I can’t sleep.

I was staring at the ceiling for about an hour now. I’m still at the SHINee’s dorm and I kept on thinking whether I should tell the guys that this would be my last month here.

Maybe I was really bothered by how I should tell them the news. Whenever I fell asleep, I would always wake up because of the dreams I have.

Dream #1

I woke up in the dorm with the guys already gone. I decided to tell them the news today but they were already gone. So I decided to just write a note on their refrigerator.

              Guys, I’m sorry to tell this to you in this way. But, I’ll be leaving at the end of this month. The program that was supposed to be half a year was cut short in three months. I’ll be back in my country and I don’t know when I’ll see you guys again. But don’t worry! I’ll keep in touch no matter what! I’ll not be like the old me who cut off all our ties and just stayed as your fan. :P

Love lots, Anna <3

“Yah! What’s this?!” Key grabbed the paper and read it loudly. I thought they were gone, but why are they all here suddenly?!

“You really planned to say goodbye this way?! How could you?!” He said

“I hate you! This is not our friend, Anna!” Jjong said

“You’re leaving us again without a proper goodbye.” Onew said

“You should stay here longer!” Minho said

“I won’t let you go again!” Taemin said and dragged me somewhere

Then I woke up.

Dream #2

We were all together, eating lunch at their dorm. It was quiet. I decided to tell them the news.

“Guys, I have something to tell you. I’m going back home at the end of this month. This would be my last month here.”

“WHAT?!” They all said and slammed their spoons on the table.

“It was also sudden. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier. We should have bonded more.”

“This is difficult.” Jjong said.

“I know, I think we should keep her passport.” Key whispered

“Tie and lock her here.” Minho whispered

“Tell her parents she’ll live here.” Onew whispered

“I’ll just have to marry her now, then.” Taemin said calmly as if it was a normal thing to say.

“What are you guys talking about?!”

Then I woke up.

Dream #3

It’s already Saturday, the last day of the month, my flight back home is tonight.

I decided not to tell the guys that I’m leaving.

I arrived at the airport, but I was suddenly stopped on my tracks as I saw Taemin in front of me. All dressed up, with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. There were a lot of people taking pictures and videos, I suddenly become worried.

He walked towards me and gave me the flowers.

“Why are you here? There’re a lot of people. What are you doing?!” I said in shock as he pulled me closer and hugged me tightly.

“Do you think you could get away from me just like that?” He whispered softly.

“I’ve decided and made up my mind. I…want to be with you. Let’s just get married and live far from everyone else.” He whispered softly and it was like I’m in heaven. I suddenly forgot that there are a lot of people around.

I couldn’t say anything and I just looked at him. Then, I felt our lips touched. It felt so real that I didn’t want to wake up from this dream.

~~

Countdown starts today. It’s already Monday, the start of my last 4 weeks in this country. I was eating with Jinhee and Mark at a café near our university.

I noticed Jinhee looking at me worriedly.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked her as I ate a scoop of my mint and chocolate ice cream.

“You ate 2 slices of chocolate cake. You had 1 big glass of that banana split shake. And now you are eating your 2^nd cup of ice cream. You have a problem. Tell us.” She said.

“I just like eating sweets. You know that!” I said with a wide grin.

“I guess she hasn’t told her friends about her leaving in 4 weeks.” Mark said calmly as he took a sip of his frappe.

I continued to eat my ice cream.

“You know you can’t leave just like that.” Jinhee said and I just nodded.

“I’ll tell them later.”

They just shook their head, knowing that I would not be able to.

I decided to change the topic and put the spotlight on them.

“So, how was your project? What is it about? What are you guys doing?” I asked curiously.

They sighed like they were defeated in a game.

“Good thing you don’t have to do a special project. It’s so tiring. Like, all of our activities throughout the past 3 months were merged into one big project!” Jinhee said like it is the scariest thing in the world.

“We’re asked to choose between a documentary film or a magazine about a specific medium we choose.” Mark said.

“So you guys are doing a film?” I asked.

“No, we’re doing the magazine.” Jinhee said calmly.

“Why?? I think it’s easier to make a film than write articles!” I said in a bit panicky tone. I realized that I might be overreacting when I saw their wide eyes.

I cleared my throat to ease the embarrassment and continue.

“Just saying. Well, you know me, I don’t like writing that much. But if you find it easier, then it’s better.” I said with a smile.

“Well, anyway, we’re almost done. I think.” Mark said.

I looked at them in confusion. When did they start doing this?

“That fast? How’d you even do that in a day?” I said in amusement.

They chuckled. I looked at them curiously.

“Hm?”

“We’re doing the project for 4 days now. We’re not that skilled to do the job in a day. Haha!” Mark said.

“Eh? Why do I not know about it?”

“I don’t know to you. Ask yourself.” Jinhee said with a laugh.

And once again, I’m not paying attention to my friends around me. I’m being selfish at times and only worrying about myself. Haay.. I’m this close to these friends, yet I feel so far from them.

~~

Tonight, I’m all alone again. Jinhee and Steph are out, working on their project. Jenna’s probably with the BTOB boys again. Hehe She’s such a supportive and caring girlfriend.

Out of boredom, I sent out messages to almost all of my phone contacts. I also video called my family. It’s a first that I was the first to call. I think they thought it was an emergency, based on their reaction. Hahaha!

It was nice to talk to them again, though we do this almost every day. Hehe

After that talk, I became bored again and so I tried watching the TV. I was shocked to see Onew on a show! I didn’t know he’s in a sitcom now! I send a message to him right away.

To: Dubu ^^

              OMG! I didn’t know you’re in a sitcom! I’m watching it right now! Hahaha!

I didn’t expect for a reply and just continued watching the show. It’s a bit awkward to see him this way, but it was still funny!

After watching the show, I felt a bit tired and hot, like I’ll be having a fever. So I decided to just rest and sleep, it’s already late anyways.

~~

The next day I woke up with an ill feeling. My throat hurts, my head hurts, and I think I have a fever. I opened my eyes and looked around, no one’s here. I slowly sat up and it just made my head hurt more. I slowly walked towards the table to find some medicine, but there’s none. So, I just decided to drink some water and rest again on my bed.

I slept again and when I woke up, I feel worse. I feel cold and hot at the same time. I just tried to sleep again. But soon, I was awakened by the sound of water nearby. Then, a damp cloth was placed on my forehead. I slightly opened my eyes and saw Peniel.

“Why are you here?” I asked in a soft tone. My throat still hurts.

“Oh. You’re awake.” He said with a slight smile.

I was about to sit up when he stopped me.

“Rest some more. Go back to sleep.” He said.

“I’m okay now. Why are you here? You might get sick too. You can leave now, I’ll be fine.”

He just smiled.

“Good thing I went here with Jenna. You didn’t even tell anyone that you’re sick. Aigoo.” He chuckled and I just looked at him, trying to say nonverbally that he should go now. He chuckled again.

“I’ll leave when Jenna comes back. She just bought medicine. How’d you get sick? I thought you never get sick. Haha. You told me before that you rarely get sick and that your last fever was a year ago. You were so proud about your health and now, this. You should take care of your health more!” He continued to talk as he change the cloth on my head. I chuckled with my eyes closed.

“I didn’t know you’re such a nagger too.” I said with a smile.

“I tend to when I need to. Aigoo… Sleep now. I’ll wake you up later so you can take your medicine."

I just nodded and in no time, I was in dreamland.

It felt like I was sleeping for a long time, but I wanted to sleep some more. I kept my eyes closed though I was already awake. I was feeling better than a while ago.

I heard someone unwrapping something, maybe food. I also heard the table being set up. I suddenly felt hungry. So, I slowly opened my eyes and sat up on my bed. I saw a guy figure preparing a meal that was bought at a nearby restaurant.

The figure…I know who it is, and it’s not Peniel. It’s Taemin. I’m sure of it. Why is he here?

“Taemin?” I said softly, but loud enough to make him turn his head.

“Oh. You’re awake. How are you feeling?” He said worriedly. He left what he was doing on the table and walked towards me to check on my fever.

“You still have a bit of fever. Take your medicine after you eat, okay?” He said, then returned to the table to finish preparing the food.

I just looked at him and watch him whatever he was doing.

He walked near my bed and dragged the small table beside my bed. He placed the food on the table and sat at the side of my bed. I continued to stare at him.

“Why are you here?” I asked. Why is everyone suddenly appearing here? Am I dreaming? No. This seems real.

“Your friend called and said that you were sick. She just needs someone to look after you for a while because she needs to run some errands, I think it’s for her work.” He said, a bit confused on the last thing he said. He stirred the porridge to cool it down a bit.

“Then, why did she call you? You’re a busy person. Don’t you have things to do now?” I asked worriedly.

“Actually, she already tried calling your other friends but she can’t reach them. She actually sound so worried and relieved that I picked up her call. She used your phone, by the way.” He said, continuing to cool down the food.

I grabbed the spoon from him to stop him and do it on my own.

No one talked for a while. I started eating.

“Don’t you have things to do?” I said without looking at him.

“It’s ok, I was excused. I said it was an emergency.” He said it calmly, moving inside the bed and closer to the wall. He leaned his head to the wall and closed his eyes. He must be tired.

I glanced at him before finishing my food.

“Why were you sick? You ate too much sweet, didn’t you?” He said, still with his eyes closed.

I was shocked because it’s true. I smiled to myself and didn’t answer him.

“You should not eat too much sweet. If you did, you should drink lots of water.” He said.

It was quiet for a while, until I remembered about Peniel.

“Who’s here when you got here? Is it Jenna alone?” I asked with caution, I don’t know why.

He cleared his throat before answering.

“Peniel’s here too. They also left together.” He plainly said.

I kindda feel in debt to Peniel. I should treat him to something.

I finished eating and I took in my medicine. I feel a lot better and so I stood up and cleaned on my own. I glanced at Taemin and I think he’s sleeping.

I didn’t realize that I was staring at him for a while now. Until I realized he was sleeping in an uncomfortable position. So, I went closer to him and tried to move him by my pillow. But I just ended up waking him up. He opened his eyes and looked at me tiredly.

“Sorry… Just sleep in a comfortable position.” I said as I point my finger at his current position in the bed. He sleepily move and lay in my bed.

“I should be taking care of you since you’re the sick one.” He said with a chuckle.

“It’s okay. I’m fine now. I know you’re tired.” I chuckled. “I think you just want to sleep that’s why you excused yourself from practice. Tsk. Tsk.”

We both chuckled and I left him there to finish cleaning up.

I messaged Jenna and Peniel after cleaning up.

To: Jenna; Peniel

              Thank you for taking care of me! :3 sorry for troubling you. By the way, you brought in the wrong nurse. This guy’s weaker than I am! :P

Then I looked back at Taemin. He’s sleeping so peacefully. He’s like a puppy. <3

I smiled to myself. I sat by the end of the bed and looked at him closely. Then, I took a picture of him.

He’s just so adorable.

Then, maybe I fell asleep.

thank you for reading! :)

<3