6 Days Before the Wedding

            Everyday has been the same. Same routine, same places you see every time you go to your restaurant, same faces you share stories with, you mingle with. You nearly got tired, and like everyone else you needed time on your own.

            Its 9AM in the morning, and you’re still lying down your bed, thinking of what to do on your “free day”. You’re staffs all agreed to give you this, leaving you some time on your own. One of them even took charge for this day, just so you wouldn’t be bothered if anything comes up.

            And of course, you can’t say no. You admit it has been a long time that you had some time for yourself.

            You turn at the side of your bed, wrapping your arms around the soft pillow.

            Sigh.

Three things had been crossing your mind these past few days, which made things a bit more confusing. You had no idea how to get it all done, that you just push yourself to leave.

You remember them all clearly. YoungBae, JiEun, the kiss, SeungRi. Everything is still lucid.

            That you chose to accept the fact that its already there, it already happened.

            And yes, it will end soon. Real soon.

            Getting up, sitting at the side of your bed, your hand then reaches for your phone, placed on a small drawer jut beside your bed.

            Looking through your inbox, you re-read SeungRi’s messages these past few days. He was quite talkative, that he tells everything he does for the whole day. You put  a smile on your face reading how he was scolded by his manager, his hyungs, and how he played pranks with some of the trainees that he already knew.

            Until then you reached YoungBae’s messages.

            Even simple morning greetings are all there piled up on your inbox, like you don’t have a plan of deleting it either.

            You love him, you have loved him, and you will always love him.

            That was one thing you know you can’t change, something that nothing can erase, nor forgotten.

            But you thought, you had to give up. You have to.

            Because we cannot get everything we want in this world, sometimes they are just there to be part of our journey,

            To learn, and to be a better person.

            People are not meant to stay forever in our lives, some stay, some walk away.

            But they’ll always be a part of you.

            And he is, he’ll always be.

            In few minutes of deep thought, you then decided to go out. Have time to relax, and not to be bothered by anything.

            Enjoyed so much, you weren’t able to notice the time. The sun is slowly saying goodbye when you finished walking half the city. You went to the nearest malls, looking for some things to be bought toJapan, gifts you’ll give to your employees, and of course personal stuff.

            You had never spent a time for yourself for almost a year since you were too busy, and you have been bothered by a lot of things.

            Thinking of ending this tiring day, you have one more place to go before going home.

            Without hesitation, you decided to visit the place where it all began.

            After a 20-minute ride in a cab, here you are standing at the entrance of the park, staring at its steel-arch. A small smile draws from your lips; you remember the first time it was built in your place.

            You remember those days, those every single day you enter the park passing through this simple metal structure that had witness how your life gradually grew and change.

            You took a deep breath, and started walking your way inside the park.

            You follow this simple red bricks you had been friends with ever since it was placed there. Looking around, the place never really changed. It was the simplest, yet the most beautiful place you had been.

            And it was all full of the most beautiful memories you treasure.

            A few steps from where you were standing, is the place you really intended to go.

            TheRedGarden.

            It’s the same old structure you see, the spacious waiting area inside the park, which overlooks, and stands at the side of a man-made lake. You called it The Red Garden because of its roof that is painted with colored red, and these red roses that surrounds it.

            Its where you and TaeYang used to meet, where he used to wait for you so that you’ll go to school together during highschool, where you used to have long talks, where you used to just hang-out and forget everything and anything each of you is facing.

            Where your everything began.

            Teary-eyed, you took one step at a time, staring at this place. Every moment then started to play again on your mind, as a mix of emotions started to run around you. Excitement, sadness, relief, happiness, everything seemed all there.

                        Until your eyes reached a very familiar figure.

            He was there, sitting silently at the bench, staring blankly at nowhere. You can tell he’s in deep thought from the expression in his face. He constantly goes forward and leans back on the bench, convincing you that something’s bothering him.

            And ever since your friendship started, this is the only place you go when you want to think things over, when you want to forget, when you want to reflect,

            When you want to see each other.     

            Apparently this time, no one ever planned these things to happen.

            You were thinking of just turning back and walk away, leaving him there. You know to yourself you don’t have the courage to talk to him anymore after what happened. You feel guilty, guilty of everything that happened, that you don’t want to make things worse especially that the wedding day is near.

            But something pushes you, something pushes you to talk to him, to comfort him, to be there for him

            After all, you are his best friend. No matter what happens, even if the world turns upside down.

You’ll always end up in each other’s arms, listening to every complain and every pain you are experiencing.

It was not a part of moving on and letting go.

            You walked closer, getting ready of what to say. But he hasn’t noticed you still, it bothered you more that it meant something big has really happened.

            “Hey.”, the first word that came out of your lips.

            A lovely tone indeed, it made him move from his position. He looks up, and he was right, it was you his eyes see. The one she had been waiting.

            “Hey…”, he said, after taking a deep breath, he smiled never taking his eyes off you.

            “I see that you still go here…”, you said, as you sit beside him, staring at the man-made lake, as you try not to look at him in the eyes

“Yeah, I always did… you know, its like a part of me.”, he said, with all sincerity as he took a glance from you

“Me too.”, you nodded, teary-eyed. Everything in here was a part of you, including the man beside you

Silence. You feel a cold wind passed by, making the ambience more uncomfortable. You wanted to say something, you wanted to hold him tight in your arms and cry, telling him how much love him for one last time, before everything in this will end. You wanted to say you’re leaving, that you won’t be able to go to his wedding.

That it will be the last time you’ll see each other.

But you can’t.

“______________…”, he then finally broke the silence

“Mm?…”, you said, now looking at him.

“About what I did at the…”, he said, in a nervous tone

“Its okay…”, you stopped him from continuing what he wanted to say

“What?”, he asked, as he looked at in you with a surprised expression

“I said its okay…”, you said, looking at him with a smile on your face

“…some people don’t really know what they are doing when they are drunk right?”, you continue, pretending it was really okay. Telling him that he was drunk at the bar when he kissed you, but deep inside you, you know he was not.

And both of you know it very clearly, as it played on your head over and over again.

“I wasn’t drunk…”, he said in a low voice, but you heard him loud and clear.

“What?”, you said, pretending you weren’t able to hear anything.

            It took him a minute or two before he looks back again at you. You were caught off guard as you stare at each other’s eyes again. You can tell from his eyes, that like you, he wanted to say more, he wanted you to tell what he’s feeling, he wanted to hold you in his arms like how he used to.

But like you, he can’t.

Every right moment seemed wrong, as it happened at the wrong time.

“Nothing.”, he said, after taking a deep breath, as he looked down in frustration.

You look away, and felt a pinch in your heart. You were thinking why it happened this way. All you ever wanted was to be with this very special man you love, and nothing else.

You kept on asking that question ever since, and it is until the end, that question will never be answered.

“I know the one and only reason you went here…”, you said, looking at the lake, as the sun then slowly sets. The view seemed like a sunset by the beach. As it looked like the sun slowly goes down, reaching the lake. The sun light hits the Red Garden, making the ambience of the place lighter.

“…I know something is bothering you. You never go here when something is up…”, you said looking at him, concerned.

“…I’am actually here to say farewell.”, you said, in a low voice.

Those words made him move, as he looks at you, surprised. He felt his world stopped, and that everything had suddenly fallen out of place. He is hurt, really hurt.

“Farewell?…”, he asked, teary-eyed, not taking his eyes that are looking at you

You nod, as you said the most painful words you have ever said, and he would ever hear.

“I’m leaving soon…”, you said, in a sad tone. You don’t have a plan of telling this to him, but you thought that its better if he knew this.

“Why?…When are you leaving?…Where are…”, he said, as you feel a rush of his emotions. You felt how much he was surprised, sad, hurt. You don’t want him to know, you really don’t. But at the end of the day, he’ll still know this, and the fact that he is your best friend, he has the right to hear it from you.

“My mom asked me to stay with her in Japan for a while, I guess. Its already planned out ever since, right? It just so happened, that it’ll be one of these days.”, you said, trying to make him feel that you are relaxed, that you are okay, even if deep inside you really wanted to cry.

“How long are you going to stay there?”, he asked, after a long pause. He was trying to absorb what you had just said, trying to accept that he won’t be able to see you from now on, that he is going on a new journey, and you are going on your own too,

“For a hundred days…and I might still count.”, you said, after taking a deep breath.

You feel like crying, weeping, yet you don’t know how to tell him. That each and every deep breath felt heavier and heavier. You then closed your eyes, as you feel a little embarrassed on what you were about to do.

Slowly, you lean your head on his shoulder, like you used to when you need his comfort, when you need a company, when you need someone to lean on when the world seemed cruel to you.

“I’ll miss you…”, the words came out from you, finally.

“I’ll miss you even more…”, he said, simple yet true. You are struck, he had been saying this to you even before.

But this meant a lot more, purer, and whole.

For a minute, the time seemed to have stopped. The world seemed to be more colorful than how it is. People seemed happier than they were. These are one of the reasons that kept you going ever since, that kept you on loving him, being with him. These simple moments that felt just right in every midst of the worst things in this world.

For a moment, you felt the right seemed to have prevailed.

But like anything else in this world, some things are meant to end even if we don’t want to.

You slowly move up, going back to the reality that he isn’t yours, he isn’t for you, and he’ll never be.

“I have to go…”, you said, with a smile on your face, looking at him as you slowly stood up from the bench. Still, he wasn’t looking at you. You were waiting for him to say something, but there was silence.

Frustrated, you turn around, and slowly walk away. Telling yourself that it finally ended, that soon, everything will be alright. That soon, you’ll be happy.

“__________________,”, he shouted, as he stood up, staring at you, like he was pleading you look back at him. You turn, and saw him standing a few steps away from you.

“When will I see you again?”, he asked

“When everything is right, YoungBae…”, you said, teary-eyed , as you turn back and walk away. You then walked faster, trying to get yourself out of his sight.

As he was there, standing and staring at you from afar, as you slowly vanish from his sight. Your last words kept playing on his head. He was there, he was there at that place to make everything right, to make everything clear.

But he was too late.

He wasn’t able to tell you how much he love you, how much he wanted to be with you, how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you…

How much he wanted you to wear the ring he has been holding the whole time he was with you. 

“Will you marry me ____________?…”, he said, looking down, frustrated, as the words came out late.

Will you marry him?… Will you?