The party was in full swing. Everyone who was asked to come showed up, so Kokoro’s small apartment was packed. And she was happy. Since her apartment was tucked in a away part of the area it was okay for them to play the music a little loud. The Trio  (Jin, Ryo and Yamapi), the resident alcoholics of J&A, had brought enough alcohol for the entire city. Okay, may that was a little, maybe a lot, overblown but there were more cases than she expected.  Yet, being that most of the party-goers were Japanese the beer would be gone in the blink of an eye.

Despite the apartment being small there were couples that went off to themselves to talk and catch up and just plain have fun. Of course her best friends where there also .

Yuki:  Great party!  *she greeted her friend with a tight hug*  You are coming back, ne?

Kokoro: But of course!! Too many people I love live here now *smiles, she discretely attempts to watch Koki with her eyes*

Yuki: * whispers into her ears*You know its not working, everyone can see how in love you are with him.

Kokoro’s eyes widened at that statement. Her heart begins to beat a little faster as if it was trying to tell her something. Instead of listening to it she just took a deep breath and tried to shrug off the idea.

Kokoro: No, its not love it’s a affectionate “like”

They were both in the kitchen grabbing ice for their glasses that they were refilling with soda pop. They were the only ones that weren’t drinking alcohol of some kind. Kokoro wasn’t because one, she had a flight to catch supper early in the morning and a hangover wasn’t such a good idea for that and secondly she had plans later tonight that required she be sober to complete it. As for Yuki she just didn’t drink at all.

Yuki: Are you still upset over Miguel? Rico and even Eddie for that matter? They are and will always be losers, Koki is totally different then them.

Kokoro: *gently bitting her bottom lip* I know but…

Yuki: But what? Please out of the three us you have to be the one  that makes it in the romance department. I will so not let you doubt your ability to fall in love. I mean real love.  *sighs then shakes her head as if to clear it* You have definitely been around me and Tricia for way too long. I mean Tricia has some man-hate issues that are out of this world and she doesn’t deny it. She gets points for knowing and acknowledging she has issues. Yet she could be so happy if she let a guy into that iceberg of a heart of her’s.

Kokoro: What about you? Are you still paralyed by Kenjiro? *taking her right hand she places it gently onto Yuki’s left forearm* I’m apprehensive about my relationship, true, but I haven’t given up on love, at all. This is me the eternal optimistic romantic remember. I’m just being more realistic about not having my head in the clouds. I expect more from my self now. But you, I still worry about you.

Yuki: *smiles sincerely and thankfully* Don’t worry, little by little I’m getting better. My aniexty is still high but that’s to be expected I’m all alone here in Tokyo.

Kokoro: You’re not alone…

Yuki: I know but my family is in Sendai and I’m here. *she pauses for a moment* You know after all this time I told them.

At that moment Tricia came in to get another beer and noticed that Koko and Yuki had been in the kitchen for some time. She had been hanging out with Minzy and Jin secretly fangirling the entire time but remaining cool on the outside, a really handy skill to have. She should have been an actress she thought.

Tricia: *enters the kitchen* Hey why are you both in here?

Kokoro: Did you know that Yuki-chan told her parents about Kenjiro.

Tricia: *paused in picking up a beer off the counter* Are you serious? *her eyes fill with worry as she looks at Yuki as she come to stand beside her*

Yuki: Yeah. It was the hardest thing I had to do. I…I…I didn’t tell them EVERY THING, just the most important stuff.

Tricia: I know this sounds stupid but how did that take it, especially your dad?

Yuki: *gives a little laugh* Dad took it hard. He ranted and raved that there was such a man to exist in the world and how did he find his only daughter. Then he just held me and cried. We both cried and Mama just held me and told me that everything would be okay.

Kokoro: was this before you came to Tokyo?

Yuki nods.

Tricia: Wow! They let you come after they found out what had happened to you?

Yuki: they didn’t want to but my therapist convinced then that I needed to strike back on my own. That it was part of my healing process that I needed to rediscover the confidence that I once had within my self.  Trust me it took a lot of convincing of them and me. But here I am. I don’t feel any stronger though.

Tricia: May be not yet, but you will. *Kokoro nodded her head in agreement.* So how have things been going with Yuichi. It’s been a month now.

At the mention of Yuichi, Yuki’s face blushed bright red.

Kokoro: Is that a good blush *she couldn’t help but to giggle at the sight of her cute friend*

Yuki: Yes and no. I can’t seem to keep from getting tongue tied whenever I am around him. He is so cute and sweet. But all we’ve done is talk on the phone we haven’t meet up yet. You know not counting this party

Kokoro/Tricia: Why??

~~~~

Koki: What do you mean all the two of you have done is talk on the phone?

Koki and Yuichi have moved off to the side to talk for a moment and catch up. Because of the recording schedule and Yuichi’s filming schedule and school they hadn’t been able to really see each other and talk and that was part fo the reason why Yuki and Yuichi hadn’t gone out.

Koki: You exchanged numbers a month ago and thats it?

Yuichi: You know its been crazy lately.

Koki: Dude! Its been a month already. *Koki raises an eyebrow in question, there was more to this story then Yuichi was letting on* Spill it. Now.

Yuichi: *sighs* I’m scared okay. And if you tell that to anyone else I will beat you to an inch of your life.

Of course Koki didn’t take that threat seriously, because one Yuichi would never go through with because he was so gentle and second he wouldn’t squeal on a friend like that anyway.

Koki: I don’t know what to tell you but being stuck in fear mode will not help the situation.  I mean you’r not proposing to her. Look, just…she’s a friend right? Just don’t think beyond that yet until you’re ready.

Yuichi: That’s kinda hard since I already know I want to like her, I do like her, more than a friend. She is so smart and sweet and beautiful and just so special.

Koki: woah, now who is the cheesy one?

Yuichi: *pushes Koki in the shoulder* shut up! But I get what you’re saying…its just hard…and scary. But the thing is I think she is going through the same thing that I am.

Koki: Yeah, I think so too. Kokoro has hinted that Yuki went through something really tramutic but she is not saying. In any case , that can be a good thing, both of you understand each other. Both of you know what its like to be hurt so both of you will appreciate the other’s feelings.

Yuichi: Yeah…*glances in the direction of the open kitchen*

***

Koki, after talking with Yuichi, had gone off to pull his girlfriend  out of the deep conversation that she, Jin and Ryo were having and they were now sitting in the one of the two armchairs that occupped the living room with Kokoro snugly sitting in his lap his arms wrapped protectively acround her.

Earlier Kokoro had stood talking in the corner he had taken extreme exception when Ryo had so casually placed an arm around her shoulders pulling her close into his space as they appeared to be laughing at some private joke. Koki literally began to see red. Aed and the ng all around him. Hfely sitting in his lap he was willing to forget about her, her warm soft perfume floating all at the point he pulled her from him as he shot Ryo a death glare that under other circumstances people shivered in fear and ran off to hide. Ryo, the dumb , just smiled happily.  Jerk Koki thought.

So at the moment with Kokoro safely sitting in his lap he was willing to forget about her, her warm soft perfume floating all around him. He began to nozzle her neck as she giggled at the feeling.

Tricia: Ugh! I’m about to vomit. Could the two of you stop being so lovey-dovey *Tricia pretended to gag as she turned from them*

Kokoro: Shut Up!  You’re just envious Tri. * she sticks out her tongue as wrapped her arms around Koki’s neck, Koki grinning even more like a fool at the action.*

Tricia sticks her tongue back at her as she stands up, walking out the room to head to the rest room. She vaguely paid attention as the others began teasing the couple about the PDA.

Entering the bathroom she closed and locked the door behind her. Leaning against the door she stayed that way for a moment or two before she signed and walked over to the  toilet, unbuckling her pants so she could pee. After she was done she flushed, and moved to the sink and washed he hands.  She shut off the water. Yet instead of exiting the bathroom she  leaned against the marnble counter and looked at her self in the mirror.

Tricia: Admit it…you are envious. They are so cute together. And Yuki and Yuichi too. Why do I have to be alone?

Remember that  you chose this road.That it is your destiny to be alone. That annoying voice said in her head. Yeah she had chosen that road. And she needed to remind her self of why. The dark scars that marked her jaded heart were there for a reason. And for a split second she bemoaned why she have to carry them inside her. Why couldn’t she have a happier life. JUST BE HAPPY. For a second, only for a second did she dewell in a moment of sadness. She wondered when was the last time she had ever been happy. Had she ever been happy?

Turning back on the water she splashed her face with the cold water, not even caring that she had messed up her makeup, her mask.  Rubbing her hands over her face she rubbed until she couldn’t anymore,the water running from her face making soft sounds as the droplets of water hit the surface of the marble countertop. The water continued to run as she just stared at her self in the mirror, her mascara running in dark lines down her face, her  lipstick smeared a thin streak  running across her check. Now she reflected what her life still felt like even in this change of environment. A mess.

Turning off the water, she grabbed a deep brown towel out of the basket of guest towels that were rolled in a basket by the sink. Opening it up she finished wiping off the makeup revealing the clear radiant skin beneath. Somehow this action and seeing herself without the make up made her feel better. Like she had removed a old scab to reveal the fresh new skin underneath. It felt nice. And Tricia allowed her self to dewell in this emotion. It was much more preferred then depression. She used the  same towel to wipe up the water that splashed on the counter.

Realizing that maybe she had been in the bathroom for too long she throws the damp towel into the open clothes hamper, opening the door to exit. She stops when she sees Junnosuke leaning against the wall. His hands are inside his pockets as he casually lifts his head to look at her as she stands in the doorway.

It had been a few weeks since the incident in her car that night that they had went Karoke, when he had stolen that second kiss. So seeing him was both surreal and annoying.

For as long as she had been a Kat-tun fan Junnosuke Taguchi had been at the bottom of her list. He was someone who because of his dorky personality that she had simply written off as not her type, of performer or person. Although she did like his voice and oddly enough when she had hit her deepest moments of depression it was only his songs that would bring a smile to her face. Always.

But now?  He scared her.

She didn’t know why, but he scared her. His eyes saw too much. Saw too much of her. She felt raw  inside whenever he looked her in the eyes. Like that day, Septemer 11, in the elevator.  That night in the car. Like he saw that scared, scared child that was inside and his eyes telling her he had exactly what she needed. That kiss in the elevator was what she needed. She couldn’t belive that, no one had what she needed. She didn’t even know what she needed.

That ability of his to see past her walls so effortless frighented her because she didn’t want anyone to see her messed up, ed up state of being. And the whole idiocy of the situation was that if to be honest about it Junno hadn’t really done anything to excite this intense level of fear inside her. But every time he came near her her alarm bells went off and her anxiety levels sky rocketed.

She was scared. It didn’t make sense. She had promised her self a long time ago no male would ever have any kind of effect on her. And none ever had…until Junnosuke Taguchi.

He was looking at her with those sharp eyes again.

Tricia cleared , shifted her eyes from his and tried to walk past him without another word.

Tried because Junno stopped her. He straightened his body and effectively blocked her exit, forcing her to look him in the eyes. He didn’t say anything for a moment which unnerved her more.

Tricia: Would you move? I would like to return back to the party.

And with that she made a move to walk around him, but he grabbed her arm stopping her.

Junno: I realized from the beginning you were more than you seemed. *he turned her head to view her profile as she stotically looked forward. He leaned over and whispered into her ear.* I can see you. You don’t have to be afraid any more. To don’t have to appear so strong you know.

Tricia’s eyelids blinked for a few seconds before she slowly turned her head and looked into Junno’s eyes. There was a softness there.

Tricia: How did you know I’m protending?

Tricia’s eyes widened as she quickly realized what she had admitted.

But before Junnosuke could answer they were interrupted.

Yuki: Guys? Am I interrupting something?

Yuki looked hesitate. There was a strange vibe between the two as the blocke the hallway to the bathroom.

Tricia: *smiles* Nope! Just having a quick conversation. I’m done.

And shaking Junno’s hold off her arms she walks away.

***

After that the party was winding down. It was beginning to get late and both Jin and Kokoro aka Lolita needed to get some rest since they were flying out at 6am to LA. Yampi had already left as he had to do some traveling related to work in the morning while Jin had left with Minzy, siting that Minzy’s dorm was on the way to his apartment. There was something definitely weird between the two, Kokoro make a mental note to observe the two of them more while they were in the States. And Dara had left shortly after them.

So all that was left was  Yuichi, Yuki and Ryo.

Kokoro: Yuichi? What do you think I should get for Koki for his birthday next month? I know that I will be back way after his b-day but I can’t let it go without something. I already have plans but I think I need to do something more.

Yuichi: what do you have planned?

Kokoro: I would rather not say…but you’ll find out soon. But seriously…..

Ryo: Meat!

Yuichi: That’s simple and cheap. *scoffs*

Yuki: well what do you suggest?

Yuichi: mmmm…I don’t know…I’ve know Koki for what? Over ten years now? And its still hard to pick a gift for him. Besides I’m bad at gift and stuff. Its not my talent.

Ryo: as are a lot of things. I have an idea.

Kokoro: What?

Ryo doesn’t say it in words but if his leechous look is any clue Kokoro figured it out as well as Yuichi and Yuki because the began blushing embarrassingly.

Kokoro: RYO!!

Ryo: What? It’s the perfect gift for any guy on his birthday…hmmm…

Kokoro: be that as it may, I’ll come up with another idea.

Yuichi: good idea. *turning to Yuki* You took a taxi here right? *Yuki nods her head* I’ll drive you home. You have work tomorrow right?

Yuki: Yeah. If you don’t mind I would like that.

Kokoro: Laters you guys! Be safe!

And out they left.

Kokoro: Don’t you think you need leave Baka?

Honestly, Kokoro didn’t mind Ryo. After all he was handsome, y and wicked fun to be around but she wanted to be alone with Koki now and Ryo being there was cramping that. And besides, she sensed that anytime Ryo was around her Koki got very agitated. She smiled she couldn’t believe that Koki was jealous of Ryo. Ryo could never compare to Koki.

Ryo: Not until I convince you to ditch Koki and fall in love with me.

Kokoro out right laughed at that. She knew without a doubt that Ryo was playing and that he was secretly seeing someone although he refused to even hint at who she was.

Ryo at that exact moment out of the corner of his eyes say Koki enter back into the room. He took that moment to push Koki’s buttons. He pulled Kokoro into her lap and kissed her.

Koki: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!

TBC…

A/N: What? *LOL* Its been what forever since I last updated. I hope this is worth the wait. Gosh I missed this.  Feeling tense right now and the months of JUNE-JULY have been stress FUL to say the least.  But I am still here and standing strong, by the grace of God.

Please comment and let me know what you think! *besos*

And Birdie…thanks for the  suggestions!!