Jieun couldn’t help but to feel safe and secured, when both his arm was wrapped around her tiny fragile figure. It was her guilty pleasure. It hurt her a lot, yet the sweetness was unbearable. She simply wanted to close her eyes, so time would stop, so she would forever be secured. There won’t be any pain, any sufferings, she would be safe. Yet she can’t help but to feel guilty, it was, after all, a one-sided love. He must be in pain, yet she can’t do anything about it. She can’t give him any happiness or comfort; she can only be a trouble.

They were so close at the time, Jieun could feel his warmth securing her, she could feel his hot breath against her earlobe, she could feel his thumping heartbeat. Unconsciously, he has conveyed his hidden feelings to her. It terrified her though, knowing she will never be able to reply his pure love. He was too kind and too gentle; in fact he was the kindest man she had ever met. Yet it didn’t matter who was kind and who was evil, if you’re the ‘one’, then that matters.

She can’t help but to keep reminiscing at it. She kept staring blankly outside, as she silently searched for the brightest stars and waits for the fallen one, so she would be able to naively wish upon them. But none came. He has washed away her insecurity, yet she wasn’t fully secured yet. Her heart wasn’t in peace, knowing it won’t be long before her world came crashing down. It won’t be long before all her life came to an end. Traces of time were the only thing left for her, to count the days left before everything ends.

She can’t drink anymore. She was tired of it, she was sick of it. It has been an attached part of her, yet today she can’t do it anymore. She can’t continue it any longer. Her body has gave up, it could no longer accepted it. Her mind was sober though, but it refused to be spin inside a drunken illusion. Her heart couldn’t take it anymore. She was breaking down, sooner than expected, bit by bit before her world came crushing down.

However, people would be wondering once they have seen her. Her plump lips have formed a beautiful faint smile, a genuine one, as she waits for her day. Her hair was nicely combed, as she awaits for the day she may die. She looked prepared, fearless, and simply happy. She didn’t even fear it, the fact that her world will soon crumbled. It didn’t terrify her at all, instead she looked ready. She looked very strong, despite the fact that she was breaking apart inside.

She rubbed both her palms against the warm cup of tea. It was a cold night, yet she was smiling fearlessly. Soon, the nights will only get colder and the day will only get darker, she would have to get used to it. Liquor will be her best friend and a cup of warm tea will help her to go through the cold-terrifying night. She’s ready for it, she has no fear. What worse could happen to a woman who has become good friends with the worst?

She won’t bid her goodbye by then. She won’t be giving any present. She will leave for good, she will wish for nothing more but for it to end. She would be glad to be one of the deaths. The world has never paid attention to her, even if she’s gone, no one would care. People adore her, yet it won’t be for long. They would mourn over the lost, but not for long. Therefore, when the day comes, she would leave for good. But right now, she’ll hold on, a bit more, until her effort breaks her apart.

***

It was sooner though, sooner than expected. She found it slightly scary and her body started to tremble. But she was fully prepared. She has prepared herself for the worst, although it still ends up breaking her apart. In the world of fame, issues and rumors filled the headlines, some facts are even a made up. Lee Ji Eun knows that more than anyone else, maybe it what has caused her to stumble on her own words. She couldn’t after all; she loves that man a bit too much.

It breaks her, seeing how the topic has become sensational. It breaks her seeing how much hate he receives over such a topic, yet it breaks her seeing how much love he receives over such a betrayal. It breaks her a lot; honestly she wasn’t even close to ready. She bit her bottom lips, as the daggers stab her chest even deeper; she wanted to die right now. But it could’ve been an issue or rumor with no truth at all. Lee Ji Eun, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

EXO Kai’s dating Miss A Suzy? The two was spotted going out together in Hongdae. Paparazzi spotted them being lovey dovey, sharing hugs and holding hands. They look like a couple going out on a date.

That line breaks her even more. Lee Ji Eun, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Once again, she let those words to repeat itself inside her head, hoping it would calm her down. She wanted to make the fact to be oblivious, as she will remain blinded and stupid. Her heart wouldn’t be hurting this much, everything will be in peace. She had no objection against it, being called a fool. She prefers to be a fool rather than breaking apart bit by bit. But today, she couldn’t remain oblivious to the fact, suddenly everything seems crystal clear.

She let her tiny fingers form a fist, as she punched her own chest lightly. Her breathing has turned heavy, as if she was having another attack. Her heart was pounding heart and everything was too blank. She was scared, she was broken. A long sigh escape her lips, as she slammed her body against the wall, silently sobbing.

Kim Jongin, tell me, is this true?

***

Byun Baekhyun, Oh Sehun, and Suho were all in agony. The headlines has made its way through the media, it won’t be long before things got messy. The group, too, it won’t be long before they got into trouble. But that wasn’t the problem, it bothered them knowing Jieun must have known it by now. They were worried; will she be able to handle the problem well? Was she okay?

Luhan, too, hasn’t been in peace. He has been tossing and turning around in his bed, thinking about her. It scared him, knowing she won’t be handling the situation well enough. It scared him even more, knowing she had tried to kill herself once, and she had enough courage to attempt another suicide. He didn’t even have the time to think about the group, Kai or Suho will be responsible for it, while none would take responsible for the girl’s broken heart.

Things were just about to turn worst, when they realize Kai has already gone out since the morning. He has remained oblivious to the headlines, as he still moves around freely. The EXO were shocked, not because how his relationship was exposed to the public, but because of who he was spotted going out with. It was supposed to be IU, not Suzy. They were so much in love that EXO found it unbelievable for him to be betraying her.

It was quiet; the morning was filled with the thrilling silence. Some were stress on how they would be badly scolded, some others were stress over how they friend must be having a hard time, while those who had known Jieun long enough, were worried on how broken she was. The sighs keeps on filling the room, it was annoying yet none could stop it. They were having so much thought in mind, slowly driving them crazy.

***

She was too calm, despite the pain that was engulfing her. The darkness has turned too clear, too blank, and too white. She was lost; she didn’t know what to do. She remained compose, hiding her confused self inside. She remained cool, hiding her lost self. She didn’t know anymore, what she is or who she is – she didn’t know anymore. What was her purpose to be living? She didn’t know.

She didn’t turn crazy, unlike the last time. She didn’t drink; she remained completely sober and self-conscious. She didn’t try to hurt herself; she had just changed the bandaged on her wrist and treated the wound nicely. She didn’t cry a tear, she smiled faintly. She didn’t rush to the EXO dorm, but rather she spent her time cleaning her apartment. She didn’t rush to search for Kai; she took a walk around the neighborhood, as she dropped by to the nearest café.

What was she doing? She didn’t know. She dropped by the counter and ordered some hot coffee, black coffee, as she searched for the furthest seat. She wanted to be alone; she wanted to be overwhelmed by the silence. The cup of coffee was hot enough to warm her fingertips, but not when it came to her cold and broken heart. She simply gazes around the window. What has she seen? Nothing but the clear blue sky.

She had left her phone behind, so none would come to bother her. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be lonely. Or maybe she has always been alone. She used to be a lonely girl, it was fearful at first, but then she got used to it. It was Kai’s fault though, how she has reverted back to a lonely girl who found lonely as something fearful. Maybe being alone is better, none would hurt her and she would have hurt no one. Why did she choose to do something so stupid?

The clouds were white, the sky was blue, it was pretty. It was very pretty, yet the more she stares at it, the more melancholic it felt. She wonder if its rain would the sky become slightly happier? Like a child, she felt the urge to reach for the sky. Yet what for? She didn’t know. She just wanted to reach it.

She has lost it, Lee Ji Eun has lost her mind.

***

Her cup of coffee has become cold, without her taking a sip of it. She has spent hours of zoning out; she has gone tired of it. The sky has become boring; she didn’t even want to take another look of it. The white clouds would just wonder around without any clear goal. But when she came to think about it, she was no different than those clouds. What was her purpose to be wandering around in this world? She did not know.

The smell of coffee has become a friend, but she too has gotten tired of it. She quickly left her seat, as she opened the door and the tingling sounds of the bell once again echoed. She was calm, she was smiling. She was in pain, yet why didn’t she break? Was it too much that she could only smile of it? She though if a person cry, then the pain must be unbearable. But she was wrong, when a person smile, the pain was even more unbearable.

She needed to fresh her mind and soul before confronting Kai. She needed to empty her thoughts; she needed to be in peace. It didn’t happen only once or twice, when Jieun suddenly break down in front of him. She was used to it. He, too, was used to it. Yet today, somehow she wanted to look strong in front of him. She didn’t want to break down and bursts to tear like the other day. That’s why she needed to take a walk around the neighborhood, taking some fresh air, something she badly needs.

What day was today? She wonders, as everything she saw seems to be reminding her of their sweet moments. The streets were filled with couples, holding hands, and kissing by the park. It wrecked her, it wrenched her heart, yet she remained compose and calm. She smiled, as their moments rewind themselves inside her head. It could be a rumor, Lee Ji Eun. It could be an issue. It could be another made-up fact. You need to believe in him. No matter how hard she tried to believe in him, why can’t she? She wonders again and again, why has she stopped believing in him?

She let her feet to take her wherever it wanted to be. It eventually worn out, her legs felt as if it wanted to burn. Why hasn’t she stopped smiling? Again, she wonders. She sat by the street, as she found herself ended up back to square one. She was there again, across the café that she had just visited this morning. She massaged her tired shoulder and legs. Frustrating, she couldn’t even walked up to Kai and confront him. She didn’t want to, she was slightly scared. She wanted to be a fool right now, but somehow, she was already tired of it.

“Jongin…” his name escaped her lips.

***

Jongin…

His name lifelessly escaped the woman’s lips as she finally spotted a figure similar to his. She was unsure though, whether it was him or someone else, but simply all of it was washed away when she caught a glimpse of his face. She’d never mistaken him for someone else and now it broke her even more. She didn’t need to confront him anymore, not any sooner or later; she has seen it by her own eyes.

He was there, care freely wondering around the streets of Seoul, when the media were after him. He looked happy and cheerful, careless, while s and his dearest girlfriend were all in agony. All of them were breathing in fear, in anxiety, yet he was so cheerful and happy. Not to mention, when he had a girl by his side. He was smiling widely, he looked even happier then when they’re together. He looked happier by being at another girl side.

She must have lost her mind, when she suddenly rushed to his side, simply to confront the man. She must be out of her mind, she hasn’t even prepared herself. She was fragile and broken, another touch upon the woman, and she will be nothing more than a mere broken glass. She knew she would get hurt, she knew it was no longer a rumor or an issue, neither was it a made-up fact, it was the truth. Yet why didn’t she believe in it?

“Jongin…” she called out to him, as she gently touched his shoulder.

It wasn’t a gentle touch at all, it was a touch of fear, she was being careful. Her mind was clouded with the darkness, a bit too much that she fear she might gone crazy. Her breathing has turned slightly heavy and her heart was pounding against her chest as if it would explode anytime soon. She had tears in her eyes, yet she remained compose, despite the weakness that was clearly reflected by her voice.

As expected, the man turned around to face the woman he once loved. It wasn’t a surprise to see him gasped in shock as he found the petite figure confronting him. The woman beside him simply stares blankly at the petite figure, then back to the man. It wasn’t a sign of confusion, but she was panicking. It was as if she has known this day would finally come, when her sin was exposed to the world.

“Jieun…” he had nothing to say, but to call out to her, hoping she would stay and listen.

She stood there, being as strong as she could, as she started to examine the woman beside her man. She was pretty, indeed. She has a good figure, a tall and slim one, unlike her child-like body. Her blonde hair falls perfectly over her shoulder, unlike her long dark hair. She looked even more beautiful; it made her think that she fits Kai better. Yet the thought hurt her even more.

“Jongin, tell me, is it true? Are the rumors true? Tell me, Jongin, why?” She broke, yet no tears stream down her face. She simply screams and yells at him.

“Jieun, please listen to me, I can explain.” He pleaded, hoping she would remain calm and listen to him, believing him.

“How could you, Jongin?! How could you?! Why?! I love you, why can’t you love me back? Why do you cheat on me?” She does not need explanation, confrontation isn’t necessary, she needed to know why.

“Jieun, please listen to me! I love you! Please just listen to me! Please don’t go!”

“Then tell me, are you dating her? Her scent has been sticking all over you.”

He remained silent.

“I don’t even know anymore. I don’t care. Let’s just end it.” She walked away.

His grip was strong and demanding, her wrist was thin and she was weak, it was enough for him to grab her wrist and pulled her closer, so she couldn’t take any more step away from him. For a moment or two, she found herself zoning out to his beautiful pair of eyes. It looked genuine and somehow pure, yet sad.

“I love you. I love you. Don’t go.”

For a slight moment, she was almost blinded again. She wanted to be blind, yet she couldn’t take it for much longer. “Then tell me, Kai. Tell me you love me.”

“I love you, Jieun. I love you so much.” He gazes to her beautiful pair of brown orbs, trying to be as genuine as he could. The silence was thrilling, despite the crowds that filled the street.

“I don’t believe you, Kai.”

Her steps turn heavy, as she mustered her courage to shrug his hand off her. Her steps turned even heavier, as she tried to walk away from him. It hurts, it breaks her, yet she wonder why didn’t she broke down in front of him. Instead, she broke down after five steps away from the pair; tears streaming down her face, yet her thin lips were forming a smile. She was mocking herself for being such a fool.

She broke.

Hello! I tried to update daily but ended up failing! Sorry about that! Anyway, here's another update. It might be a bit rusty and uninteresting, I don't even know what I'm writing (I just feel like updating). Another chapter will be coming up, by the 7th maybe. Anyway, I can't wait for the 7th to arrive! IU comeback! I'm excited! So much collaboration and teasers, and they're great. Some of them fit my taste, especially the Red Shoes!