It is our Christmas party preparation today and this is also our second to the last day because tomorrow is our Christmas party and after that, we will be having our Christmas break. I am not feeling well and I am also not in the mood but I don’t want to miss this event. My eyes are puffy and red and tired. I look like a zombie and I lost weight because I haven’t been eating well since the last day of recollection. Luhan keeps on bugging me but, this isn’t the right time. I am hurt. So. Much.

“I hope things will get well between you and Yonghwa.. and also with Luhan.” Juniel says and sips her hot cocoa.  “I don’t think so, Juniel. I am not ready.”

“You wanna know why Yonghwa became so distant and worried and upset? Whenever he sees me, all he gotta do is avoid me.” she says while looking at her drink. I nod. “Well, you two are best friends, right? He moved to Japan and continued his studies and had his own successful career because he has the looks as well as the talent.”  She says.

“I know—“

“Don’t interrupt, just listen, okay?” she says wearing a serious face. I nod and listen like a little kid. “He was so famous and his career bloomed. He has gigs, and lot of offers. He’s a real singer, isn’t he? One day, he met a girl named Hwajae. They used to hang out almost everyday! When he has gigs and jobs, they used to exchange messages and Yonghwa fell in love with her. He courted her and they started dating and finally, they became a couple. They were so happy back then. Things were smooth but got rough in the middle of their relationship. Hwajae needed to go back to Seoul because her mother was sick and his dad can’t take care of her because he was too busy with his business so he can pay his wife’s hospital bills. Things became tough and Hwajae had no choice but to leave Japan and leave Yonghwa behind. Hwajae made it to Seoul but as time passed by, she lost contact with Yonghwa and vice versa. She became so busy taking good care of her mom while his dad is also busy working. Her dad asked the company for a loan because the bill was getting bigger. Little did they know, her dad has a serious problem returning the money, the pay for the loan whatsoever. He didn’t know what to do so the boss in the company asked him an offer. The boss’ son will be marrying Hwajae once they turned 18. The boss’ said that his son needs a wife so he can transfer the business to his son’s name. Hwajae’s family was so broke and her dad didn’t want his family to live on the streets begging for money and food. He agreed but Hwajae disagreed because she was faithful and loyal to Yonghwa. Even though she lost contacts with him, she believed in Yonghwa’s promises that he will follow her and they will build a family and have kids and have a good life and Yonghwa will not renew his contract being a singer in a band because he wanted a normal life. A quiet one. Hwajae couldn’t  take it anymore. She asked her twin to take care of his mom. She ran away from home and didn’t came back. Few months later, Hwajae was found dead in her flat. She committed suicide.” A bitter smile formed in Juniel’s lips. “Her dad said that he has another daughter which is Hwajae’s twin. His boss agreed. Hwajae’s twin will be marrying the boss’ son. Her twin understands the situation and doesn’t want to meddle with his dad’s plans because he might have a nervous breakdown anytime for losing his daughter and seeing his wife in the hospital bed unconscious. Their life was ruined.”

“Why do you know all these things?” I wonder.

“Because Hwajae is my...twin.”

I got shocked because of the revelations and I realize that I was wrong. I should’ve understood his situation for I am his best friend. I regretted everything I said towards him. I am the one who was rude.

“I am so sorry...”

“It’s okay. I’m trying to get over it. Past is past, even if I cry a river, I can’t bring Hwajae back to life. I can’t terminate the contract. You know what, the boss’ son is Jongin. I learned how to love him. I accepted him and even though he doesn’t love me at first, he tried. And that’s a huge effort.”

“I am really sorry, I didn’t mean to bring this up...” I feel so weak and guilty.

“You don’t have to feel guilty and you didn’t bring this up, I was the one who did it. For you to realize Yonghwa’s struggle. I know the feeling of losing someone you love and losing your best friend would hurt so much. I hope you understand.” She explains. “Why don’t you apologize to him like... right now. That sounds great.”

“You’re right... Thank you for the information and a lot of thanks to you for understanding me for being childish. I owe you a lot. I love you.” I say as I bid good bye and I will make sure that I will make it up to you, Yonghwa.

--

“There you are.” I found him in the music room fixing the guitars and other instruments.

“Can I have a word with you? I need to tell you something.” Yonghwa looks at me and says “Okay, spill the beans.”

I sat on the corner of the stage where he is fixing the speakers. “I am so sorry, Yonghwa. I didn’t mean to yell at you or nag like a grandmother. I really am sorry for calling you a kid.” He smiles and says “You don’t have to feel sorry. Sorry for comparing you with my grandma who nags a lot. I just don’t know if it’s time to tell you what happened in the past when I was in Japan.” 

“I know the story, Yong.” He looks at me with his eyebrows connected “How?”

“I asked Juniel.”

“Oh, so you knew about it.” His eyes glow when tears start to form. “Have a seat.” I ask. “Did you come here because of her? Hwajae?”

“Yes. I kept on looking for her for months. Unfortunately, she couldn’t take the loneliness and sorrow that she committed suicide. It was too late. I shouldn’t have lost contact with her or I shouldn’t have let her go back to Seoul... but that’s selfishness. Her mother was dying. I can’t go with her since I’ve a contract with my band. “ Finally, tears came out of his eyes.

“I am so sorry... I am always here for you. I am your best friend. But I wonder... you didn’t mention any of this when you were in Japan.” I asked.

“It is because I don’t want to bother you with these. I want you to study hard and it’s wrong for me to share it with you. I have a love life and you don’t. That’s... offensive for me.”

“Oh common, it’s fine with me. I am your best friend. You can always count on me.” I pat his shoulder.

“The worst part is... I see Hwajae in Juniel’s eyes. She resembles Hwajae so much because they’re identical. I see fire in her eyes... Hwajae’s name means fire and it suits her. She was so ambitious and lovable.”

“I don’t want to say this but please don’t ruin her relationship with Kai. Please... They’re in love with each other.”

“I am not in love with Juniel. Jesus, I’m avoiding her because I want to forget the bad memories of Hwajae. Whenever I see Juniel, Hwajae’s memories won’t stop hunting me! It is driving me crazy and depressed. Are you nuts, Seo?! Can’t you see that I am also avoiding you these past few days?” 

Oh he’s right. “Why?”

“Because as days pass by, I am falling in love with you.”

There was an awkward silence. My body became numb and shocked about his sudden confession. What in the world! The next thing I know is... he kissed me.