The ride back home was uncomfortable, Kris was still lingering. He was still holding onto. We stopped at a park and I then knew we were not going to have a conversation where I could easily avoid him. I didn’t know where this park was so there was little chance of running away from the situation. Kris walked me towards a bench and I followed faithfully.

“I don’t know where to start” Kris said and I turned towards him. I need to finish this fight. I looked towards him and waited for him to turn towards me but he only look down.

“Start wherever you want, Kris” I said.

“Give me some time” Some was a small word, I gave him a lot of time, I waited for him to start his conversation. I could see him playing with his fingers, I see him brushing his hair, and I hear him breathing hard. Obviously he’s going through a difficult time, I was sad. He’s going through a hard time because of me.

“Len, you remember Diana?” Kris finally started, how could I not remember her, everyone matched Kris with her and despite my reservation towards her, all of a sudden, her friends wouldn’t talk to me in college, she wouldn’t talk to me. I told Kris about her and Kris comforted me saying I have him as a friend instead. Where was he going with this? I finally nodded.

“I, I, um, She was my girlfriend” I felt the world stop. I felt my heart beat stop for a second.

“What?” I said.

“She was my girlfriend” Kris repeated.

I almost ran, I almost stood up and run away but my feet wouldn’t move. I stayed there motionless.

“I’m sorry for not telling you earlier” Kris apologised.

“Since when?” I asked him.

“Our final year at college” He said.

“What?” Final year at college means the time when I spend most with him. I went to classes with him, I went to lunch with him, I went everywhere with him. “Oh my god, no” I said when I realised I was the terrible girl. I was awful to Diana, she wasn’t awful to me. “How long?” I asked again.

“Two years” Kris said with a guilty tone.

“What?” Two years were a long time. How could I not have known? The memories started to play in my mind, all the times I spend with Kris; he was with Diana all along. I was stealing Diana’s place and I didn’t realise it. “No, oh no” I almost screamed. I was stupid. But then why was Kris, why did he act as if he liked me? Why did he give me hope? “Kris! Why didn’t you tell me?” I exclaimed.

“I’m sorry” Kris sighed.

“Why? Kris, why? Why didn’t you tell me? I was stealing you from her! You should have told me!” I almost shouted. “Why did you break up? Was it because of me? Was it?” Please say no, please say no.

Kris remained silent. Oh no, it was me. It was me.

“I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know, I was happy with you. I really was Len. You are important to me” Kris explained.

“You should have told me! You should have told me, then that wouldn’t happen. Oh no!” My head was spinning; I didn’t know what else to think. I was crying. I cried in front of Kris.

“Please Len, don’t. Don’t cry.” Kris immediately holds onto my shoulders and wiped away my tears.

“No, Oh no, what have we done!” I mumbled. “Is this why? Was this why you felt guilty all the time?” I asked and I understood. The reason why Diana hated me, why those people hated me and stopped talking. “You could have told me back then, Kris! When I asked you about Diana, when I asked why they hated me!”

“That’s why it was hard! You cried back then, you cried and it was all because of me.” Kris said.

“No, you should have told me right there, you should have! Then I wouldn’t have cried, I wouldn’t be that bothered!” I cried out.

Then I remembered, Jane.

“Jane! What is she to you? Who is she?” I asked Kris.

Kris looked at me with a guilty expression.

“You told me she’s still your friend!” I was mad. What else did he lie about? What truth is he keeping from me? “Kris, please, I thought we were honest, I thought we were, oh no” I felt myself sinking. I felt my heart breaking. I felt everything crumble. Who is Kris? Is he who I thought he is? The four years I’ve known him seems like a drama, a distant.

“I’m sorry Len, I really am. I should have told you. I should have said it from the beginning. I shouldn’t have lied” He placed his hand on mine and I shoved it harshly, with more effort than before. I felt like Kris was playing with my feelings.

“You shouldn’t have given me hope. You shouldn’t have”