseop talk excitedly to Soohyun about snow.

Soohyun knew there was something off about Kibum too, despite how he tries to hide it.

A pair of eyes follow Kibum’s figure closely as he left the room.

“Silly, Indonesia is a tropical country, it never snows there.”

-

“Yeah, it’s true. I listed it out as a condition.” Alexander sighed. “Awful that it had to be this way.”

“You’re admirable.” Kibum smiled. “I always knew you were special, but you proved to be even better. Unlike me, I gave up without a fight.”

“Don’t say it that way.” Alexander patted Kibum’s head in an almost motherly manner. “Knowing you are here with me made me stronger. At least I have someone to talk to.”

“Glad I’m of use.” Kibum laughed.

“I can’t praise you enough for holding it in and keeping a cool front though. As you can see, my emotions are all over my face.” The older member frowned.

“Sometimes, that is a good thing.” The younger looked up into the sky and only saw white clouds too bright to be seen. “At least Kevin doesn’t annoy you, Eli doesn’t complain to you about a certain member ignoring him, Soohyun-hyung doesn’t stare at your every move, and Kiseop doesn’t randomly talk to you about everything.”

Alexander chuckled lightly. “You venting your frustrations on me?”

“No, I wouldn’t dare!” Kibum exaggerated with a frightened expression.

“Kibummie-hyung~!” A sweet voice called out. “Guess what I saw on this Indonesian Kiss Me fan page~!”

“Let me guess, a photo where your awful skin is hidden well.” Kibum replied almost instantly, groaning softly for Alexander to hear.

The older member only laughed at him.

“HEY! MY SKIN IS PRETTY GOOD, OKAY?” Kevin screamed back. “Forget it if you don’t want to know, humpfh!”

-

Alexander felt better and more on concrete ground after settling the contract problem. He’s still leaving U-KISS, yes, but there’s still a slight chance no matter what. Not something to be exactly happy about, but he felt better.

Exactly on that day, they were told to sing another song for the Real School OST.

“I don’t feel up to it.” Alexander groaned, whispering to Kibum.

The younger laughed, and this was another one of the many times he saw Kibum as a more mature member. “I’ll cheer you up. You know it means a lot to the fans.”

Kibum made sure Alexander was kept busy enough by sending members to bother the oldest after every few minutes.

“Kiseop-ah, I think Xander-hyung has something to tell you, like urgently.” Kibum tapped his chin, frowning as if worried. “Ah, can’t remember what it is.”

Kiseop ran in hopes of getting his present.

“Eli, Xander-hyung says he’s sorry for ignoring everyone, but doesn’t dare to say it in your face especially.” Kibum sighed. “See, he’s talking to Kiseop about that.”

Eli nodded in understanding, before a dumb smile appeared on his face.

“Yes, you can go join them, I think Xander-hyung’s giving out some food.” Kibum grinned. “Get me some, won’t you?”

Dongho skipped merrily and thanked his luck when it was a Hershey’s chocolate bar.

“Hyung, there’s an impromptu meeting.” Kibum pointed at the crowd. “Go on, I’ll find Kevin.”

Soohyun raised an eyebrow, before dismissing all his doubts in the fellow suspicious member. He’ll know if he is meant to know.

“Hyung!” Kevin greeted. “Why is everyone there?”

“I don’t know, shall we go check it out?” Kibum smirked, a cheeky expression missed by the younger as Kevin slipped his hand into the bigger and warmer hand, dragging Kibum along.

-

“I don’t know, I like Always better.” Kevin sulked. “Why do you only have one line in this?”

“I don’t know.” Kibum smiled, pinching Kevin’s cheeks fondly. “Stop sulking, stupid smiling angel.”

“Stop calling me stupid!” Kevin pouted. “You participated in giving me that name.”

The older member shrugged, nudging Alexander who happened to be on his other side. “How was it?”

“I kind of really like the song.” Alexander replied sadly, with only Kibum understanding why.

“We’ll sing it on repeat then.” Kibum suggested, yelling happily for Soohyun to switch the song he was singing. “Hey, let’s be a little more group-loving.”

“But just saying,” Dongho grinned. “It’s the first time I actually liked your voice, Xander-hyung.”

U-KISS ended up laughing at the truth behind Dongho’s words, forgetting all about the song as Alexander chased Dongho around the van.

-

“You’ll tell the rest tomorrow.” President Kim stated, gesturing at the manager. “You two can choose not to speak. Don’t contradict, don’t even try.”

Alexander and Kibum looked at each other and resigned themselves to their fate.

“I know they will react to the news. Make sure they are safe.” The oldest of the four reminded the manager, who nodded. “Any questions?”

“We will take part in keeping them safe.” Kibum added with a stubborn tone.

“We won’t tell them anything.” Alexander promised, wanting to make sure Kibum was allowed to do what he needed to do. There were a few members that depended on the younger, because Kibum had a huge responsibility since their debut.

“Make sure they don’t try anything funny.” He said strictly to the manager, as if refusing to acknowledge the other two’s presence.

“Let’s go.” Alexander motioned, seeing as his job was done.

Kibum quietly followed, slamming the door as the last few words left the President’s lips.

“Thank you for cooperating.”

-

“Yah, can you boys listen for a bit?” The manager yelled, annoyance completely obvious. Kevin covered his mouth and tried to hold in the laughter, but Kibum suddenly standing and moving towards Alexander was more effective.

“Hyung?” Kevin questioned, only getting a faint smile back.

“The company has some news for you all.” The oldest man sighed, looking to Kibum and Alexander for help. They both shrugged. “Well, uh...”

“Is it bad news?” Kiseop warily asked.

“Sort of...okay, fine, it's horrible news.” He closed his eyes, cursing his luck. Why does he have to be the one to break it to the other five?

“What is it?” Soohyun bravely inquired, putting the slightly tensed atmosphere to the back of his mind.

“U-KISS…” The manager groaned, pointing at Alexander and Kibum. “Is losing these two members.”

“…”

Kevin looked to the duo for confirmation. Kibum only turned away.

“Why?” Eli coughed out, staring at Alexander especially. Wasn’t he the one who proclaimed his love for U-KISS and wants the rest of the members to promise that they’ll work together till they are all tired of singing, before disbanding together but keeping their friendship intact?

“Kibum wants to focus on his business with his brother. Alexander needs to further his studies.” Three heads instantly dropped to the floor, aware of the lie.

“What do you need to study for that I don’t?” Dongho questioned softly, sad eyes directed at the oldest member.

“You were coping fine!” Kevin yelled. “I can’t believe you! You’re doing it all over again! You enjoy screwing up my life, don’t you?!”

Alexander turned to Kibum for comfort, and when the awkward pat on his shoulder as a temporary relief wasn’t enough, he hurried out of the room.

Kiseop stood up and ran out of the room in full speed, while Dongho exited the place lifelessly, needing some peace to clear his mind.

Eli waited for a second to check if anyone was going to make any moves to give chase, but there was only Kevin hysterically advancing towards Kibum with a punch ready for the older’s face. He rushed out with only one person clouding his mind – Kiseop.

Soohyun grabbed hold of Kevin’s thin arms and locked the younger boy with him, who glared angrily at Kibum with murderous intent. Soohyun nodded with a sad smile at Kibum, who understood it and turned to the exit, searching for Dongho.

Kevin pushed Soohyun away from the back the moment Kibum closed the door behind him, proving that he had the strength to actually fight Soohyun’s arm-lock. He directed his anger at Soohyun, weakly hammering the older member’s chest.

“This shouldn’t be happening…”

-

Kibum found the youngest in the practice room next to theirs, a room trainees used, but there were none at the moment.

“Dongho, can you keep a secret?” Kibum sighed. It was only now that he found out how whiney s...or ex-members are.

“What.” Dongho said with a sharp tone in his voice. Kibum broke into a smile, placing his hand on Dongho's hair and ruffling them. Dongho was curious but didn't want to act like he cared, so baby-like. “Say it.”

Kibum sighed again. “Well, I was forced to leave.”

“WHAT?!” Dongho shrieked. “Why would they do something so stupid?!”

“They say it's because we aren't good enough and so there'll be a member replacement, but I'm suspecting that there's another reason.” Kibum shrugged, no longer hypersensitive to the issue.

“You look like you don't care.” Dongho growled, pushing Kibum to the floor and crawling on him. “What now, you don't love this adorable me anymore?”

“You're not adorable anymore, anyway.” Kibum chuckled. “Growing up to become a man...Do take care of yourself and...”

“Kevin-hyung.” Dongho stared down at Kibum, squinting his eyes at the older member. Yes, Kibum will always be a fellow member. “What about him?”

“Yeah, take care of him, all right? He's taking this as badly as I thought.” Kibum looked to his left, trying to fight the urge to cry away. Kevin hated him when he left Xing too, and the hatred probably came back twice the size before.

“I'm not talking about that!” Dongho groaned, hitting the older member's head on the forehead. “What will he do without you?”

“Move on.” Kibum coughed out, feeling the familiar wrenching at his chest area.

“Yeah, then what about us? And you? And Xander-hyung?” Dongho frowned. “What if we got a number one finally? And all five of us will cry so badly that those two will have to say something, that they'll thank the fans but who are they to thank on U-Kiss's behalf?”

“Dongho...”

“We worked hard for that together. Xander-hyung, Soohyun-hyung, you, Kiseop-hyung, Eli-hyung, Kevin-hyung and me, not those two! And when we get a number one, all I'll think of is how sad it is that it wasn't you and Xander-hyung that was there with us.” Dongho burst into tears, leaning down to hug the older member and cry in his embrace.

“I'll be watching your every move.” Kibum smiled. “I'll call you right after broadcast and scream at you about how much of a baby you are.”

“Hyung, I don't know who they are but I hate them already.” Dongho rolled his eyes, directing his vengeance to the floor beside Kibum's head.

“It'll be all right, I can't promise anything but it'll be all right. You better don't turn rebellious now that I'm not there and Xander-hyung's not there to nag at you.” Kibum joked, pulling Dongho closer into the hug.

“Will you send me every Piro Piro merchandise?” Dongho asked as a childish request of sort.

“No, things don't come by free. You'll get a members' discount, though. I'll make you a membership card right now.” Kibum quickly took out a name card he had been working on and wrote Dongho's name in the empty space. “Here, bring this along and a gift I'm preparing for you guys to my company any day you deem fit, and you'll enjoy a member special including a meal, my treat.”

“Someone's earning big bucks or something?” Dongho smiled, not because of the subtly promised Piro Piro, but because Kibum promised they would meet again. He shifted and kissed Kibum on the lips, pressing for a bit longer. “I love you.”

“Ew, did you just kiss me?” Kibum laughed, pushing Dongho off him before sitting up.

“Hey, I kissed Kevin-hyung with these lips too, okay?” Dongho pouted.

“Right.” Kibum rolled his eyes, before turning serious. “So...don't tell anyone what I told you today. I'm not supposed to. At least not yet.”

“Why not?” Dongho's sad eyes looked even more heart-breaking than Soohyun's, but that was kind of a given.

“They probably wanted you guys to move on faster.” Kibum shook his head. “I don't know anymore.”

“Kibum-hyung...”

-

What are friends for?

Wasn't it for better and for worse?

What are friends there to do?

Wasn't it to stay with you despite everything?

So how did Xander-hyung and Kibum-hyung end up leaving?

Kiseop cried, and for once since 2008, he wanted to commit suicide.

Eli was right behind Kiseop’s heels, worried as to how Kiseop was taking this. Kevin was crying and wailing, but then he became angry so he should be fine. Soohyun's there anyway. Kibum went to comfort Dongho (probably) and Alexander fled the scene. Kiseop just ran out, silent, and Eli wouldn't forgive himself if Kiseop was hurt in any way.

“Kiseop...”

“Eli! Eli!” Kiseop wailed, clinging onto Eli as if his life depended on it. “Eli!”

“I know.” Eli clenched his fist and brought them up to keep Kiseop safe in his arms. Sad, but safe. “They must have some reasons, they wouldn't just leave. I don't know, I don't believe what the company says but Xander-hyung and Kibum-hyung didn't even fight those words back...”

“I don't want this to happen, I don't want to lose any of you, but now I'm losing two!” Kiseop clutched Eli's arms and lowered his head on Eli's shoulders. “Why must this happen? We lost our mother and the weirdo uncle, how can we survive with only a father? Who will feed that stupid dog?”

“Kiseop...” Eli couldn't collect his thoughts enough to reply. “They are just...leaving to let's say...Africa. They're still in the family but it's harder to communicate with them.”

“It won't ever be the same again.” A voice that was barely a whisper, so weak, so breakable.

“Yeah, but we promised to be together. We will be, in spirit, and I know they wouldn't break that promise.” Eli lifted Kiseop's head from his shoulder, looking into his eyes seriously. “Don't break down this way, we'll get worried.”

“It must be my fault.” Kiseop insisted. “It must be my fault! If I never joined, they wouldn't dare to replace the members, they'd be skeptic of the fans reactions!”

“Untrue!” Eli yelled. “Don't say that of yourself, don't you dare!”

“Eli...I'm afraid.” Kiseop whimpered. “I don't want this...”

-

Alexander took a walk out in the empty space near the company, taking a breather. He thought he had gotten over the issue, but when the members reacted the way he had expected, it was too real and it hit him hard.

Though it was kind of a fuzzy feeling to know he means so much to all the other five, and a heart-breaking feeling to know he would be leaving them.

That was the only reason why there were fresh tears running down his cheeks. The five were the only ones he couldn’t let go of. He would happily skip out of the company if it was some people he never liked working with. He could give up the fame, the money, the fans, the passion, but not the bonds he’d built over the years.

He knew Kibum would make Dongho listen. Dongho keeps up a cool front, but he’s really innocent on the inside and would trust Kibum, because Kibum wouldn’t lie to him either.

Soohyun was stronger, he would have put himself in Kibum’s and his shoes and thought about why Kibum and him are leaving. Maybe they didn’t want to leave, maybe Soohyun would figure that out.

Eli…Alexander wasn’t really sure how Eli was taking things. Eli had a little secret habit of putting others before himself. Kiseop ran out, and Eli was worried for Kiseop’s safety, knowing how the slightly older one probably wouldn’t take note of his surroundings.

Alexander smiled. It was small actions like these that showed how much of a family they felt like. There will be those who need a certain person to help them up again, those who rely on themselves no matter what, and those who take the surface value and wail like a baby.

Kevin.

Alexander chuckled a little. Fans knew how he loved to tease Kevin wherever he went because Kevin was just dense and tactless. He knew the younger boy would cry and yell and scream. Everything, before probably launching into y mode and snapping at everyone.

Pretty possible.

Kevin was never good at controlling his feelings. He just lets it burst out before sorting them out and smiling the smile he doesn’t mean, just to tide through the low period before he remembered what being happy was all about again.

And he knew, Kevin was the member he couldn’t set his mind at ease about. He doesn’t know who else, other than Kibum, could actually handle that sweet-turned-nasty-in-a-bad-mood boy.

But this time, Kibum (and him) were the ones who stepped on the land mine.

-

“Kevin, don't cry...” Soohyun managed to mumble, patting Kevin's shoulder awkwardly. “It's...not okay, but, don't cry anymore. It'll make us all feel worse to see you like that.”

“I'm not crying!” Kevin shouted. “I'm not a wimp, crying over this! I'm angry! Very angry!”

“Why are you angry? It's their choice, we should respect it even if we don’t like it.” Soohyun shook his head. “You’re making things hard for them too.”

“I don’t care!” Kevin yelled, as if being loud could make him more believable. “It’s selfish of them, selfish! We put all other things after U-KISS, and out of a sudden they have something else so they quit! Quitters make me angry!”

“Oh yeah…” Soohyun paused to think. “It’s too out of a sudden, maybe it isn’t-”

“Idiots!” Kevin roughly wiped the tears from his wet face, only for it to be tear-stained the next. “Stupid idiots! The more I think about it, the angrier I am!”

“You’re not really angry…”

“I’M ANGRY!” Kevin glared deadly at Soohyun despite the other being a lot older. “I’m awfully angry! What do you mean I’m not really angry? You think I’m sad? I will never be sad for them! Leave if they want! But they’re…they are PUTTING OUR JOBS AT RISK!”

“The company stated we’re still singing.” Soohyun hid his small smile. Kevin was amusing to watch, despite the situation. “You’re in denial.”

“Denial?” Kevin blinked, as if trying to translate that in his head. “Denial?! You’re kidding me! I’m not denying anything! I’m all open, and I’m telling you, Soohyun-hyung, I’m very angry!”

“Okay, says the crying Kevin.” Soohyun nodded and raised his hand as a signal for Kevin to stop. “I’m tired, I had used a fair share of effort trying to process the information, so would you please just shut up or go get some food to stuff your mouth with?”

“I’m not in denial! I’m not crying!” Kevin repeated, before leaving as Soohyun had asked, but not without stomping and shutting the door with a slam.

-

“That’s all for today, we’ll hold another Star Date meeting nearer the date, so that’s all you need to know right now.” The PD ended off, packing up while Eli and Kevin just stood up to bow and leave.

Kevin climbed into the van first, taking the middle seat. Eli shrugged, joining Kevin there, since there were only the two of them.

“Don’t sit next to me.” Kevin growled. Eli only kept silent and shut the door, nodding at the manager in front. “Don’t ignore me!”

“What do you want?” Eli yawned. “Don’t you think I deserve to get some rest?”

“You’re so unfeeling! You probably don’t even care that Xander-hyung and Kibummie-hyung are leaving! You don’t want them with us! Go away, I don’t know a beast like you!” Kevin pushed Eli further away from him, glaring angrily.

“What am I supposed to do? Cry like you to prove I care?” Eli rolled his eyes. “Kev, that’s just childish.”

“Oh, right, you’re so mature you don’t care. So brave and manly, aren’t you?” Kevin snorted, turning to glare out the window. “And I never cried. I was just angry!”

“In your words, you CARED that they are leaving.” Eli groaned. “And Kevin, you’re so impossible with all your stupid inferences.”

“I don’t care in a sad way! They, well, I’ve said it before, are putting our jobs at risk!” Kevin insisted. “And I’m not stupid!”

“That’s another one of those inferences.”

“Forget it! You’re the impossible one!” Kevin kicked the seat before him, gaining a curse from the manager. “You should be the one leaving!”

“Guess what, maybe I will.” Eli threw his jacket at Kevin and ignored the tears that Kevin let loose.

“WELL THEN LEAVE!” Kevin screamed, drawing his knees up to his chest and hugging them tightly. “Leave me one by one…I don’t even care.”

“Kevin…” Eli sighed, shifting closer and hugging Kevin’s tiny figure. “Don’t act like this. I just didn’t want to make it difficult for them.”

-

Kibum never attended MTV Daum Music Festival. Alexander decided he’ll make the best out of his last performance and joined the other five.

Kevin was still insistent on treating Alexander like air. Or nitrogen gas to be exact.

“Let’s take photos together~!” Kevin sang, pulling Dongho to a side. He looked up and smiled. “Light is pretty. Okay, one, two, three, smile~!”

Dongho immediately groaned as Kevin checked the photo. “Can you not find me anymore? My face is like horribly big and- hey, it came out kind of nice.”

“I have skills.” Kevin replied proudly, insisting on taking a second photo. Dongho refused to, running away to “say hi to friends”.

“Kiseoppie!” Kevin called out sweetly. “You free?”

“For what?” The other member blinked, eyeing the game in his hand.

“Let’s take pictures together!” Kevin grinned, which Kiseop immediately smiled at. “One, two, cheese!”

Alexander looked from his seat as Eli played Mahjong on his phone and Soohyun rested with his ears plugged. He knew Kiseop was unintentionally forgetting him, but Kevin was making everything he did obvious.

Bored, he decided to check Twitter and saw that Kevin tweeted the selcas he took with Kiseop already. He checked them out and smiled a bit, though recognising the insincere smile.

Fans started filling his timeline with questions about the “AlVin” couple. He sighed, deciding to push the question to Kevin, who would obviously just ignore it.

Kiseop then fled to finish his game, leaving Kevin playing with his phone before a mirror.

“Don’t mind him.” Eli smiled. “He’s just being dumb like always.”

-

“I need to talk to you, Kibum.” Soohyun grabbed Kibum’s hand and pulled him back. “Don’t make me make you stay.”

“I need to rush off.” Kibum sighed.

“You’re being evasive.” The older frowned, scrutinising Kibum with his sharp eyes. “There’s something you’re hiding.”

“There’s nothing.” A small smile, but Kibum kept it inside. It was obvious Soohyun knew many things, more than everything the other fools in the group could. “Nothing at all.”

“You knew it long ago, before Xander-hyung started acting weirdly too.” He stated, as if raising evidence. “And we all know, Dongho isn’t a baby that’s easy to be pacified. You told him the truth, but you are hiding something from me.”

“Well, why don’t you ask Dongho if there’s anything?” Kibum replied confidently, though guilty of the lie.

“We know how Dongho’s like. If he promised you something, he wouldn’t break it. Not even for me. What is it that he can know and not me?” Soohyun groaned. “Kibum, I know you don’t want this, Xander-hyung don’t want this and you know how Kevin is about this whole thing.”

“I’m sorry, maybe you don’t know me well enough.” Kibum turned to leave, though internally applauding in awe at Soohyun’s talent for catching on.

He would have told Soohyun, if the older member wasn’t one to fight for the others, if the older member could keep things to himself like Dongho.

Kibum knew, Soohyun would go to the end of the world to protect them.

-

“Xander-hyung…I need help.” Kibum said sheepishly over the phone. “Are you free?”

“Hm?” Alexander yawned, checking the time from his alarm clock. “Oh no, you’re not seriously calling me at two in the morning for help, are you?”

“I was sorting out the web, there was some format problem, and then I started coming up with a notice…” Kibum sighed. “Are you with me?”

“Fishy cheesecake…” Alexander mumbled. “Go bother Kevin…”

“Well, it seems like you’ve happily forgotten that he’s horribly pissed at me. And you. Besides, they have recordings tomorrow and we don’t.” Kibum pursed his lips and thought of an idea to wake Alexander up. “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“MY EAR!” Alexander yelled back. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

“Help me translate an overseas purchase notice?” Kibum chuckled, imagining the oldest member’s expression in the comfort of his own bedroom.

“Kibum, I really love you but I wish you could have told me this at EIGHT IN THE MORNING. I will give you your reply six hours later, thank you for letting me have my much needed beauty sleep.” Alexander ended the call without a proper goodbye, switching off his phone, just in case.

He ended up being unable to return to sleep having a certain heavy weight in his heart, rushing it out till three in the morning, and finally putting his mind to rest. Kibum promised to let Alexander have 0.0001% of the company.

Alexander “kindly” rejected.

-

“We are flying to Japan for Made In BS Japan, without our translators?” Dongho asked sadly, obviously referring to Alexander and Kibum.

“We don’t need them.” Kevin said confidently, a barely audible tremble in his voice.

“Kevin-hyung…” Dongho sighed, remembering Kibum with their secret that he was not to divulge. “I don’t like it when you’re like this.”

Kevin kept silent, checking his luggage for scratches although it obviously doesn’t.

Soohyun hugged the youngest from the back, nodding gently. “We’ll do our best. Eli said he’ll be taking over Xander’s crazy antics, so you’ll just have to react.”

Kiseop took a picture of the two, smiling as he made sure the picture was clear. He accidentally pressed the right button, causing the first picture he took to show up.

“Eli…” Kiseop mumbled, easily getting the member staring at the ceiling of Incheon airport to listen. “Look at this.”

Kibum was grabbing onto Dongho’s body from the back, as Alexander tugged the youngest’s left hand and Eli held the other. Soohyun carried Dongho’s two legs and according to Kiseop’s memory, Kevin was standing next to him, urging him to take the very first picture on his new camera. Kiseop took it and smiled, showing Kevin the photo which captured every fine detail.

Even the coffee stain on the sofa they never got to washing.

“I’ll miss this.” Kiseop sadly looked as Eli took the camera quietly, scanning the other pictures.

The stylist worked on Kiseop’s face with annoyance clear on her face, mumbling about how he was so inconsiderate, reddening his eyes and messing up the makeup. Kiseop apologised tiredly, quietly staying still as his makeup was touched up.

Soohyun looked at the other four and took in a deep breath. He would be the one taking care of them, now. As much as he hated being kept in the dark, if Kibum thought he shouldn’t know, he should at least respect that decision of the younger’s. Kibum was smart, he knew what he wanted, and he knew how to weigh his decisions.

The worst thing Soohyun could do right now to the other two, is to act like Kevin.

-

“Where’s Kev?” Kibum yawned, tired after pampering Dongho with his favourite food just to get him to return to his usual state since he was still unable to get over the fact Kibum was forced to leave. The youngest could usually act well in the studio for the sitcom, but Kibum wanted Dongho to stay that way and not just act for the camera. Kiseop was sleeping on Eli’s crossed legs, while Eli was unconscious against the mirror in the studio.

After days of busying himself with HnB company just to get his mind off U-KISS, Kibum finally created a free time slot Alexander asked for. The said former member had called for an impromptu meeting to try and finish appeasing the most troublesome member.

Soohyun smiled a little at the memory days ago, before telling Kibum about Kevin’s childish behaviours and how he stomped out the room with his little sticking out. Kibum’s eyes had a thankful glint, that Soohyun was treating him like a friend as always.

Dongho applauded Soohyun’s maturity in such a situation, but he waved it away. Soohyun was older. Dongho promised himself that he’d be as cool as Soohyun one day.

A slam of the door announced Kevin’s grand arrival.

“Welcome back.” Kibum said as some way of greeting Kevin. All the other possible greetings sounded awkward so he just made do with the first one he had thought of.

“Don’t you welcome me back, traitor.” Kevin rolled his eyes, searching for his bag in the practice room. A frown took over his face, as he couldn’t find the said object anywhere.

“It’s with me.” Alexander spoke, ignoring the death glare Kevin was sending. “I knew you’d try to ignore us, so sit down and let’s thrash it out.”

“Thrash what out? Thrash you out? I’ll happily throw you into a dustbin just so I can get your sickening face out of my sight.” Kevin spat out, angrily kicking the wooden floor before standing next to Eli and Kiseop’s sleeping figure.

“Kevin, that’s rude.” Kibum stared back into Kevin’s eyes, successfully making Kevin back down a bit. “Come here.”

“I refuse to.” Kevin turned his head wilfully towards another direction, which in the room full of mirrors, he could sadly still see them all.

“I said come here.”

“I said I refuse to.”

“You’re gonna play this game with me again?” Kibum threw an empty bottle of water towards the mirror beside Kevin. Kevin didn’t even flinch. He knew that’d be the way, seeing Kibum smirk. “Childish much?”

“You’re not allowed to call me names.” Kevin held his head up, suddenly annoyed at the smug way Kibum looked.

“Says the one who gives me one.” Kibum threw back the statement. “Come here.”

Dongho groaned at the drama, using Soohyun’s thigh as his temporary pillow. “Wake me up when something more interesting happens.”

“I don’t want to.” Kevin frowned.

“Okay, I’m tired, they’re tired, you’re tired, we’re all tired.” Alexander yawned to prove his point. “Can you get to Kibum’s side already because we know you’ll end up doing that anyway?”

“What are you talking about? I will not!” Kevin screamed.

“Wimp, in denial and probably cried all day. Your eyes are so red.” Kibum sighed dramatically.

Kevin ran towards the older member and gave him a slap across the face. “I’m not a wimp! I didn’t cry! I just got so angry that I saw red. Like, literally.”

“You finally made your way here.” Kibum checked his watch as if to mock Kevin. “Not bad, faster than the last time.”

Before Kevin could stomp away in realisation that he had been tricked (the nth time), Kibum dragged him down and made Kevin sit next to him. “What do you want!?”

“We’ll answer questions to the best of our abilities, ask whatever you want and stop acting like a spoilt brat.” Alexander cut in while advancing towards the two, before Kibum could put it in a way he deemed fit.

Soohyun grinned, chuckling to himself. Alexander and Kibum could handle Kevin best, and now they’re both ganging up against the youngest of the three. He sighed, not sure if he knows what to do with Kevin without them.

“I don’t care what happened, okay? I’m just angry, not bitter, not sad, not anything, so just let me go home!” Kevin sobbed, covering his face and mentally cursing himself for being such a baby. “I’m not crying! I just want to go home!”

“Kevin…” Kibum sighed and pulled Kevin harshly into his arms, rubbing with moderate strength on Kevin’s back, the way he liked it. “There’s things we can’t tell you, but we want to make sure you’ll be all right.”

“Why wouldn’t I be all right?” Kevin sniffed, clutching Kibum’s shoulders tightly and crying harder. “I’d be spectacular!”

“We clearly have to redefine spectacular.” Kibum smiled, nodding at Alexander. Alexander knelt down beside Kibum and tapped Kevin, who immediately let go of Kibum and grabbed hold of the oldest member.

“I’m not sorry.” Kevin said, voice cracking at the highest note.

“I don’t care.” Alexander grinned. “I kept many apologies to myself because I’ll never say one to you.”

“Stupid.” Kevin pouted, pulling away while wiping his tears away.

“I’ll return you to your Kibummie-hyung now.” Alexander patted Kevin’s head with a small smile, walking away to wake the other four up, including Soohyun who ended up closing his eyes from the day’s worth of work.

“Something interesting is about to happen. I think.” Alexander whispered to Dongho, smiling when Dongho mumbled incoherent words and stretched his arms cutely.

“Rearry?” Dongho yawned, rubbing his eyes awake.

“Hyung’s kidding, you don’t have to turn so red.” Kibum ruffled Kevin’s hair and turned the blushing boy to face him. “Dongho boasted to me that he kissed you before.”

“And so-”

Dongho smirked, watching Kibum lean forward with his head slightly tilting. Kevin backed away a bit, but couldn’t go far enough with a hand pressing him the opposite direction. A shorter than a second kiss, but Kevin couldn’t forget how it felt to have Kibum’s lips pressed against his.

“Why did you kiss me for!?” Kevin blushed harder, embarrassment turning into fake anger.

“Because I’m a fan of U-KISS from now on.” Kibum laughed. “A Kiss Me, so you better work hard to perform well on stage. I’ll be stalking you diligently, but I’ll consider about sending fan gifts. A little too expensive, hm.”

Kevin whacked Kibum’s chest playfully, kissing Kibum’s cheek quickly. “Remember to give me the biggest present every time.”

Kibum smiled back, ignoring Kiseop’s whine on wanting the bigger than biggest one.

-

“Don’t come back here again.”

Kibum and Alexander exchanged glances, before sighing.

“That’s the last time for me.” Kibum managed a smile. “You’ll still be there, but they wouldn’t let you near U-KISS.”

“You know I don’t like it when you say it so flatly.” Alexander frowned. “We’re still part of U-KISS. Not exactly, but in spirit. We all agreed on that.”

“They just chased me out.” Kibum changed the topic. “You think Kevin will be all right?”

“Yeah, all you ever think about is Kevin.” Alexander laughed, ruffling Kibum’s hair. “But I can’t deny he’s annoyingly fragile.”

“Tch. Been there, done that, I know what to expect. That’s all.” Kibum shrugged. “Well, I don’t want to stay out here any longer. Want to join me for a cup of coffee or sightsee at my small company?”

“Sounds great.” Alexander smiled slightly, following Kibum to his car.

-

“You think Kibummie-hyung is sick?”

“Huh?” Kiseop blinked. “Why?”

“He hasn’t appeared for two days. Should I call him?” Kevin looked thoughtful for a second, before fishing out his handphone.

“Why would you call him? It’s normal he isn’t here.” Eli sighed. “He’s out of the group.”

Soohyun whacked Eli’s head, hard. Kiseop widened his eyes and stared warily as Kevin stopped breathing.

“Oh.” A strangled word. “Oh.”

“Kevin, breathe.” Kiseop patted Kevin’s back lightly, before worrying when Kevin remained like a stone. “BREATHE!”

“HE’S OUT OF THE GROUP!” Kevin bawled, throwing himself on Kiseop as he broke down once more. He clawed Kiseop’s back and sobbed violently. “Kibummie-hyung wouldn’t be here again!”

“Kevin, it…it’ll be…better.” Kiseop bit his lip to make sure he doesn’t join in the crying mess. “We’ll get…used to it…”

“I DON’T WANT TO GET USED TO IT!” Kevin defiantly screamed, running out.

Soohyun turned his glare to Kiseop, who cowered behind Eli and wiped the tears that formed in his eyes away before it could fall.

“It’s okay.” Soohyun sighed. “I know you aren’t up to comforting Kevin either.”

-

“I don’t want! Don’t want! Don’t want! Don’t want!” Kevin yelled.

“Calm down, Kev.” Kibum frowned as he arranged merchandises in the storeroom, his shoulder raised to keep his handphone in place. “If you’re going to stay this way, I’m going to ignore you.”

“You can’t do this to me!” Kevin whined, small voice pleading. “You know you can’t…”

“Kev, you know this is neither Kiseop’s nor Eli’s fault.” Kibum looked at the big Piro Piro bolster before him and checked if there were any flaws. “So don’t be angry at them, and don’t be angry at any members for that matter. They’re in this with you. You’re not the only one feeling the difference.”

“Well, then it’s all your fault, isn’t it?!” Kevin sniffed, kicking the wall before him, still unwilling to return to the practice room.

“You can blame me, sure. If you feel better, curse me all you like.” Kibum even gave a shrug, hugging the bolster tight. “I decided to leave, afterall.”

“You know I can’t and now you’re using that against me! I hate you so freaking much.” Kevin kicked harder, whimpering when it hurts.

“I know, I’ve been hated by you before.” Kibum tried to joke, but it came out kind of bitter. “Kevin, go back to the practice room and apologise for being a kid. They are worried.”

“Kibummie-hyung…”

“Kevin, do it.” Kibum smiled, hoping that would reach the other end of the phone line. “I’ll be proud of you if you did. And you know I’m usually unimpressed by your stupid acts. Also, don’t make me reconsider about sending you a fan gift. I like my idol with the brightest smile. And by the way? I’m staring at your present right now.”

“I’m not convinced.” Kevin pouted, turning and leaning against the wall. “Unless you can give me details.”

“Well, I can let you hear me packing it, scribbling your address on it and throwing it up in the sky.” Kibum laughed. “Enough, get back there, okay? And smile for me. Go, go, take a selca and send it to me. I’m hanging up~! Bye!”

“Wait!” Kevin screamed, sighing when the line went dead. “Stupid Kibummie-hyung, always doing things this way.”

His phone vibrated as a message reached his inbox. He opened it curiously, shaking his head at the content.

Get back there, this is an order, stupid fish!

-

The news spread like wildfire. Countless cried, and Kibum felt he had a certain thing he needs to do. He sat down and pushed his work documents aside on his own study table, taking time to construct a perfect explanation even NH media cannot sue him for.

Tears rolled down his eyes as he typed the last words, on how he would miss U-KISS, how they’re more than family, how he will come back out as an entrepreneur.

“Thank you.” Kibum whispered, pressing his face against the sleeve of his T-shirt. “For the support and love I felt for two years at the least.”

He shut down the computer, burying himself yet again in work before he leaves to check on the company.

-

On my way to the company this morning, I received a call from my friend. I was surprised and looked through the internet for 5 hours.

A lot of articles were written and many people were comforting me. Through the comments of the fans and others, I saw a lot of pictures and videos which were filled with memories.

Something that cannot be helped, cannot be helped. Looking at back at everything, I cannot help but to be upset…

I will work hard to show you a good image, be it in my broadcasting activities or Piro-Piro. I worked really hard because I wanted to do well ^_^... Kiss Me I love you... And to the U-Kiss members, I still love you as before, really…

Thank you for reading my whining.

-

“The number you are calling is currently not available. Please try again later.”

Kibum angrily threw his phone into the mess of cardboard boxes. It was the fifth time he tried calling Alexander and he still could not contact the other.

“Please be okay, you stupid rash hyung!” Kibum groaned, punching the wall with frustrations still burning in his chest.

“Why would you switch off your phone at this time, damn it!”

-

The many fans’ reactions only made Alexander feel worse. It felt as if it was his responsibility that his fans were sad. Those that had been there for him through good and bad times.

So he turned up the volume of his speakers, shut the windows and slammed the doors. He was thankful he was living alone at this point of time, not wanting his parents to worry about him if he were to react so violently back at home.

He blasted happy songs, sad songs, rock songs, R&B songs, and every song just seemed to fit his situation perfectly, as if mocking him.

He doesn’t understand why every song fits so well. Even their songs could make him cry even harder, curling into a rounded figure. “You broke my heart, tore me apart.”

A small part of him even thought he heard Dongho wailing. “You are the only one, please don’t leave me.”

U-KISS was everything, and Alexander never thought it would change. “You’re my everything forever. The only one that I hope, you are the one, until the end of time.”

And even if he knew s were against Kibum and him leaving, a small part of him felt the lyrics yelling at him. “Ok, it’s ok, I’m alright without you. Ok, it’s ok, don’t be so conceited.”

Alexander knew, his life was going crazy, and Eli just “had to” voice out Alexander’s feelings towards the one who ruined this life of his.

“You make me pissed off!”

-

“These are the two new members, treat them well.”

Kevin purposely pressed himself into the corner of the room, covering himself with thick jackets and empty boxes. People can call him anti-social for all he cares, because he’s not in the mood of saying hello and getting a new friend just yet.

If fans could accept an indirect (or maybe pretty direct) replacement of Kibum and Alexander, well, good for them. He isn’t as magnanimous or as big-hearted. He needs time, and if anyone pushes him, they suffer consequences.

Kevin Woo isn’t a smiling angel. Kibum gave him that nickname, just because the younger smiles excessively around the joker.

Soohyun tried to be a little friendlier, but the other two were pretty shy and the “senior” members didn’t help the situation. He then decided to make them sit down and talk to him about everything, in an attempt to get closer to someone he would be working with.

Kiseop sighed, joining Soohyun five minutes later. Soohyun was always so concerned about others. When he first joined, it was also Soohyun that helped eased the awkward atmosphere. Kiseop didn’t deem it right to leave Soohyun to the job again.

Eli acted as if his games were more interesting. They were many, but none of them were really fun. He just didn’t feel comfortable about the idea of joking with them.

Dongho closed his eyes in an attempt to memorise his new script. He mumbled almost inaudibly, lips moving faster as he ran through the content.

A gasp, as Kevin stood up and ran out of the practice room without so much of an explanation.

-

“ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!” Kevin yelled, kicking the door harshly. “ALEXANDER LEE EUSEBIO!”

“COMING, FISH.” Alexander screamed back over the booming music, unlocking the door before sighing at Kevin’s figure. “What?”

“Invite me in.” Kevin shrugged, taking off his shoes.

“I refuse to, stand outside.”

“Huh?” Kevin shouted, leaning closer to hear over the loud music.

“COME IN!” Alexander groaned, locking the door after Kevin entered.

The younger strolled in and immediately ran to Alexander’s room, turning down the volume of the speakers. He walked back to Alexander with a bright smile. “Much better.”

“What are you here for?” A raised eyebrow, before the darker of the two checked his watch. “It’s practise time, isn’t it?”

“…” Kevin dropped his head and drew a big circle on the floor. “Well, you can’t nag at me.”

“Of course I can, why can’t-“ Alexander cut himself short, watching a sad face being drawn. “Oh. Well, some relationships never change and you’re still that worrisome daughter.”

“Well, Kibummie-hyung sent me here to check on the troublesome mother.” Kevin shrugged, smiling a little. “You don’t usually blast music. You say it’s bad for our ears. Are you okay?”

“What did Kibum tell you exactly?” Alexander raised an eyebrow, remembering that they were supposed to keep some part of the issue as secret.

“He said he can’t call you and you are very upset about NH media not letting you see us.” The younger sighed. “He said you probably want to make sure I’m all right so he told me to come. Don’t be sad, I’ll meet you up every time you come up with a secret meeting!”

Alexander chuckled, and even if that was not what he really thought of as he cried all morning that day, he nodded. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

-

“Kevin, get over here.” Eli gaped at the news he was reading in English. “Please tell me I haven’t lost touch with the English language.”

“What…?” Kevin blinked, taking over the computer and scanning through the content. There was the original post in Korean inside the article, and Kevin could only gape. “…”

“This…” Eli pointed out at a key sentence, unable to comprehend right. “They…didn’t…?”

“I always thought of the members as more than family. I’m extremely upset that I have to part with them like this, but it was because of my lacking areas which warranted my former agency to desire a member replacement.” Kevin read. He changed his tone and repeated. He tried an even more positive tone but the words came out the same way. “WHAT LACKING AREAS IS HE LACKING? DAMN IT!”

“Kevin, I didn’t call you over to be angry.” Eli rolled his eyes. “Why are they keeping it from us?”

“I don’t care, I’m going to confront them head first.” Kevin stomped off, before getting pulled back and thrown towards the closest thing with a cushion. “What do you want?!”

“They wouldn’t tell you, Kibum-hyung and Xander-hyung have been keeping it from us even after saying that they’ll leave.” The older of the two sighed. “Why are you such an idiot, could you analyse it instead of rushing to talk to someone?”

“You’re the idiot over here, who said I was going to find either of the two?” Kevin angrily yelled, cursing NH media under his breath.

-

“I don’t know what he’s saying. He agreed to leave, Kevin. Calm down.”

“I KNOW HIM! You don’t tell me what he’s not, I know him!” Kevin agitatedly screamed. It took a cup of cold water thrown at him in the face to calm him down. “He’s not like what you said, he wouldn’t leave…I knew it, I just needed his confirmation…”

“Kevin, do you need the contract he signed?”

And that was all that was needed to leave Kevin whimpering in defeat.

-

Kiseop sneaked out of the recording studio after receiving a message from an unknown number.

“Xander-hyung!” Kiseop called out, relieved. “Kibum-hyung wouldn’t accept my calls. I think he got spammed enough by Kevin that he thinks Kevin’s using our phones to reach him. He did abuse Dongho’s phone, after all.”

“No, he deleted all the contacts like NH media did for your phones.” Alexander smiled faintly. “You know how he is, hard on the outside, big softie on the inside. He can’t move on if he doesn’t do that. But seriously, any idiot will know it’s Kevin calling. How’s he doing?”

“Well, he’s not bitterly angry anymore…” Kiseop puffed his cheeks and let out the air slowly. “But he’s horribly sad at what he inferred. The both of you…didn’t leave willingly.”

“So it’s out?” Alexander sighed.

“So it’s true?” Kiseop widened his eyes.

“Yes, it’s true.” Alexander nodded tiredly. “But don’t start crying on me, you still have to film. And how did Kevin end up remembering Kibum’s number? He’s not like you, keeping a list in case you lose your phone.”

“He has a habit of pressing numbers instead of contacts for people he likes.” Kiseop smiled. “He memorised Kibum’s number long ago. Seriously, you should have known.”

“I don’t stalk him the way you stalk every member.” Alexander laughed, patting Kiseop’s bottom twice. “Go on, go back to filming.”

“I’ll miss you.” Kiseop sighed. “I thought we could keep in touch since you guys left willingly and you both wouldn’t want to throw me away. But it seems like they’re trying to erase everything, I’ll miss you even more dearly.”

“Kiseop, don’t make me cry.” Alexander looked away, letting out a big breath of air to try and gain control of his emotions. “Go away.”

Kiseop stayed a little longer despite the older, hugging him from the back. “But I wouldn’t change with time. I’ll love you even more. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, no?”

“Stupid sap.”

-

Soohyun and Eli agreed to corner Kevin. They brought the younger of the three to a side and tried to talk some sense into him. “Kevin, you gotta wake up.”

“Go away!” Kevin cried. “You’re blocking my phone signal!”

“It wouldn’t work, he wouldn’t talk to you.” Soohyun stated harshly. “He wants us to move on, he wants YOU to move on.”

“I don’t believe you.” The younger insistently shook his head. “I want to hear it from him.”

“He’s out of here.” Eli groaned. “Long ago, he’s moving on, you have to move on.”

“HE WOULDN’T LEAVE ME BEHIND!” Kevin screamed, running away from the two and bumping into Dongho in the process. “Dongho, save me! Save me from those two maniacs!”

“Kevin-hyung, it’s all right, don’t bother about them.” Dongho rubbed circles over Kevin’s back as the older one towered over him. “Go away, leave Kevin-hyung alone.”

“Dongho, don’t join him in this.” Soohyun warned sternly.

“Just go away.” Dongho looked back stubbornly.

Eli managed to pull Soohyun away, giving one last worried glance at the two.

“Oh, Dongho!” Kevin wailed, tightening his grip around the younger. “They moved on already, what’s wrong with the world?!”

“Hyung, I have a secret message from Kibum-hyung.” Dongho took in a deep breath. “He told me to take care of you, he told me that you will have to move on. Will you do that, if I give you the secret present he had for you?”

Kevin nodded furiously like a little child naively believing anything his mother said. Dongho was relieved he wasn’t lying to the older member, for it would hurt to see his dejected face. The youngest searched for his phone, before pressing a very big file and turning up the volume.

"Dongho, let Kevin hear this, won't you? Silly boy, always making people around him worry. I know it's him, calling incessantly."

A pause, and a slight clearing of throat. Kevin's heart accelerated in anticipation.

"Kevin, I've been thinking of what to get you day and night. Other than the ones I'm getting everyone, I don't know what personalized one to give you. So here I am, making sure you are well. You've moved on once without me, I'm sure you can do it twice. Don't whine and say I shouldn't do this. I know, but what do I do instead? Listen to your calls and keep you in the past? You know I'd do everything for you, but that's something I wouldn't compromise - your future. I told Dongho to take care of you because everyone knows how you like things soft. Kiseop's dumbly straightforward, Eli's a little harsh, Soohyun-hyung's impatient. Dongho wouldn't hurt you, he likes you too much, and you like him even more. Now...about your present."

Kevin embraced Dongho tightly, making him a temporary bolster as he sobbed. Now that he heard it from Kibum, he didn't like it. He held his breath as the silence lasted longer and longer.

"Listen Kev, what I've done to you, that was my mistake boy. I can't live without you, but we'll move on."

"I love you baby, I'll miss you baby. My life is incomplete, without you girl." Kibum sang the whole song in a small studio he set up, using the instrumental to remake it with only his vocals. “This song always makes me think of you, even though I can't sing it to you now. It's been a long time since I last felt your touch, and now I miss you. The tears I cry every night, oh baby girl. I think of you every minute, every day, please, come back to me once again.”

"Without you, I miss you very much. Without you, please forgive me." Kevin sang along, voice blending with Kibum's slightly lower one. “Without you, you’re the only one I love, can’t live without you.”

"Now I understand, you are my everything."

-

"Keep your passports safe. Kiseop, stop looking around." The manager frowned.

Kiseop kept quiet, he was sort of anticipating Kibum’s surprise visit to the airport, just because. He gave the environment one last scan before sighing in defeat.

Eli felt awkward around Alexander. Someone so close, but he didn't have an idea how he should act around him. Especially now, since fans were staring at their every move. He knows he wouldn’t just suddenly break down into tears, yet he felt so distant right now.

Dongho was nowhere to be seen, Soohyun was chatting casually with the stylists.

Kevin did all the talking, but Alexander didn't feel good enough to reply with the same enthusiasm. The younger of the foreign trio tried to get an idea of what it felt like to not be in U-KISS, more probably wanting to imagine what Kibum was going through instead of easing Alexander’s sadness.

“Are things the same?” Kevin thoughtfully asked. “Or slightly different, or out of the world different?”

Dongho appeared and patted Kevin’s shoulder. “Kevin-hyung…”

“I’ll move on.” Kevin smiled. “Just…wanted to put myself in their shoes. Oh, Xander-hyung, please don’t cry tomorrow. If you do, I will too, and that’s horrible.”

Eli swung his body around as they waited for Alexander’s answer, but the older only nodded. “Xander-hyung…”

“Yes, Eli?” Alexander gently asked, and that broke something in Eli. The fact that it was so gentle, so soft, so not bubbly, so not the Alexander he used to know.

“I-I…” Eli coughed. “Nothing.”

Alexander didn’t probe. Eli didn’t speak.

-

Alexander smiled. He waved. He sang. He danced. He cried. But he smiled.

Soohyun smiled. He waved. He sang. He danced. He sobbed. But he smiled.

Kiseop smiled. He waved. He sang. He danced. He teared. But he smiled.

Eli smiled. He waved. He sang. He danced. He teared. But he smiled.

Kevin smiled. He waved. He sang. He danced. He cried. But he, too, smiled.

Dongho smiled. He waved. He sang. He danced. He blinked the tears away. But he smiled.

-

Kibum was two hours away. He watched. He laughed. He saw Hyungjoon and Jungmin hug*, a friendship that lasted after troubles. He let the lone tear slip. But a part of him trusted the members. And so, he smiled.

-

* = I forgot if it was Jungmin’s event or Hyungjoon’s, but when I heard it, they were in Japan or sth, so the timezone is two hours away

-

This is my longest one shot ever, two parts but I merged them together (hopefully AFF doesn’t eats it up)
Much love to my 38 subscribers, winterflowr, OnlyYours and IceCreamLover who commented on the last update! <3