I was in a hurry to go to the guys’ dorm. I shove my things to the small backpack I usually use and run out of our dorm. I looked at my watch, it’s almost 12NN! Gosh! Why did I wake up so late! The guys are probably so worried now.

 

Luckily, there was a taxi right in time when I got out of our building. I quickly ran to it and get in.

 

While I was on my way, I can’t help but think of Taemin, wondering if it was my fault. Aigoo~ He really did run away, huh? Guess he’s serious about it last night.

 

*flashback*

It’s already 1:35 AM when I got back to our dorm. I quickly washed up and prepared to sleep. Just when I was about to, my phone rang, it was Taemin. I answered, but before I could even say a word, he already did.

 

“♫♪ Hey, love! Let’s run away!~ Let’s go even if we don’t have a destination. If only you’re by my side, I can go anywhere in the world, whenever—alright!” He sang the first part of their song Runaway’s chorus in a fast manner, sounding so excited. He chuckled afterwards.

 

“Why…are you singing that to me? Are you asking me to run away with you?” I said jokingly with a chuckle.

 

“Let’s say I am, then, will you come with me?”

 

“Mhmm…I don’t know. I should know the reason first.”

 

“There’s no reason.” He said, but I kinda sense it’s a lie.

 

“Let’s say I agree even if there’s no reason, when and where will we go?” I said, riding along his runaway topic.

 

“Anywhere! We could figure that out on our way…and we can leave right now! So, are you going?” He sounded so excited. And it hit me; he’s quite serious about this.

 

“Wait. Are you serious?”

 

“Yes, why?” He sounded so calm while my mind is in panic.

 

“You can’t do that now!” That was all I could say though I have a lot in my mind. You have concerts! Shows! Events! Practices! You are a famous idol! You have a lot to lose!

 

“What’s the essence of running away if you’ll schedule it? Now’s the right time. I feel it.”

 

“What? No! You can’t!” I said, emphasizing the ‘you’. Hope he gets what I mean.

 

“I can’t? But you can?” He said it quite seriously, I was left speechless. What does he mean by that? Does he know I’m about to run away from them again? Does he know I’m leaving soon?

 

“You’ve already done that a few times. What makes me different that I can’t do it?” He continued, sounding a bit frustrated.

 

“A lot. There’s a huge difference between us.” I said sternly. I don’t know why, but saying those words feels heavy inside. He didn’t say anything and it made me say some more.

 

“I’m just a normal, average citizen. I can be invisible in this world without people noticing that I was gone. But you, you are well-known. People will notice you’re gone and people will know you wherever you go. If I were to run away, no one will care and not much will be affected. If you run away, you’ll affect a lot.” I tried to explain. It was a bit quiet for a while before he talked again.

 

“Tell me 2 reasons why you run away.” He asked, diverting the topic a bit. I sighed before I answered.

 

“One, I feel suffocated. Two, I need time for myself.” I answered honestly and said it straight. Saying that brings back memories. I don’t want Taemin to run away like I did, so I’m trying to help him. Hope I knock out some sense to him.

 

“Exactly the same reasons why I want to run away now. There’s not much of a difference.” Urgh! This kid is so stubborn!

 

“Taemin…” I said calmly. But he cut me off.

 

“It’s getting late. You should sleep now and get some rest. I’ll call you again if we’ll run away. Maybe you’ll change your mind. Hehe. Bye~” He hang up quickly after that.

*end of flashback*

 

I shook my head. Urgh! I should have talked to him more last night. Maybe he’ll think about it more and change his mind.

 

I arrived at the SHINee’s dorm building. I quickly ran to the elevator. I was biting my lips out of nervousness while riding the elevator. Why is this elevator so slow?!

 

I arrived at their floor and walked fast to their door. I stared blankly at the door lock, but then I decided to just ring the bell. It was quickly opened by Minho.

 

“You know the password, right? Why’d you ring the bell?” He said while we walk inside.

 

“I forgot the password.” I said blankly. I sat in the couch beside Key who’s still trying to call Taemin.

 

“So, what happened?” I asked cautiously.

 

“I don’t know. We were all fine yesterday.” Onew looked confused and worried.

 

“Actually, he did look quite worried after he talked to our CEO.” Minho said.

 

“What could they have talked about? Aigoo! Why isn’t he answering his phone?! It’s ringing but he’s not picking it up!” Key said in frustration.

 

“Are you sure he’s not with his friends or at home?” I asked. They all shook their head no.

 

“We’ve called everyone. He’s not with his friends, nor at home. His family became worried after we called. Actually, I thought of that earlier because sometimes he doesn’t sleep here without notice. But then, Key noticed that one of Taemin’s big bags is missing and some of his clothes were also gone. We started to worry after that.” Jjong said.

 

We all sighed. I breathed deeply before telling them about last night.

 

“I… actually met with Taemin last night. We were together until, I don’t know, 1AM?” All heads turned to me. They all looked shock.

 

“Are you guys dating again?! Gosh! Why are you leaving me out of it again? I thought we’re best friends?!” Key said, sounding a bit angry but happy at the same time. The other guys smiled too.

 

I chuckled in disbelief.

 

“Guys! That’s not what we should be talking about right now.” The guys nodded and stayed quiet for a while.

 

“But, seriously, are you guys--” I cut off Jjong’s question.

 

“No. We’re not.” All of them stared at me. I cleared my throat before bringing them back to the topic.

 

“Going back, he told me a bit about what they talked about. He said he asked some favor to your CEO but it was not granted. He just felt a bit frustrated about it and thought of letting it out to a friend so he called me. But he didn’t say a lot about it.”

 

“Favor? He never asked something like that before. He doesn’t even talk to our CEO alone.” Minho said.

 

“He usually tells me things like that first, but now he kept it to himself. What could it be?” Onew said.

 

“But why would he run away for that? Isn’t that a bit… light?” Jjong wondered.

 

“Maybe for us it may seem light, but for him it might be different.” I said.

 

“Should we check the internet and see if some people see him somewhere?” I said as I opened my phone’s browser.

 

“That’s a good idea.” Onew said and the rest of the group agrees to do it.

 

I was shocked to see the tabs that were on my phone’s browser. One tab is a confirmation of a plane ticket, and some other tabs are travel guide or different places to visit in Jeju Island. Could he be in Jeju?! I’m sure that I didn’t open these pages before.

 

I quietly look into my phone’s browser history. I remembered Taemin borrowing my phone, maybe this is what he did. Why would he use my phone for this when he has his own phone? Aigoo. Did you want me to go find you, Taemin?

 

There were a lot of hotels in Jeju Island that were visited through my browser. I listed it in my phone.

 

“Guys, no one posted about seeing Taemin today.” Key said. The guys agreed saying that they didn’t find any fancams too.

 

“Guys, we have to get ready now. We have a schedule, and an hour from now our manager will pick us up. Let’s talk about what to say to our manager and to the fans at the fan signing event after we get ready.” Onew instructed the guys to stop whatever they were doing. They did as told.

 

“Anna, can I leave this to you for now?” Onew said.

 

“Of course. I’ll call you guys when I found something. I should go now.” I said.

 

I bid goodbye to the guys and quickly made my way back to our dorm.

 

~~

 

I tried calling Taemin as I’m on my way to the airport. I quickly booked for the soonest flight to Jeju when I got back to the dorm. I just packed a few clothes and made my way to the airport. Maybe I’m not thinking straight. What am I even doing? I must have gone crazy.

 

“Yah! If you’re really in Jeju, argh! I swear I would hit you in the head when I see you! And if you’re not, argh! Whatever! I’ll just hunt you down! Prepare yourself! I’ll-- *beeeep*” The time for the voice message ended. I left a message for Taemin. I was feeling angry and worried; I puff my cheeks and sighed heavily. I glanced at the driver and saw him looking at me worriedly through the rear view mirror. I apologized immediately and smiled. Gosh that was embarrassing.

 

~~

 

I sat tiredly on the sofa at the hotel’s lobby. Last one on my list. Haay.. What if he’s not really here?

 

I’ve been going around the hotels that I saw on my phone’s browsing history. When I opened those pages, a confirmation of a room reservation appeared. I have no choice but to check all of it if he really stayed in one of those hotels. Turns out he cancelled most of it and now I’m down to the last one on my list. It has been 5 hours since I’ve arrived here in Jeju and now it’s already dark outside.

 

Am I just wasting money and time here? Aigoo… Taemin! Where are you?

 

I breathed deeply before going over the counter. Once again, I acted as if I’m someone rich. I don’t want the receptionists to see me as a crazy fan, stalking on this famous idol. I smiled lightly before talking with confidence. I slid down a paper with ‘Lee Taemin’ written on it. I don’t want other people to hear his name, especially from someone unknown like me.

 

“Hi, I’m here to meet this person. He said he reserved a room in this hotel. Can you tell me which room he’s in?” I said.

 

“Just a minute, I’ll check into it.” The lady said. She typed something on her computer.

 

“Yes, he’s staying in this hotel. But I’m sorry, I can’t tell you which room. It’s said here that he doesn’t want to be disturbed.” She said. A heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders. I feel relieved, yet I feel a little bit of anger forming inside of me.

 

“It’s really important. Please?” I tried to ask the lady again. She handed me a paper.

 

“Please write your name. I’ll ask him if he’ll allow a visitor.” She said kindly. But I’m a bit scared. What if he doesn’t want to see me?

 

“Can’t you just tell him that it’s his friend?” I may look desperate here, but I don’t care.

 

“I’m sorry. It’s part of our rules.”

 

I sighed in defeat and picked up a pen. But just as I was writing my name, I heard the other lady call someone on the phone.

 

“Room 1818 wants to follow up his order. Be there in 3 minutes, okay? He’s a V.I.P. in this hotel.”

 

I stopped for a while and looked up to the lady I was talking to a while ago. I looked at her, trying to signal, asking if that was Taemin’s room. I don’t know if she gets it but she nervously nodded her head with a small smile. I smiled at her widely. I finished writing my name and gave it to her.

 

“Please, don’t call him. Just put my name on the record. Don’t worry. I’ll take responsibility if you get in trouble. Thank you~” I said quickly with a smile. I waved at her before going to the elevator.

 

I arrived at the 18^th floor and it’s so quiet here. I jumped a bit in shock as I heard my phone beeped. Once again, it’s a message from the guys, asking if I already found something. I haven’t even told them that I went here. I have been ignoring their calls and messages since I left their dorm. Hope they don’t get more nervous and worried. I decided to send a message to them if I’m really sure that Taemin’s here. I put my phone back in my pocket as I walked down the hall.

 

Just as I was about to turn a corner to his room, a food cart passed by me. Thinking that it’s for Taemin’s room, I stayed by that corner to see who’s going to open the door. Waiting for the door to open makes me feel like I’m in some movie, and I’m acting as the spy. Haha! What am I thinking?

 

The door slightly opened and I saw him. Taemin’s really here! I felt so happy that I just want to run to him and hit him in his head!

 

I waited until the guy left the room before I stepped in front of the door. I pressed the button while staying at the side. I don’t want him to see me yet. I’m afraid that he might not open the door. I pressed the button again after a while. Soon enough, I heard someone walk to the door and so I stepped in front of it and leaned on the wall across it. The door opened and I saw Taemin who’s a bit angry, but then looked shock after seeing me. I tried to act tough; I crossed my arms in front of my chest while keeping a straight face.

 

“So you’re really here.” I said. He looked more confused and scared at the same time.

 

“What are you doing here? How did you—aw! Aw!” I cut him off by hitting his head then his arms.

 

“What were you thinking?! Don’t you know how worried we were?!” I continued to hit his arm in every word I say. I stopped when I realized he’s been quiet and just letting me hit him. I looked at him angrily, but I can’t help but feel the tears forming in my eyes. I don’t know if it’s because of relief that I finally saw him, or the worries I felt until I saw him again.

 

He looked at me in an apologetic way and pulled me inside his room. He let go when we reached the sofa and we both sat on it, far from each other. It turned quiet for a while.

 

“How did you know where I am?” he said, breaking the silence.

 

“You stupid. You used my phone and didn’t even close the tabs on the browser. You didn’t even clear the history. You left a lot of traces.” I said without looking at him. He chuckled, and then it was quiet again.

 

“You look too girly today, what’s up with you?” He said teasingly, breaking the silence again. I still didn’t look at him.

 

“So that the hotel receptionists won’t think of me as your stalker.” I said plainly. I then looked at my outfit. I’m just wearing a thin white long sleeve blouse, slightly tucked in my blue jeans. I’m not that girly, but I think the wedged brogue shoes made me look girly. Plus, I’m wearing lenses instead of my eyeglasses. I bet they still thought of me as a stalker fan.

 

He laughed at what I said and it made me glare at him.

 

“So, what brings you here? I thought you don’t want to run away with me?”

 

“Ha! I’m not here to join you. I’m here to bring you back. You don’t know how worried your hyungs are! Even your family is worried. You should have at least called them.”

 

“What’s the point of running away if you’ll tell people about it? Plus, I already called home. They’re not worried anymore.”

 

I get my phone from my pocket and typed in some message for the guys.

 

Guys! I found him! Come here tomorrow! Room 1818 HaevichiHotel!

 

“What are you doing?” He asked in panic.

 

“Telling your hyungs where you are.” I typed in quickly and send the message. Good thing I have already sent it before he grabbed my phone.

 

I smiled victoriously at him. He glared at me. I smiled wider. He turned my phone off and kept it behind him.

 

“Yah! What are you doing?! Give it back!” I said as I try to get my phone back. I moved closer to him and reached behind him. But he was much faster and he grabbed it again and lifts it above our heads.

 

“Yah! Lee Taemin! Give it back!” He’s laughing as I was struggling to reach it.

 

“Yah!” I said as I looked at him. I just realized that we were so close together. We both turned quiet upon realizing that we’re like hugging each other.

 

I cleared my throat before I pulled away from him. He ran to a room with my phone and came back quickly.

 

“You won’t get it back anymore.” He said with an evil laugh. I just sighed in defeat.

 

“Hey, have you eaten dinner?” He asked kindly. I just shook my head no.

 

“Want to go out to eat?” He asked.

 

“Eh? But you already ordered your food.” I said, pointing at the covered plate on the table. He lifted the cover up quickly.

 

“It’s just chicken. We can eat it later. Com’on.” He said, grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me up. We were about to go out when I realized something.

 

“Hey, wait! Are you going out like that?” I said looking at him from head to toe. He did the same. We chuckled upon realizing that he’s just wearing a white shirt and pajamas.

 

“I’ll change my clothes quickly. Wait there for a while.” He said, pointing at the sofa. I nodded and went back to my seat.

 

~~

 

*tchhhsss* tchhhsss*

 

He opened two cans of beer and placed one in front of me.

 

“You know that I don’t drink beer.” I said as I pushed it away.

 

“Because of the taste. That’s why, it’s a flavoured beer! It’s apple.” He said happily, pushing it back in front of me.

 

We’re now back at his hotel room, sitting on the floor across each other with a small table between us. The chicken he ordered earlier and some other snacks we bought were on the table, dozens of beer cans waiting under the table. We just got back from our quick dinner. Nothing much happened, it was just quiet. We went back quickly because we noticed some people following us.

 

“Are you an alcoholic now? You seem to like drinking a lot of beer.” I said. I sip from the can.

 

“How was it? It’s nice, right?” He said excitedly. I just shrugged and we chuckled.

 

It was quiet again for a while. But it’s nice. We chuckle lightly whenever we locked eyes.

 

We were drinking for quite a while, about 10 empty cans of beer were laid on the floor and Taemin has become a bit of a chatterbox. He talks about anything even if I just nod or chuckle at whatever he’s saying.

 

“Let’s go home tomorrow, okay?” I said, changing the subject suddenly. He turned quiet.

 

“Nope. I don’t like.” He said it with a grin like a little kid.

 

“Taemin, I told you. You can’t do this. Especially right now.”

 

“I told you, this is the perfect time to run away.” He said with a pout.

 

Seriously, am I talking to a kid now?

 

“You know there’re lots of people watching you. You can’t--”

 

“That’s exactly why I want to run away! I’m tired of people watching me and telling me what to do or who I should be. I just want to live a normal life. I want to be a normal 21 year old guy.” He said, and then drank the beer in one shot.

 

I stayed quiet. I felt kind of guilty hearing him say those things. It would not be bad if I let him do that, right? Just for a day. Just for a short time.

 

“Do you know why I ran away?” He asked, looking down at his can of beer and drinking once in a while.

 

“It’s because I don’t like what I’m doing and feeling at the moment. I think I’m messing up my life. I feel like all of the things I’ve been doing recently is wrong… and it makes me feel bad. Sometimes, I feel sad without a reason.” He said. I just stayed silent and looked at him sadly. I want to know the reasons why he’s sad and feeling that way, yet I’m afraid to ask him questions.

 

He continued talking after hearing no response.

 

“You know that thing I told you about the favour I asked our CEO, I asked him again earlier and he still didn’t change his mind.”

 

“You know, I’m really curious about that favour you asked. Can’t you tell me? Or even just a hint!”

 

He chuckled. “I’ll tell you now!” He said excitedly.

 

“I asked if I can end the WGM. Hehe. It seems like it is childish, isn’t it?”

 

“Eh? Why would you ask to end it? Aren’t you enjoying it?”

 

“I liked going out and doing things I can’t usually do. But, I don’t want being branded as that guy. It seems like people changed their view about me as they see me through that show. I don’t like it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because~ they always see me as Naeun’s husband. Wherever I go, that’s the first thing people ask about me after saying hello. Haha! I don’t like to be the husband Taemin. I don’t like people treating it as if we’re in a real romantic relationship. Also~ I feel kinda used!”

 

“Why?” I’m really curious about his last sentence

 

“Because…” He stopped for a while and looked straight to my eyes.

 

“I’ll let you in to some secret!” he said excitedly before finishing his can of beer. He leaned forward and opened another can of beer.

 

“Remember that time when I told you I need to protect Naeun?” He whispered. I felt a slight anger rush through me. I quickly gulped down the beer and finished the can upon hearing it and remembering about it.

 

You said it after kissing me and saying that you love me! How can I even forget it?!

 

“What about it?” I said, the anger is obvious through my tone, but I guess the drunken Taemin wouldn’t notice it.

 

“I was completely fooled! I should be the one being protected! Aigoo!” He said, hitting the table with his palm.

 

“Huh?” that’s all I can say. I’m really confused and curious about it now.

 

“Before that, she said that she’s been hearing and receiving some negative comments from my fans. She even asked to stop the WGM immediately. My manager and CEO heard about it too and so they asked me to take care of her even off cam. I felt really guilty so I did. But then, when I was being too kind and caring to her, she’d asked me to stop. I was confused! But I still stayed kind to her! Then suddenly some notes from her fanboys would ask me to stop dating her in real life because I’m a playboy! I’m not even dating her in real life! Those letters, I thought they were from my fans because it looks so girly and cute, so I read it. But it’s not kind. They say I’m a two-timer and a playboy. There were even photos of me with you and other girls that were just staff or hyungs’ friends! I don’t even have many friends!”

 

He tells the story with so much expression and body gestures. It makes me chuckle though the story is quite serious. I just nodded and continued listening to his story. It’s like he’s a character in an anime!

 

“And so I talked to her about it. Then that’s when I knew that she already has a boyfriend! Aigoo! They’re using me as their cover! … And so we became closer and treat each other as siblings! Heeee~”

 

I got confused with how he ended his story. At first I thought he’s angry, but then it’s a happy ending!

 

“Huh? That’s it? That’s the end of the story? Why does your conclusion seems far from the story?” I asked confusedly. He just chuckled.

 

“Because we’re even! I told her that I’m in a relationship too! Hahaha!” He said proudly.

 

“Huh? You have a girlfriend? Who is it?” I asked, I felt quite sad. It was quiet for a while.

 

“Lee Anna…”

 

“Ahh… I haven’t met her…” I said sadly, but then I realized something when I heard him chuckle. I looked at him in shock.

 

“I’ll make that her name someday.” He said, looking at me with a wide smile. I was left speechless. Was that… me? Did he just …propose?

 

He then stretched his arms, yawn, and lay on the floor with his eyes closed.

 

“I’m feeling sleepy.” He said happily.

 

It was quiet for a while. I was still blank. I suddenly felt nervous, yet happy. I finished my beer while smiling. I just can’t stop myself from smiling.

 

“Yah! I remembered! You didn’t give me a gift on my last birthday!” He suddenly got up and said it, pointing a finger at me.

 

I was shocked by the sudden noise. I jumped back a little.

 

“What? I gave you a gift! A shirt! How can you even forget it that easily? It’s not that long ago.” I said, feeling a little frustrated.

 

“Really?” He said, quite confused and embarrassed. Then he shouted again and I was shocked again. Why am I so jumpy? It’s like I’ve drank too much coffee! I feel nervous easily.

 

“Yah! But you missed a lot of my birthdays! You should give me another gift!” He said it like a kid.

 

I just rolled my eyes and lay down on the floor. I feel sleepy and a bit dizzy.

 

“Yah!”

 

I suddenly got up and glared at him.

 

“Gift.” He said it with a wide smile, stretching out his palms out to me.

 

I sighed. I thought of an idea and I smiled at him.

 

“You still have two more wishes from me, right? I’ll give you another one and grant it only when it’s your birthday! How about that?” I said it as if I’m talking to a kid. He smiled and nodded excitedly. I chuckled at him. He moved closer to me.

 

“What if I don’t claim it on my next birthday?” He asked happily.

 

“Then, I’ll grant it on your birthday after that. You can claim it any year! No expiration!” I said excitedly.

 

“Wow! That’s great! I’ll make sure to think about it!”

 

He really looks like a kid now. How can he get so excited over a simple thing as this?

 

I felt a bit thirsty so I stood up to get it. But it felt a bit weird when I stood up. It’s as if the world’s spinning. I tripped and almost fell a few times before reaching the kitchen area. I walked back to the sofa slowly and groggily.

 

I was tripped by something and almost fell down. Good thing Taemin was there to catch me. I didn’t even realize he was there by my side. I chuckled at how stupid I was, and how stupid I probably look now.

 

“Thank you.” I said, reaching to his shoulder so that I could stand straight. I leaned at the wall behind me and patted Taemin’s face lightly. “Thank you, Taemin” I said again.

 

We’re looking at each other’s eyes. I didn’t realize we were standing this close to each other. It’s like there’s just 4 inches between our faces. I stared at him. Then I realized that he looks so tired and sleepy, I probably look the same. I chuckled and patted his cheeks lightly.

 

“We should go to sleep. Go to your room, I’ll just sleep there on the sofa.” I said with a smile.

 

I was about to walk away when he suddenly held my shoulders and lightly pushed me back to the wall. I suddenly felt nervous. He looked at me intensely. I can’t even figure out what that look means. It’s like he saw something precious and was scared to touch it.

 

“Can I claim one of my wish, Genie?” He suddenly said. I smiled.

 

“Tell me your wish.” I slightly sang the line from SNSD’s song. It was quiet for a while…

 

“Can I kiss you for as long as I want?”

 

“What?” And before I could even say more, he kissed me.

 

He kissed me softly and held me as if I’ll break any minute. Which felt quite true—I really feel as if I’ll break any minute, as if I’ll fall anytime. His one hand hugged me by the waist, his other hand caressing my cheek.

 

I was still at lost and don’t know what’s happening or what I should do. I suddenly felt hot and light. I closed my eyes and held on his shoulders so that I won’t fall. I needed something to hold on to. My heart’s beating fast as if it’ll burst. I shut my eyes tighter.

 

He kissed me even more. I tried to move back, but the wall hindered me to do so. I held on his shoulder tighter. He caressed my back and it helped me calm down a little.

 

I suddenly realized that I was calmer, yet my heart still beats fast. Was that even possible? He held me tighter and I realized that I was already responding to his kisses. We were kissing like this for the first time. Like something more could happen if we continue this. I felt scared and nervous again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, shut my eyes more, and kissed him more.

 

I didn’t even realize that we were moving from our spot a while ago, until I fell on the bed, with our lips still locked in each other. I got more scared. What are we doing? Is this real? I should stop, right?

 

I back away but Taemin’s kisses chased me. I was trapped between Taemin and the bed’s headboard. I just kept my eyes shut and let him kiss me some more. Suddenly, our memories together came flashing back in my mind. It scared me even more... 

 

“I love you…”

“Let’s stay like this forever…”

‘He wrote: “Anna is Taemin’s property forever! <3”

I wrote: “Taemin is only for Anna! <3” ‘

“I kept on convincing myself that I’m happy and I love her…” 

“I need to protect her…”

“Will you stay by my side?”

“Lee Anna… I’ll make that her name someday”

 

I felt so nervous, scared, and confused. This should not go on any further.

 

I felt his hands wander in my body. Legs…thighs…hips…waist…arms…neck…cheeks…

 

I can feel his touches on my skin even if there’re clothes between his hands and my skin. Everywhere he touches, I can feel like there’s electricity rushing through. I can feel the warmth of his hands all over my body. And like my hands have a mind of their own, they also wandered on his upper body.

 

I felt him tugging on the hem of my top, and then slowly, my top was ed. I tugged on his shirt unconsciously, and he quickly removed it. I let my top drop from my shoulders. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I don’t feel embarrassed that I’m almost in front of this topless guy.

 

He hugged me tight and kissed me even more. Our hands continued on its quest in wandering over each other’s body. His skin felt so warm and smooth. It makes me a little conscious on my own skin, but that was pushed away when he started kissing on places other than my lips. His soft kisses trailed from my jaw…neck…collar bones… This should stop.

 

I pulled his face up and kissed him hard for the last time before pushing him with all my might. I feel so weak, I feel like crying. I still have my hands on his shoulders and his hands went to my hips. I stayed on the spot, looking down.

 

 I can hear our breathing. We were both trying to catch our breath. It felt like I was submerged in water for a long time. My heart’s racing. My mind’s a bit blank. I looked up slowly and saw him looking at me worriedly. For a moment I forgot that we were both half .

 

“Stop…” I whispered. He looked so worried and guilty. He looked away and sat beside me. It was quiet.

 

“I love you… I never stopped loving you” He said softly, breaking the silence. I felt a slight anger rush through me.

 

“You always say that when your drunk. I don’t know if I should believe you anymore.” I said sternly but I suddenly felt like crying. I breathed in deeply and hid my face in my hands and knees.

 

It was quiet once again. Until I heard him chuckle sadly.

 

“I’m sorry…” He whispered and I felt him hug me from behind. I suddenly felt calm, yet my tears continued to flow.

 

“I shouldn’t have done this. I’m sorry for confusing you, or scaring you, or hurting you… I don’t exactly know how you feel but I feel like I’ve messed up again. I’m sorry.” He said softly before letting go. I just felt like crying even more.

 

“You can stay here. I’ll sleep at the sofa outside.” He said, getting up from the bed. I still stayed in the same hiding position.

 

“Goodnight” He said. I nodded without looking at him. I heard the door close and I just let myself cry.

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