It’s a brand new day, she told herself. It’s a brand new day, where she has to start over. She has lost everything and she has nothing to fear, after all everything that meant a lot to her has gone. Slowly, she regained her consciousness. It was around seven in the morning, when the warm sunrays penetrated her room, greeting her warmly. She had never felt the world being so warm, it felt strange, and somehow comforting, but still she was insecure. Everything was slightly too good to be true that she grew insecure.

Shifting herself to the right, she could feel how his presence has completely disappear to thin air. She couldn’t trace his presence anymore or could she long for more. She tried to reach for him and what left behind was the coldness. She was hurting; nevertheless she was happy it ended. She smiled, whispering a goodbye, as she shifts her body to the other side. It ended. It ended. Because it ended, this would be a brand new day.

The ambiguity has put to an end, where it was clear how reunion will be impossible. Yet she chained her heart to him, she couldn’t help but to remain as the woman who loved him a lot. She, too, know how he still chained his heart to her. And she, too, knew what he wished for, for both of them to move on. She wondered though, how long would it take to finally move on? She had scars, of being alive, of being born, and now maybe scars of being once in love. She couldn’t, not for sometime in a while, and maybe never.

She closed her eyes, as the coldness of the room sweep through her. She was afraid to be alone, because the world has been so dark, being alone was scary. Especially in this place, the hospital. Again, she heaved another sigh, before fluttering both her eyes opened to see whether anyone was there for her. She looked around, embracing the coldness and the slight warmth of the sunrays. There was no one around, she was all alone.

“Baekhyun?” She whispered, but it sounded like a whimper. Her body still aches. She looked to her left, to find the chair empty. She reaches for the chair, feeling his fading warmth. He had just left, which made her smile to herself.

Ever since they broke up, Byun Baekhyun would always be there for her. He was a friend or maybe even more. He would sing her to sleep and look after her whenever he had the time. He would kiss her forehead before he leave, and she could still feel the sincerity he put into everything.

But then, there was a man who identity remained unknown. She had never seen him once enter her room, yet he would leave his mark behind. Today, too, she saw something that belongs to him. A bouquet of lilies, placed next to her bed, with a get-well-soon card. Xi Luhan.

***

Lee Ji Eun was discharged from the hospital three days later, Baekhyun brought her home. Although she was close with her manager, she wouldn’t tell him where she was living. He might got a shock if he ever know, her place was a despicable place that even the lowest might not even be willing to live. Baekhyun offered himself to take someday off and take care of her, but she refused. She realized she needed time, and her agency had just given her a two weeks break to recover. She would be back on stage as soon as she recover, and also as soon as the news died down.

This will be a brand new day, she had been telling herself over and over again, to meet the absolute outcome. It wasn’t any brand new day. It was still the same Lee Ji Eun with the same messed-up life. She thought she had lost everything, yet she was wrong. She had lost an important part of her, but she had more to lose, and she had to admit it was scary. The nights were the nightmare came to her, she had no one to hold on to, she would break down on her own.

Life has been dark and messed-up, world has been dark and cruel, and it had just grew even nastier. She never realized how much harder it could be, how much painful, how much more breaking. The more she tried to stand strong, the more she broke down. She was a woman with scars and now, with an additional scars being add to her, her trauma was engulfing her. She was hurting, yet no tears would come out. She could only stare outside, miserably smiling at how messed-up she was.

It was not as if she had never realized it, but losing Kim Jongin meant her losing her motivation to live. During the two weeks when everything turned worse, she was wondering why she was living, why was she desperate to be alive, yet wishing to be dead? Was it human instinct, but then she realized it was Kim Jongin. She wanted to be with him so badly, that she continued living.

She tighten her sweater around her petite figure, she needed to clear her mind. Alcohol. She grew even obsessed toward them, partly to how it could clear her mind for awhile, or at times she could just collapsed without having much thought. She would sleep soundlessly despite the pain that would suddenly rush to her early in the morning. During the two weeks of her break, it was all about drinking.

Because she lost Kim Jongin, she wasn’t willing to be save or alive.

***

Maybe it was because he grew to like her a lot. He didn’t know anymore, whether she has reconciled with Kai or whether they eventually decided to break away from each other. He knew now she had scars, a lot more than how it was before and reaching her would be impossible. He might get hurt and he might hurt her. But it was a long time ago, when he decided to be her savior, no matter how hard it would be, and he was a man of his words. He’s keeping up to it.

Luhan knew Jieun was discharged from the hospital awhile ago, and he knew she was at home alone. He has never been close to her, yet he knew leaving her alone at such a crucial time was wrong. Byun Baekhyun must have known, too. He would call her every now and then, offering his help, yet she would refuse. Luhan knew, she would refuse every attempt to save her, because she wasn’t willing to be saved. Her words from that day still echoed in the back of his mind, it was scary and somehow heartbreaking. It made him wonder how much she had gone through.

She was pure, so fragile and beautiful, so beautiful and so fragile that he wanted to touch her. It was the first impression that she gave to him. She was as beautiful as an angel; he never knew she was deeper than what came in the eye. She was a fallen angel, hiding pains behind her beautiful and stunning smile. What caused him to wonder was why such a beautiful person had to get hurt?

Their schedules ended early that day, around four in the afternoon and they could rest in their dorm. As usual, Kai was isolating himself ever since he came to the hospital, he wouldn’t come out, Luhan doubted he has eaten anything. He was turning pale and skinnier, Luhan took notice of that, and he knew how Jieun would worry over him if he keeps it up. The sole reason of why Luhan was willing to take care of Kai was Lee Ji Eun, because she loved him so much, if anything happen to Kai, she might broke down.

It was a tiring day, almost everyone immediately enter their room to take a nap, except Baekhyun who called Jieun before going to bed. Suho was busy arranging stuff for tomorrow’s schedule and Kris was called by the CEO to discuss some stuff about their upcoming plans in China. Luhan, alone, sat on the couch with the thought of the sole woman occupying his mind. Sehun knew that, how he had been thinking of Jieun every now and then, he would nudge him from time to time.

When the dorm fall to pure silence (since everyone was resting in their room), Luhan went to the kitchen, starting to create a mess out of it. He wasn’t good at cooking, but he wasn’t that bad either. He was one of the better cooks in the dorm, although it was something he claimed on his own. D.O was the best, nevertheless Luhan wanted to put an effort to it, just this once.

***

Jieun bit her lower lips as the number came out badly. Her manager called her just now, again warning her to maintain her weight. 39 kg. She lost too much weight and she would have to go on screen tomorrow, people might took notice of it, and she could be in another deep trouble. She had been guilty, for causing such a chaos toward her agency and her manager. The world was practically blaming on them for overworking her. And now, they might be blaming them for not feeding her food, when it was all her fault.

She hasn’t been eating anything, she took a small bit of everything before leaving them cold. She lost her appetite, the way she lost her motivation to live. She didn’t feel like eating anything, she didn’t feel like living, she didn’t feel like anything. She just wanted to close her eyes, watching everything around her shut down, as she, too, shut down. Yet it was unfair, how the dead wanted to live so badly, while her, the living, wanted to die so badly. It was unfair.

Drink. Once again, she had the urge to clear her mind with alcohol that has been filling her fridge for the past years. And again, the empty bottles were everywhere and how badly her room reeks alcohol. What occupy her mind has been darker thoughts, of not wanting to live, of not wanting to hold on, of being in pain, of being a left out. After all, what caused her to live darkly wasn’t simply her love for Kim Jongin, but a bunch of things that came from the past and her failure to break away from them. Her life was filled with scars and fear, because she fear too much, it engulfed her.

Yet before she could even take a gulp of it, her doorbell ring, which startled her. Who was it? She quickly hid her bottle inside the fridge. It could be Byun Baekhyun or even Suho, or maybe… Luhan? She could come up with a long list of names but she knew it wouldn’t be Kai. It has ended, she had to remind herself every now and then on how it had ended and how she has to start a brand new life without him.

Eat well. –Your Savior

Lee Ji Eun cringed when she found a box placed on her doorsteps with the note being attached to it. She didn’t like the way it sounded. She thought she has make things clear when she told him she wasn’t willing to be saved. Was it unclear? Your savior, it was clear Luhan was the one to send them. Just when she thought about rejecting it and returning it to the owner, her stomach was grumbling, against what she had on mind. Desperate, she settled herself inside, opening the box to find the porridge still warm.

Taking a spoon full of it, she shoved it inside . She wasn’t happy, the fact that she needed to eat something that came from him. Luhan, somehow she found the man strange. Somehow, she felt something bad will happened if he is around. Yet it melted her, his actions and now even his porridge. Childhood. Home. Why did it resemble her mother cooking so much that it hurts?

“Mom, what have I become?”

She cried.

***

It was something Luhan has never expected to receive, especially on a rainy day like this. The dorm was in an uproar, because of the sudden gift being send to their dorm, especially with the attached note containing something unclear and rather strange. However, it was clearly dedicated to Luhan, which caused him confusion at first. And also, it wasn’t something being send to the security downstairs, it was something left on their doorsteps.

Thank you. – The One Who Didn’t Want to be Saved.

Luhan grinned when he found the attached note, his eyes scanned around wondering if any of them notice. He immediately grabbed the box from the crowds and placed in on the kitchen table. He settled himself, ready to engulf anything inside.

“He- Hey! What are you doing?!” Suho freaked out when Luhan took a spoonful of the food inside his mouth.

“Eating.”

“It could be poisoned!”

“What? From the saesang? Nope.”

“Luhan!”

“I’m hungry.”

But among the crowd was one person who remained calm, he had that bitter smile on her, a smile filled with regret yet relieved. Kai, Kim Jongin remained distant from the crowds who were yelling at the Chinese Boy. Instead of joining them, he distant himself even more, isolating himself inside his room, as he opened a box where his heart was chained to. Kim Jongin still chained his heart to Lee Ji Eun. 

Author Note

Hello, it's theadorable here! Firstly, I'd like to apologize since I haven't been updating for long. I've been busy and this huge WRITER BLOCK is just annoying. Personally, I'm not satisfied about this chapter, but I hope all of you could enjoy this. Secondly, I'm dealing with plagiarism issue regarding this story. I need help. If you're willing, please [CLICK HERE] and help me out by leaving feedbacks at the blogpost. I'll be very thankful.