Jongin woke up to the sound of a door shutting and felt nothing in his hold, and pouted softly. He reached out to wrap his arms around Kyungsoo when he found he couldn’t because he was securely wrapped in blankets and his other half wasn’t there. Slowly rolling out of bed, curiosity took over him as he went to find what had woken him up. He hoped it was just Kyungsoo going to do something, but why he’d do it at this time in the morning he didn’t know, and was too tired to consider.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Kyunggie?" Jongin mumbled, dazed- Kyungsoo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He turned around horror stricken to find Jongin sleepily rubbing his eyes, in that insanely adorable way that was so Jongin, and just so cute.

No, he didn't need to fall even more in love, especially right now.

"What are you doing? Come back to bed..."

No Jongin, don't say that. If I come back I won't be able to go.

A soft smile covered Kyungsoo's features, though it showed the polar opposite to what he was feeling. If he could keep this up and get Jongin to go back to his room, hopefully he would fall asleep and not be caught leaving.

"It's nothing Jongin, go back to sleep."

Kyungsoo had totally forgotten about the satchel bag slung on his shoulder until now, and hoped that Jongin wouldn't notice in the light and his half asleep haze. He did notice though.

"Kyunggie, why have you got a bag?"

"Jongin, it's nothing, just go back to bed."

Jongin could hear the strain in Kyungsoo's voice as he spoke, and the forced smile on his face was telling him that no, it really wasn't nothing. His face paled as he noticed that Kyungsoo wasn't moving towards him. All of a sudden he was painfully awake, eyes wide open and bottom lip slightly quivering.

"Hyung, where are you going?"

"It’s nothing, go back to sleep," Kyungsoo said, his back now facing Jongin… He didn't know if he could look at him. “I’ll be back soon.”

Sorry for lying.

"Kyungsoo, it's not nothing. What are you doing?" Jongin said, voice forceful but trembling slightly, face a mixture of worry and confusion. He had no idea what was going on, and any ideas he was having he desperately pushed to the side, praying and hoping and wishing that they weren’t true.

"Just drop it!" Kyungsoo turned around, fists clenched, and Jongin could see the tears running down his face. It was only a moment of visible vulnerably before he turned back around, preparing to walk out the door.

Jongin couldn’t deny it any more, the weight of what Kyungsoo was doing hitting him like a moving train, the thought of such a thing happening making his heart clench and his whole being feel nauseous.

“You can’t leave.”

All of a sudden, Kyungsoo cracked. Who was Jongin to tell him that he couldn’t leave when he would do it sooner or later? He turned around, eyes burning.

“Why are you making this so hard? Dammit Jongin!” Kyungsoo yelled, beginning to take his final steps out their, no, Jongin’s door.

Jongin paled even further, he couldn’t let Kyungsoo leave. He didn’t know why he wanted to go, but he felt like if he let him out that door, he’d never see him again. In an instant he was behind Kyungsoo, wrapping his arms around his stomach.

“Let go.”

“No.       

“I told you to let go.”

“And I said no.”

“Jongin, let go of me!” Kyungsoo screamed, voice cracking.

“Am I really that bad of a boyfriend?” Jongin whimpered, his voice breaking and dripping sadness.

Kyungsoo had never heard Jongin speak like that, and automatically he regretted getting angry with him, voice softening. “No, no, Jongin. That’s not it…”

“Then why-“ Jongin sniffed, “Why are you leaving?”

Kyungsoo turned around, and almost instantly Jongin’s lips were on his. He didn’t want to respond, he didn’t want to get attached, he had to leave now, because Jongin deserved better and he didn’t think he could handle him leaving him, but for the first time Kyungsoo had known Jongin’s lips were salty and wet and Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do anymore. He’d never seen Jongin cry, and they’d lived together for nearly two years. Suddenly everything was so much more complicated.

This really was the worst way to go. If he was never going to see Jongin again he owed him an explanation, and if this was the last time he would ever kiss him then he was going to let him know he was always falling more and more in love with everything about him.

They pulled apart, and Jongin’s hands were clutched at the hemline of Kyungsoo’s shirt.

Jongin had always been taller, but Kyungsoo had never seen him look so small.

“You can’t leave me,” he mumbled, tears streaming down his face, voice cracking with every word, “Why do you even want to leave? You can’t go, I won’t let you.”

“Jongin, I have to leave.”

“Why?” Jongin asked, “Why do you need to leave? If you’re just doing this as some sort of way for me to not feel bad then stop. If you want to leave because I’ve been a bad boyfriend and I haven’t looked after you well enough, or that I don’t make you happy or that you’ve finally realized you deserve better just tell me. If I haven’t been good enough for you when you gave me the chance then I deserve to hurt,” Jongin was crying harder now, pushing back sobs that were threatening to rip through his throat. “I don’t deserve you if I haven’t treated you well enough.”

“It’s not like that Jongin, please don’t ever think that.”

“Then what is it!?”

“I- I wanted to leave before you left me. You must be getting tired of me and I just didn’t want to be left again.”

“Kyungsoo, I-I don’t understand. Why would you even think-?”

“ I’m just sick of being so insecure all the time! One day you’re going to realize that this person that you’ve wasted all your time on was just me, and then you’re just going to leave like everyone else did. I’m not good enough for you Jongin. I’m not attractive enough and cry all the time and I’m too clingy and I rely on you too much,” Kyungsoo said, the tears on his face mirroring the ones that were on Jongin’s. “You’re going to university and there are a whole bunch of better people that are absolutely perfect for you and you’ll realize how much you don’t love me and when that happens I don’t think I’ll be able to cope with it. I need you so much already Jongin, I need you so badly it hurts, and it’ll hurt even more once you leave me. If I leave now that doesn’t need to happen, you’ll be happy and I’ll be Kyungsoo but I won’t hurt as much as I could. You’re intelligent and a good dancer and attractive and perfect and I’ve been weighing you down recently- I can see it when you don’t smile as much and you don’t laugh as loudly, and it’s when you’re around me. Its better this way… You’ll find someone worthy of you, and whether or not I need you, you’ll be happy.”

“Stupid, stupid.” Jongin muttered, punching Kyungsoo’s chest lightly. “You’re so stupid. So. Stupid.”

Kyungsoo began to back away, willing his tears to stop, though the attempts were futile. “Jongin-ah, I have to go now.”

Something in Jongin cracked, and he couldn’t stop himself anymore.

“No, you don’t, you can’t!” he choked through sobs. “You don’t get it! I need you, I really need you! I promised you I’d never leave you so why do you think I will? Just because they left, it doesn’t mean I’m going to! I love you and I’m sorry but whether you want to or not I’m not letting you leave.”

“I’m not Jongin, I’m really not, and you’re going to realize it eventually.”

“Trust me, dammit! Trust me when I say I love you and that’s never going to change!” Jongin yelled, voice tearing as he wailed. “Why can’t you see that I need you just as much as you need me? I would die for you, Kyungsoo, I would ing throw myself in front of a bullet. I’d give up my life in an instant just so you could be safe. I would do anything for you so don’t you even think for one moment that I will ever stop loving you. For once, stop doubting how perfect you are and how much I love you, because it’s all wrong”

Kyungsoo couldn’t handle this anymore. Tears were streaming down his face too and he’d never seen Jongin look so in pain. He was flooded with waves of guilt; he was the one who made Jongin feel this way.

“Jongin…”

“No.” Jongin said, wrapping his arms back around Kyungsoo, head bent somewhat awkwardly in Kyungsoo’s chest. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong, that I’m crazy, that you’re not worth it- I don’t care. You’re not leaving, you can’t leave me, you won’t leave me,” he cried. “Especially for reasons that are so damned wrong.”

Any resolve that Kyungsoo had to leave was out the door with Jongin shaking in his arms like this. “Jongin, Jongin, I’m not leaving, I won’t leave, I’m so sorry.” he choked out, clinging to the younger. He’s not sure how long he cried for, but he was the one that broke the quiet. “Let’s go back to bed, okay?”

He silently pulled Jongin back to their room, and the moment they hit the bed the younger wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, tighter than he’d ever held him before.

They laid in silence for a while. Two minutes, two hours, it didn’t matter how long. Jongin was scared to go asleep in case Kyungsoo tried to leave again and Kyungsoo was trying to register what just happened.

“Why?” Jongin asked, voice weak and raw from crying as he broke the silence.

“I already told you why…” Kyungsoo muttered in response. He felt guilty now, and it was something that he just wanted to forget about.

Jongin pressed soft kisses on the back of Kyungsoo’s neck, making Kyungsoo shiver slightly. Jongin’s lips felt so right, and he couldn’t help be thankful that Jongin had stopped him from going.

“But why?”

“Jongin, you know I’m not good with people leaving…” he started, “Joonmyun’s gone for now and I felt like I’d become so annoying and clingy and that you were getting sick of me and that you’d leave me like everyone else I’ve loved has… I had to get out before you did that, I wouldn’t have been able to take it.”

“Kyunggie,” Jongin whined, “I’m not like them; I need you too much for me to leave you. Why did you even think I was getting sick of you? I never will...”

“Jongin-ah,” Kyungsoo said, shifting himself so he was now facing his boyfriend, “You can’t deny you haven’t been as cheery lately. You don’t smile nearly as much and you’re always tired and stressed and then you have to deal with me having moments and relapsing. I’m not keeping you happy, I’m just making you more stressed out.”

Jongin leant in and kissed him on the lips, so sweet Kyungsoo could nearly taste the sugar, before brushing his cheek with his thumb.

“It’s not your fault Kyunggie, of course I’ve been more stressed and tired. It’s because we have the performance next week and then I have university assignments, and of course I’ve been worried about you. I’m tired because I’m working myself out for dance and I’m sorry that I haven’t had much time for you, but you are in no way burdening me though so don’t ever think it, please.” Jongin took his hands in his own. “You’re allowed to be weak, you’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to miss people and you’re allowed to be sad, but don’t think you’re allowed to be alone when you do those things when I love you so much. I’ll always be here for you. I’m sorry that you think it’s your fault but it really isn’t okay? Once this performance is over I’ll be happier and more energetic, alright? I’m just really stressed and busy and I haven’t got much time, but not because of you. I love you too much for you to ever be a burden to me.”

“I love you so much, you don’t even know…” Kyungsoo said, head tucked in the space between Jongin’s neck and shoulder.

“I’d be thrilled if you loved me even a fraction of what I love you.”

Kyungsoo looked up, the light coming through the window illuminating his face. Glassy eyes and tear stained cheeks, and Jongin didn’t think he looked any less magical.

“But why, Jongin? Why do you love me?” Kyungsoo sniffed, “I’m not attractive, and all I can do is cook and I’m not even good in bed. Half the time I’m an emotional wreck and I just bring you down and make you worry. My eyes are big and I’m borderline OCD about things being clean and it’s annoying. You’re like a god standing next to me…. You’re perfect and I’m not. I’m not good enough for you.”

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin started, looking directly into his eyes, shifting his hand and entwining their fingers, pressing his lips to Kyungsoo’s, kissing them softly. “I love you because you’re you. I love your big eyes and I love your little quirks, and I love how you’re ‘borderline OCD’ about cleanliness because it means the house looks nicer and it means I clean up better and I’m healthier. You’re the best cook I know, but cooking isn’t the only thing you can do well. You’re an amazing singer and you’re smart, and don’t even tell me you aren’t because you got into Seoul National on a scholarship.  You’re not an emotional wreck- everyone is allowed to get upset Kyunggie, and you have so many reasons to be which aren’t even your fault, so don’t blame yourself for anything. You look after me so well, and don’t for one second think you’re unattractive because you are the iest thing I’ve ever seen and I swear you are a walking turn on...”

Kyungsoo felt his face flushed as Jongin’s words tumbled out. He tried to stop him but he found the effort useless when Jongin just talked over him.

“Don’t even get me started on how good you are in bed, because you are the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of doing and I’d be embarrassed on how quickly I get hard if it wasn’t you. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out, and I love you so much. You may not think you’re perfect, but for me you are that and so much more because all your imperfections are what makes you you, and you are the most special, beautiful, precious and important thing in my life,” Jongin kissed his hand again. “I love you so much, Do Kyungsoo, I love you so much and if you love me only a tiny bit as much as I love I will be ecstatic.”

Kyungsoo smiled, “Then you must be the happiest man alive, because I love you more.”

Jongin traced his hand over Kyungsoo’s jawline, Kyungsoo leaning into the touch. “If only you knew.”

Kyungsoo’s heart swelled. Jongin was flawless, and Jongin was his.

“I’m so sorry, Jongin.” Kyungsoo whispered, because he really was.

He knew he needed to learn to trust people one hundred percent, and Jongin was a perfect place to start. If he was going to spend the rest of his life with someone, there was no one more appropriate, more faultless.

“It’s alright, just don’t scare me like that ever again. Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” Kyungsoo replied, linking his pinkie finger with Jongin’s before releasing, smiling childishly.

“Let’s be happy together, let’s grow old together and then in 50 years’ time let’s be wrinkly together. Let’s love each other forever, alright? I’ll love you and you’ll love me- is it a deal?”

“Deal.” Kyungsoo smiled as Jongin sealed it with a kiss.

“Good night, Kyungsoo. I love you.” Jongin whispered, moving up and kissing his forehead.

“I love you too, Jongin.” Kyungsoo whispered back, resting his head on Jongin’s chest and soon finding sleep claim him.

This time he wasn’t going to leave. He wasn’t going to run because he knew Jongin was his home and his everything, and he couldn’t leave that no matter how hard he tried. Jongin was the reason Kyungsoo sang so beautifully, the reason he smiled, the reason he breathed. Kyungsoo might have been imperfect, but Jongin made him know that that was alright. Jongin loved him and that was perfect enough.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yixing felt arms wrap around his stomach from the back, and he instantly tensed.

“Who the is-“

“Thank you.”

“Huh?”

That hadn’t been a voice that he would have expected coming out with those words.

Yixing turned around and was faced with a certain Jongin who’d wrapped his arms around him.

“Thank you so much.”

“Jongin, what are you talking about?”

Jongin looked up. “Kyungsoo- he nearly left- but you warned me. Thank you. Thank you for leaving your shirt at mine and stopping him the first time. Thank you, thank you for everything.”

Yixing simply hugged back, not really knowing how to respond to Jongin when he wasn’t usually like this.

“What else did you expect me to do?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t know what I’d do if- if he left.  Thank you.”

∩( ・ω・)∩ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Authors Note  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ∩( ・ω・)∩

I leave you guys on a cliffhanger but I update soon after so I don't think you can be mad ^-^
Expected ending to that is expected, but I couldn't split them up, no no no :3
Now let's go back to SuLay hurhurhur.

GDGFSADHGAS THE REPACKAGE, IT'S KINDA BEAUTIFUL DON'T YA'LL THINK?

Wow okay so off that, I wanted to say a huge huge thank you to everyone that commented since last update. I got more than I ever have in that time period and it made me so so happy, you guys are really the best :D Even if I can't think of anything else to say except thank you, know that I really really do appreciate all your comments and feedback, really :3

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