Youngjae's POV

Being broken hearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing is wrong but every breath hurts. Those words, those powerful and deep words shoot directly towards my poor heart. I sauntered back home, like a dead zombie, bumping into random people without even apologising back to them. My phone had been vibrating but I've made the point to ignore it. I'm too despondent to have a conversation with anyone right now.

The sky which seems to be sharing the same feeling as I am, begins to pour. I can imagine every drop of rain is like hopes being drained away. I'm always unlucky and I don't understand why. I had enough of experiencing what does it feels like being in a poor family and now I can't even love the girl of my dream? After that intense conversation with Jay, lots of emotions are being jumble up in my mind. Should I let go of this chance? That conversation I had with Jay leave me with lots of things to reflect about. I came across a traffic and the memories played back in my mind. The very first time we met....

[FLASHBACK]

"Aiish... stupid driver! Gwenchana?"

"Huh" Ah...yes...yes...I'm fine thanks..."

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"An...annyeonghaseyo! I'm Sasha, how do I address you?"

"Annyeonghaseyo, I'm Youngjae..,"

"Oh....nice name...haha so you live around here?"

[END OF FLASHBACK]

If only I could turn back the time. If only I have the power to make Sasha forget everything about her past. If only I could make Sasha forget Jay, but that totally impossible isn't it? Why must I always be the spare tyre when it comes to relationship matter and the most annoying thing is, I will most of the time stuck at the most complicated point of it. I'm frustrated that no solution seems to be appearing in my mind. Seriously, not even one solution. AARRGGHH!! I cried and let it all out before I were to do it in front of Sasha which will never happen becasue she will surely be worried. I hate my lfe and myself and my attitude. Is this some kind of lesson to be learnt?

I HOUR LATER......

I press the doorbell and waited patiently for someone to answer it. While I press that, I hide and put aside my miserable feelings. I rub and adjusted my drenched hair and put on a fake smile.

"Finally home. YAH!! Why didn't you answer my call?" Dr Tae Young scolded

"Mianhe... it's on silent mode and is Sasha...," I paused seeing Sasha getting up from the dinning table

Looks like they are having a cup of tea.

"You manage to get her out?" I asked

"Of course, I'm a doctor and I have my techniques. And you came back with nothing. Hah, as expected," he said proudly

"Aiish, you should have done that earlier!" I said

"Funny that an idea came when you're not at home," he teased

I made a 'whatever' expression and Sasha is already standing right in front of me. Damn, that hatred feeling is back. I force myself by looking away and clench my fist tightly till my whole entire palm is red.

"Where have you been? You're all drenched," she said being concerned, almost touching my fringe, but I moved away

"Eh, haha gwenchana. I'll go to my room first," I excused myself

'Yah Youngjae-ah...AIISH, at first it's you, now it's him to be so emotional. Haiz...kids nowdays," Dr Tae Young frowned with arms crossed

"Maybe he is mad that I've locked myself in a room for hours....haiz..," I heard Sasha said

Haiz... if only she knows my true reason. I hope I will be ok in a few hours. I need some time alone now. The thing that I have to reflect about is sure gonna be depressing for sure.

Jay Park's POV

I've said whatever I had to say. I've let out everything to Youngjae and now it's up to him to decide his final answer. Since just now I had been stressing about that matter and I'm impatiently waiting for my phone to give me a respond. Positive response I hope. It's uneasy and pressurizing. The only thing that I could depend on is prayers, which hopefully will help me give me a chance.

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Youngjae's POV

I'm confusd and till now, I've not made my final and rightful decision yet. Ugh....it's such a mind-wrecking thing causing me to experienced a headache. Every single word that Jay let out kinda make me think twice everytime if I were to get fully mad with him. Haiz....otoke? Otoke? The moment I close my eyes, that scene came to life.

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~JAY AND YOUNGJAE'S CONFRONTATION A FEW HOURS AGO~

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONVERSATION

"Pfft....who the hell are you to bark orders at me? Do I look like a dog to you? Why the hell do you even come to L.A? You're not even welcome. Hah, just by the look on that cunning eyes of yours,  I already know what your intention was. Seriously, a jerk like you don't deserve Sasha. She deserve a much more better life after the way you treat her. If only you were in my position, you would truly know how excruciating it feels like to be to watch her struggle in silence. 2 years!! 2 FREAKING YEARS, I HAD BEEN WATCHING HER CRYING IN SILENCE AND WHAT MAKES ME ANGRY WAS WHEN SHE WAS BLAMING HERSELF WHEN SHE'S NOT IN THE WRONG, ALWAYS THE ONE GIVING IN BECAUSE SHE CAN'T SEEM TO PUT ALL THE FAULT UNDER YOUR NAME!! And do you know how my poor ears have to it in? Thanks to you, she've suffered enough and thanks to you, her life is in chaos. What did you say? You're sorry? You think that five letter word could cover up all the that you had done? For the past few years, when she was so called 'dead', did you even made the effort to find out why?!! You're closest to her AND DAMN IT, HOW COULD YOU JUST NOT DO ANYTHING!! WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO SILENT? FORGET ABOUT THE REASON? Well, let me recall it back for you. You're too busy concentrating on your FAME AND CAREER!!! I can accept the fact that you're famos and all BUT I CERTAINLY CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU'VE NEGLECT HER TO THE POINT THAT SHE HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. YOU F**KING DON'T DESERVE HER!!!!" Youngjae fumed

Both of them stare at each other with a few seconds of silence. Youngjae think he was a bit too harsh that he felt a bit bad but didn't show it.Jay lift up his face exposing his swollen eyes with sincere, guilty tears flowing out that even Youngjae could tell that those tears are not crocodile tears.

"Tsk... You're right Youngjae, you're absolutely right. I'm a jerk, a bastard, a useless freak, stupid selfish, heartless and son of a . People always reminds me that I could actually recite it to you. You can insult me, hate me as much as you want to, I'm prepared to accept it. What makes you so sure whatever you told me earlier is 100% accurate? You are saying it on her behalf because you're being a caring friend, and I understand that. But do you really know what Sasha really feel deep down inside? Can see that you're just saying it because of your own temper, right?" Jay asked in a calm tone

Youngjae look away in guilt.

"You have the right to accuse me. You have seen her suffer but do you think anyone have seen me suffer instead? What you see on my outside it totally different on what I felt on the inside. You don't even know me that well during that period of time and you acted like you've known me for years. Funny that you only notice the bad side of me. You don't know what kind of life I had after knowing about the accident. I can't sleep for countless nights, guilt and regrets kept haunting me every single day, I can't even forgive myself. Do you know how relief I am to know that she was alive?

You're saying I'm in the wrong? So you're telling me Sasha disguising as someone else, planning to take revenge is abosolutely the right thing to do? And you actually supported her, hiding the fact that she was alive. You call yourself a caring friend? A caring friend should informed the truth about her condition. Just imagine how we her friends felt, how a family felt a few years ago?" Jay continued

"No one is perfect, not even you. I have a reason coming here. Just think logically, why would a jerk came all the way here to L.A? It's because I still care for her. At least a jerk like me have useful brains to know that he is in the wrong and would do anything.....anything to make her forgive me and claim back what she wanted since last time. If I fail, at least I made the effort to apologise to her. If I'm a real jerk, I wouldn't even have flew all the way here,"

Youngjae became mute all of a sudden. He don't know what to reply to those unanswered questions and sentences. Jay wipe his tears, heave a sigh of disappointment and slowly made his leave when he stop to give his final say.

"Listen, I'm sorry to be rude but I'm just saying whatever I think needs to be said. Honestly, I sincerely truly love her as well, it's just that there had been an invicible barrier that stop me from confessing my feelings to her which I don't know what. However, there is no hope in doing that now anyways. I just hope, really hope she forgive my mistakes and give me a chance to be in her life. Again I don't think it's going to happen because I know, you like her too don't you? They way you say your worries about her is really obvious. Gwnechana, for her I'm willing to accpet it as my punishment and I guess I should stop being a trouble maker. You...(choked with tears)...you should confess to her instead....tsk...tsk... but can you promise me something?" Jay sobbed, looking downwards

Youngjae was still being mute but his eyes is respoding, giving Jay and attentively, sorry look.

LISTEN TO "This Ain't It" By Taeyang while reading to get the feeling ^^

"If she accept your proposal, you must be the luckiest guy on earth. Please don't be a jerk like me and take good care of her. Don't lead her to such miserable life again. Tsk....you know, you should proposed to her with chocolates because that's her favourite food. Bring her to arcade often because she love playing games especially shooting games. (crying heavily)....don't ever let her consume prawns because she's allergic to it. Dont ever leave her alone in the dark, she's afraid of it. Avoid crowded places when you're with her because she's claustrophobic. Anything that you buy make sure it's not pink, she hates that colour. If you have difficulty in sleeping, ask her to sing you a lullaby. She has the most soothing voice."

~JAY'S MEMORIES WITH SASHA~

"Lastly, don't ever break her heart like I did. Wish both of you...will..last long," he cried and walk off

END OF CONFRONTATION AND BACK TO YOUNGJAE WHO WAS BUSYING DECIDING IN HIS ROOM

Youngjae's POV

Know what, nothing is helping me at all. Feeling fed up, I accidentally groan in frustration, slamming the pillow on my bed hardly, causing it to bounce off the bed. I need to cool myself, like really cool myself down. I went out of my room, and make my way towards the kitchen. I make myself a cup of coffee and take a sip. My mind is still working on the complicated matter while I was strolling towards the balcony. I'm too engrossed in thinking that I never notice Sasha who was admiring the full moon, until she tap me on the shoulder.

"Oh you're awake? Wae? Can't sleep?" I asked, taking a sit on the swing chair beside her

"Yeap...and it seems like you can't either? Haha," she said, hiding her hands under her cardigan due to the cold wind

"You feeling better?" I asked being concerned

"Hmmm...even if I'm not, I will have to force myself. I can't be in misery forever right?" she told me which made me extremely guilty

"But wouldn't it be better if you don't have to force yourself and let the misery naturally drained itself away from you?" I said, recalling about what Jay told me

She did a quick small smile like she is not agreeing to it. Suddenly something came to my mind. It may create a chaos between me and her but it's the fatest and the only way to help me with my decision making. I stare at here without even realising that I stared for too long. She frown her eyebrows and look at me in a weird way,

"What?" she asked

"Nothing...," I said and looked away

To break the awkward moments I asked about the techniques Dr Tae Young use to get her out of the room.

"Oh...haha so that's why you've been staring at me? Well, he said that you're going to commit suicide. And I actually believe him? Hahaha, I know you wouldn'y have done that," she said

"But, what if I really intend to commit suicide?" I asked in a serious tone

She look at me directly and amazingly she grin sincerely. Surprisingly, she hold onto my hands.

"Hmmmm.... if that happens, I will try whatever even if it risks my life to rescue you, because you've rescued me several times whenever I'm having problems and hard times. You're an angel, and I will never forget what you've done to me from the day you saved me from getting hit by a car," she said and focused back on the full moon.

Oh my God things are just getting more complicated for me. Why must she be so sweet at ths period o time?!! Andwe!! Andwe Youngjae, snap out of it and bloody ask her now!

"Can I ask you something personal?" I finally asked

She nodded and once again, that smile of hers is making me feel weak.

"Do you....do you still have feelings for Jay?" I asked daringly

There is a few seconds of silence and when I look at her expression, it's different from a few seconds ago. Tears automatically flow out from her eyelids. Oh no!! But, andwe!!! I have to find out!! I need to know before taking the next step. I must know. I tend to be a bit stern, " So do you?" I asked

"I think it's getting late. I'm going to bed first," she excused herself but I grab her hand fast

"You haven't answered my question yet," I said looking at her directly in her hazelnut pupils

Her eyes were puffy with a trace of wetness around the lids. She immediately cover her face away from me.

"Can you please don't bring up matters that has past?" she argued, trying not to make me continue on what I had in stored for her.

"Well aren't you doing the same thing? It's hard to forget about bad memories compared to good ones, I know that. Just by the look in your eyes I could tell. I just want to know whether you still have feelings for him," I don't know why I'm raising my voice all of a sudden

Why the hell am I fuming up? Is it because I really wanna know her feelings that badly?She gave me a rejected action by turning away and moving one step forward when I grab her by the arms tightly this time. A seriously, stubborn expression being plastered on my face. This time her cheeks are totally drenched with tears trickling down showing me that abstracted look.

"If you really had forgotten about the past, you could have answered this question very easily. You still do have feelings for him don't you? Don't you?" I raised my voice

"TSK.....WHAT IF I SAY YES? You'll be hurt too right?!!!! YES I DO STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM, I DO CARE FOR HIM, IT'S HARD TO ERASE HIM OUT OF MY LIFE AND I STILL....TSK...TSK....I STILL DO LOVE HIM!!!" she cried in agony

"Why Youngjae? Why of all topics you have to bring this up? Here I am trying to forget about him and I'm trying my best to hate him and most importantly, I don't want you to hurt yourself. I had enough, enough of hurting people around me including you. Tsk...tsk.....I tried, I really tried hard but I can't forget him!!!! AARRGGHHH!!! I don't know what else to do...tsk....tsk....I don't want you to be hurt because of me....tsk...tsk... I don't want you to get hurt.....tsk...tsk....why am I so cruel....tsk....tsk...," she wailed out loud at the same time rooting down to the ground

Honestly what she just said broke my heart into millions of pieces but by her saying those touching words about not wanting me to get hurt makes me a zillionth time guilty and bad. I close my eyes and open it back, feeling so regret upon being so harsh and firm with her. I shouldn't have reacted that way. My Goodness, because of love I'm being such a stubborn freak? This aint right! Feeling bad and touched, I kneel down beside her and embrace her warmly. I pat her back gently and apologise to her for a few times.

"Hey, I'm so sorry I reacted that way. I don't know what had gotten into me lately. I just feel so hurt seeing you being in a dilemma ever since that incident happens. I promise I won't bring up the topic ever again. I'm sorry Sasha, please forgive me?" I apologised, still in her embrace

She never reply but embrace me even tighter and let all of her sadness out. I'll never let go of her until she is ok and I don't mind if she were to hug me for hours. Suddenly Jay's face appeared in my mind. Haiz...Should I give up on Sasha? Or should I get tham back together because I feel bad taking what was not right for me...Haiz...Should I?

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