I regret being here, seeing her. She’s blooming. She looks happy. I flew all the way from California to attend this special day because she said that if I don’t she will end our friendship. She twirls around in her simple flowing white dress. She’s laughing among her female friends. Everyone who sees her can’t help but compliment her. She’s the blushing bride after all.

The night before we had our little talk, she called it our last bonding time before she gets married. We reminisced about our times together. We were an odd combination she was the brainy girl, I was the sports guy in the group mainly because I refuse to be called a jock. And Dong Hae was the goof ball who made it his life’s goal to every day.

I remember the first day we met I was made to tour her around school because she was a new transferee. I felt self-conscious the whole time but before the day ended while I was showing her the empty school auditorium she kissed me on the lips then smiled. “Now that that’s finally out of the way I hope we can be friends,” she exclaimed.  Maybe it was her way of telling me we should just be friends. Come to think of it she was really the oddball. She’s ridiculously smart and beautiful at the same time but she’d rather hang out with us guys because she said there’s less drama. Lee Dong Hae is my best friend and childhood buddy. The moment he saw her walking with me he demanded for introductions.

We were the inseparable team in high school and we all ended up in the same college. Before I knew it I was already in love with her but I was contented with having her close to me. I was contented with our friendship.  She confided in me and maybe I knew more about her than anyone else in the world.  

Back in college Dong Hae eventually confessed his feelings for her and for a very long time she hesitated and didn’t want to answer. I wasn’t sure what the reason was. Maybe she pitied me and didn’t want me to be the third wheel. So she refused Dong Hae’s advances and insisted that she would rather be just friends with him too. Hae constantly begged me for help to win her over.

She and I spent more time together and maybe I was contented with having her with me. Not labeling the kind of relationship we have or maybe I was scared that I will also get rejected. Dong Hae persisted and she eventually said yes. I wrote her many letters in the old apartment we shared. Those letters those are locked away and were never sent.

I have kept my feelings for her in check. They often fought about Dong Hae womanizing or not doing so well in school. She often cried on my shoulder and I kept on reassuring her. There were times when I fought the urge to kill Hae for giving her a hard time. But she will eventually forgive him and they will be back together.

When I received my internship acceptance letter she was in tears. She said she was so happy for me. But she  also said that she would miss me dearly.

I thought maybe it was a sign. It was the right time for me to let her go. Maybe it’s time for me to accept the fact that she was meant for Hae and that I will just be the good friend.

The night before the wedding she told me that she missed me so badly. She admitted that at some point before she dated Hae she had feelings for me but she thought I didn’t like her back. We both laughed but deep inside I felt regretful. If only I paid more attention to the signs.