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Yoona couldn't really understand what had gone wrong, but everything she had was sure of that. Maybe she'd ignored too many things and maybe her issues just had grown without ever being taken care of.

All her life, things had been difficult and it had felt like she'd always had the world against her. Maybe she really had, maybe God hated her or something. What made things so hard all the time Yoona didn't know, it was impossible to know. But it had to be something.

Because every time she tried for something or every time she got close to somebody, it ended with her disappointing people and feel like she wasn't worth a thing. And she'd now found that she'd been right all along. She wasn't worth a thing.

Or at least she wasn't worth being happy. And a life without happiness or joy, with only people against you, you alone, couldn't possibly be worth living.

Why would she fight any longer? Yoona had already struggled through her life this far, for twenty three whole years. She'd tried it and it was no fun.

In high school, things had been awful and all Yoona wanted then was to grow up and move from the crappy place she'd lived at together with the mom who'd never wanted her and the stepfather who only cared about himself. So, Yoona moved to Seoul straight after high school, in hope to find a job and a place to stay at.

At first things hadn't been very good. She ended up sharing a tiny apartment with a girl who worked nights. The place was a mess and not just once Yoona had to come home and find the door opened and the money was gone.

So at that time, Yoona had worked really hard to find a better place. She'd even followed her roommate a few times and made some money. It wasn't like she wanted to, but without any money she'd have to stay or even worse, move back.

The time she'd been her happiest must have been as she moved into the new apartment, still not very nice but okay and most importantly without any strange roommate who lived selling her body every night.

Yoona shivered at the thought of those nights. It had been even more horrifying than the nights she'd spent out in Seoul just because she didn't want to go home and listen to her mother and the stepfather screwing each other. As she thought about those nights she became even more disgusted about herself.

So, having lived through these years, Yoona was now determined that she didn't want pain any more. She wanted no feelings, she wanted to be blank and not even exist.

That was the reason of why she stood on the pier, outside of the railing, looking out over the black ocean. She'd chosen this place because it was a place she'd gone to when times were so hard she felt like dying. So why not end it all right there?

Swallowing and making an attempt to drown her sobs and hold back her tears, Yoona looked down. The waves were pretty high and smashed against the pier. Maybe she would die out of cold or maybe she'd drown. Maybe she would be smashed into one of the huge logs.

This was really pathetic. She was just standing there, looking down. Why didn't she just jump down there and let the ocean take her? You just had to jump, not think.

When she'd met so many obstacles in her life this couldn't be worse, right? It was easier and better. It was something good. She was saving the world from herself and she was saving all the people she might get in contact with. She was actually doing something good, something very unselfish.

If she let go of the railing and let the wind take her into the dark water everything would be over. And it would be just like she wanted it to be, like she'd always wanted it to be. It was a shame that she hadn't done this before.

"Excuse me?"

What was that? A voice? From another person? Talking to her?

He probably wanted to know what time it was.

She couldn't let anyone interrupt her though so she didn't answer. The person could just go and ask someone else.

"Hey." There he was again.

Just go away.

"Please come to the other side of the railing."

No. I'm gonna jump and you can't stop me. No one can.

Suddenly Yoona felt a hand on her arm. "You're freezing."

He was right, she was almost shaking.

His other hand found her shoulder and she almost died right there. Out of embarrassment.

She began to cry.

Maybe it was the fact that he had stopped her.

Or maybe it was his touch. The fact that he even cared to stop her.

"Let me help you." His hand found hers and he took it in his, warming her cold one. "You don't want this."

She couldn't say a thing. She couldn't answer him and let him get to her. He didn't want her dead on his conscience. That was all.

But he squeezed her hand and she let him. Then she nodded.

She wanted to do this.

"No. Let me buy you some coffee and we can talk."

And without realizing it she nodded again.

"Good. Now let me help you."

He turned her around and she lowered her head as to hide her teary face. He gently placed his hand on her chin though and brought it back up.

She finally saw him.

His dark hair color, his nerdy looking eyes and dumbo ears. His slim body and his soft facial expression.

His hand then found her waist and he lifted her over the railing. She hadn't been lifted by anyone since she was three years old. Not once.

Her arms automatically went around his neck as to support herself. But as he'd lifted her over the railing she didn't let go. And his arms found their way around her waist, hugging her body.

Her tears returned, this time without any sobs. She hadn't cried in front of a person since she was five.

He brought her closer and let her cry into his jacket. His fingers lightly her shiny hair, in a way no one had done before.

Her fists closed around some of his jacket, holding on to him as if she never wanted him to go.

She cried out of desperation and she held onto him desperately.

He must have noticed because he pulled away and caught her eyes. "Would you like some coffee?"

Yoona nodded, forcing her tears back.

She knew what he thought. She could feel it. He knew that she was crazy.

Embarrassed again, Yoona started to walk in a really quick pace.

"Hey, wait. We could go to the cafe. It's right over there." He was pointing to a regular cafe just near. It actually looked pretty nice.

"Okay."

It was the first time she spoke and it was almost in a whisper.

He gave her a smile and placed his hand on her small back, guiding her to the diner.

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Yoona had been staring down in her cup for several minutes now.

There wasn't anything she could say. It wasn't like she was going to thank him. He'd ruined it. If it wasn't for the person sitting opposite her she wouldn't even be here. It would have been over.

"What's your name?" she asked after a while though. She carefully looked up and saw that he was watching her.

"I'm Taecyeon." he said. "You?"

"Yoona."

He smiled. "Yoona. That's a beautiful name. It suits you."

She would have smiled as well, be polite, but today she couldn't. Instead another tear rolled down her cheek.

To her surprise he wiped it away. "Where do you live?"

"Seoul." she whispered, shivering by his touch.

He nodded and sat back down in his seat, that he'd gone up from as she'd started to cry. "I live just near."

"Oh." Yoona said and sniffled.

Taecyeon seemed to be a little nervous but yet he was so calm and made Yoona feel like he had everything under control. "Is there anyone you want to call?"

"No." Yoona answered quickly. "There's no one."

That answer said so much. It was depressing how true it really was. No one.

"Maybe I should go. I don't want to take your time." Yoona said and started to stand up.

"Wait!" Taecyeon caught her arm. "Where are you going?"

"Home." she shortly said.

"Do you need a ride?" he offered.

"I'll be okay."

"Oh. But I don't want you to be alone right now. Are you sure that we can't call someone?"

"Yes. There is no one!" Yoona yelled and sunk down in the seat again, her hands covering her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry." he gently said and it sounded so sincere.

Yoona softly cried into her hands, all that she could do these days it seemed. She kept it quiet though, aware of the fact that she was in the middle of a cafe and Taecyeon was there. She didn't want to be too rude even though she knew that he wouldn't care.

Yoona had expected him to be gone as she sat back straight up, wiping her tears away and trying to gather herself enough. He sat there though, having ordered another cup of coffee.

"Would you like some more as well, Yoona?"

He called her Yoona. People didn't call her Yoona.

"No, thanks." Yoona answered, having no idea what else to say.

The man sitting opposite her took a deep breath and while looking into her eyes he started to talk. "This might sound really weird and maybe creepy but would you like to come over to my place? I have a very comfortable sofa."

She was able to utter a short laugh, but she kept being moody. "I don't even know you."

He nodded. "Point taken. But I don't want you to be alone right now."

"Why? Do you think I'm emotionally unstable?"

Taecyeon was the one to look down this time.

She realized that she already knew the answer to that. It was pretty obvious. "You don't have to answer that."

"So, will you?" he asked again, sounding pretty hopeful.

"Come with you?" Yoona asked as if she couldn't believe what he'd actually said.

"Yeah."

"I'm sure you'll change your mind. I'm not very nice." Why did she always do that? Push people away. But she did it for them, she knew that nobody really had enjoyed getting to know her before so why would they now?

"Please. Come with me and I'll get to decide whether or not I think you're nice."

His smile was something she couldn't resist. And she didn't want to disappoint him.

"Okay then."

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He'd brought her to his place.

He'd actually taken her with him home. And it was nice.

The place, not to be there. Yoona didn't like to be with other people.

"I've placed your things in the bathroom."

Taecyeon appeared. She was sitting on the sofa but instantly got up and went to the bathroom.

Saying 'thank you' wouldn't be right. Not when she didn't mean it.

His bathroom was cool. Nothing like what she had seen before and nothing like she had, with cockroaches under the tub. This was neat and clean and smelled good.

Not like she would care what kind of bathroom he had though.

It was just tonight and this was horrible.

Why did she say yes to this anyway? She could have walked away and done what she'd had in mind the whole day.

Jump into that water.

She undressed and stepped into the shower. He didn't have any shampoo or soap she'd normally use.

The floor was cold as she sat down, bringing her legs up to her chest. She used to sit like this, with the water pouring over her and just cry. The tears couldn't be seen and she couldn't hear herself as the sound of the water was reducing her crying.

She hated to cry.

But what else could she do? She hated Taecyeon. He'd ruined everything.

She was alive because of him.

She hated him.

"Yoona?"

Taecyeon.

Why couldn't he just go to bed and forget that she was there?

"Yoona? Are you okay in there?"

She turned the water off and placed the towel he'd given her around her body.

"I'm fine." she said as she opened the door. He stood there in a tshirt and his jeans, looking concerned.

"I just wanted to make sure. If you need anything just let me know, okay?" He managed to give her a calm smile but she couldn't possibly smile back. He'd only think that she actually was glad to be there. And she wasn't.

"Okay."

Yoona then silently closed the door and dropped the towel, slowly getting dressed again.

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This was not what she was supposed to do. She shouldn't be here.

Everything felt wrong. She didn't fit in a place like this. And Taecyeon was definitely not happy to have her here. Yoona knew that he only invited her over out of pity or because he didn't want to read in the paper that she'd died just after they parted.

This day was so horrible. All she wanted to do was cry.

And yet she couldn't. She couldn't possibly cry any more in front of Taecyeon. Or Taecyeon's apartment.

She felt so embarrassed about everything. She'd cried into his chest and let herself be hugged. She'd let him come too close.

It wasn't good. It didn't feel good.

It didn't feel good. She didn't need another person.

Yet she kept thinking of that feeling she'd had as he'd hugged her. She hadn't hugged a person for such a long time, no one wanted to hug Im Yoona.

But why should they? Yoona completely understood. She wouldn't want to hug herself either.

She wanted to cry. His touch made her cry. Nothing could make her stop crying now.

Not even Taecyeon walking into the room…

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I would very much appreciate for a comment...

Thanks!