Broken

I watch her sitting there at the other side of the room. She was always looking out the window. It has only been a month since she started attending our class. They said she was a couple of years older but she looked like she was a junior high student and not a sophomore in high school like the rest of us.

She was wearing her parka on complete with the hoodie covering her head and for some reason the teachers didn’t seem to care that she‘s like that during class. It’s strange that they paid no attention to her exceot I, Choi Seung Hyun. I can’t seem to get my eyes off her.

Our first encounter was not in school. I have seen her before when I first arrived in this place. Jeju is a paradise for visitors and for people wanting a vacation but it loses its appeal when you know you’re being banished from your normal life. I was sulking while on the bus ride when I first saw her. She was standing by a dangerous cliff. I was on the bus and we were going through the zigzag roads on my way to town where my parents shipped me to live with a relative for being a delinquent. She was standing there while I gaped at her all worried that she might jump off the precipice. But she probably heard the bus coming and for a few seconds our eyes met and I saw her faint smile.  I knew from that moment on that hidden behind that hoodie is the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen.

“So since it’s February our topic for discussion would be Valentine’s Day,” our teacher said, which woke me up from my daze. The whole class erupted with whistling from the guys and some cat calls and giggles from the girls but there she was still in her own little world looking out the window.

“So pair up and come up with a small presentation about Valentine’s Day. Share with the class what you think it is it about? What does it signify? Give us an insight or perspective of why we celebrate Valentines,” he added. As soon as the bell rang the students started moving towards the direction of their partner prospects. I even had a few invitations myself.

“Seung Hyun-ah, will you be my partner,” a girl named Yoona asked and I politely refused. A few others who I think were called Yuri and Hyuna approached me too but I answered no to them as well.  I tried to avoid the girls from my class except one whom I eventually end up following up to our school building’s rooftop.

I was delighted to see that she didn’t have her hoodie covering her head. She looks very pretty; apparently she bleached her hair and added pink highlights. I would have hated to see that hair color on anyone except on her. She looked perfect. Then I realized she was sitting at the edge over the safety railing.

 ‘Are you going to follow me the whole day,” she suddenly spoke. I didn’t even know she noticed me.

“Uhm  Sandara-shi, I was wondering do you have a partner for our English class,” I eventually plucked up the courage to ask.

“No, I don’t and you can just call me Dara,” she replied as she looked at me. She was sitting on the edge with her legs hanging. One wrong move and I fear that she might fall 6 stories down to her death. “Do you want to do it with me,” she suddenly asked.

My mind was in the gutter,” I’m sorry,” I muttered.

She smiled. “I asked if you want to do it with me, the project I mean,” she clarified.

“Of course,” I exclaimed sounding almost a bit too eager. I use to be very cool in my old school and I have to say that I am almost the same status in this school but in front of her I am a puddle of dorkiness.

“That’s settled then. You’ll be my partner. Thanks for working hard in advance,” she said as she stood up and went over the railing and headed towards the entry door.

“Wait. I can’t do it myself we have to do it together. We’ll be discussing it to class together after all,” I reasoned. I was never good with school work let alone do it for both of us.

“I hate valentines,” she almost whispered as she passed by me. “Did you know that Valentines was based on the concept of St. Valentine’s death,” she said a-matter-of-factly.

“I know,” I lied. I thought Valentines was a commercialized holiday that the business sector promotes to squeeze money off gullible consumers.

“Really,” she challenged.

“Then let’s just combine what we know and do the project together,” I suggested. Maybe I looked a little bit too hopeful so she eventually said yes.  

“But I have to warn you/. There is no point in trying to get close to me. Many have tried and failed. I scare people away just like that,” she said as she snaps her finger.

I was too excited to really pay attention to her advice.

 We were to work on the project in her house over the weekend. Word in school is she lives alone and her closest relatives live in the next town. The idea that we will be in her house with just us two is worth the anticipation.

I couldn’t hide my excitement. It’s the weirdest feeling ever. My dongseng, Seungri if he were here would say that I have lost my coolness factor after I moved into this small town. Thankfully he’s overseas with my parents. I waited for the days to pass. It’s finally the weekend and I was trying to find my way to Park Sandara’s home.

I’m not very good with direction but she said her house is easy enough to find being the only one in their street to have a pink roof. Heck she maybe the only one in town or in Jeju , maybe even the whole of Korea. She wasn’t kidding I found her house right away.

I stood there in front of her gate and knocked a few times anticipating to see her lovely face. She said we should work on it early.  I knocked a few more times and still no answer.  I was worried to say the least. I called her phone and was waiting for her to answer.  I heard her phone ringing from inside the house. She must still be at home. I tried to knock a few more times but there was still no answer.

I looked for her landlady who was occupying the house behind hers. It was fortunate that the ajhumma was at home. I asked her to open Dara’s house because I was certain that she should be inside and she wasn’t responding. The ajhumma initially refused but I begged for her to open the door again and she eventually gave in. She went with me to the front house where Dara was staying, the only one with the pink roof. The ajhumma fiddled with the key and finally found the correct one. When she got the door open I walked passed her and immediately went inside. The lights were off. The place looked very empty with barely any furniture. And my eyes widened in fear. I saw Dara lying on her comforter with an open bottle of pills on her hand.  I ran towards her and checked if she was still breathing. I immediately carried her on my back and asked the ajhumma for help.

We arrived in the hospital.  Thank goodness the ajhumma’s husband was also home and was able to drive for us.

We didn’t wait long. She was admitted in the emergency room and I had to stay in the waiting area for I don’t know how long. I couldn’t really think right. I couldn’t help it my eyes felt like they were burning and before I knew it I was crying. I wasn’t even sure why? I didn’t know what else to do. I guess for the first time, I prayed for someone. I don’t even do that for myself.

“Seung Hyun-ah,” I heard my name being called out. I looked up and it was my aunt.

“Emmo,” I acknowledged her.

“Your friend is stable now. She’s still asleep but you can see her now,” she told me.

I couldn’t hide my gratitude I hugged her. If there is anything I am thankful for it is the fact that she never asks me questions that make me feel I’m being interrogated. She knew that even if she didn’t ask I would open up to her anyway.

I left and went to the room Dara was assigned to. I quietly went in. She was still sleeping. I sat next to her bed. I watch the slow rise and fall of her chest. She’s alive. She looked lovely like an angel sleeping; her blonde and pink hair sprawled on her pillow. I stayed there and fell asleep.

I’m not sure how long I was out but I got woken up by Dara stirring on the bed.

“Where am I,” she asked as she tried to sit up.                                      

“You should lie down.” But she did as she pleased and sat up.

“I guess you’re a stubborn one. I thought drug overdose would have scared the out of you but you’re still here,” she said out loud. She sounded almost kind of upset.

“You’ll try to kill yourself to scare me away,”

“Sort of but I do this every year before valentines I sort of try to kill myself but I have been unsuccessful for the past two years and today my third attempt failed again thanks to you, “ she explained her voice laced with disappointment.

I could not restrain myself and I slapped her face a little too hard. “How can you hurt yourself like that? I was so worried I thought you were really going to die,” I yelled.

“Then walk away just like everyone else. I’m not a pity case you need to look after. You shouldn’t even be near me. I’m too broken for you to fix,” she retorted.

“Who said anything about fixing you? I came because we had homework to do,” I lied. We both know that the homework was my excuse to get close to her. Maybe she was right I was looking for trouble maybe even more than my own pre-existing ones.

“I don’t care about your issues but until this homework is completed I need to keep you alive,” I replied.

She just looked at me it was a mix of confusion and amusement.

“I hope you know what you’re getting into,” she challenged me as I placed the laptop and some box that I brought on top of her bed. And we quietly worked on our homework.

She wanted to be discharged from the hospital as soon as possible but she could not be allowed to leave without adult supervision so I suggested that she stayed with us.  My aunt gladly agreed, well it could just be her actually being more worried about Dara trying to kill herself again. I was happy none the less.

How I survived the next few weeks knowing we only have a wall separating the two of us I have no clue how. I asked her to change her hair color for the presentation. I told her that she can’t do the reporting with her hoodie covering her face.  Fortunately she agreed. We colored her hair dark brown. I even got to help.

It took me a lot of patience and self-control. Watching her from up far had an effect on me and being able to touch her pretty head and touch her soft hair was