[Hyukjae POV]

Ryeowook and I walked in relative silence—well, it’s more like I walked in silence while Ryeowook has yet to add a period between his sentences for all the thirty minutes since we left the dorm room.

This kid can really, really talk. . .

“Hyuuuung, why won’t you talk to meee??~” He whined in a baby-like voice. I shuddered inwardly before replying in a drab voice,

“Okay Ryeowook. . . Please, kindly tell me why in the hell am I in a wig and wearing a mini skirt?!” The little munchkin only giggled while I was fuming towards him.

“Because, Hyung!” He exclaimed with sparkling eyes, “When we disguised ourselves like this before, no one could recognize us, remember?”

Of course, how could I forget?

“So,” he continued without me answering, “We were able to stay out for such a long time and have so much fun without anyone knowing!” His enthusiastic words caused happy, yet painful memories to spiral back into my life.

I tried so hard once to forget everything that happened that day, those weeks before, and even the years before those. I tried to forget everything about him and continue my life as though he’d never been there, just as he’d asked. I tried to follow along with his selfish request, that ridiculous thing that I knew from the beginning I could never even begin to do.

It was worth the try. But it wasn’t worth the pain that came with trying to forget. . . It wasn’t worth it.

I almost didn’t hear when Ryeowook continued with, “And relax, Hyung. It’s not like I’m not wearing almost exactly what you’re wearing. You’re not alone in this!” But somehow I heard it, and I’m glad I could answer back swiftly as if I was okay.

“I still don’t know how this looks good on me. . .” I muttered, swallowing the lump that had been growing in my throat.

Ryeowook seemed oblivious to my once again, overwhelmingly depressing mood and chirped in response, “Oh, come on! You have a slender figure and fabulous legs!” He exaggerated the ‘fabulous’ with a smile, “You look great!” he finished.

But instead of smiling, I swallowed another lump in my throat that grew twice the size of the other, remembering that this was exactly the same thing I’d thought about Donghae when he wore an outfit so much like this one before me.

I quickly choked back any coming tears, finally deciding that, everyone’s right. It’s been two years, no matter how much I don’t want to believe it. It’s been that long. . . I should at least enjoy this day out with my dongsaeng before I hole myself back up into my dark, man cave of a dorm room.

So, I forced a playful, accidentally shaky sigh and mumbled, “I guess you’re right. I should stop denying myself. . . I look fabulous.”

Ryeowook beamed and nodded as if he knew he was as right as rain. I cracked a small, already tired smile in response to his.

I guess these disguises are not that bad. I don’t wish to run into someone and have them asking me any questions about my life two years after the incident; is what they call it. If my dongsaeng can be happy about it, I’ll be feign that same happiness.

All for Ryeowook, I’ll make it seem as if I am totally A-Okay.

“Hey, how about we go there?” he turned to face me with a happy face, pointing to some store that was near to us. I looked at it and recognized it immediately.

“Sure.” I said with a light voice, although my face told that I was incredibly bored. He chuckled at the look on my face, grabbed the underneath side of my upper arm, and dragged me into the store I was very familiar with.

It was a small store filled with many trinkets, jewelry, and other small accessories. There was even a circular sort of section of the store that held a rack of shirts for girls and a separate rack for guys.

We used to always come here, Donghae and I; even the rest of the group, to buy small gifts for one another. I guess you could call it a Super Junior friendly shop in a way.

We roamed around the shop slowly, eyeing various things, picking up others and then slowly putting them back if they weren’t to our liking. We did this for a little under ten minutes before my eyes traveled across a red at the bottom, pink at the top t-shirt on the girl’s clothes rack I was currently standing behind as I was secretly eyeing the guy’s.

It was an utterly flamboyant shirt with big bold letters across the front with Rhinestones decorated inside of them spelling out, “ALL DIVAS KNOW THAT LIFE IS A SHOPPING SPREE”.  I actually laughed quietly at the shirt, immediately thinking of Heechul hyung who’s finally back comfortably at the dorm, my lovable hyung who’d skipped breakfast this morning. Probably dead tired from his newest shopping adventure.

This shirt was made for him.

I bought it quickly before I accidentally put it down and forgot to buy it later. I crossed over to the side of the store to where Ryeowook was closely examining a green gemmed turtle phone charm. I smiled warmly—no one could mistake that it was most likely for Yesung hyung. I almost laughed out loud thinking about how happy that turtle freak would be.

I busied myself looking at a selection of jewelry pieces that intrigued me, picking up and checking out many sized of earring studs, letting the quite of the place around me to calm my movements.

Suddenly, the bell above the shop door tinkled and I refrained from putting my head up to check who’d come in, since I really dislike when people do that when I walk in. It remained quiet for a time before someone finally decided to break the silence that filled the store.

“Hey there cutie,” I jumped slightly when I felt a hand place itself on my waist from behind, along with where the voice came from. I turned quickly and got smacked in the face with a big, burly, ugly-looking dude’s face. “What’s your name?” he continued with an odd, suggestive voice and an unattractive wink.

Then, he smiled at me . . . He’s missing two of his teeth. One at the top, and one at the bottom, slightly to the left, making two gaping holes that formed a diagonal.

My mouth literally twitched as one side curled upwards into a snarl of distaste. No way was this happening to me.

I started slowly, “I’m no cutie . . . I’m a guy. . .” I deadpanned in a terribly flat voice, purposely making it considerably deep.

His eyes went wide and he seemed taken aback . . . only slightly, though. He grinned even wider and attempted his failed winked again.

“You know what? That’s even better.” He leaned closer as my eyes almost popped out of my head, “I enjoy surprises.” He smiled his not-fully-furnished smile and bit his lip in what was supposed to be an enticing manner.

I was seriously so surprise and disgusted by this man, I remained frozen in my place, staring with a now twitching eye at that nasty smile of his. I don’t know in which way he took my silence, but his right eyebrow flicked upwards twice as he smirked down at me.

Oh HEEELL no! I screamed in my head as I now glared at his right eyebrow.

It burnt my eyes . . . Repulsive. . .

“Eww, Dude, NO!” I yelled at him and I slapped his once again approaching hand away before lifting my own in readying hopes of punching the ugly off of his face . . . which, because of Ryeowook, I never got to do.

He suddenly rounded the rack we were both looking at, grabbed my upraised arm, and dragged me away from the big guy and then away from the store.

“Just because he was ‘ugly’ doesn’t mean—“

“He wasn’t ‘ugly’,” I exaggeratedly jammed two fingers on each hand into the air as I spoke this word, “He actually was UG-LY.” I exclaimed, pronouncing the word greatly.

Ryeowook sighed, “Still, Hyung, you can’t go around trying to hit older men—“

“He was hitting on me as a girl but didn’t care when he found out I was a MAN!”

“Hyung—“

“Aish! Whatever. . .” I cut him off before he could even talk and clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. I heard him sigh and we walked for a while in silence again before Ryeowook started up another conversation on a different topic.

I was hardly answering him back, so when I stopped upon hearing a piece of a conversation by two young girls walking in the opposite direction from across the street that caught my ears, he didn’t think anything of it.

“—Donghae oppa in that new action movie?!”

Whatever that was said in their conversation beforehand was of no interest to me. Donghae’s name was my interest and I strained my ears to hear more, trying to drown out Ryeowook’s yapping beside me.

“Yeah, I did! His role in that move was so awesome. And his character—so hot!” They squealed while I frowned.

I knew Donghae continued his career as a celebrity after he . . . left, taking refuge solely in his acting career. But other than that, I haven’t heard much about him ever since he’d been dragged away from me. . .

I think I’ll just call it the incident along with everyone else. It hurts less that way.

“Oh!” The girl who’d started the conversation yelled, startling the other, “Which reminds me!”

“About what?” The other asked when her friend didn’t continue.

“Have you heard?!”

“ABOUT WHAT?!”

The first girl’s face suddenly fell as she looked at her friend seriously, getting ready to share her news. I was so curious at this point, I could have leaped in one huge stride across this street and strangle the information out of her. I impatiently waited, straining my ears further as they were getting farther away.

She took a deep breath, “I heard that Donghae oppa is—“ A big , random bus suddenly decided to roll past, loud and fast, cutting off the rest of the sentence I was dying to hear.

By the time the bus passed completely, the first girl had already stopped talking and the other’s face looked horror-stricken.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” She bellowed, cupping while I was simultaneously dragged inside of yet another store by Ryeowook, my heart pounding hard in my chest and my mind a complete mess.

“What about Donghae. . . ?”

Countless thoughts about Donghae once again plagued me after I’d finally given my mind and most importantly my heart time to rest today.

I couldn’t get those two girls’ conversation out of my head for no longer than two seconds at a time. I can’t help but wonder now, and question what I’ve only ever let slip past before. I think I’ve realized that I’ve probably, deliberately been kept away from keeping up with activities concerning Donghae.

I’m aware that he’s still in Korea; I know that he’d returned to Mokpo. But from the lack of information I’ve been given or allowed to know, he seems much, much farther than a mere 5 hours away.

Why is he being pushed so far out of my reach?

We exited the store with two bags of clothes each, a pile of outfits stuffed to the brim of them all.

We’d shopped in the ‘MALE’ section of the store, picking up things here and there. I noticed people smiling warmly in our direction, and I heard they thought we were buying these things for our boyfriends.

What lucky boys they are. . .

We played it off and smiled shyly, yet I almost cried right in front of the cashier when she told me that a certain shirt I picked out, my boyfriend would be sure to like.

She just didn’t know that I didn’t really have one of those anymore. . .

“—yung. . . Hyukjae hyung!” I snapped my head up in his direction and blinked twice with wide eyes. How long has he been calling me? I wondered.

“Hmm?”

He sighed, “Is something bothering you, hyung?”

“No,” I lied, “Why do you ask?”

“Well, you seem sort of out of it, you know, ever since . . . back there . . . that woman—“ He struggled with reminding me.

I ruffled the wig’s hair on his head, “You know, don’t even worry about it.” I smiled my charming, fake smile at him, dropped my hand, and looked away. I’ve noticed that it’s actually quite hard, even if you’re in someone’s company, not to remain feeling incredibly lonely sometimes.

We crossed the street to our right and walked swiftly up to a convenience store that stood directly on the corner.

“I need foooood!” Ryeowook exclaimed while pumping his fist into the air.

“Me too, and drinks!” I joined in with mock enthusiasm. He beamed at me and began to enter through the automated sliding glass doors of the store. For the record, I’ve really come to hate doors like this.

I was following closely behind my short friend when an blue and yellow, self-purchase newspaper stand caught my attention. My mind went back to remember that same newspaper that Leeteuk hyung had hid from me and that Sungmin tried so hard to get me to see. My curiosity was on overdrive right about now.

I back-peddled away from the door and let it slide closed, walking quickly over to the small stand that made me feel like I needed to know something. In a hurry, I bent down and scanned the headlines to try finding the one Sungmin had shown me this morning.

But yet again, I got nowhere as Ryeowook suddenly jumped in front of me even in the close proximity I was in from the yellow and blue bin. His actions just confirmed my suspicions; they really are trying to keep something away from me.

And now I’m way too sure that it’s about Donghae. . .

“Hyukjae hyung!” I stood up properly to see an angry pout on his face.

“What?” I asked, bored and aggravated.

“You let me walk in there alone, you meanie!” He stuck his fists on his waist and jutted his lips out at me in a further pout. A couple of elderly women walked out and observed the scene, snickering lightly at Ryeowook’s cute act.

I sighed, “Sorry, Wookie . . . Let’s get food and just head back, okay?” He chuckled at me as if happy that he’d ‘won’.

“Okay!”

I carried all of my bags into my room and discarded them heavily on my bed. I took one last sip through the straw of my large cup of Coca-Cola to wash out the bag of chips I had on our way back before setting the empty cup down on the nightstand beside my bed.

I let out a lungful of air as I looked around my devastatingly only half-full room and tapped my foot vigorously against the carpeted floor. I was beyond agitated, and of course I knew why. The source of why my room was so half-empty was somewhere in Mokpo being kept too far away from me, and I could do nothing about it.

But I felt an overwhelming need to find out. I don’t understand what it is I’m not being allowed to see.

I blew hair out of my face in an angered manner and then, remembering that I still had the wig on, tore it off and threw it down on the bed. I gritted my teeth together as memory after memory, thought after thought intruded my mind and left me more than just a little bit curious.

I clicked my tongue loudly in my mouth and huffed out some big air all over again. I then decided, That’s it. I need to know.

I stormed out of my bedroom still in the mini skirt yet now lacking the long hair to go with it, and found myself waiting impatiently outside of Kyuhyun’s dorm room as I knocked only twice on his door.

“Aish! Come in.” I heard from the inside and did as was said. “Oh. Hey, Hyuk.” He greeted just as informally as he did every time once he saw me.

I nodded absently, “Hey.” I replied shortly and then observed what he was doing. He was bent over his keyboard, pencil slowly tapping the pages, and words spilling over the lines. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you while songwriting.” I apologized.

He shrugged, “It’s okay.” He lifted an eyebrow, “Now, what did you want?”

I turned and pointed at his surprisingly discarded laptop that sat atop his neatly organized desk that I appreciated, “Can I borrow your computer for a bit?” He shrugged again.

“Go ahead.”

I nodded singally, “Thanks.” I detached the mouse, picked up the slim laptop, and retreated quickly to my own room once again. Once there, I kicked the door closed, opened and pressed the power but before I’d even sat down, and pulled my desk chair over by my foot to sit down on.

The computer booted quickly and an unclosed screen of STARCRAFT automatically opened after the computer screen showed a tiny ‘Welcome’. I giggled a little and shook my head slowly at that boy’s obsession with the game and quickly closed it before pressing onto the internet.

Luckily for me, that also opened quickly and I wasted no time at all in typing in Keyword: ‘Lee Donghae’ into the search engine, and waited very impatiently for whatever screen that needed to pop up, to pop up. That too took hardly any time and I clicked blindly on the first link I saw that read his name.

And I literally dropped a tear upon seeing the front of the page that actually popped up.

Finally, finally I get to see the headline to the newspaper article Sungmin was trying so hard to show me. It screamed at me and forced a countless number of hot, prickly tears to slide down my face and onto the screen of the computer that sat on my lap.

SUPER JUNIOR EX?-MEMBER LEE DONGHAE TO MARRY JESSICA JUNG OF GIRL GROUP, SNSD!

I shook my head slowly as I let tears cloud my vision and soft cries to escape my slightly parted lips as I took a chance and scrolled down the page.

I didn’t want to believe it. None of this can be happening right now. I’m not reading it right, not a word, not his name.

“This can’t be true. . .” I whispered to myself as I continued scrolling, only to receive a sharp stab to the heart as an overly large picture of Donghae holding hands with Jessica met with the top of the page, burning the image in my head.

My heart leapt into my throat and I choked out a cry that hurt me to my very core. I shook my head harder and chanted, “It can’t be true!” over and over in my head in a vain attempt to make me believe it.

That smile on his face is not real; the hand that’s holding that girl’s hand is being held in a vice-like grip, it’s stuck there by glue; that happiness in his eyes is fake; that twinkle in hers is a prison cell that locked him in and he can’t escape. . . These lies I keep trying to tell myself, dead set that none of it can be true.

I tortured myself by scrolling down the page even further, and this time landed on a picture of a huge, beautiful diamond ring as sapphire blue as Super Junior’s fan base and was evident that it was my favorite color—the engagement ring.

“N-N-NOOO!” I screamed loudly, the computer on my lap was picked up and thrown across the room, closing shut as it hit the floor.

I slid off my chair to my knees, hugging myself tightly as I went down. I shook with heavy sobs, occasionally screaming out in anger, frustration, and sadness as I mentally broke down once again. I continuously slid a shaking hand through my hair as I found no comfort or warmth in embracing myself.

I couldn’t tell you when my room became filled with all of my members, huddling around me, cradling me to calm me, Kyuhyun cradling his precious computer first and then slowly coming to me—but they sooner or later did, and I felt anger towards all of them. All accept my best friend, Sungmin.

“Why?” I sobbed loudly, “WHY DIDN’T YOU ALL TELL ME?!”

Leeteuk hyung hugged me tighter against his chest and shushed me gently, “We—we just thought it better if you didn’t know.”

I pushed him away from me, hard, “You thought it was better?! DO I LOOK LIKE I COULDN’T HAVE HANDLED THIS ANY BETTER!??” Sungmin then took me into his arms on my right side.

“H-He-He’s getting m-married, M-Minnie. He’s—“ I couldn’t even finish what I’d started.

He told me, so many times he told me, that if it was anyone that’s getting married anytime in the future, it’d be us. It’d be one of us walking down that aisle, taking the hand of the one we loved, swearing our lives to each other, tying us together forever in only two words that makes everything seem like a dream come true.

He told me before, that it’d be only us. . . Together forever. . .

But he’d spoken such lies. . . Everything he’d said was nothing but pure lies. . .

The pain in my heart is the only thing that’s true.

“I should have told you sooner,” Sungmin started as he hugged me tighter, “I tried so many times before, but I let them fool me into thinking it was best for you. . . I’m so sorry, Hyuk. I’m such a fool. . .”

I sniffled loudly, “How. . . How long?”

“How long what?”

“H-How long h-have you guys kn-known?” I asked slowly. This was followed by silence.

Sungmin spoke first, “The press just found out today . . . We’ve-We’ve known for over a month now. . .”

I let out a cry so hard I swear I felt Sungmin shiver just before I pushed myself away from him.

“EVERYONE OUT!” I screeched, my voice shooting up an octave at the end of my sentence.

“H-Hyuk, we’re so sor—“

“GET THE HELL OUT!” I screamed at Leeteuk hyung who’d been talking and all the other es that had not moved from their places. I think I saw Leeteuk hyung drop a sad tear out of the corner of my eye before letting himself out of my eyesight.

He could cry several million tears for all I care. None of them could ever equal up to the pain that lied behind even one of mine.

I turned my head to the side and glared heavily, knowing full well I was not left alone.

“W-What are you d-doing h-here? I s-said get o-out.” I said with absolutely no vehemence in me. I was simply kissed on the top of the head and hugged gently,

“I am not leaving you in here alone, pabo monkey.” Sungmin then stood up, kindly placed everything off of my bed and sat down on it facing me.

I looked up at him with my extremely watery eyes. He lifted his arms out and spread them wide with a sad and kind smile on his face, his eyes sad and watery as well, but I knew he was holding those tears in just for me.

“Come here.” He said softly, and I cried even harder as I stood slowly as if my legs were breaking underneath me as I pushed my weight on them.

I collapsed onto the bed, missing Sungmin’s arms purposely, and curled myself up into the little ball I felt like internally dying in. My heart was ripped in two, there’s no other sleeping position I could muster right now.

Sungmin said nothing and simply lay down slowly in bed beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a secure backhugged embrace as I lied stiff yet shuddering, painfully crying myself into a sleep that offered no peace.

He lied. . .  He told me to wait. . . I did.

He promised he would come back for me. . . I believed him.

But now he’s getting married to someone else,

Not me. . .

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Poor Hyukjae :(

After 2 entire weeks, here's the 3rd to last chapter, you guys! :P It's getting harder to update, honestly. School is back in like, 5 days! :((

Thank you for your patience. Mianhae D:

Hope you enjoyed :D

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