Time flies so fast. I spent the Christmas with my family. I am a little bit sad, though. I just can’t forget about him. Im able to forget him when I am doing something but when I pause, everything hunts me. Everything reminds me of him. I can’t move on. Not now.

I asked Kris a favor. I asked him to bring me to the orphanage since he knows the place And I am not familiar with the location. I brought candies and cute stuff and some chocolates from my dad. I will give them their presents since I love kids. I missed them so much. Especially Happy and Luci. Ah! One more thing, I can’t carry these bags alone, that’s why I need Kris to come along. After half an hour, he arrived.

“I’m off to the orphanage, mum!”

I hopped in his car and smiled at him.

“You look happy today, how was the Christmas eve?” I asked, staring at the horizon.

“Good.” He says.  “Did you know that was the place where me and Kai met Luhan?”

“Yeah, he mentioned that to me.”

“He?”

“Luhan..”

“Whenever I feel sad, I just go to that place. Children’s smiles are like  drug that heals my sadness.” He paused. “Those Luhan-kind of smile. Did you know that his real parents left him outside the orphanage? And to think that he was very young. That’s one of the reason why I met Luhan.  A couple who can’t bare child adopted him.. Secondly, Kai’s mother is one of the owners of that orphanage. They’re pretty… no, very rich. Kai asks me to play with him with the other kids. We hardly saw Luhan smile. He was very disappointed that he is an orphan and his true parents abandoned him. He still has grudge towards them… until now. But we became friends with him and tried to heal those scars in his heart.” He wears a bitter smile and continues.

“They left Luhan with a note saying “Sorry, we can’t provide his needs and we aren’t ready to be his parents.” That was so sad.”

I got shocked because I didn’t know that he has a dark past. I should’ve known. Maybe he got mad at me because I told him that his mother didn’t teach him moral values. I am sorry.

 “Does he become outrageous when it comes to this topic?” I ask, flustered.

“Very.”

Oh my god.

I didn’t respond to that. I think of thoughts about his feelings and scenarios that may happen. Oh no, it was my fault. I didn’t notice that we arrived already. We stepped in and nuns and the kids greeted us with smiles in their faces.

“Seohyun unnie, look at my Keroro!” Happy shouted as she raise the stuffed toy.  It reminds me of my keroro, the one that luhan gave me. But, I threw my keroro along with “Luhan’s memorabilia”

“Cute!” I replied and handed her her present. Happy looks so surprised. I am glad that I came here.

“Nerd!”  Someone shouted. I turned around and it was Luhan, running towards me. Sweat all over his forehead. I didn’t see this coming. I mean, why is he doing here? He’s calling me all of a sudden. He reaches for my hand and his hand’s wrapped around my wrist, dragging me outside.

“What the?” my forehead wrinkled. He glanced at me and says “Please, just for a minute.”

“I don’t want to! Why are you doing this? From being mad at me to begging me to come with you. Im fed up. Luhan, please stay away from me. You don’t have a single clue how much it hurts.” Tears ran down my face. Sister Jungah told the children to go to a room and handed them the gifts. Luhan told her that he will handle the situation.

He didn’t say a word and his hand’s hold me tightly.

“Stop it!” I shriek. I don’t even know what he’s going to do. I am afraid because I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t my heart to be broken by him for the second time. I am not yet ready. I am weak, vulnerable.

“Sorry, you have to hear me out.”

“Even if you kiss the ground, I won’t forgive you. Not now… I just cant. So please, back off.” I say as I sniff.

“She says enough, and enough is enough.” Kris came from outside and he snatched my hand from Luhan’s grip.

--

We stopped at a very quiet place. We are alone here. It is 7 p.m. I don’t want to go home yet. I don’t want my parents to see me like this. My eyes are puffy and red.

“Are you okay?” Kris asks handing me a handkerchief.

“Yep.”

He looks at my eyes and says “I know you’re not. Why don’t you share it to me? It’ll make you feel better.”

“You know, Luhan is a very irking person. He will show up whenever I am and will tease me. From being a erted cockroach to being a gangster-like person but I love that side of him too. He will protect me when I needed help. He works hard… really hard when I am teaching him. He has different kinds of personality. But I didn’t know that he has a very dark past too. We had a fight on the Christmas party. I told him that his mother didn’t teach him moral values and he became outrageous. I didn’t mean to say it!”  I buried my face into my hands.

“What?!” he yelled.

“It’s  because everything’s messed up! I fell in love with him! We kissed passionately and assumed that we will be a couple.  I heard him talking to two other guys in the dark saying that it was a deal. His task is to make me fall in love with him and if he wins, he’ll be rewarded with money. It hurts knowing I gave it my all. He said he didn’t have a choice but he does. He really does. And he chose to hurt me. Where did I go wrong?” I came to my breaking point. I can’t say a word anymore, tears wont stop falling. He has been an to me but I still love him! I can’t seem to stop loving him.

“You’re stupid then.” He smirked.

“I know. He ditched me but here I am, still chasing after him. It's like, he stole my heart and placed it in his Jar of Hearts. I told him that even if he kiss the ground, I wont forgive him. I didn’t mean to say that. I am still looking forward to the day when he will apologize to me…”

“Err, Seo, I have something to tell you…” Kris stares at me. It must be a serious matter.

“Go on.”

“N-nevermind.”

What’s wrong with him?