Joonmyun stared at the screen in shock. Tears were streaming down his face, and the only thing he could do was pick up his phone and call the same number, over and over until his fingers turned numb and he couldn’t see.

Once, twice, three times, he couldn’t remember how many messages he’d left, before ringing the only other person he could think of.

“Jongin,” he gasped, “Jongin, go see Yixing, now, please.”

“Joonmyun are you oka-“

“Don’t ing worry about me, just go see Yixing, please. Tell him I love him and that I’m sorry, quickly.”

“What- what happened?”

“I’m sure you’ll find out, just please go.”

Joonmyun hung up before Jongin could ask any more questions, and was pleading down the phone with Yixing ‘s message bank to answer him before Kevin came in. His eyes widened in worry, instantly by the other man’s side.

“Joonmyun, are you okay? What happened?”

He sat down, and Joonmyun instantly clung around the taller, dropping his phone and sobbing into his shoulder. Joonmyun was blubbering out words but Kevin could barely make them out through the cries.

“Yixing- why didn’t I- I’m such a - I don’t deserve-“

“Joonmyun, calm down,” Kevin said reassuringly, rubbing circles into his back. “Tell me once you’ve calmed down. It’s okay- it’s alright.”

Kevin had no idea how long Joonmyun cried for, but it was safe to say he’d never seen him this upset before.

It was only when Joonmyun regained composure that he spoke, pulling away from the hug.

“We fought... Well it wasn’t really a fight,” he hiccupped, “He basically told me that I’ve been the tiest boyfriend ever. I don’t deserve him, but I don’t want him to dump me.”

“Hyung, don’t say that. You’re not, why would he dump you? He loves you.”

“He’s underweight now, he’s not happy. It’s my fault he’s not happy, I barely have time to actually talk to him because I’m always studying but I thought he was okay with it but he isn’t, and now I don’t think he even trusts me anymore. If I’d pay more ing attention to him then I would have realized this but I haven’t and now it might be too late. He just slammed the computer down and now he won’t answer my calls and I don’t know what to do,” Joonmyun wasn’t speaking at a constant pace, his speech getting faster as his voice cracked. “I need him to know how much I love him and how much that I need him and how much I miss him and I feel like such a for letting this happen, and I just wish that this wasn’t my fault and that he’s unhappy because of me. I don’t deserve him, I don’t ing deserve him but I don’t want him to leave me- he can’t leave me.”

Joonmyun had started crying again midway through, with his head hung. Kevin tipped his chin up and wiped the tears before grabbing his hands.

“Don’t be silly, of course he won’t leave you. Until one of you says you’re broken up you’re not, so don’t even think that,” he said, softly. “You two just need to talk. Yixing’s obviously upset but you’re upset too and you both just need to admit how much you miss each other and not worry about making the other person feel bad. He’s probably just worried because you don’t tell him, but we both know how much you hurt too.”

“But he never- I mean I know he misses me a lot but I didn’t realize it was actually aff-“

“That’s why you need to talk.”

“But he won’t answer the phone!”

Kevin sighed, “Give him some time; message him asking him to phone you or something when he’s ready. You two need to sort this out, but you will, don’t worry.”

“I just feel so- I hate how I had to come here, I hate how I didn’t try harder to stay at home. Maybe I could have got out of it if I-“

“Well you can’t change it now, but I don’t think you would have been able to and I don’t think Yixing and Kyungsoo would have let you either.”

“I just want to go home.”

“I know, Joonmyun, I know. It’s why you’re studying so much.”

“I have to go, I have to do well. Even if Yixing breaks up with me I have to go back so I can- I can’t not try to get him back.”

“He’s not going to leave you-“

“But what if he does? I’m not wasting time.”

“But you always studying is part of the reason he-“

“I didn’t say I was going to talk to him less.”

“But you-“

“I have weekends, I don’t have to sleep so much. I have to do this.”

“Joonmyun, you can’t-“

“I have to, Kevin.” Joonmyun said, his eyes were glassy and sparkling with tears and worry, but they held so much conviction that Kevin knew Joonmyun couldn’t be swayed, not if he tried.

“You’re crazy.”

Joonmyun laughed, thought his face definitely wasn’t happy. “No, I’m just in love.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jongin burst through the door of Yixing’s house, his parents weren’t at home but it was open, and instantly ran to his room, already hearing the sobs ripping through his throat. Joonmyun had sounded desperate on the phone, and how he was so vague just scared Jongin even more.

Because of this, it didn’t really surprise him when he walked in to find him curled up, knees to his chest as he sat against the headboard of his bed.

“Yixing-“

“Jongin…” the Chinese’s voice cracked as he forced himself to calm down.

Jongin sat down next to him on the bed, as Yixing leaned over, but still cried into his knees. Jongin ran his fingers through Yixing’s hair.

“What happened?”

Yixing bit his lip, and begun to explain.

“…I went off at Joonmyun and I shouldn’t have. It’s not his fault. I just miss him so much and everything piled up and I got so angry. He rung me for so long after and I couldn’t even answer it because I’m so ashamed. I don’t even think I can talk to him after this, I don’t know what to do. I don’t deserve him, Jongin-ah.” by the time he’d finished, he’d begun crying again.

“You need to talk to him,” Jongin said, softly, “It’ll be worse the longer you leave it.”

“But I can’t,” Yixing replied exasperatedly, “I doubt he even wants to talk to me.”

Jongin couldn’t help but roll his eyes at Yixing’s stupidity. “And the 24 missed calls definitely confirm that.”

Yixing really just didn’t want to admit to himself that he was too afraid to talk to his boyfriend. They’d never fought and he didn’t know how anything would happen anymore.

“I will, I’ll talk to him… I just can’t right now.”

“Well you better soon, because it’s not going to get better if you don’t.”

Yixing had never hated himself so much in his life.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Yixing, please, please pick up Yixing, I need to talk to you, I need to apologize, I need you to forgive me, please just answer your phone.”

“Yixing, pick up, please please pick up. I love you and I’m sorry I was so stupid, just please pick up.”

“Yixing, I love you, I love you and I’m so sorry, just please pick up your phone.”

“Please, Yixing, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please pick up.”

“Yixing, don’t ignore me, please. Just answer your phone.”

“Please, please just answer the phone.”

“Yixing, please, I want to talk to you, I’m sorry,”

“Yixing, I’m sorry, please answer.”

“Yixing, please.”

Yixing breathed in and then out, breaths shuddering as he listened to the voicemails on his phone. There were at least 20, and he was feeling less than good about it.

He nearly dropped the phone when a message came through unexpectedly.

From: Joonmyun-oppa<3
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now but I just please, I need you to message me okay? I love you so much, I’m so sorry.

Yixing didn’t know what to do. He wanted to talk to Joonmyun but he felt far too ashamed to. He wanted to tell him that no, he was really sorry, but he couldn’t face him and he hated himself for it.
‘I love you so much,’ he’d said, but Yixing didn’t know how; he didn’t know how Joonmyun could still love him after he said all that.

For ten minutes, his fingers ghosted over the keys, typing response after response, but nothing could seem to be right. He wanted to apologize, but it had to be perfect and he couldn’t do that over text, and there was no way he’d be able to say it at the moment.

To: Joonmyun-oppa<3
Don’t be sorry, please don’t be. I just need some time to think.
I love you too, please give me time and don’t apologize.

Yixing put his phone down, he didn’t know what else to say.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One week later, and Yixing still hadn’t phoned. Joonmyun had stopped trying to call when Yixing didn’t want to seem to talk, instead messaging him that whenever he was ready, he would always be there. Yixing didn’t know how to respond to that.

Just because he hadn’t spoken to him, Yixing had taken up Joonmyun’s wishes. He’d been forcing himself to eat three meals a day, and though the intake he was not used to wasn’t always sitting well, he knew it was for the better.

Jongin was angry with Yixing for leaving it so long, and it surprised him that Kyungsoo hadn’t been giving him the cold shoulder too, considering Joonmyun was his best friend. However, it didn’t mean he felt like Yixing had no reason to call.

“You don’t feel like you’re worth him, do you?” Kyungsoo asked from the couch opposite.

Yixing looked down, “No,” he sighed, “Not really, I mean, look what I’m doing now.”

Kyungsoo smiled softly, “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Of course it does. I’m not perfect like you are, ‘Soo.”

“If I’m perfect, then why does Joonmyun like you and not me?” Kyungsoo stood up and stretched, walking over and sitting down next to the Chinese. “You know, I feel like that too, I feel like that with Jongin.”

Yixing’s eyes widened, because he didn’t realize that Kyungsoo still felt that way after what they’d been through.

“You know when I tried to leave, right? It wasn’t just because I thought he was going to leave me,” Kyungsoo’s hands were clasped together on his knees, and he was looking down. “It was because I didn’t feel like I was worth him. I mean, look at me, and then look at him. I’m not the person you’d expect to be dating someone like Jongin. I’m short whilst he’s tall, pale whilst he’s tanned. He’s kind of the incarnation of a god, and then there’s me. Jongin, he’s given me so much, and I’ve barely given him anything in return. He gave me somewhere to live, he gave me happiness, but what did I give him?”

“You made him happy, ‘Soo, you gave him love.”

“But I didn’t understand how that was enough, because he’s Jongin whilst I’m just Kyungsoo. I didn’t feel worthy of him, and well, I still kind of don’t.”

“But you know how much he loves you.”

“Most of the time I know how much he loves me like you know how much you’re loved by Joonmyun.”

Ouch, those words slapped Yixing hard in the face.

“He’s not going to dump you, Yixing. He’s not going to be angry with you; he’s not going to be ashamed of you. You just need to talk to him. I’m not saying you have to right now, you have to when you’re ready. But if you don’t seriously start thinking about it, it’s not going to get better any time soon.”

“I know, I know. Jongin’s angry with me too.”

“Jongin’s not angry with you, Xing, he’s just upset. He’s upset because you’re unhappy but you’re not doing anything to resolve it.”

“I’m trying, I just need to sort out my head before I do anything…” Yixing said, “How do you- when you do know, how do you know how much Jongin loves you?” he asked unsurely.

Kyungsoo smiled. “I just do. I trust him enough to know that he’s telling me the truth, but more importantly I trust myself enough, and that’s where you need to change.”

Four days later, and Yixing still hadn’t spoken to Joonmyun.

Tomorrow, he promised, tomorrow I’ll do it.

Two days later, and Yixing still hadn’t spoken to Joonmyun. Though it was his fault, his mood was still way worse than usual, and Jongin had given up on him for the day, stalking off to somewhere else where Yixing wasn’t quite sure. It was the break where they usually ate, but Yixing had eaten a lot in the morning, so he wasn’t the slightest bit hungry, and decided to work on a piece which he’d been choreographing since he’d had a go at Joonmyun.

He found it easier to express these sorts of things with dance then with words, and though he didn’t think he’d show Joonmyun, he needed to do this for himself. Every step that he added to this, he thought of a better way to apologize, a better way to show him he loved him.

When he opened the door though, he found it was already occupied.

“Hey Yixing!” Joon grinned, looking up at Yixing and smiling from his position bent over the stereo.

“Oh hey, Joon,” he said awkwardly, making his way backwards to exit the room. “Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be in here. I’ll leave you to it.”

Joon shook his head, “Oh no no, it’s fine! You can use it if you want.”

“Really?”

“On one condition,” the Korean winked.

“Uhh…”

“You have to show me what you were going to do.” he smiled.

Yixing pouted for a bit, weighing up the options in his head. He didn’t know if he should show Joon, when it wasn’t really meant for him, but Jongin and Kyungsoo had seen it too, and it was meant more for himself than anyone else, so he gave in. Plus, Joon looked so goddamn hopeful, and he didn’t want to make him look like a kicked kitten or something.

Yixing nodded, and Joon’s face lit up as Yixing walked over to the speakers and dumped his bag down. He plugged his iPod in, and motioned for Joon to start the music once he was in the centre.

It wasn’t complete, but Yixing always found himself exhausted once he’d performed it. Joon handed him a drink bottle, and he slid down the wall beside him.

“That was…”

“Depressing?”

Joon pouted, “Well, I was going to say beautiful, but it was that too... You made that?”

Yixing nodded.

“You haven’t been… Happy recently, have you?”

Yixing sighed, “No, not really.”

Joon pushed his shoulder with his own slightly, “You gonna tell me what it is?”

Yixing ran his hands through his hair. “I was stupid, I am stupid. I had a go at my boyfriend for things that weren’t his fault, and he called and called and I wouldn’t answer because now I just don’t know what to do. It was nearly two weeks ago but I still haven’t figured out how to apologize, and it’s even worse because I’m leaving him hanging like this but I’m scared. I’m scared and I hate myself for being so weak.”

Bingo.

“Well, I think that if he loves you he’ll try to sort it out, it isn’t all your fault.”

“But he has, I know he’s just giving me space because I told him I needed to think about things.”

Joon cocked his head, “Like what?”

“Like my mental state,” Yixing laughed out. “Anyway, you saw it now; I think you should show me what you were doing.”

“Oh, it was Mr Jung’s dance.”

“Show me something else then, do a girls group dance or something.”

“You’re saying I learn girls group dances?”

“What’s wrong with that? I learn them…”

“Yeah, but I’m not as gay as you.”

Yixing threw the half-empty water bottle at him.

“That’s because you’re bi, you .”

“I’d prefer to say I don’t really care about the gender, as long as we can have fun.” Joon winked greasily, making Yixing pull an over-exaggerated disgusted face.

“Yeah, I’ve seen you staring at Yunho’s quite a bit.”

“What? Fun with Mr Jung, what more can I say?”

“He’s married, you .”

“I wouldn’t come on to him; I’m just going to appreciate what’s there.”

“He’s your teacher, that’s just weird.”

“Don’t worry, I like your more.”

“Are you coming on to me right now?”

“Does it look like my is out?”

Yixing pulled his shoe off and threw it, hitting Joon right in his crotch area. He would have felt bad, had it not been one of the funniest things he’d ever seen in his life.

Joon’s face froze as the shoe fell to the ground, before dropping on to his knees and curling over, howling in pain as his face contorted.

For the first time in weeks, Yixing actually laughed. Not just a chuckle, not just a light ‘haha’, but an actual laugh which used his whole body and filled him with a warmth he hadn’t felt in so long.

Joon wanted to be angry with him for possibly ruining his fertility, but he couldn’t when Yixing looked so beautiful.

I can make you happy, you can hurt me as much as you want if I can make you laugh like this.

It took at least five minutes for Yixing to regain his composure, but the same couldn’t be said for Joon, who was still curled over in discomfort, on hand holding his crotch as the other pulled his hair, wishing that the pain in his head would override the one between his legs.

Yixing walked over and bobbed down beside him, taking in the sight with highly amused eyes.

“ you.” Joon muttered.

“Well, I couldn’t tell if your was in, you had one out and it was just really small, or if you didn’t have one at all. I guess you do have one though.”

Joon tried his best to glare, but he couldn’t when Yixing looked that precious.

 “I’m sorry man, I’m sorry. I won’t throw shoes at your small peepee again.”

“It’s not ing small, it was in my pants you know.” Joon grumbled.

“Sure sure.” Yixing sang, standing up and holding his hand out for the other to take it. Joon willingly did, standing up, dangerously close to the other.

This was his chance, this was totally his chance.

Yixing blinked as Joon leaned in, bringing his hand up to the side of Yixing’s face to cup it before-

“, DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT SLAPPING ME!” Yixing screamed as he ran away.

Well .

Annoyed that Yixing hadn’t caught on, and disappointed that he’d lost the chance, Joon still couldn’t help but laugh at how typical the situation was.

Well, it’d just have to wait.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To: Joonie
Joonie, come visit your mother this weekend ;-;

From: Joonie
Sorry mum, I can’t. I have to study.

To: Joonie
All weekend?

From: Joonie
Yeah :S

To: Joonie
Do you have exams or something? :/

From: Joonie
No, I just have to study. Sorry >.<

Joonmyun’s mother frowned at her phone screen. 

∩( ・ω・)∩ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Authors Note  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ∩( ・ω・)∩

So I decided to change the formatting of this, I hope it's cool with you all because I was so sick of that other font OTL.

Yixing-ah, you silly unicorn. Just ring him!
and I know, I'm the one who wrote this so I can only blame myself v.v

Thank you for not hating me with the last update! (except you Beyonce, I thought we had something special c;)
Though you might hate me with this one because you all don't seem to like Joon I mean I loved writing Joon he was lots of fun.

Thank you to everyone that is subscribing and commenting and upvoting, I hot over 150 subscribers and homfg I have never hit that amount in my life and I cannot believe there are that many people that are reading the useless words I churn out and want to actually know when I churn out more, thank you so so much :3
I know I don't thank you individually, but really, I really really am grateful to you all ^-^

Everyone that is commenting, YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. I get so happy when I see I have new comments and I love reading them.

And honestly I can't believe people would even think of upvoting this so to everyone that is uhsgvfkjh lemme love you. 

Remember you can always add me on here or find me on Tumblr, and I also have KakaoTalk and LINE, so if anyone wants to chat just let me know and I will get my ID to you c:

sorry that was long but I don't think anyone reads them anyway.

Until next time!
Stay cool guys ;)