Jieun never felt that much warm, that much nice, and that much safe. Anxiety has been the only thing living inside her petite body, filling her injured hearts, and haunting her through countless sleepless night. Anxiety, blended well with her doubt, that it engulfs her slowly and slowly, making it painful for her to go through every single day. She was haunted by the darkness, unable to free herself, as it brought much fear upon her.

But things changes, as much as she fears changes, she let Kai knock on her door and she welcomed him and the changes he brought upon her life. Living doesn’t sound that scary anymore, unlike how it used to be. Breathing doesn’t sound that much heavy anymore; it felt lighter with his presence next to her. She could see the glimpse of light, between the anxiety and doubt, between her darker and injured side, she could see the faint light flickering inside. She’s been living today, through that hope – something that Kai brought.

He’s a part of her life, an important life. He has been the only reason she’s alive, for her not to break down is something he should be credited for. When people said they can’t live without the person they loved, rather than considering it stupid, she considered it as something rather rational. She’d rather kill herself rather than living without Kai. Kai has turned out to be her only hope, without him she’d have broken down years ago, ended up as a dead body on an abandoned street.

She smiled, feeling how warm it is and how she could felt safe and completely secured. Her insecurity suddenly fades away and her cheek turning rosy pink. She wasn’t having that bad headache anymore, something she suffers from earlier this morning. She wasn’t having hard time breathing either, like what happen last night. She has a nice and tight sleep with no nightmare, the first time in two weeks. It had been a long time, since she felt this much secured and safe.

“You’re awake?” Kai husky voice greeted her.

“Oops, I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” Jieun snuggles closer to him.

His arm was surrounding her petite body, hugging her by the waist, and pulling her closer to his body. She was safe inside his embrace, a warm and tight one, gentle and securing, just like how it has always been. Kai smiled, snuggling closer to her, enjoying her soft scent, as she rest her head on his chest.

“No, that’s fine. Let’s just stay like this for a bit longer.” Kai mumbled, closing both his eyes.

“Mmm.” She mumbled, going back to her sleep.

***

Kai had just finished showering and Jieun was sitting on the bed with his clothes on her. It has always been this way, sharing the same room, sleeping together, and staying in each other place. It has always been that way. Jieun wasn’t the only one who’s in love, but Kai, too, is in love. She turns out to be very important to him, someone very close to his heart. He won’t be able to do a single thing without her, just like how she is.

“How’s your concert, Jieun?” Kai asked, while changing.

“It went well, I’m so happy. Thanks to you it all went great.” Jieun smiled bubbly and cheerfully, like how the soloist IU is famously known.

“But you know… you shouldn’t go abroad so often, I’ll miss you.” Kai turn his voice to a husky and rather seducing one, while approaching his none other than girlfriend, Lee Ji Eun.

“I miss you, too.” She mumbled before leaning closer to kiss him.

It has always been this way, how the two would spend their free time to do nothing but just to enjoy each other companion. It would be great; to hang out and spent some free time to date, but being a celebrity makes it tough. EXO is just a rookie; a scandal early in the morning would only ruin their career. People seem to make dating some kind of huge crime nowadays, which made celebrities scared on dating. Dating policy may no longer be needed, considering how the law of dating has turned out to be.

Kai crawled to the bed, sitting next to her, with one arm on her shoulder. As usual, they’d spent the whole day inside Kai’s room, watching movies while enjoying each other companion. Her presence is more than enough for him, and his presence is something she could ever wish for. His presence is something she would wish upon the star, on her birthdays, on special occasions. Although it would have been better if they could enjoy each other companion while doing something fun.

There are times when enjoying each other companion would bring huge peace upon their mind and hearts, the two things that often get overworked during busy schedules, mind that can’t help but worried and hearts that keeps missing each other more and more. And there are times when enjoying each other companion would bring sadness, knowing they could only keep the beautiful news as a secret.

Kai would dance for her, every time she felt down. She had never been the one to have a great talent in dancing, yet she enjoys watching Kai dance. It keeps her entertain and happy. Jieun would dance for him, every time Kai is being uncomfortable. Her soothing voice would make him feel peaceful and rather nice. His thoughts would fly away, the moment her voice entered his ear. There are things only the two can do the things that would be perfect if it’s Kai and if it’s Jieun.

“What should we do today? Is there anything you would like to do?” Kai asked, looking straight to her brown orbs.

“I don’t think so. This is nice.”

“Why don’t we go on a date?”

“Jongin,” she sighs, “you do know the consequences, don’t you?”

“What is it, Jieun? I really wanted to go on dates, just like normal couples, why can’t we? Why do they have to act like dating is some kind of crime? Is falling in love a mistake?”

There are times when she felt exactly like how he does. There are times when she wanted to yell at those, who turn dating and falling in love to a crime for celebrity. They made it wrong for celebrity to fall in love and date; they treated celebrity like they are some kind of perfect human being, who will have to stay singles and never to fall in love. It hurts the fact that she can’t date Kai like normal couples do.

She wanted to go on dates, where people would look at them and said how much they fit each other companion. But no, her wish could never got fulfilled. If she ever tried, she would only get hurt, rather than being complimented, she would be hated. It’d hurt a lot, not only for her but also for Kai. That’s why she has been holding it in, her wish to go on dates with Kai.

“I do want to go on dates, Jongin. It’s just…”

“Let’s just go on some undercover and went out. I will wear my hoodie and sunglasses; you could wear your hat and some sunglasses.”

“Jieun-ah…”

***

The creaking sound of the collapsing stairs once again echoed, as the two climbs it all the way up. The smell of garbage struck their nose, making breathing seemingly to be hard. The poor neighborhood made everything seems nasty and disgusting. For someone like Jieun, living in such a place is something she is used to, but to Kai, he wanted her to move away from this place.

Lee Ji Eun, as always, was shaking as she pulled a key out from her bag and plug it into the rusty door. Kai was watching her from behind, the slight looked of pity suddenly appear from his eyes. Her hands were trembling, turning the door knob. The uncomfortable cold air greeted them, brushing against her cheek, leaving her horrified.

The sun may have risen high up in the sky, shining brightly on a winter day, something that could be said quite rare nowadays. But it doesn’t make her room any brighter, instead it is darker, darker than usual. Kai wasn’t surprised at all, when the smell of liquor struck his nose. She must have spent the whole night drinking. It made him sad, yet this isn’t her first time doing this.

Jieun almost collapses to the ground, as she had hard time breathing. It always happen, another round of panic attack, each time she forces herself to visit the place. Something about this place has always been haunting her and Kai found no reason for her to stay at such a place, not only it has a poor neighborhood but also it made her suffer. It pains him seeing her suffer, yet she keeps refusing his offer to move and live with him.

“Jieun-ah…”

“I’m fine, Jongin. I’ll just catch my breath, change, and let’s go on a date.”

Kai followed Jieun, who enters the nasty place and do a quick change for her clothes. Kai looked around, as he waits for her. No sunlight, no fresh air, just a gloomy atmosphere and the smell of liquor. How much has she been drinking? How much has she been suffering? He wonders… why can’t he be there last night? Now, he’s regretting half of his choice for leaving her the other night.

“Jieun-ah, have… you been drinking all night?”

Jieun only give him a faint smile, of bitterness and pain, as she can’t admit the fact that she’s been drinking for the whole night. Her stomach wasn’t feeling that great the other day, from too much drinking. The doctor has warned her before, not to drink anymore, but it seems alcohol is the only friend she could trust.

“Jieun-ah, last night… are you all alone?”

Her expression didn’t change, only giving him that bitter smile of hers. He felt guilty, for leaving her the other night, for not being there for her. Kai knows how hard living have been for her, yet he hasn’t been a good enough boyfriend. He stood up, approaches her, and giving her a tight hug, whispering his deepest apology.

“Why don’t you move out and live with me?”

“In EXO dorm?”

“No, I’ve been searching for apartments near the dorm, I’ve found one. It’s not that good but adequate; I’ve enough money to buy it. Why don’t we live there?”

“Don’t waste your money, Jongin. I’m fine here.”

“Are you serious? It has a poor neighborhood, the stairs is breaking down, and the whole building is collapsing. Do you ever think what the public response will be when they found out? This place isn’t healthy for you, not at all! Am I not enough for you? Why are you avoiding me?”

“Jongin…”

“Jieun, moves out and live with me. It’ll be for the best.”

“Kim Jongin..”

“Jieun, what’s wrong with you?! I want to live with you! So every night you’ll be by my side and I’ll always be there for you. Why? Have you stopped loving me?”

“Kai!”

“Aish… Jieun-ah, I just wanted the better place for you.”

“I’m fine here, let’s just leave.”

***

Hopefully, it will be a perfect disguise for the date. Jieun had been yearning for years to be able to have a date with Kai and Kai could no longer hide his wish to do so. Jieun could feel it, how hear heart suddenly jumps, accelerating in such a speed, beating fast. She could hear it, her nervous heartbeat, just like the first time they met, just like the first time their eyes met with each other.

She remembers it, the first time they met, the first time they date. She remember everything clearly and it seems time have been brought back to the past, for the two to feel back that day, and for the present to reminisce the past. She felt nostalgic, as the moments of the past was brought back to reality. It was very nostalgic, just like the first time they met.

They rarely go on a date, maybe that’s why such trivial things become an important matter to the two. It was the reason why Jieun heart jumps over such a simple date. They are aware of the risk and dates have turn impossible as time pass by as their popularity burst up in the sky. Even today, she felt slightly uneasy, hidden behind her excitement and happiness.

It’s just… how it felt years ago. The day when Kai – that perfect man – suddenly comes up to her and told her how much he loved her. He told her everything, how he has only been looking at her, how other women turn unattractive to him, how she could make his heart jumps, and how much his heart waited for her. He told her how much her presence meant to him, he told her how much he love her scent, her touch, her smile. She remembers everything he told her that day and even until today, she has yet to forget even the slightest details.

She remembers it, how her heart jumps upon hearing his confession. He brought his lips upon her, pressing it against her soft lips, while wrapping his arms around her waist. That day, it was the day when her belief was brought upon dilemma, when she suddenly turned to a spoiled human being who believes in happiness and wonders – the miracles of life. It was the day, when she could finally felt warmth, when her coldness disappear, when her heart melt upon hearing his confession. Today, too, she felt the same.

It was the day, when her heart opens up to the world, a bit more. It was the day, when her beliefs slowly changed, the day she wanted to become a spoiled human being. She wanted to believe on happy endings and fairy tale, yet her self esteem and wounds, scars planted inside her, it was too much for her to believe in those. Even until today, she’s holding back. Dating him is the happiest thing she could ever wish for, being his girlfriend is everything she ever wanted to be, yet she’s holding back, not to be too happy.

“Wanna grab a drink?” Kai offered, intertwining their fingers.

Jieun could only smile upon his offer, nodding her head while keeping him close to her. The tingling sounds of bells echoed upon their entrance to a small café, near the entrance of the amusement park. Jieun shut both of her eyes closed, taking a deep breath, before smiling upon hearing the peaceful sound. It made her tired body and brain, wounded heart, all in union to bring peace.

“What do you want to drink?” Kai asked, pulling the chair for her.

“Mmm… let me guess, black coffee, no sugar?” Kai took a strand of her hair and played with it, before tugging it back behind her ear.

Again, she only gives him her smile, nodding. She rarely said anything, except when it comes to complex things. She would only gives him a smile as an answer, and he would know right away. They don’t have to said it out loud, to read each other mind. They’ve been that much closed, that much in love, that reading each other mind is something trivial and rather easy. But it is enough, for her and for him, seeing her smile would bring his heart to peace.

“You should try drinking something sweeter. Maybe, start using some sugar, or drinking stuff like latte or cappuccino? Maybe… hot chocolate won’t be a bad idea.”

Jieun shook her head upon disagreement she met. As a person who’s not foolish enough to believe in happy endings and fairy tale, she would run to the bitterness of coffee each time she turned spoil. Each time her belief is brought upon a dilemma, or shaken, she would drink lots of black coffee, for her to realize the world only consisted of bitterness. She’d been drinking it, for life to keep up with the bitterness, of the bitterness of the coffee itself, and the life.

“Cute girls like sweet things. I like cute girls.”

“So… I’m not your type? You don’t think I’m cute?” Kai words managed to make her shivers, as she turned to defense herself.

“Nope.”

And again, she was doubtful. A doubtful relationship, she wonders if it’s supposed to be called love. She always doubted him, yet foolish enough to love him. She’s loved him for ages, despite the doubt she would always accused him for. His remarks today have made her mood to swing and it hurts. She was scared to lose him, her life.

“You’re beautiful. You may not be the most beautiful women in the world, but to me you are.”

At times like this, when his words turn too cheesy – something that didn’t fit his personality – her heart would be in another round of dilemma. It sounded too sweet for a person like her, a pessimistic person. It sounded like lies, it didn’t sound like reality at all, but her ears had just clearly heard it. She didn’t mishear any of those words. She took a big gulp of her bitter coffee and cringe at the bitterness.

Because it sounded too sweet, a part of her had a hard time believing it yet another part of her wanted to believe it so badly. She made a face, cringing at the bitterness. She turned spoiled, again and again, as he treated her like a princess. Today, too, she wanted to believe in it, and tasting the bitter coffee made her lips curl up to form a smile.

“Cheesy.” She stares right throw his eyes, her lovely gaze.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

***

Jieun could not believe how pack the amusement park was. It’s dangerous, and knowing the risk of it, they keep a low profile. They can’t spend hours of hanging out, like other normal couples, they could only decide on one ride before finally running away. Paparazzi are scary, they know that the best. They are a group of men, or maybe women too, desperately trying to make controversial article that may crushed them and brought destruction upon their career – at least that’s how Jieun think about them.

It was full of couples, she’s envious of them. It made her think, has she felt that much loved? Has she loved him that much? Has he loved her that much? Has their love grown? It made her wonder a lot, with lots of insecurity slowly rising to engulf her. She’s well aware of it, how sometimes she turned too much. How her insecurity often turns from something rather trivial and childish. She may have turned too spoiled.

She could spot many beautiful girls, with their good curves and body, their long legs. Jieun knows how she can’t compete against them. She may look quite a beautiful one, but not enough to be compared to them. Her eyes, sometimes it turned too tiny or whether she had dark circles. Her legs, it shorts. She doesn’t have those curves and it made her felt small. She keeps glancing at Kai, whom eyes keeps on hoping from one girl to another. It hurts, seeing how he neglected her over some other prettier girl.

The words he told her just now, it wasn’t lies, right? He told her that she’s the most beautiful girl in the world when it comes to him. She knows how it is impossible, how other beautiful girl existed in the world, even more than her. Yet she’s a fool to believe in his words, why did she keep going back and forth? Even sometimes this part of her irritates herself.

“There’s so many beautiful girl today.” Jieun murmurs.

“Yeah.”

“I can’t even compare to them.”

“Are you jealous, Lee Ji Eun?” Kai chuckled.

“Nope.”

“I told you you’re the most beautiful women to me.”

He should’ve told her that, if it’s not sooner, but at least while looking at her. She sighs, insecurity once again engulfing her. She had it, the fear of losing him. He was telling her, the words she wanted to hear, but his eyes… It was gazing with admiration toward one of the beautiful girl out there. It hurts.

Kim Jongin, you’ve lied again.

***

They decided to ride the ride where couples would like to take the most – the Ferris wheel. They ride it with a pouting Jieun. It is their first time, indeed, enjoying a date on an amusement park, while riding the Ferris wheel. Their date used to be longer, carefree, and rather fun, but never once they took the risk to visit an amusement park where everything is packed. It felt special, although Jieun is slightly upset over Kai actions.

It was an evening, where they could see the sunset once they arrived at the top. Couples usually kissed and do some lovely things there and Kai won’t miss it for the world. It will be a long time before they could finally hangs out and meet. Jieun would have a short break, superbly short before going back to her busy schedules and Kai, too, would have to prepare himself to be a better rookie.

“When will you stop pouting, Jieunnie?”

“I’m not pouting, Jongin.”

“You are.”

“Nope.”

“Are you upset about it? I told you, I’m not ditching you for others, never. I told you, to me, you’re the prettiest girl.”

“No, who told you I’m upset?”

“Stop pouting, then. Although you looked cute, I hate it.”

“Jongin, are you free?”

“I’m given a short break.”

“I will be free for the next three days.”

“Really? You should stay with me, at the EXO dorms, just don’t get found out.”

“Will it be fine?”

“Is it the first time you secretly stay over in our dorm?”

Jieun giggled upon hearing his remarks, and finally smiled. Kai called her over, sweetly and gently, with his deep husky voice that made her shiver. It made the butterflies in her stomach alive again, after throwing up a lot this morning, thanks to drinking all night long. She stands up and approaches him, as he did the same. He wrapped an arm around her waist, as he pointed up to the sky.

“Isn’t it pretty? The sunset.”

“It’s pretty.”

“That’s how you looked like to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re my sun, Jieun.”

He captured her lips in one swift movement, with both his arms wrapped around her waist, supporting her to tip-toed a bit more, to keep up with his height. He crashes his lips to hers, gently kissing her soft pink lips, turning it to a passionate. He whispers to her ear, hot breath brushing against her ear, he told her how much she loved her.

“You’re the only girl who I’ll ever look at. You’re the most beautiful girl to me. I swear. I love you, Lee Ji Eun.”

This isn’t lies, is it? And once again, being a fool she is, she melted to his words, whether he’s being truthful or whether this is just his lies. She believed it; she let herself be blinded by his words, his love, his warmth. She melted to his words as she kisses him back; telling him how much she loved him too.

Author Note

Hello, there! theadorable here and I'm back! I think I'll talk a lot for today author note. Firstly, I cancelled my plan to edit this story. Actually, it will be the first time for me. I've never edited any stories, I always post it up before re-reading it. And it seems I'm a bit lazy to edit it and when I tried to re-read the latest two chapter, which I considered a mess, it didn't come out as bad as I expected it to be. So I think it's fine and thanks to that I regain my writing mood back. Mmm.. so this is the latest update! Feel free to tell me what do you think of it and what it lacks of. Comments and subsrcibe! Thank you!