12 Days Before the Wedding

            Its almost 2 weeks after  that incident. But everything seemed to happen again every time you close your eyes as you go to sleep, especially when you are all alone. The event kept on playing and playing in your head. His serious gaze, his hand around your waist, the other on your hand holding you tight and so close to you, and his lips, his lips that touched yours for the first time. Something you never thought will happen, and he will do.

            As each day passed by, your loneliness grows, your heart gets torn apart and you felt it’s already in pieces. You slowly thought that one day you might wake up, not feeling anything anymore. Happiness, sadness, excitement, nervousness, not anymore.

            And what hurts the most, seeing JiEun teary-eyed and hurt like you, well might be even more. You know she doesn’t deserve what happened; she never did anything except to love than man she loves, the man you also love. That day that meant to bring happiness, brought a lot of things that made you more confused, more worried, and worst, more eager to leave.

            That day is already a part of the past, yet you know it’s just the beginning. And as another day gets nearer and nearer, you know it’s the end. The end of everything.

            This past few days were the busiest days you had. And thankfully, it already ended today.

            You just got home from your college friend’s wedding. The one who went to your restaurant who invited you on her engagement party, and asked you to serve food on her wedding day.

            It was just a week of preparation. You know a week wasn’t enough, yet you can’t do anything on that. You decided to rush things, even though you know it will affect your health. And yes, it did.

            Though sick, you still manage to go to your restaurant, and to different markets to buy materials and prepare ingredients for the reception. You had to be busy, and forget things for a while. Though at times, you are defeated by your feelings and your memories.

            Your staff would notice you sometimes, staring blankly at nowhere, like in a deep thought, like your mind flew out of nowhere. After a minute or two, you will then rush yourself to the powder room, and then come out like nothing happened. But everyone noticed that your eyes seemed like it just cried.

            One attempted to ask what’s wrong, but you never told them anything. You just smiled, and walk back to your seat, starting to do your work again.

            It started to bother them, but you chose to keep quiet.

            And when the wedding day came, you tried going home during the ceremony, but you thought it was disrespectful to do so. With your head up, and controlled emotions, you waited for the ceremony to end.

And as their lips met, your eyes played on you. You saw TaeYang and JiEun at the altar, facing each other, looking through each other’s eyes. You saw TaeYang move, and took a glance at you with sad looking eyes. He then looks down, and looked at JiEun again.

            The scene felt like it was real, that it made you stand up, with tears falling down your eyes. And as their lips met, a hand pulled you down to sit again.

            It was one of your staff, sitting beside you. She was surprised at what happened, not knowing what came into you that you almost made a scene. You were looking down in a shocked expression, as tears were falling down your eyes. You heard everyone clap their hands, and as you look up, you realized you were imagining things. What you saw wasn’t real.

            Your staff then took you out, to let you breathe some fresh air.

            And now this day has ended, and you just got home. You were sitting at the sofa, watching the late night news, when your phone rang.

            You took it out from your bag, and saw a name flashing in the screen.

            It was a message from SeungRi.

            Hey _____________! I was wondering if we could meet tomorrow at the coffee shop, I hope you’re not busy. I need to tell you something important. Meet me there at 10. Lunch is mine. Take care!

            This unexpected meet-up with SeungRi never really surprised you. But there was something in his message that made you left hanging.

            “What could be that important thing that he want to tell me?”, you ask your self, confused. As you sent a reply to his message, saying yes to his invitation.

            Upon sending a message, you get ready yourself to sleep.

            And as you lay down in bed, still thinking of what SeungRi will tell,

            “Maybe its also the right time I’ll tell him about this…”, you said to yourself, before you took a deep breath, and closed your eyes, and slept.

            You were at the coffee shop, earlier as usual. Sitting there for almost ten minutes, while drinking coffee. You were busy scanning your planner, looking for any plans the coming days.

            SeungRi then came in, as you saw him opened the glass door, and even took few deep breaths before walking towards you. He was standing in front of you, with shaky hands, as his eyes roam around.

            “Ya. SeungRi, sit down...”, you said, with a worried look on your face. He then takes a seat, while looking down. Like he was hiding something.

            “Are you okay?...”, you asked, still looking at him. He then looks up, looking at you straight in the eyes. But this time, he seemed ready.

            “I…I… I should be asking that question,right?”, he said with a fake smile and while scratching his head, like he was about to say something, but different words came out from his mouth.

            “Actually, there’s something I wanted you to know.”, you said, now looking down while stirring the coffee slowly. You actually didn’t know how to say it, since you know he’ll be badly hurt. You know he’s going to be sad for a long time. Well, you do too. But you don’t have the guts of hiding anything from him.

            “I’ll be leaving for Japan in a few days. Well, on the exact wedding day actually.”, you said with a frustrated look, and a sad expression on your face. You were expecting that he would be pouting like a kid, or will plead you not to leave like a child, but he didn’t.

            Instead, he stands up from his seat, and move closer to you. He then holds both your hands, that was placed on the table, holding them tight. His eyes looked at you seriously. Not taking his sight off you.

            You can feel his cold, soft hands shaking. Confused. His actions made you stand up from where you were sitting.

            And as you stand up, he pulled you closer to him, now holding you in his arms, as he wrap his arms around you. His other hand placed at the back of your head, as if he really intended to place your head near his chest, just to let you hear his beating heart.

            You were about to open your mouth and ask him what was happening, but he was able to get the courage and say what he wanted to say.

            “I… I like you ____________. I really like you. From the first time hyung introduced you to us, I knew you were more than special. Your eyes were just dazzling, that I can’t take my eyes off them. Your smile captivate me, that I felt I was in heaven. Your sweet voice is like music to my ears, the music I would love to listen every day of my life. On that day, I knew it  was you who will make me happy. But on that day as well, I know your eyes were set to one person alone. To be honest, that didn’t stop me. That even encouraged me to continue what I’m feeling. I always said to myself that I won’t stop, until you realize that I have been waiting here, that I will be waiting here. And in fact, I didn’t and maybe I won’t. Those days that you weep down and cry, really hurt me. I wish it was me you had always loved, that I promise not to make you cry. That hurting you will be the first and last thing I won’t do. But in the end, reality would still wake me up that your feelings will never change…”, he said sincerely, while holding you close to him.Every words struck you, and made you thought so many things, made you realize so many things.

            That’s why he did this, that’s why he did that, are the phrases that kept on repeating and repeating on your head. Leaving you in surprise, in frustration, in happiness and sadness.

            “…So please, _____________, come back to me when you are ready to fall in love again. Come back to me when all those wounds are healed, when everything is okay. And I promise, I promise to you, I’ll still be here waiting for you.”, he said, as he let you go in from his arms, as his hands held your shoulders. Now looking at you straight in the eyes, teary-eyed, filled with sincerity. He was smiling, a sign of relief. That finally he can breathe, that what he has been keeping has finally been free.

            You smiled back, and your hands reached his eyes, wiping the tears that were about to fall.

            “I will. I will come back when I’m ready. I will…”, you said, as you went back to his arms and hold him close to you. You can hear him taking a deep breath. As he hug you back.

            “…But if I don’t come back, it’s the time for you to let me go, and find your happiness again. You don’t have time to wait for me. Okay?”, you said, still holding him close to you. Making him comfortable.

            He nodded in response. Now holding you tighter as those tears you wiped a while ago, now fall unconsciously from his eyes.

            “I wish I could hold you close to me forever, SeungRi. But coming back here, might be the last thing I would do. Please, look for someone who would make you happy, please...”, you said to yourself as you close your eyes.