Koki had wondered off to a spot away in the park as Rei and Kokoro sat on the swing set and talked. Watching them interact made him smile; they were so much alike, even if Kokoro didn’t want to admit it. It was kawaii!

As he was watching them with a gentle smile on his face his phone started to vibrate in his pants pocket. He still had it on silent and hadn’t taken it off yet (he had forgotten). Thinking that it was his brother letting him know that he and Ren had arrived at Ren’s place okay, he flipped it open without looking at the caller id.

Koki: Hello?

There was a pause…

Erina: Koki?

Koki’s smile from his face disappeared and anger replace it. Before Koki could say or do anything Erina spoke.

Erina: Koki, I just called to see how you were. I’ve been missing you and just wanted to know that you were okay.

Koki: Uh hmm

Erina: I’m serious.

Koki paused a moment here.

Koki: Why did you call me? Matter of fact where in the hell did you get this number? You know it’s over.

Erina:  Koki… *there was a slight pleading tone*

Koki: I’m fine okay. What did you want?

Koki got straight to the point.

Erina: I was just in town and wanted to know how you were.

Koki: I am fine. There was no need to call me. I told you not to call me anymore. I am quite serious about that. Look, I need to go. Bye.

With that Koki disconnected the ing line.

Once he hung up the line he pulled up the call log and noticed that she had blocked her number so that all that came up were zeros, 000-0000, What the hell?  Koki thought. Quickly programming his phone to not accept calls from a blocked number he angrily snapped it shut and put it back in his pocket. Koki retreated into his thoughts as he contemplated the scene that had just taken place. Pulling out his phone and going to the notes section he  began typing out his frustrated feelings.

             I am stunned. My heart is pounding. That was a virtual turbulent emotional roller coaster. One that I was not expecting or anticipating. Those were the words I would use to describe that telephone conversation with my ex-girlfriend. Out of the blue Erina decides she would call me? How in the hell had she gotten this number? I had changed it! To be honest she totally got to me, making me upset. And I’m pretty sure she could sense it.

            She had driven me to the point of insanity it seemed. But I had no one to blame but myself for this. I mean Erina did need to be blamed, a lot actually, for the end of our two year relationship but I wasn’t completely unblemished in the sorted drama that had quickly become my life during that time with Erina.

            See, I had my serious suspicions about Erina stepping out on me. The small signs where there. You know the ones I am talking about...the phone call that she never wanted to take while you were with her, the unfamiliar cologne smells that clung to her after I wouldn’t hear from her in days. I even had a confrontation with an “ex” of hers when he had came to see her when I had unexpected rolled up on her at her apartment. Yet through all that stress, drama, and doubt with her and myself I had stayed. Two years I had stayed.

            Why the hell did I wait so long to come to my senses? It was all because I wanted to make it work. At 24 almost 25 years old I am unmarried and had never had a serious romantic relationship. And it didn’t help that I still lived for my family. I wanted a family of my own…which explains my “children”, stand-ins for the human children I want to have…and yes I want more than two…I want five or more. A house full  of kids, to shower love and affection on and a wife, the mother of my own little monsters, to pamper, spoil and give a different kind of love too.

 I had a job I loved and family that had my back, but no romance, no spice, nothing that looked as if it was going to turn into something wonderful, magical and special, ya know? I was so caught up in theidea of someone being in love with me that I just let slide for too damn long. And the last straw had been when I had my very real feelings thrown back into my face, a blatant disregard for who I was and how I felt inside. And she was cheating on me, the last straw that damaged my heart.

Erina was a prick. (Can you even call a girl a prick??)

And I didn’t need that in my life.

And you know what? Letting go of Erina was the easiest thing I have ever done.

The hardest was realizing that I may need to let the dream of me being part of a pair go. That love was not in the cards for me...

Was I caught up in the idea of something that wasn’t even meant for me…

As if his heart and inner being knew better, as Koki was contemplating on that last thought his eyes landed on Kokoro who was still sitting on the swings next to her mother Rei and that last depressing thought disappeared like a mist from his mind.

Kokoro made him seriously believe that he was meant for love, could love, sincerely, and be loved sincerely in return…and that hope made him feel light and happy…he just needed to be patient and wait this out…And totally screw Erina.

***

Rei: I’m glad you came…I was afraid that you wouldn’t.

Kokoro: I thought about it, but my friends help me see that I need to talk to you. Express my feeling…and come to terms with my anger and all that Psychology stuff you read about all the time. *gives a small laugh* So…

Rei: *smiles sadly* I bet you are wondering why I brought you here to a park of all places…I used to daydream about pushing you on the swings and playing in the sandbox. That was one of my most cherished wishs. *sighs* Kokoro it was never my intention to ever leave you, nor did I want to. But still I was very selfish, and not only hurt you and your but in the long run hurt myself…Sometimes I wished that I could go back in time and change every mistake that I every made…

Kokoro didn’t say anything for a moment or two then she looked over at her mother and sensed something that she had not before…her sincerity and longing. The same longing that she herself felt.  Her inner heart began to melt.  Could she trust her mother? Why did she feel so torn.?

Kokoro:  If you could...would you have not had me? *she keeps her head down as she gently sways back and forth on the swings*

That was  something that she had been asking all her life. Did her mother ever regret having her?

Rei: *biting her lips her heart heavy hearing the question* no, meeting your father and having you. Those are my most happy memories.

Kokoro: *smiles happily at that statement (she couldn’t help it, hearing that made her happy)* Then can I ask something of you? *Rei nods her head* Why did you leave? Dad said it was because you were made to? What did he mean.

Rei: *sighs* Koko how much do you love your dad?

Kokoro: hmm. A lot. I would do whatever he asked…you know most of the time…I didn’t like disappointing him… *looks curiously at her mother*

Rei: Well that is the same for me…and my dad, Johnny-san, asked me to end the marriage and to come back to Japan.

Kokoro: Why would he ask you to leave your child!!!

Rei: Its more complicated then  it seems…yet I can’t and won’t deny that he was wrong in asking that of me or even excuse the mistake I made in leaving.  But  I don’t think I should explain why he did what he did only he is qualified to do that.

Kokoro: they why did you?

Rei: *looks off for a long moment then looks at Kokoro* I ask myself that question every day.

Kokoro: *widens her eyes* What kind of answer is that!!!

She stand up from the swing, her anger is starting to brew. What kind of lame excuse is that? An “I don’t know” answer.

Kokoro: Is that the best that you can say to your emotionally scarred daughter? YOU WONDER ABOUT THAT EVERY DAY! You want to know what I wondered for the past 24 years? I asked my self what did I do that was so wrong that my mother abandoned me? Did she hate me? Did I not met up to your standards? That’s why…, that’s why I worked so hard to graduate from high school with a 4.00 GPA and from college Summa Laude…, so that you would be proud of me. That why I entered into the music business because it was the world that you came from, I wanted to show you I was worth it....*that last part was whispered*

At this point Koki had walked up to them. Coming to stand behind Koko he didn’t say anything but watched it play out.

Rei stands up to…she desperately wants to reach out to her daughter but seeing the anger she dares not try to.

Kokoro: And that all you have to say? *angry tears begin to fall*

Koki sensing the sadness and anger she had came closer to her and wrapped her in his arms.

Koki: ummm…Rei-san,  I think that we need to call it a night, ne?

There is a moment of silence between all of them. Then Kokoro break the silence again.

Kokoro: I'll see you the day that we leave for the tour.

Rei: Yeah…

Koki: You ready?

Kokoro nods, Koki bows to Rei-san.

Koki: we’ll talk later. Come on babe’s I’ll take you home.

Rei: Wait!!!.....I’ll drive you both home.

At that Kokoro and Koki exchanged a look. Kokoro didn’t really want to take her home but Koki nodded that they should let her. She sighed in resignation. Although both felt uncomfortable due to how the meeting turned out, yet  Koki knew that they couldn’t be childish about it. They followed Rei to her car and got in.

There was no conversation between the three of them and before they knew it, Rei had pulled up in front of Kokoro’s place.

Unbuckling her seat belt, she looked towards the back seat and smiles apoplectically at her boyfriend. He smiles back in understanding.

Kokoro: Bye Koki… *mouths ‘come by later’ to Koki; Koki smiles widely in agreement; Although she really didn’t want to at the moment she acknowledge Rei* Bye Rei-san…

She gets out the car and walks slowly to the door of her apartment then entering it, Rei and Koki watching as the first room lights come on. After a minute of making sure that, all is okay, Rei looks at Koki who is still sitting in the back seat his eyes watching the lights of Kokoro apartment.

Rei:  Koki…come sit up here. I’m not chaffering you, baka.

Koki pulling his eyes from the view of his girlfriend apartment and moves to the front seat, then Rei shifted back into drive and merges back into traffic. Realizing that she did not have  much time she got straight to the point.

Rei: What’s your intention towards my daughter? 

Koki wasn’t surprised at the question, after all he had been expecting it. He was just extremely thankfully that it was Johnny-san. He inwardly shuddered at the mere thought.

To love her…was the first thought that entered his mind, but Koki wasn’t sure if he wanted to express that thought at the moment.

Koki: To know her, have fun with her…to see what these feelings are that are inside me…to be happy with her…

Koki wasn’t sure if what he said made any sense at all. But when he glanced over at Rei she appeared to be satisfied with the answer that he gave.

Rei: Okay…just a reminder…if you make her cry I will literally draw and quarter your body and bury the parts where no one will ever find you…get me?

The way that Rei said that with a erie calm, totally unnerved him and when he noticed the cold steel in her eyes he knew that she was serious. Okay…

Koki: I hear you, and I promise I won’t disappoint you. *after a moment of observing her he asked* You really care about her don’t you?

Rei: hai…I really do.

It was at that moment that Rei pulled up in front of his condo complex.  Opening the door he got out bending down once he was outside the door and thanked Rei once again for the ride.

Rei: just remember what I said.

Koki nodded in agreement, closing the door. He knew that she would watch him enter the building so he went inside. He waited until she drove off and was about to head back out when the night security guard stopped him.

Fuijsawa-san:  Tanaka-san…

Koki stops and greet the man.

Koki: Hello, Fujisawa-san, how are you tonight.

Fujisawa: Good, ummm….you have a guest waiting upstairs for you. Its been a while since I saw him so I was surprised. He is a little drunk though. However, he has been waiting at your front door for about twenty minutes.

At that Koki paused. What guest?

Koki: A guest?

Fujisawa nodded then pointed to one of the monitors. It showed the private hallway that led to Koki’s condo apartment and who should be leaning against his doorway pretending to be asleep but Jin Akanishi.

***

Akanishi Jin is inebriated. He is wasted. He is totally smashed. He was drunk. He was any term or slang that you wanted to use to express when someone was totally out of it due to alcohol. Jin didn’t know when he had become so drunk that he had became so bold as to come to Tanaka Koki’s apartment. He could vaguely hear the sound of the elevator arriving to Koki’s floor and dinging open.

The sound of footsteps approaching could be heard and somehow above the dull buzzing in his brain he registered the sounds. Koki’s back home. Jin hadn’t been sure if Koki would be home tonight as he and Kokoro had been hanging out with friends. Yes, Jin was aware of the karaoke outing, he had been invited actually but had declined, as he was sure Koki would have been pissed if he had shown up.

He was mildly surprised that Koki had come home. If I had a hot girlfriend like Kokoro I would be over there right now making out with her. However, thankfully Koki had not because tonight was the night that he and Koki are going to hash it all out. Whether Koki wanted to or not.

Koki was not pleased to see Jin at his place right now and not in the state that he was currently in. Koki knew that he and Jin needed to hash everything out and hear whatever Jin had to say, something that Koki had not done up until this point.

Although Koki really wanted to just leave Jin sitting there he knew that he should not nor could he. Besides, he was blocking his front door. Squatting down in front of Jin he gently shook Jin’s shoulder.

Koki: Jin?

Jin opened his eyes, which were haze with drink. Showing his signature smirky smile he greeted Koki.

Jin: So you came! I wasn’t expecting you to be honest.

Unlike the average drunk Jin’s speech was not slurred, in that respect he was able to handle his alcohol. But once he stood up it became apparent that he was drunk to the way he dangerously swayed almost falling on Koki. If Koki hadn’t grabbed him wrapping his arms around him he would have. Sighing in resignation he pulled his house key out of his pocket. Well, there goes the rest of my evening. Opening the door, he walked in dragging Jin into the living room unceremoniously dumping him on the sofa. Hanging his keys up in the key ring near the door he fished his phone out pressing the speed dial number 1.

Kokoro: Alo?

Koki: Hey babes I have a situation. Jin’s here. And he’s drunk so I can’t get there tonight.

Kokoro: What!? Drunk! He must have been thinking about you to show up there. So what are you going to do?

Koki: I don’t know. Call Pi or Ryo and get them to take him home since I don’t have my car.

Kokoro who after having some conversations with Jin and Koki about what had happened between them before she had arrived in Japan. Knowing that Koki only had part of the picture she sensed that although Jin was drunk this was good opportunity for Koki to find out what happened. And hopeful his would go off better then her’s had.

Kokoro: Koki, its late. Don’t call Pi or Ryo…Talk to Jin tonight…obvious Jin really wants to, ne?

Koki: *signs* Yeah I guess so…But what if I don’t want to*says in a whiny tone*

Kokoro:*laughs* then you know what I say to that? Put on your big boy pants and deal with this. I’ll call you tomorrow…

Koki: Yeah, Yeah…

They both disconnect the line after whispering words of goodnight. Then Koki snapped his phone closed turning to Jin wondering what the hell he was suppose to do now.

***