Lee Ji Eun disappeared a few weeks later. She bid her fans goodbye, taking a temporary leave from Inkigayo as she left her spot to be vacant. She established her nationwide tour for the first time. She kept her hands busy with concerts and performances. Luhan wondered if it was to empty her mind, to keep her on track. He silently attended one of her concert and was pleasantly surprised. She looked so happy, performing on stage, singing and dancing. She had never looked so happy. Perhaps, working was a type of consolation to her. He wondered if it would be enough to heal her. Then, once her nationwide tour ended, she simply disappeared without a word.

No one knew where she was. She kept it private. She did not wish to be found. He was reluctant on leaving her alone. She was fragile, she could break and crumble at anytime, she could explode at anytime, and he has seen her broken countless time. It was a scary experience that he did not wish to recite. Again, it was not the only thing that haunts him. It left him scars, how much he had hurt her and how much impact she had to suffer. What if he hurts her again this time? The thought keep on spinning in his head. Was he simply a coward or a good man? He did not know.

Therefore, he decided to leave her alone. Perhaps she needed sometime alone, to simply clear her mind and break it all. He was worried. He could only hope she didn’t do anything stupid. Did she eat well… did she sleep well… has she eaten dinner…. those thoughts greeted him from time to time. He cared about Lee Ji Eun, he loved her, and he realized she meant a lot more to him. This is insane. He was supposed to be a mere fan. How did he fell for her?

While Lee Ji Eun was elsewhere taking her breather, Luhan was about to explode and break his bones. The company decided it was about time for them to return to the screen. Everything has been fine, Kai had recovered, and they fixed some of their problems. They returned to a bunch of noisy boys, a bunch of troublemakers. Luhan was pleased with things coming back to normal. He could see Sehun enjoying it, too. Others seemed quite satisfied with today’s situation. At least, it was no longer disastrous.

He had this particular question spinning in his mind. How would he introduce spring to someone who has only known winter, particularly someone like Jieun? Still, he did not know. Li Na refused to give him a clear answer. He tried to discuss it with Sehun, but their head was too naïve and carefree that it ended up hurting their brains. Once she returned, should he come back to her or should he wait a little longer? Each step, he feared, will be a cycle of hurt and hurting.

***

The plane landed safely in Italy. Jieun spent the trip with sleepiness rushing inside, so she ended up asleep. Park Junghyun could only smile seeing his little sister being overly excited over the trip. She was double-checking everything last night, humming a delightful tune, and went to bed early. He was pleased, Lee Ji Eun had never been so excited and so… happy. He was pleased he could finally do something for her. Lee Ji Eun’s smile was precious to him. Hopefully, the trip would be enough to heal a part of her, which was broken. Nudging the figure beside him, she slowly fluttered both her eyes opened and hummed in delight.

“Oppa!” She screamed in excitement. Her lips curved to a genuine smile. “It’s beautiful!” She clapped her hand, pointing at the scenery by the plane’s window. Junghyun smiled in returned. He was slightly scared of the height, and the turbulence didn’t help either. He ruffled the singer’s hair, as he pressed his eyes closed. He hated flights.

Lee Ji Eun was genuinely happy about her arrival in Europe. The air felt so difference. It felt warm and familiar, comfortable. She liked the smell of bakery shop near the exit gate. It was better than what she had imagined. Her company offered her a one-week stay in a luxurious hotel and also a city tour as a gift for what he had done. She politely declined it. She was here, not to tour around, but to refresh her mind. She booked a simple inn for two rooms, one for her manager and stylist, another for her.

Her eyes lit up once she managed to break free from the suffocating crowds inside the airport. She liked it, the town. Everything seemed so antique and beautiful; vintage-like she’d say. The sun was bright and spring was right in the corner. Boats were wandering among the rivers. She dragged her luggage with her. It was huge, yet it didn’t keep her away from running around in the city. Junghyun was gasping, lungs longing for oxygen, as he tried his best to keep up with the excited little girl. Nevertheless, he was pleased – not everyone can curve that smile on her.

She dragged her luggage along the street. She abruptly stopped before an inn, Junghyun suddenly halted his steps, barely able to prevent himself from crashing to the small figure. She grimaced, opening the wooden door, which was followed by a series of tingling bells. She fished out two keys, tossing one of them to him, and ran toward her room. She slammed her door closed and Junghyun sighed at her action. It’s been a while. It’s been a while, cheerful little Jieun.

The room was simple with a single bed and coach inside, a small table and TV. Her head slightly spun, the room was too bright for her. It was white, with the sunrays penetrating through the huge window. She bumped herself onto the white-sheeted bed with a loud thud. She knew she was being too different today, she wasn’t used to being cheerful, yet she managed to convince herself that she needed this. Sitting herself up, she stared out the window. She’d like to run away for a bit.

She’d like to run away for a bit.

***

Kim Jongin was disappointed to win a trophy without her to witness it. He knew he shouldn’t burden her too much, still he was a man. She was somewhere else, perhaps living her life to the fullest. He should have been happy to know she has been living well. He should be relieved she stopped doing stupid things. He should have been happy that she’s okay and fine. Still, he hoped she could look at him properly and congratulate him. He wanted to go back to the old days, so much.

“Guys! Guys!” Xiu Min, the cheerful one, ran screaming toward the boys. His eyes lit up in delight, he grinned, eyes disappearing. “We receive a package! A gift!”

The boys scrambled on their feet, running toward their dressing room. Their make-up was slightly ruined and tears still stained their cheeks. Jongin was the last one to scramble on his feet. He was not interested. They received tons of packages and gifts every day, from their fans or friends. Gifts weren’t new, but he could guess this must be special. Xiu Min wouldn’t be overly excited over ordinary gifts, would he?

When he arrived on their waiting room, the boys had already settled themselves on the couch. They were all sitting tightly, too politely, as Chanyeol dig the box, calling out the member’s name. Jongin, in the other hand, was frozen at the door, holding it open. The box was familiar, the way it was wrapped, even the color of it. Once again, she came greeting his head. It was painful, yet he smiled. His name wouldn’t be listed in those gift, would it? She must be desperate to erase their memories by now. Lee Ji Eun had to move on, after all.

“Kai! Kai!” Chanyeol called out, surprising the younger. “Kai received the biggest! He cheated!” The taller waved the huge package, pouting his lips in jealousy.

Kim Jongin halted his steps almost immediately when Chanyeol called out his name. It was not something he had expected and he was more than pleased. He pressed his lips together, as he slowly walked toward the taller man. He snatched the package and settled himself at the corner. He leaned against the wall, staring down at the package. Others were delighted; they played around, asking each other who received the best gifts. Jongin was isolated.

A few noticed the sender of these wonderful gifts: Luhan, Baekhyun, Kai, and Sehun. Sehun was observing Luhan’s reaction, then he noticed it was no other than Jieun. Baekhyun was extremely pleased. Luhan was happy she didn’t forget to list him up. While Kim Jongin was enjoying the joy and pain all on his own. Luhan was watching him as he joined others to have fun and celebrate their joy. Kim Jongin had moved on, Luhan found it to be good, yet to let go might take a longer time. Slowly, he noticed the younger had tears trickling down his cheek. He truly loved her.

A knocked on the door was enough to put the celebration of joy to a pause. They quickly scrambled on their feet to their original position, as normal and as neat as it can be. Jongin, in the other hand, remained ignorant in his spot. However, the looks in their eyes wasn’t pleasant at all. There was a mixture of anger and disgust.

“Kai,” the woman greeted, she had only turned twenty this week. Her brown hair bounced up. She was beautiful. “We need to talk,” she exhaled, looking down.

The man was surprised to see who had come to see him. The woman, in the other hand, was unpleased and uncomfortable with the situation she was in. What has she done wrong for the boys to look at her that way? It hurt her so much. She knew she was not warmly welcome in the group. The boys disliked him. Despite the title she held as Kai’s girlfriend, they refused to accept her as a part of family. She did not know why, she did not even know what she had done wrong. They were disgusted at her. It hurt. It hurt.

“Suzy…” Jongin trailed. His voice came out throaty.

***

One week later, when she finally returned from her trip to Europe, she regretted her decision of leaving. Once she was back in town, everything has bloomed beautifully. Spring arrived when she was away. When the air greeted her once more, it felt cold and strange. It stung her skin. It was her hometown, yet she hated it. The town seemed to dislike her. She felt unwelcome. Perhaps, she shouldn’t have return or perhaps she shouldn’t have leave. Everything she saw reminded her of her pain. She realized she shouldn’t have dreamt of a wonderful dream.

Everything reminded her of Kai, how they broke up, how they bid their goodbye, how much she suffered the aftereffects. Everything reminded her of her pain. Breathing, once again, became harder than how it used to be. She was back in the despicable environment of her home, her apartment. It stinks even more. It was a mixture of alcohol and the rare presence of human being. It was too humid and cold. Spring has arrived, yet she felt colder.

The mini heart attacks too returned. She remembered swinging the door opened before everything came back to her head, confusing her. She fell to her knee, holding her chest. She hit it hard, trying to breath in and out per normal, trying to get her heartbeat back. It all returned, twice worse than usual. She felt like sinking herself deep somewhere, so no one would rescue her, and she could simply fall back to where she supposed to be – the darkness that lived inside her.

She regretted it the most when she opened her refrigerator to find it empty, without the slightest drop of liquor when she needed it the most. She was stuck, unable to run away, unable to avoid the pain. It all hit her in one single blow, that she fell weak on her knees. Inhaling deep, she could feel the mini heart attacks started to overwhelm her. It felt like dying. And if dying was this painful, she’d think twice about it. But if dying means putting an end to this, she’d be pleased. She stared outside the window with tears trickling down her cheek. Why does spring has to be so cold?

Of course, Luhan knew she would be twice worse than usual once she returned. It was part of maintaining herself, preventing her from bursting her lungs and exploded. He wondered if on a warm spring day like this, she’d be cold. She, who got cold easily, must be desperate to hide those pains and ran away. She wouldn’t want to see him. He highly doubted she would be pleased with his presence around, noting that it has only been two days since she returned. He knew he should have given her some more time, yet he couldn’t sit back and wait. He keep fidgeting around, wandering around the dorm, giving Sehun a headache. So, he ended up being thrown away from the dorm, with Sehun asking him to meet her.

Luhan had waited long enough, one week to make sure she was okay. A huge sense of relieved would come up to him, once he found her safe and sound. Yet he high doubted she would be okay. Lee Ji Eun was far beyond predictable. She could smile today, cry the next day, and wailed the next minute. When he blinked away, she suddenly tried to kill herself. She was a rollercoaster ride for him. A rollercoaster ride with his life on stake.

So, he came back to this despicable environment. It didn’t change. It was dark, dimmed, and it smells of something unpleasant. People were neglected on the street, some were drying, some others were closed to starvation, yet no one seemed to care. Luhan, too, decided to ignore their pitiful eyes. He thought he shouldn’t be involved in such a thing. All he cared about was to drag Jieun out of this place. Someone as beautiful and pure as her, how could she belong to such a place?

The apartment building was falling apart, worse than usual. The stairs was creaking as he slowly climbed it. At times, it would stagger before regaining back its balance. Luhan would hold on tightly to his heart, afraid it might jump anytime soon. His hoodie was over his head, enough to prevent people from noticing his presence. Soon, he arrived by the front door of her room. He waited for a very long time, afraid to decide which one would be right.

When he finally decided to knock on her door, he knew he was the last person she would like to see.

***

Lee Ji Eun came out with her hair untied. Her silky brown hair was messy; half of it was covering her face. Her lips were parched and pale, dry. Her right hand was placed on her chest; her breathing was heavy and uneven. She was wearing a grey-colored shirt, with her body shivering every now and then. Her left hand was holding on to the door frame, trying to support herself. She remained standing, constantly closing her eyes every now and then. She inhaled deep then exhaled with her body trembling.

She didn’t smell of liquor though. Luhan almost shrieked when he saw her. Was she okay? What has happened? What should he do? He couldn’t think, everything went blank for a second. He pulled his hoodie off, while trying to slip her petite figure inside. She didn’t resist. Perhaps, she wasn’t even aware of his presence. He could see she was busy picking herself up. She inhaled deeply, trying to control her breathing and harshly hit her chest a couple of times. She closed both her eyes and once again inhaled deeply. Her body stopped trembling but her grip grew stronger on the door frame. She lifted her face, her brown orbs meeting with his.

Her almond-brown orbs were different from usual. It was still tempting, pure, and alluring. It was beautiful, yet mysterious. It didn’t lit anymore. He could feel himself sink into the darkness of it. He took a step back, almost dropping the box in hand. Her eyes were different. He trembled at the sight of it, before reminding himself that he should have been prepared. He knew she was going to be in a worse condition. So, why was it so surprising?

Luhan was surprised to see her being very silent, as they both stared at each other orbs. He expected her to run amok, slamming the door right before his eyes. It was surprising, how she simply remained silent without reacting at all. Her eyes were so dark; it didn’t lit that he couldn’t find his own reflection in her orbs. It was different from weeks ago, when her almond brown orbs were crystal clear, stained with tears, so he could see his own reflection very clearly. When her almond eyes lit up, she was beautiful.

Jieun was staring back at him without much thinking. She swung the door open without thinking much either. Her brain refused to function at all. Everything was back to a black and white world, blacking out every now and then. Later, when she heard the gentle knock on her door, she simply dragged her feet toward the wooden door while trying to gather the shattered pieces of her. She did not know who it was, but rather the presence was familiar. It was too familiar. It fueled mix feelings inside her. She had the urge to run away or at least slammed the door closed.

Perhaps, her body has suffered too much impact from those mini attacks, that her body refused to listen to her instinct. Instead, she lifted her gaze to the person’s eyes. Almond-brown doe eyes, so beautiful, and so stunning. She stared back; her body simply froze at the sight. It was so similar to her, yet so different. Her orbs were also almond-brown, yet she wondered why she felt so worthless in front of those pairs of eyes. His, was so much more beautiful, it brought comfort, and she could feel the warmth dwelling inside her stomach. His was warm, hers was cold, his was beautiful, hers was mysterious, his lit up, hers darkens. His was so beautiful and gentle.

She could see her own reflection in his pair of doe eyes, beautifully lit up. She wanted to own those pairs of eyes. She wanted to lit up and be beautiful. She wondered how one could own such beautiful eyes. Hers was so dark; it didn’t even lit in his pair of brown orbs. She stepped back, staring deeper at those beautiful pairs. She didn’t want to stop staring. The warmth in her stomach started to comfort her. The flickers in your eyes… you should never lose them. Then, tears started to trickle down her cheek.

“IU-ssi?!” The man panic, seeing tears started falling. “IU-ssi?!” She stood frozen, unaware of the tears straining her cheek. “Are you okay?” She could feel hands on her shoulder, gently holding her. Instead of stopping her tears, she let those flow.

“Luhan-ssi….” She trailed, noticing who the man was. His doe eyes were beautiful. “I miss you,” she said while stepping closer to hug him.

I miss you. 

Credit:http://photoprompts.tumblr.com/

Author Note

Since I am free and I've been rarely updating, so I'm trying my best to update as often as I could. I feel weird writing this chapter, something is off. I think I wrote it in a style that is so not like me? And it's running a bit too fast, isn't it? I've been reading an author's work, I think their style affected me.. somehow... So here we go. A pleasant surprise at the end? It was a pleasant surprise to me too. See you within the next update! Comments and critics are loved!