Yixing had another class in another hour or so, but all he could think about was getting home so he could phone Joonmyun. He knew it was too early to be awake where he was, but he said Yixing could call at any time, and the only longer he could let this go on for was the drive home.

He was shaking as he shoved his keys in the door and opened it, trembling as he opened his door and shut it again, sitting on his bed. His fingers were unsteady as they typed out Joonmyun’s number, one he could usually type without looking, but now one which his brain couldn’t seem to put together.

His brain was running at a thousand words a second, thinking of every single thing he could say which was drastically overdue, and he couldn’t help but feel terrified. He hadn’t heard from Joonmyun since they day they’d fought as he said he’d give him the space he’d wanted, and now Yixing didn’t know if he’d changed his mind since then.

Yixing could barely hold the phone up to his ear, and iall he could hear was the ringing mocking him. He didn’t know what he was going to do if he didn’t answer.

Joonmyun woke from a restless sleep to the sound of his phone ringing. It was five in the morning, and he had no idea who would be calling him at this time.

He blinked as he tried to make out the name on his screen, the sudden light change making it hard to see.

Y-Yi…

Yixing.

Yixing was calling him.

Joonmyun scrambled upright and swiped his finger across the screen to answer the phone, his heart beating a million times a minute.

He was terrified over what was going to happen. Was Yixing going to dump him, were they done?

Even if he was going to, Joonmyun had to answer. It’d been over two weeks since they’d spoken, and he needed to know he was fine.

Joonmyun’s heart hammered in his chest as he held the phone to his ear.

“J-Joonmyun?”

Yixing’s voice was shaky as he spoke, and he caught his breath once he’d spoken the name.

“Yixing-ah…”

“I’m so sorry.” Yixing’s voice cracked.

Joonmyun sounded confused when he replied, “What are you saying that for? I’m the one that needs to apologise. I’m so sorry, Xingie, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you.”

Anything that Yixing had planned on saying had gone out the window, his mind blank and gone to mush.

“N-no, you don’t,” Yixing started, and he could feel the tears welling up, “Don’t apologize, please.”

“But Yixing-“

“Please don’t, I just, I just-“

Tears were streaming down Yixing’s face, and he could hear Joonmyun sniffing slightly. Yixing didn’t want to cry, he wanted to be strong for once in his life, but it was obvious that wasn’t going to happen right now.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for everything that I said. I’m sorry I didn’t ring you earlier and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be stronger. I’m sorry that I’m sitting here sulking whilst you’re actually there working and I’m sorry I snapped at you for things that weren’t your fault,” he cried, gripping the bed sheets beneath him. “I’m so sorry for everything and I just want you to forgive me. I was scared, Joonmyun, I was so scared after I got angry with you that you wouldn’t want me anymore and it would have all been my fault, and I didn’t know what to say or how to apologize but it doesn’t mean it should have taken me this long and I’m sorry about that too.” Yixing knew what he was saying wasn’t perfect, he was tumbling out word vomit but now he just couldn’t stop it. “I’m sorry that I said that you knew you were going and that you weren’t there enough, and I’m sorry that I blamed you for the way that I’ve handled you going because it isn’t your fault. I have no right to be upset with you when I didn’t even tell you how much I missed you and I- I can’t expect you to know that especially when I told everyone not to tell you. I wanted to be strong but I can’t any more, I just miss you so much, but you have every right to be angry or upset with me so please don’t apologize for things that were my fault.”

“Yixing,” Joonmyun whimpered, tears also running down his face. “I’m not angry with you, I’m sorry I didn’t notice that you were upset, even if you didn’t tell me I should have realized. When you were angry with me a lot of what you said was true and I’m sorry for not realizing it. I haven’t been there enough but please, believe me when I say that I am studying that I am studying. I love you so much and I’d never even consider not wanting you, and believe me when I say I miss you as much, if not more than you miss me,” Joonmyun was borderline sobbing now, Yixing listening with wide and guilty eyes. “Please, just- I want to know. Please just tell me when you’re upset, if I’m not spending enough time talking to you then tell me, I just want you to be happy.”

Joonmyun didn’t even notice that he’d woken Kevin up, who usually at this point would be death glaring at him, had he not had a different face on. He looked concerned, but also relieved. Joonmyun sent a silent apology, and Kevin just smiled, deciding to crash in AJ and Eli’s dorm for the rest of the ‘night’.

Yixing balled up his empty fist. “I just- I felt like I would be clingy if I did that, you’re so caught up with studying that I felt like I was just taking this badly. I miss you so much, I can’t even deny that. You were right when you said I wasn’t eating well, I barely ate for months until two weeks ago. I’m trying to be stronger but it’s really really hard because I miss you so much and I just, I don’t know whether you miss me too. I love you so much and it felt really one sided and I guess I just snapped, but I snapped without bending another way first.”

Joonmyun didn’t really know how he could understand what Yixing was saying through all the crying he was doing, but it didn’t matter when he was thankful that he could hear his voice after too long.

“I miss you too, Yixing, please don’t think that I’m not upset. I didn’t want to burden you by telling you but the only reason I’m not having some sort of breakdown is because I’m using that to drive me to study. I want to be back, Yixing. I want to go home. I miss you and I miss Kyungsoo and I miss Jongin and I miss everyone. I didn’t want to come here and though I’ve met some really nice people I don’t belong here, I want to be back home. I miss you so much. I need to do the best I can here so they'll let me.”

Yixing looked down, just like he would if he could see the other’s face. “I want you to be back home too… But you have to finish there; it hasn’t even been a year.”

“I’ll be back soon, just wait for me, please.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I snapped at you. I love you so much, I’ll always love you.”

“It’s alright, I’m not angry, I can’t be angry with you. I love you, Yixing.”

“I know,” Yixing sobbed, “I know.”

"No more secrets?" 

"None."

The other smiled, though their boyfriend couldn't see it. "Good."

The two spoke for hours after, until the sun had well and truly risen for Joonmyun, and until Yixing hung up because his boyfriend had class.

He missed Joonmyun like hell, but he couldn’t stop the warmth that went through his body when he remembered about how he and Joonmyun were on good terms again, how Joonmyun said how much he loved him.

He promised himself he’d be stronger from now on.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Joonie, come visit your mother this weekend!"

Joonmyun pouted, holding the phone to his ear.

"I can't, mum. I have to study."

"You're always studying. I could be sick and dying and you wouldn't know."

"But mum," Joonmyun rolled his eyes, "You're not."

"That's what you think, dear."

Joonmyun laughed.

"But honestly, we get you over here to spend a bit more time with us and then you coop yourself up in your dorm and study all the time. Is it really worth it all?"

Joonmyun didn't miss a beat. "Of course, it's worth it for Yixing."

His mother tutted, but she also smiled.

"Are you two still fighting?"

"Mum, we weren't 'fighting'."

"Then what were you doing?"

"I... I don't really know, but it's over now."

"Then why do you need to study so much? You don't need to go back as soon as you can..."

"Of course I do, mum. I'm doing this because I want to go home."

His mother wondered why she had even agreed to letting him do this in the first place, when she remembered what he'd been like on the night he came home, and the night they'd fought.

Joonmyun had turned up at home, his eyes red. He'd said that he just needed a hug from someone that loved him.

"Please, Joonie, please come visit me."

"Mum, I- I need to study and I have other plans. I don't just need Yixing, you know. I need everyone. I'll try and get everything I want to get done for next week during the week and I'll try and visit next weekend."

Joonmyun's mother's final string had already snapped, however.

∩( ・ω・)∩ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Authors Note  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ∩( ・ω・)∩

See how long I can keep SuLay fighing for?
Not long, so don't hate me ;)
Sorry the chapter is so short v.v it flows a lot better this way, and you guys get updates all the time so I don't think you can complain :P

SO the new Growl MVs were released today...
And they're not really different.
But I still like them ^-^
I started learning the dance! It's kind of confusing but it's super fun so I think you all should do it ;)
 

Err I don't really have anything to say, so I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter.
Everyone hat is commenting/subscribing/upvoting, thank you thank you thank you :3
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