My Goddess,

It's really hard to believe I'm actually writing this. God knows how many letters I've started, only to ball them up and toss them in the garbage, or how often I picked up that phone, so set to dial your number before I lost my nerve. I'm a damn coward, Yoong, and I'm man enough to admit it, but God, sweetheart, do I ever miss you!

I know that I'm a real for writing you now, out of the blue after nothing for months, but I swear to you, not a day passed by in those days when I wasn't missing you, loving you, wanting you.

I still remember you. I remember you so vividly, so tangibly it's like you're right here beside me. I remember your innocence and your laughter, your bitterness and your tears. I remember your smile, the real one, that genuine, warm smile you gave it so rarely, but I treasured each one and hoarded them away in my memory like precious gems. That smile could make my heart thunder like I'd just run a marathon. Most of all, every time I saw that smile, I was reminded of just how truly, madly, and deeply, I was in love with you.

I remember the smell of your shampoo. I remember how you looked when you talked about a song or drama you liked, how excited and animated you became. I remember the wistful sadness in your eyes when you talked about your mom.

I remember those lazy nights, driving up to Namsan or hanging out at the villa, with my boys ogling at us. I remember those nights we spend under the stars, late night movies and staying up until dawn just to see the sun rise.

I remember what it was to hold you. I remember your kiss, the taste of you. I remember how incredibly soft your skin felt, what it was to feel you, to be inside you.

I remember what it was to love you.

I hope you're doing well. You, of all people, deserve it. You're so beautiful, inside and out, sweetheart. I hope you never lose that. And you're so incredibly strong. Even when you were breaking, you always found a way to piece yourself back together. You're an amazing woman, Im Yoona. Never let anyone take that away from you.

It's you, Yoong, it's always been you. You're on my mind, day and night, you're in my head. You're in my heart, and that's where I want you to be. Always and forever.

I swear my hands are shaking writing this. I've been indecisive, passive and desperately missing you for way too long. I love you, Yoona. I want to be with you. Even if it's just to hold you one more time or just hear you say my name.

I know time will heal all these wounds. I'll get over this, don't you worry babe. I'll get over this.

I’m happy you’ve already found the man who’ll take good care for you. Seung Gi hyung’s not bad at all. But just keep this in mind, if he ever tries to hurt you, I’m just a call away.

I’ll always love you Yoong. You'll always be my Pine nut. 'Til we meet again my goddess!

Your walnut forever,

Ok Taecyeon