Author’s note    : inspired by a passage by Aaron Freeman about why you’d want a physicist to speak at your funeral, I borrowed some excerpts from the passage as well.

February 14th

Valentine’s Day.

I was up in the lab, working on my latest research of heavy ions and quark-gluon plasma, when I felt a sharp pain in my head. Before I knew what was happening I heard a loud noise, then lost my hearing. I remember falling, but don’t recall hitting the ground.

I lay unconscious on the floor until someone found me. I woke to find people hovering around me, wiping me down as I was sweating profusely. They were asking me questions, and although I could hear them I was unable to respond.

I was told that an ambulance was on the way. I insisted it was completely unnecessary and that I would be fine in a few minutes, but Daesung, being the usual hardheaded person he is, didn’t bother to even listen to me.

The ambulance arrived and took  me to hospital and all the initial tests were clear. Dara arrived and I said to her that I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. She looked at me. Those pair of  lovely brown irises were filled with worry when she told me the brain scan result was out. They found bleeding in my brain.

From that moment on I felt like I was floating near the ceiling, looking down at myself, watching everyone rush around me. I was taken to another hospital, where I had neurosurgeons waiting for me. Everything changed then and there.

I was in theatre from 4pm until 11.00pm. When I came out of the surgery my doctor informed my family that I had suffered from a ruptured aneurysm. Turned out I have been carrying not only one, but three aneurysms all the while. One of them just happened to burst out this morning.

Although I had experienced regular headaches and migraines I had put them down to tiredness, stress and computer-related tension. I was a social smoker, but I was also a fit 29-year-old vegetarian, with no family history of or aneurysms. Jeez, who would’ve thought?

February 17th

I had the artery coiled yesterday in an attempt to stop the bleeding, which is much less invasive than brain surgery. The procedure seemed to work and the next day I was talking.

My beautiful Dara is with me all the time and hasn’t moved an inch from my side. She’s sleeping soundly on the armchair beside me. I feel sorry for troubling her, and even more sorry for being the cause of two dark circles under her eyes. She must’ve been exhausted.

Dee, if you ever read this, believe me we can go through this together. I’m a physicist, not a romanticist, so maybe I couldn’t find better words to express how I feel about you. Right here, right now.

You are the invisible dark matter that makes up most of my universe.

I love you. Profoundly.

February 19th

My condition went downhill quickly. A neurosurgeon advised Dara and my family that the coiling had not been successful and that I would need to have brain surgery. The risks of this surgery were , induced coma, memory loss and death. My poor Dara had to sign the consent form to proceed, which is the hardest thing she has ever had to do.

“I’m scared, Seunghyun,” she whispered in my ear. I held her tighter and exhaled the sweet scent that came out of her hair.

She tried her best to appear strong and unfazed, but I could feel her body was slightly trembling.

“I know Baby,” I kissed the top of her head.

I’m scared too.

February 26th

I underwent brain surgery to clip the artery. Before the surgery, my partner and family said their goodbyes not knowing if they would see me alive again.

After five long hours of surgery, the doctor informed everyone that I was awake and fine. The five days following the initial bleed are critical as the brain has an increased risk of “spasming”, which can lead to  and death. The artery in my brain that ruptured affects the ear, nose and throat region, and as a result I wasn’t able to swallow solids so I needed to have a feeding tube. The tube was inserted through my nose and ended up in my throat, where they pumped liquid foods through. The insertion of the tube was the most traumatic and uncomfortable experience of the whole ordeal. It felt like someone was extracting my brain through my nose, which was obviously very uncomfortable.

I underwent multiple tests to monitor my progress, and I lived with a tr