Symptoms (상사병) - SHINee

_______________________________________________________________________________________________
6/1/14

    Sometimes Jessica wondered why she was working at the bar. It was actually quite a depressing place, you came in broken-hearted and you left drunk. That is, unless you were Taeyeon, who went in happy and left even happier (because she got to see Jessica). 

    Honestly, the reason Jessica could be bothered to continue working there was because singing was the one thing that she couldn’t live without—if she didn't sing there, there would be no reason to even open anyway. Her bandmates hated her, but that was okay, she didn’t give a . 

    Maybe that wasn’t so honest.

    She did like her bandmates, but she was always too afraid to approach them and start a conversation for fear of being looked down on. Jessica had always been the type of person to shy away from people whom she thought were ‘too good’ for her. Maybe that was why she tried to stay away from Taeyeon. As much as Jessica liked her, the fact that her brain had decided that it would be best for her to be constantly thinking of Taeyeon at random points in the day scared her, a lot. The attraction was undeniable— she acknowledged it, she submitted to it, but it was pulling her too far down and soon she would be deep into the abyss. Jessica was afraid. Jessica was always afraid, afraid of everything, and yet afraid of nothing. In this case, she was afraid of this strange feeling being around Taeyeon gave her. 

    To any ‘normal’ person, the feeling Jessica was experiencing would be defined as ‘love’, but her emotions were so screwed up she didn't know whether the bubbly feelings in her chest and stomach were the beginnings of a panic attack or something positive. 

    It was a long time since she last had a panic attack and it wasn’t something she was looking forward too.

    Maybe it would be best to stay away from Taeyeon.

    Meanwhile, Taeyeon sat at her desk, one cheek against the smooth wood as she drew. While she absent-mindedly doodled, she heard the sound of approaching footsteps but did not look up, because she already knew who it was.
“Hello, Sunny,” she smiled.
“Waddup Tae,” Sunny moved and sat on the empty space of the table so she was able to see  what Taeyeon was drawing. “Is that your new obsession?”
“She’s not an obsession, Soonkyu, she is my crush.”
“Ooohh you mean that one, from Yuri’s bar?”
“Don’t objectify her,” Taeyeon finally looked up and gave Sunny a light slap on her shoulder.
“It seems like you’re her knight in shining armour.”
“Her name is Jessica Jung. And, I don’t know,” Taeyeon gave an exasperated sigh, “she doesn’t like people very much, I mean, she said it wouldn’t work out if we became friends.
Taeyeon abandoned her drawing, letting the pencil roll on the table.
“Well, she is pretty, I gotta say that.”
“Don’t think about it Sunny.”
“I was just kidding, sheesh.”
“I think she has some sort of anxiety.”
“I’m not going to ask why you think that, Miss psychology major, I don’t want a lecture,” said Sunny as she hopped off the desk.
“I worry about her,” Taeyeon frowned.
“What you should be worried about is the kid sticking her head out the window.”
“Oh no no no no no no no Eunmi get down for there it’s dangerous!” Taeyeon rushed frantically over to the girl leaning out of the window, balanced precariously on a stool. As she scooped the girl up in her arms, Sunny began exiting the room, “I seriously don’t understand why you decided to be a kindy teacher when you could be a much higher paid psychologist.”
“I could also have been an artist, but hey I didn’t choose the kiddy life, the kiddy life chose me,” Taeyeon chuckled.
“Whatever. Anyway, I have to go now.”
“Just get out, the sooner the better.”
“I love you too,” Sunny rolled her eyes.

    Sunny headed over from Taeyeon’s classroom to her café, which she owned and worked at. Since it was a Monday and most people were working, business was relatively slow, she could afford to slack off and make a few experimental coffees.
“Ugh,” she spat out the fresh, bitter concoction in , “never mix coffee with yoghurt ew. I think I need to burn my taste buds.”
“Boss, we have thirty different types of coffee on the menu, why do you keep making— I mean— trying to make more?”
“Excuse me Choi Sooyoung, I pay you to work here, not to criticise m—are you eating out of the reject pile?”
“What? It’s not like you were gonna use these for anything, right?” Sooyoung shrugged nonchalantly.
“Yeah, but—ugh I give up. Just keep eating, you pig.”
“I wasn’t planning on stopping anyways.”
Sunny turned away in exasperation, her attention falling on the only customer in the shop.
“She looks familiar,” Sunny thought as she tried to remember where she had seen the girl before.
“Heeyyy…I know, that’s Taeyeon’s crush!” she exclaimed.
“Who? That girl? She comes in like, everyday.” Sooyoung said, peering over Sunny’s shoulder.
“Really?!” Sunny was confused. If Jessica did come in every day, how was the only time she had seen her was in Taeyeon’s drawing?
“Yeah, she normally orders a cappuccino and then just sits there staring off into the distance, like now. She’s been there for..” Sooyoung turned to look at the clock, “about two hours now. Yup.”

    Sunny studied the girl as thoroughly as she could from where she was standing. Jessica seemed very detached from the rest of the world, was drawn into a straight line. However, it was her eyes that caught Sunny’s attention. Though it was hard to see, Jessica’s eyes were blank; Sunny didn’t need to be directly in front of her to know that. They weren’t just blank because of the fact she was spacing out, Sunny knew. It was obvious to her that Jessica was empty on the inside (Sunny liked to think that the eyes were the window to a person’s soul).

    Pulling out her phone, Sunny sent a text to Taeyeon.
“You’re off work now right? Come over. Jessica’s here, Sooyoung said she’s been here for about 2 hours.”

    Taeyeon was just packing up the empty classroom when she heard her phone chime.
“Jessica?” She hurriedly put on her coat and beanie and walked over to the café. It was freezing outside, the her breath was visible as she sighed at the gloomy atmosphere. 

    As she pushed open the door, a bell chimed, catching Jessica, Sooyoung and Sunny’s  attention. Sooyoung and Sunny merely glanced up, nodding in acknowledgement and went about their business. Jessica, however, immediately felt tense and looked away almost as soon as she saw Taeyeon. “Again?!” she thought. When Taeyeon sat down at her table, just across from her, she flinched visibly—they all saw it.
“Hi,” Taeyeon smiled gently.
Jessica groaned internally, “why?”
“Apparently you’ve been here for a long time.”
“So?”
“You should go home.”
“There’s nothing for me there.”
Taeyeon was very close to giving up. But she didn’t. Instead she stared deeply into Jessica’s eyes, just like she did on New Year’s day. It was addicting, staring into her eyes; it felt like she was being into an infinite space. There was no way for her to describe the allure of Jessica’s eyes, other than to draw and paint them over and over again, her eyes were a drug. Taeyeon had never felt so cold before, and the shivers that ran down her spine every time she so much as glanced into the middle of those piercing eyes, it was refreshing, exhilarating, dangerously exhilarating.

    For Jessica, looking into Taeyeon’s eyes was also like a drug. When she looked into them, she felt nothing but warmth and ‘love’, something she had been craving for so long it actually hurt to look for extended periods of time. But still, she craved it, she longed for it. She could feel herself being physically bathed by the warmth—and the it would vanish as soon as she looked away. Like a moth to light, she was attracted greatly, but she knew it would hurt her, it did hurt her. Taeyeon was like the moon to her, something so amazing and beautiful, something that appeared so close but was so far away, and no matter how much Jessica tried to reach out to her, the distance was too great. The distance she created herself.

    As they stared at each other in silence, Taeyeon felt her heart beating faster, extremely fast, to the point she thought it might have exploded. Jessica felt no different. The feeling she felt made her feel sick. Like she might throw up.
“J-j-jessica?” for the first time in all their meetings, Taeyeon had lost her confidence.
Jessica said nothing, only slightly nodded.
“I-I think I love you.”
And with those words, Jessica felt the feelings in the pit of her stomach explode and she heated up as though she had a fever. Stammering incomprehensibly, she stumbled out of her chair, almost tripping over the chair legs, and fumbled out of the door, still unable to process what happened within the last five minutes.

    As she watched the receding figure of Jessica eventually fade into the bleak winter sky, Taeyeon regretted everything she had said. She slumped dejectedly over the table, softly banging her forehead against the hard surface, silently cursing herself for her stupidity.

    Jessica, on the other hand, stopped walking, realising she was on the road to nowhere, and stood in the falling snow, thoughts rushing and chest thumping. If Taeyeon was the cause of her discomfort, why did she yearn for her company? Why did the spaces between her fingers feel so empty, as though nothing would fill up the gaps adequately but the dainty fingers of Taeyeon?

    And most of all, what was this strange feeling? It was scary, it was mysterious, thereby adding to the intimidation, but it was new, it was refreshing, and it was somewhat warm. Even with her extensive vocabulary, there was no way she could explain it— all the words in the world would not be enough.

    But then again, love has no explanation.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
 

Is the song describing Taeyeon or Jessica? 

Or both?

Aw geez.I'm really bad at planning things out.

I have a few chapters written.

BUT THEY'RE THINGS THAT ONLY HAPPEN AFTER A LONG TIME.

SHEESH

(Thanks for subbing and commenting aND UPVOTINNGG YAAAYYY)