If (만약에) - Taeyeon

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6/1/14

    Jessica lived alone. It was a big house, it was quiet, it was empty. Just the way she liked it.

    But now, without the presence of Taeyeon, who she had gotten so used to within the space of about two weeks, the house actually felt empty. For years she had lived alone, but she wasn’t lonely, no, not one bit. For her, solitude was always a choice, a choice she had picked regardless of the situation. For the first time in her life, she felt lonely. She was used to being alone, but she wasn’t lonely. And now, she was alone; she was fine with that, but why did she feel as though something was missing? And why was that something Taeyeon?

    Loneliness is terrible.

    Jessica knew that firsthand, which another reason why she was so reluctant to form any kind of bond with anyone at all. She hated being lonely, so she made it seem as if she chose to be alone. It had been like that since she was a child.

    But that was her fault, wasn’t it? Everything was her fault, she just realised it earlier thanks to her “loving” father. The one who told her it wasn’t okay to cry. The one who made her do the exact opposite of what made her happy. It wasn’t just him, her mother too. She told her it wasn’t okay to have feelings. They programmed her to only feel pain and happiness. Happiness was the default emotion. Pain was what she felt when she wasn’t feeling happy.

    But what she felt when she was away from Taeyeon wasn’t pain, it was more of an ache. Especially in her heart.

    When Taeyeon spoke her abrupt confession, she was shocked. Definitely. Not because she was repulsed, but because she didn’t have any idea how to react to the situation. 

    Slid downwards, leaning against the wall. Staring at the surface opposite, she tried to say the words she had heard earlier.
“I…l-l-loooouuhhhhh oh mothering hell,” her head slumped into her knees. It was so stupid, how she couldn’t say three simple words, not even to anyone in particular. It was so stupid that she could only say those words if they were part of a song. 

    There were so many things she would have liked to express, and she decided to express them in the healthiest way she could.

    Music.

    Grabbing her guitar, she threw on a warm jacket and walked out into the cold night, to the park. It was empty, she was alone with only the lights for company. Sitting down whilst leaning against the trunk of a tree, she began to play.

    She did the only thing she knew how to do.

    She sang.

    She made music.

    And her surroundings slowly faded away and she was alone with herself.

    Just the way she liked it.

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It's pretty short

BUT WAIT

THERE'S MORE

In the next update of course

which I shall try to complete as soon as I can

Till then, my good people :)