It wasn’t any ordinary night; at least it is to Lee Ji Eun. It was slowly swallowing her inside out, the darkness that slowly grows inside her. It wasn’t any ordinary night, yet she spent it sleepless, while drinking her fifth bottle of liquor. Yet it was as always, she was sober. She was quite confidence she could still drive nicely even after that much amount of liquor. She was too sober, that it drove her crazy.

It has been eating her, inside out. Her body and her soul weren’t in peace at all, her mind turned blank. Everything seems to pitch dark or grey, too many things were to be questioned too many things to be suspicious of. She had lots of thoughts in mind and again she drowned herself inside the small details, losing herself between the details.

It was Kai, the reason for her pain. Her heart was aching so much, ever since her nose came in contact with the familiar scent of a woman. It was soft and nice, nicer than hers. It made her wonders if he has been seeing another woman, if he had run out of love for her, if he had found someone better than her. It made her wonder if he had stopped loving her. It made her wonder if their relationship was simply another lie and those words have never been sincere. Slowly, it scared her even more.

Her thoughts questioned too much things, it made her wonder if her thoughts has once again gone overboard over simple things. Yet it has been eating her, it has been swallowing her to the darkness, she was in pain. She wanted to take the knife and stabbed her lungs; she wanted to take the knife and stabbed her heart, so it won’t be in pain, so the pain would be bearable. She would prefer physical pain over something that would finally kills her from the inside.

Why hasn’t she questioned him? She used to be braver; she had no fear to break down in front of him and questioned his actions. In fact, she had done it countless time. She has always been crying in front him, questioning his actions in doubts. He would always soothe her with his words and actions, whether it was a lie or the truth, she shall remained blind to it. At least, that is for the better.

But that day, when the familiar scent crashed to the tip of her nose, turned sore. She did not have the strength to resist, simply letting out a word or two to question him. She simply lie by his side, letting his warm and love overwhelmed her. She naively thought she would be fine, thinking it would not even be a trouble to her mind, but she was very wrong. It troubled her a lot, and now she’s living day by day in pain. Why did she lose her voice that day? was simply dry and sore, it couldn’t even let out a single muffling sound.

It only got darker these days. Just like that day, she’d like to grab a knife and slice her body into two. She wanted to bleed, to overcome this painful heart with another physical pain. But then, her conscious prevented her from doing so. It was the white bandaged that wrapped around her thin wrist that somehow has turned out to be a new conscious of her. As much as she wanted to hurt herself, she could restrain the will.

***

It was swallowing her so badly that she knew she won’t be living much longer with the darkness living inside her. It has been three days or maybe more, she lost counts of days a long time ago. She hasn’t even seen Kai, her heart wasn’t in peace. He has been avoiding her; he has always been missing every time she made the effort to visit him. Or, she would have to run away from him because the scent of the woman has gotten stronger around him and it was crushing her. would always dried each time she tried to questioned him.

By the end of the week, she was no longer alive. She was nothing but an empty shell. Her soul has turned blank and her mind was somewhere beneath the darkness. She lost it, the will to fight, the will to stay alive, yet love is blind. As much as she wanted to stop living, she didn’t want to let him go. She wanted to hold on to him so badly, him and what the two thought they shared – love.

Her room reeks of alcohol so badly; pieces of broken glasses were shattered on the ground. There were even signs of drying blood. She, too, has gotten thinner than expected. She hasn’t stopped drinking for days. She has been skipping meals, replacing it with alcohol, and she has not been living properly. Indeed, she has forgotten how to live properly. Her life has turned upside down and she has lost her hopes.

It was the first Sunday morning of the month, when she decided to clean herself up and hid her black circles. She wrapped her petite figure behind a dark red coat as she headed somewhere else. She was wobbling around, maybe slightly drunk after drinking all night long. She was thankful though, having to experience what it feels to be slightly drunk. It was ironic how such an alcoholic has never experienced being drunk when she badly needs it.

The tingling sounds of the bells echoed as the woman gently pushed the door open. It took a while before the smells of fresh coffee and muffins greeted her nose. She simply inhales it. Her lips curl to a faint-bitter smile, knowing how the bitter coffee would sooth her. Her steps was careful, she wobbled from time to time, as she walked to the furthest seat from the door. There, a familiar figure was hiding behind a white cap as he looked outside the window. He was unaccompanied, as if it was luring her to accompany the lonely man.

“Baekhyun,” she greeted, accompanying the lonely man.

He did not even turn his head to greet her in return, but simply having his lips curling up to a faint smile. He didn’t even take his eyes off the street, while people seem to be busy wandering around during a leisurely Sunday morning. It was a desperate act, how Jieun has finally called him out, asking them to meet up somewhere. She has given up; she couldn’t simply stay silent as she waits for the answers. She could not question Kai either. Byun Baekhyun has become her last solution.

It was surprising though, how the man has turned paler than usual. He didn’t look any cheerful or happy; he looked rather troubled and worried. Although he has said yes earlier, it didn’t mean he’d like to meet her and talked about Kai. He’s a friend after all, a friend who’s in love, yet he’s just a friend. It hurts him a bit more day by day, but then he has gone used to it. He has hidden his sadness somewhere beneath his bubbly smile, behind his shades.

“Jieun,” he let her sweet name escaped his lips.

He may get hurt, if he ever turned his head in an instant, only to spot her being broken. He knows it ever since the day Lee Ji Eun decided to go out with Kai. Byun Baekhyun knew how much the man would broke her, how much she would have to be broken, and how much she would be in pain, yet he wonder why he didn’t make any effort to separate the two. And now, he couldn’t even stand seeing her getting hurt. She was broken, she was in pain, and even without looking at her he has already known it.

He could catch a glimpse of her broken figure by the glass, where her petite figure reflection was drawn fuzzily. He took a deep breath as he let a quiet long sigh escape his lips, preparing himself to face the broken her. He turned his head to face her and meet her hazel brown eyes; it was swollen after nights of crying. The café was filled with the strong scent of coffee, yet the smell of alcohol was still oozing out from her. She has been drinking. She was too broken to be repaired.

“Baekhyun, I wanted to ask you something.”

She has changed and it surprised him. It was rare for her to be talking straightly to the main point, rather than having a nice conversation before heating it up. She has changed indeed, she was even more vulnerable than the last time he saw her. He gulped, scanning her from head to toe, she was nervous. Her hazel brown eyes failed to make a nice contact with his, as she was too busy fidgeting her fingers, and soon her body tremble in fear.

“Ask me, Jieun.”

“Jongin… I mean… Kai… has he been seeing someone else? Has he been… seeing another woman?”

Her tone of voice showed it all, unveiling her vulnerable self to the man before her. Instead of answering, Byun Baekhyun found himself sweating out of the ordinary. The cold sweat suddenly appeared, haunting him. He realized how he had gone paler over a single question. He cursed, thinking he was nothing but a coward. He couldn’t protect her, yet he couldn’t hurt her, he couldn’t do a single thing for her. He needed to find his voice back, before this woman could realize something was indeed going on.

“Kai…? What do you mean?”

“I… something is going on. At least, I think something is going on. He’s acting weird lately, he didn’t want to see me, and it bothers me how I smell a woman’s scent lingering around him.” She tried hard to stand strong, not to crack and burst to tears.

“Why don’t you ask him on your own, Jieun?”

I can’t.

“I don’t know what is going on between the two of you,” he lied, “but please, Jieun, I’m begging you. Please don’t ever get hurt.”

***

Liquor, she needed one of those so badly to survive. Desperately, her trembling hands searches for it, rummaging through her empty fridge. She did not know how much more of those would be necessary to keep her alive. It seems her meeting with Baekhyun did not work nicely; it did not even help her to calm a fragment of her soul. She was in a chaos inside, her soul was raging inside and she did not have any idea how much longer she will be able to hold it in.

She’d have to see him soon and today shall be the day. She could not postpone it any longer or it may ruin her life even more. She was scared, despite the bubbly-cheerful personality she showed to fame. She hasn’t been sleeping very nicely that even her manager could notice it. She was scolded so badly yet she couldn’t care less about Kai. She needed an answer, she needed to see him. She didn’t care how would she be able to see him, she simply needs to see him.

She wore the cutest dress she had, so she would look beautiful and charming. She asked her best stylist to dress her up and put on a light make up on her, so she would look dazzling. She will have to become the best among the best, so he shall not run away from her. Therefore, she had done her best for him not to run away. She needed an answer and it requires a good conversation.

Although they were rookies, they already had their own dressing room, spacious enough for twelve people. There were times when Jieun was simply envious of them. Although she’s a well-named soloist, it was a rare thing to receive while they received it as if it is something they should have been given. The door was too familiar that it reminds her of her accident with the Chinese boy, yet today how she wished not to bump to him. He’d be surprised to see her breaking down like this.

It seems luck was being neutral that day, she simply open the door to spot the twelve boys having their own leisure time. Kim Jongin was there, as her presence has remained unnoticeable to him. Jieun simply smiled, as if it was not necessary for her to question him. She simply ran to him and pecked his lips. Today, again, she has lost her mind over the boy. Jongin in the other hand was surprised to see her. has become too dry to question any of his acts.

She had forgotten a warning Byun Baekhyun had given to her earlier. She was lost in the world of love, that she did not even notice his changing expression. She was spending her time comfortably, as she sat on Kai’s lap and have his arms wrapped around her waist. It was then, that Byun Baekhyun simply couldn’t handle it anymore as he chooses to stand up and pulled Jieun away from her loved ones. He dragged her out of the room, causing every head to turn to their direction and gasped in surprised.

He was gripping on to her so very tightly, as if he was about to crush her thin wrist. They were five rooms away from the EXO’s waiting room when he suddenly stops and stares at her brown eyes. It was sincere and somehow sad, as if he knew something bad awaits her. He bit her bottom lips, as he once again hinted another warning on her. It was too much after all, for a man to be helpless. It was his desperate act, how he had done the forbidden – he pulled her to a heart-warming hug.

“Lee Ji Eun, I’m begging you, please don’t get hurt.”

By then, she knows something has gone very wrong.