Gray Paper
As He Sleeps
Sungmin and Hyukjae are standing in the recording room in front of the other staff who are busy manipulating the recording consoles. There
was a man standing inside the sound proof room connected to the recording room but is separated by glass. The man looked younger than his age,
his small figure is wrapped with jeans and white tee and the big headphones are on his head. His eyes are closed and is blowing air while
waiting for the go signal.
Hyukjae pressed the intercom that connects them to that room.
"Woon hyung, are you ready?" he asked. The man looked at them with a smile and put one thumb up.
Hyukjae looked at the person sitting and tapped his shoulder. "Start the record."
The piano accompaniment started and the new singer immediately closed her eyes shortly before putting both hands on the headphones. Sungmin
looked at Hyukjae who just put both hands in the pocket. This was his melody, yup like the usual, and who knows what Hyukjae has put into
those.
Mianhaeso haneun mariya [I'm saying this because I'm sorry]
Niga ulgo isseo haneun mariya [I'm saying this because you're crying]
Sumi makhyeo samkideut han mariya [I'm syaing this because I'm running out of breath]
Meongcheonghan gaseumi seodureuneun mal [Words that my foolish heart is rush out]
Chamgo chamabogo mageuryeo haedo [I try to hold it in and block it]
What is this song about? He remembered what happened few nights ago. His mess, his arguements, the dirtiest he's ever become. It all happened
few nights ago. And this song just hit him because it's all fresh. The wounds from that night was fresh. And even if they have faced it,
the ugly will remain ugly.
Du soneuro nae ibeul magabwado [I cover my mouth with my hands but]
Nae maeumeul sseonaeryoganduthan hanmadi saranghae [The words I love you remain as if it's written in my heart]
Sungmin looked down and tried not to be affected by the song. But Woon hyung's voice is close to perfection. The sadness of the song
has brought out more sadness because of his low voice... and damn, why does he need to remind himself of that painful night?
Hyukjae secretly eyed on Sungmin. Of course, he will always think of Kyuhyun. But Sungmin ah... I've always been here. And if you think
this song is dedicated to the person you love, of course, this song is dedicated to Sungmin. But Sungmin ah... you'll never know that,
will you?
Hyukjae kept his breathing low and focused on watching Woon hyung. He has released his first song and this song will kill people again
once they hear this.
Cheoncheonhi georeohalkke hanbal dubal [I'll walk slowly, one step, two step]
Naege iksukhan ne balgeoreum hanbal dubal [Your footsteps are so familiar to me, one step, two step]
Jogeumssik meoreojyeogada sarajyeoganda jeobeok jeobeok [You're getting father away and disappearing little by little with heavy footsteps]
Hyukjae smiled bitterly. He heard Sungmin stopping his breath. Kyuhyun. It's all about Kyuhyun again. But this song is not about him. This
song is about Hyukjae wanting to let go of Sungmin. Yes, he was never his. But the dreams he had when they were still young has held his heart for
a long time. And the tears that he had seen falling from those mystical eyes, the glints that has disappeared when he chose to be with
Kyuhyun made Hyukjae stay by his side. He has waited for a long time for that tiny space in Sungmin's heart. But until now he can't have it.
He will never have it. And he has admitted the truth that he has glued himself in Sungmin's bubble. He cannot enter it... he cannot leave it.
Jiweojidut itjyeojilkkabwa [In case you get erased and forgotten]
Boiji anneundeut sarajilkkabwa [In case you grow out of sight and disappear]
Ilchoedo sumanbeoneun dwaenaeineun mal [In one second, I repeat these words thousands of times:]
Meolligajima [Don't go far away]
Don't go far away. Hyukjae, why did Hyukjae write this? Because he doesn't want Sungmin to go anywhere far from him. But Sungmin will never
think of that. A tear rising up from Sungmin's eyes and a bitter smile came out from Hyukjae's. There he goes again. Hyukjae quietly walked
behind Sungmin. The other one is surely far from noticing it. He never notices Hyukjae. From being the only person who pursued his dream
to being the one who stays behind him to buck him up when he's struggling... even when he was having a hard time with Kyuhyun, Hyukjae
was there... but Sungmin never noticed it. And of course, no matter how many times Hyukjae told himself to stop wanting Sungmin, he will never, and he can never do it.
Ige majimakirago hanbeon dubeon [This is the last time, once, twice]
Jikiji mot hal yaksokdeuldo hanbeon dubeon [I make promises that I can't keep, once, twice]
Dachyeoya haneungeon ireon narago jebal jebal [The one who should be hurt is me please, please]
When the tear dropped, Sungmin suddenly cannot hear anything. What has happened? Woon hyung is still singing but he hears less of it, there
is a press on both of his ears. He turned to Hyukjae.
"If it's hurting you... don't listen to it." he said.
Another tear fell. Hyukjae ah... after all this time, I know you've always been there. I just never acknowledged it. I just never accepted
it. It's not you who should be hurt... it's me.
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Kyuhyun looked at his mobile and read Ryeowook's message last night. Why does he need to see Kyuhyun? Sungmin told him last night that Ryeowook
knows about everything. A very deep sigh. He turned to the side and saw Sungmin's luggage. The other is ready to go. He looked down shortly.
He needs to do something as well.
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Hyukjae and Sungmin found themselves inside the now empty recording room. Hyukjae is listening to the finished song. Sungmin was sitting
beside him watching him work intensely.
"We don't need much editing, just a cleaner background." he said as he control the recording console. "We seriously hit the jackpot with
Woon hyung, his voice is damn good. You can imagine the listeners dying with the way he sings his ballad." Hyukjae said trying not to
pay attention to Sungmin. It has been a week since that incident happen and they never spoke about it since.
"Hyukjae ah..."
Hyukjae was about to press one button when he stopped upon hearing his name. He turned to Sungmin nervously. Sungmin is pressing his palm
with his fingernails as if calming himself. They met each other's eyes and silence surrounded them. Hyukjae took his eyes away first and
laugh awkwardly.
"Ehe, what do you want, Lee Sungmin?" he said avoiding the other's eyes.
"I knew all this time that these songs are for me." Sungmin said making Hyukjae unable to focus with his work even more. "And I haven't thank you for everything you've done." Hyukjae's heart beats
fast, what's all this about? "You've always been there for me and I have just taken your friendship for granted." Hyukjae creased his eyebrows
shortly and looked at him again.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"I'm so sorry about what happened the other night." he said. Hyukjae gritted his teeth when he remembered what happened the that night.
Sungmin kissed him and wanted them to cross the line of their friendship. You've been waiting for this, haven't you? A chance to me.
It was the most painful thing he has heard from Sungmin. He could have taken all the insults of him being ugly and lonely and workbuff and
all but that... that shot him to the heart. After a long friendship, Sungmin actually thought that Hyukjae stays with him to have a chance
to him. He looked at Sungmin seriously.
"Which part?"
"Everything. I've put myself to danger, I've provoked you to do things with me... I even insulted you." he said. His tears coming up again.
"You even told Kyuhyun everything and saved us. I knew what feelings you have for me and I knew I've been
putting it aside... but I never intended to hurt you-"
Hyukjae chuckled. "Of course you intended to hurt me." he smiled at Sungmin and looked away. "You intended to hurt me since
5 years ago."
Sungmin shook his head. "Hyukjae, it's the least intention I have. Why would I even want to hurt you? I just can't-"
"Don't say it..." Hyukjae said. He smirked at Sungmin. "If it wasn't your intention, you should have hated me when I told you that I like
you for the first time. But you said you liked me even more. I hoped... that it can lead us to something. You said you wanted to pursue
music with your bestfriend. I became your bestfriend. We both pursued music. You said you want to work in a big company, we are a big
company. You said we should always be partners... we've been partners in everything. Of course, you intend to hurt me."
Sungmin looked down. Hyukjae watched him looking so sorry.
"I'm so sorry Hyukjae ah... I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I like you, you're such a good friend and I couldn't make this without you.
If there is anything I can do to take those words, I will, by all means, do it."
Hyukjae chuckled. "What's done has been done. The only thing you can do now is move forward. Stop being so weak, Min. And if you really
want to make it up, there is only one thing you can do for me." Sungmin looked at him and anticipated.
"Bring me back my best friend."
Sungmin looked at Hyukjae in the eyes. He saw himself there just like he always does. Yes, he sees himself in Hyukjae's eyes. Hyukjae looks
at him in a special way... but he can't get to reciprocate it the way Hyukjae deserves to have and he'll be forever thankful for having such
wonderful best friend. A friend who will always be there for him.
He smiled and nodded back at Hyukjae. He can never tell how grateful he is to his friend. His best friend.
"I'll see you at the airport on Friday." Hyukjae said. Sungmin nodded and followed him with a sight.
As Hyukjae was walking towards the elevator alone, he smiled and pouted. "And when I said my best friend... I don't mean you, Lee Sungmin."
He took his phone and dialled a number.
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Kyuhyun was holding an envelop as he walked towards the bus stop when he received a phone call... he crossed his eyebrows when he saw the
number but picked it up anyway.
"Hello?" he straightened up and looked at the side of his phone. "Are you serious?"
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