I care about you, a lot.

A part of her routine was staying up late while gulping shots of alcohol, and today shall not be an exception. As always, she woke up after a few hours of sleep, both her eyes wide open. If it’s her usual self, it won’t be long before she would start rummaging her refrigerator, gulping down shots of soju. But as always, the result won’t be that much different, she would still be sober after all of the alcohol that went through . For once, how she wishes to go insane – she wanted to lose her mind and become a drunk-insane woman. She wouldn’t care for the world.

But today was an exception; she wasn’t even her usual self. She didn’t even dare to touch the green-colored bottle. Instead, she found herself lying on her bed as she stared blankly at her wrist. It was still injured, wrapped in a thin white bandage; with faint brown-colored medicine could be seen through it. A long sigh escaped her plump lips, she’s clearly troubled.

I care about you, a lot.

She found those words confusing; she even considered those as one of the greatest nonsense that existed in the world. She had a hard time believing those words. She remember turning frozen after he grab her wrist and spills out those words. Her mind was turning blank, too white; and her heart was pounding, in fear and disbelief. And now, it has troubled her even more.

It wasn’t clear though, why it has troubled her; whether it was the way he looked at her, or whether it way he said those words, or maybe it was simply because of those words. It was strange though, such a pessimistic and cold girl like her should have been able to shrug it off easily, yet she found herself thinking about it over and over again. It made her wonder if her thoughts were overboard. Why did she keep thinking about it? She didn’t know. In fact, she refuses to know. But one thing she was sure of, his words have shaken her cold heart. It brought back her senses, to be able to feel what people called as feelings and kindness.

Those words were indeed too kind, too honest, and too sweet to be true. It was too speculative. It was absurd. After all, to her, life is nothing but pain, nothing good will ever came out from it. Rather than having herself being secured safely by those words, agony and fears dwell inside her. It was too sweet, that’s why it tasted too bitter for her.

It’s been too long, since someone came up to her and told her they do care about her. At least none since her parents left her alone in this cold world. Those words have lost its meaning to her, and not even Kai has ever said those words to her. Some may come up to her and fool her by saying they do care, only to use her before throwing her away. That’s why it put her in a dilemma. What if this is all a lie? She didn’t want to be in pain and suffers much longer.

But his was different though. He was gentle and the sincerity was scary. The way he looked at her, it wasn’t pity but love, a sign of pure love. The way he gently confessed, it was the will to protect her, to heal her broken heart. The way he touches her skin, it wanted to soothe and comfort her. It was as if he wanted to take all her pain. And now, despite her refusal, she had realized the hidden reason why it troubled her – it was the sincerity. He was so sincere that it shaken her, too sincere to be real.

For the first time in the last five years, she didn’t even drink a drop of liquor that night. He has kept her away from drinking. Instead, she went outside to take a walk late at night, trying to get some air and get her mind straight, something she rarely done.

***

Has she just fallen asleep?

It was weird, how her morning started with a friendly greeting from the birds. It’s rare for them to be dropping by her window and sing a song to wake her up. In fact, it has never happened, she always stayed up all night long. But today, again, it was weird how she fell asleep and woke up feeling refreshed.

No nightmare, no fear, no insecurity, just agony. It was what she felt last night, then now. It wasn’t something out of her limits, she could handle them. It was another new thing to her, how her room didn’t reek the alcoholic smell. Her head wasn’t pounding either.

She took a quick shower before heading to the door. A part of her routine was to visit Kai during her free time. She dropped by a café near the EXO’s dorm, buying them some cakes and coffee. But then, it was one of those days when she wanted to cheer him up – chicken.

***

It wasn’t as awkward as how it used to be, at least that’s what the Chinese boy thought when he saw her standing by the door. He wasn’t surprised to see her though, knowing she would drop by to see her boyfriend sooner or later. He was simply afraid if his action has become a discomfort to her, after all he has ignored her strong warning, carelessly confessing to her. But it seems the woman wasn’t glaring at him. She seems softer and even gentler than yesterday, although her lips remain as a thin straight line.

“Good morning, IU-ssi,” he greeted, heart pounding nervously.

She gave him a simple bow in returned, before barging in again. But this time, she didn’t shove him off like last time, but she kindly asked him to let her enter. She didn’t say a word though, it was the gesture.

He took a quick scan at her, something else was surely different. What was it? He wondered, as she put her stuff on the table. It smells so good that his stomach grumbled loudly. His face quickly reddens in embarrassment, wishing she didn’t hear it. But then, it was too late.

“Luhan-ssi,” her voice softly echoed, “this is for you.” She handed him a different bag, unlike those yellow-colored one.

“Tha… thanks.”

“Eat it in your room; I don’t want the other to get jealous over it.” She chuckled, remembering how silly of him to let his stomach grumbling loudly in front of a woman.

He found himself smiling, as she went upstairs. She was indeed beautiful, especially when she smiles. When her eyes turned to beautiful crescent moon and her plump lips curved up to a smile, followed by a soft chuckled that escape her lips, he remembered having his heart beating rapidly. He took a peek at the bag she has given him and his smile turned even wider; it’s meat.

***

Lee Ji Eun was surprised with Kim Jongin sudden action. She knocked on the wooden door three times before barging in. Yet he caught her off-guard, as he suddenly jumps to her and pulled her to a warm embrace. It made her wonder what has happened last night, or if something had gone wrong. They have just made up. Nothing should have been able to make him acting this strangely.

“I miss you,” He whispered in her ears, his hot breath against her cold skin.

She was enjoying her warmth embrace, inhaling his scent, as she rested her head against his chest. His arms was wrapping her safely, it was securing and comforting her. Although she found it weird, how he suddenly pulled her to such a warm embrace, telling her how much he missed her. It was weird and unusual, and somehow she managed to hear his sad tone of voice. Yet she wanted to ignore all of it, she wanted to whole-heartedly accepted his honest feelings. Slowly, her hands climbed up to his back, hugging him.

“I miss you, too, Jongin.”

It was then, when the romantic jazzy music suddenly fills the air. Something that fits his taste perfectly and lately, she, too, has been into it. As a good dancer he is, he guided her moves, to be dancing with her. It was a simple dance though, very simple indeed. It was simply to enjoy each other company, nothing more and nothing less. He gazes at her sweetly and gently, his warm touch overwhelmed her. Has something bad happened? She has lots of thoughts in mind.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it was something to protect you. I should have said I am sorry. It was my fault, Jieun. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

It was okay though. Jieun was fine with it, despite the never-ending pain, she would never leave him. She was bounded to love him after all, she was already blinded. Even if the pain would eventually swallow her, she would always stay. Although all of this may be a lie, she would whole-heartedly accept it and stays by his side. There won’t be a day, where she would ever stop loving him, despite the pain, despite the sufferings that awaits her.

He gently pressed his lips against hers, gently kissing her. He was so close, that she could feel his pounding heart beat. Her cold skin could feel his hot breath colliding against it. But it was a questioned that suddenly popped inside her head. Why was he trembling? He used to be so strong, yet suddenly he was trembling. She could feel his body trembling, as he brought the kiss to a new intimate level. It broke her, how broken he had become.

It was then, when he pulled out from the kiss, that she realized something has gone wrong. The familiar scent suddenly rushed her, it broke her. She was about to question him, when she realizes it won’t worked anymore. It was that scent, a woman scent, and she was sure it wasn’t hers. She remains silent though, she was afraid she might break him even more, and by then she wouldn’t be able to live anymore.

They were cuddling on his bed, when Jieun noticed how the scent has gotten stronger. But the man looked peaceful, as if she has made him completed. She was in pain yet she tried not to show it. Again, Kim Jongin has brought her back to her senses. Life is nothing but a pain.

Kim Jongin, have you been seeing another girl?

Hello, there! It's been a long time, I guess. I'm sorry I haven't been updating for more than a month. I've been busy with school works and stuff. It's been too long since the last time I tried to wrote something and it seems the words seem to be stucked inside my head. Here you go, the chapter I tried to write. I guess, this thing is quite disappointing. I'm sorry it's short and nothing truly happened there. I just needed to adjust myself to writing for quite somewhile. I'm sorry. Anyway, if you spotted any errors like spellings, grammars, and punctuations, I would be pleased to be notified. Thank you.