“I heard you’re going home today, is it true?”

Kai called, again. It made her happy. It was early in the morning, barely six o’clock and Jieun had just woken up. It’s been a while since she could have enough sleep. She was kind of pissed, when her phone vibrated early in the morning, disturbing her peaceful sleep. But her frown soon turned upside down and her moody-self too, turn upside down after looking at the caller ID. As always, it’s Kai, and he’s special. She can’t help but feel extremely happy.

They might have dated each other over years, secretly behind the knowledge of the paparazzi. They are being extra careful that they rarely have time to date each other. Maybe, it is the reason behind her happiness over trivial things. Everything Kai did for her, even if its trivial, she could turn extremely happy. Her heart would suddenly bursts, beating unhealthily. Her stomach would be filled with flying butterfly, that it feels too great to be real. Her cheek would be hurting from too much smiling, yet she didn’t mind, because it’s Kai.

Jieun had a terrible past; it has been kept secret by her. She doesn’t want the world to know, she doesn’t want to get exposed. Most of all, she doesn’t want people to look at her as a miserable young lady, that have to be pitied. She may have a terrible past, yet she avoids being given sympathy. Only Kai knows about it, how terrible her past was. It was so terrible, that at the age of 3 she stopped believing in fairy tales. At the age of 5, she no longer believes in happy-endings.

Lee Ji Eun, the young lady known for its bubbly and cheerful character wasn’t actually that much cheerful. It was a show, to cheer her fans, and to make sure she won’t break down. She actually has a melancholic personality; she was too pessimistic to believe in anything. She wasn’t the type to be very optimistic, as she has strong believes that nothing will end happily. She believes it is too unrealistic, for the real world to have happy endings. She believes every time happiness came; it will be followed by greater efforts of work and greater pain, to pay them off. Yet slowly, things changed.

It still feels unreal to her, how she could date Kai. It seems merely impossible; knowing a man like Kai existed. He’s too perfect to be real, even more perfect than those princes in fairy tales. Sometimes, she can’t believe Kai is real. Sometimes, she wonders if all of this is fake. Everything seems too unrealistic, the happiness, the perfectness. She wonders if this is all only a dream, that one day she will have to wake up and accept the bitter reality. Yet now, she’s being spoiled by the happiness that slowly she turned greedy.

“Yes, I am.”

She slowly gets up, drinking a cup of water to hydrate her sore throat. She might have overworked herself, that she slowly feels unwell. However, the thought of meeting Kai after going back to Korea managed to lighten her day. Her mood slowly rises and she keeps smiling like some crazy person.

“When will your plane arrive? I will come to pick you up.”

“Are you sure? Aren’t you busy these days?”

“I will never be too busy for my girlfriend. When will you arrived? I will make sure to pick you up.”

“Well, I think it’s around 8.”

“Well then, I will come to pick you up. Wait for me at the front gate.”

“Okay,”

“I’ll have to get going. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jongin.”

And sometimes, she found herself wondering at what love means. All she could ever know is that she loves him. She doesn’t know how, she doesn’t know how to figure it out, she just know that she loved Kai. Dating Kai seems to be impossible, yet the two had made it possible. Sometimes, she fears she might get spoiled by the happiness. But now, all she could ever wish for, is for time to stop and for her to believe this is simply real.

She wore sweater and warms clothes, as she took the plane back to Korea. Kai texted her, asking her to wear warm clothes since its quite cold in Korea. Kai might seem very ignorant, arrogant, and rather rude, people said it is his charms, yet Jieun knows him better than anyone. Inside him, lies a soft spot, his caring and kind attitude. He showers her with that soft spot of him, all the time. That she keeps getting butterfly in her stomach, like a child being spoiled day by day.

She was excited, coming back to Korea. Not only she would be able to meet Jiyeon, her friends and family, but most of all she would be meeting Kai. She has been looking forward to this day, despite her excitement performing in Orchard Hall. Her company was kind enough to give the petite lady some day off before going back with her busy activities. Hopefully, Kai wasn’t too busy to spend some quality time with Jieun.

“You seems very excited, IU.” Her manager saw how her eyes showed a glimpse of excitement.

“Me, oh never mind. I’m just happy I could finish this performance smoothly.”

“Congratulations, then! I’m sure our director will be very happy seeing your accomplishment. Now, just take your time and rest. Make sure you took a great care of yourself. We’ll be landing soon; your fans must be waiting.”

The thought of Kai waiting for her suddenly crossed her mind. She slowly broke her smile to a grin, earning a questioning look from her manager and most of her crew. Her stylish could only chuckle, seeing how the young lady reacted against her manager words. Honestly, none of them know the fact that she’s dating. Only some of her closest friends know, the EXO, Jiyeon, and Taeyeon. No one else knows. She’ll have to keep it as a nice secret or else everything might be in danger.

“Don’t forget to pose nicely for your fans.” Her manager noted.

“I know oppa. I’ll always give my best for them.”

“Well, you’re the one who care a lot about your fans. It must be nice being your fans when you always think about them.”

“I’m the one who’s supposed to be thankful. I wonder what I would be without them.”

Her plane landed, exactly at 8, just like how it was planned. After passing through the crowd that keeps crazily asking for her autographs and snapshots, everything turned from noisy to peaceful. As usual, she poses with a V-marked, her benchmark as a sign of her sincere fan service. Thanks to the security and guards, she could safely pass through them. Although they are her fans, some of them are being not thoughtful enough, that they could unconsciously brought harm upon her. Well, she still loved them though, as much as she loved her dearest person.

“IU, we should get going soon.” Her manager noted again.

“I’ll go home on my own. I’ll see you later.”

“Are you sure? It’s quite safe here, but still… you’re a celebrity.”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you. I wanted to have some time alone, I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, then. See you in 3 days.”

Her manager finally left after giving her quite a look, a questionable one. She fears that she might get exposed; it is rare for her manager to let her go that easily. Thankfully, she managed to escape it this time. Maybe, it is another side affect of being too tired. As a celebrity, it’s not only the celebrity itself that often get overworked and ended up being too tired, but her crew too often get the side affect of it.

It was cold, just like how Kai has told her beforehand. Thankfully, she didn’t wear some dress that might cause her to freeze to death. She should thank Kai once he arrived. She has seen no sign of him, maybe he would be late. It is understandable though, since as a celebrity, he often get too busy. Sometimes, she’s quite upset regarding the matter, but knowing how hard it is, she slowly managed to overcome the hardships of dating Kai.

She wrapped her petite body with another layer of warm sweater, tightening her jacket as the temperature continues to drops. Kai asked her to wait at the front gate, outside the airport, that is why she keeps standing strong despite the weather. She could have got in and warmed herself up inside the airport, where the heater worked perfectly. Yet she decided not to do so, she doesn’t want to delay her reunion with Kai. She just wanted to meet him so badly, she misses him so much. Although it has only been two weeks, her heart has been lingering for Kai presence.

Time passed by, followed by the continuation of temperature drops. She was freezing that her lips slowly turned pale. She constantly glances at her watch, 10 minutes… 20 minutes… half an hour… and finally an hour pass by. She has already called Kai, as she keeps wondering where he has been. Yet he didn’t pick it up, neglecting Jieun’s calls, as he left her waiting and freezing at the airport. He told her that he would pick her up, that he has no schedules for tonight yet where is he?

She was too loyal, or maybe she’s just foolish. Despite an hour that has passed by, despite the temperature drops, she continued to wait, rubbing her hand once in a while as she searched for more hot packs. She might be too naïve, but finally ended up disappointed and upset. She took a taxi; her smile turns upside down as she found no end of waiting for Kai. He won’t come, she’s sure of it. Even if she waited until the sun rises, he won’t come. It was upsetting that she decided to take a taxi and went straight home.

She wonders if she ever mentions about family, she hopes not. It took about an hour, for her to arrive at her house. Rather than a house, it was more likely an apartment. It seems empty and peaceful, yet old and neglected. It wasn’t located in an elite neighborhood where celebrity usually lives, but rather at a poor neighborhood. It was average, and sometimes you could spot some beggars and scavengers. It wasn’t that nice of a neighborhood yet Jieun refuses to move, despite the effort her close friends have spent. Even Kai failed to persuade her and her manager effort turn out to be useless.

She dragged her heavy luggage all the way upstairs, where her room was located. She could hear the creaking sound of the stairs, as she continued to climb her way up. She spent quite an effort there, using her petite body to carry such a huge luggage. There were no such thing as elevator in her apartment, everything is done by stairs. It was quite troublesome yet Jieun decided to stick and bear with it. It is quite a questionable matters and a weird one, how such a rich and successful person like her decided to stay in such a place. Roughly saying, it is an old, poor, and nasty one.

Her fingertips were freezing, as it tried to reach for the keys inside her bag. It didn’t take long before a golden key appear, and she need to spent another round of effort to plug it into the keyhole. The door was old that it has started to crack and appeared to be rusty, and the key was more than old. It has even started to bend and rusty.

Click!

It was dark, empty, and rather gloomy. It was damp and uncomfortable, it feels old and neglected. It was filled with thrilling silence and sadness. It was contented with the uncomfortable feeling, with lingering tears of sadness and countless nights of crying. It feels lonely and empty; it feels darker than the abyss. The furniture too, looks old and neglected, the wallpaper were torn apart. It was filled with the smell of liquor and also the stinky smell of the trash.

She wanted to turn on the lights, to free herself from the suffocating darkness. The air, it doesn’t contain that much of an oxygen that she had quite a hard time breathing. She just freezes, unable to move as if both feet were glued to the worn-out wooden floor. Her pupils slowly shrink, before turning bigger. Dark, empty, filled with loneliness. She was used to it, the loneliness. Rather than avoiding the scary loneliness, she used to love it a lot. Yet now… when she always had Kai by her side, she has a phobia toward loneliness. She has no strength to face it.

Dark…Black… silence… lonely…

She suddenly collapses to the ground, after having hard time breathing. She was suffocating, gripping her chest to grasp some more air, but failed. Her hand was clutching against the door knob, trying to support herself. Breath, she need to breath or else she might undergo another respiratory failure. Her manager would scold her for sure, because once she turned the whole world to chaos because of one single respiratory failure. And now… she could have gotten another round of it.

Breath… Jieun… breath…

Blinking her eyes couple of time, she managed to regain consciousness. It was another panic attack, just like the last time she entered this place. She should have just moved to another apartment, yet her heart and fate seems to be bounded to this place. She slowly closed the door, entering the room, sinking herself inside the darkness as she slowly cried. The faint sound of sobbing soon filled the room, as she could no longer see the light. All she could ever see is the darkness, darker than the abyss. It is scary yet she was unable to free herself from it, but rather she bounds herself to it. Her true colors finally showed.

She has the fear of change. Changes that might caused her to move on, to forget her past and see the world with a brighter side. She was scared that she might get spoiled because of those changes. However, Kai is the only change she would ever accept. And now, when he’s gone she will revert back to her original self. A melancholic, miserable side of Lee Ji Eun, our famous soloist IU, that no one knows.

A/N

I don't think this chapter is great. Well, it's been a while since I wrote angst story and it's been a while since I've had time thinking about how this story will developed. So yeah, I'm kind of forcing myself to write it despite the writer block I'm having. I hope you like it, and I would be greateful if some of you would likely to leave some comments behind. Thank you for reading! Comments and subscribe! See you soon.