She cried for good. She cried and cried on her way back home, and again for a few hours after Luhan dropped her off. She cried and cried and cried, letting it all out, letting all the pain engulf her as she embraced it. Breakups hurt, whether it was a clean breakup or a rather “clingy” one, she learnt it will eventually hurt. He, in the end, owned a precious spot in her heart, despite the questionable existence of love.

Her way back home wasn’t something she would like to recall. It was tense and the atmosphere was clearly a discomfort for the two. She was crying, silently sobbing as she looked outside the window. He, in the other hand, was looking straight at the road, without sparing any glances for her. He looked cold, rather ignorant, he let her be. She would try to suppress her cry, only for it to come out louder. She was thankful to him though, he didn’t let out any words for comfort. She didn’t need them, words of comfort; it would only hurt so much more.

Of course, he wouldn’t be Luhan if he would directly leave after dropping her off. He stayed for a few hours, until it was past three in the morning, when her condition had gotten better. By then, he leave, after going through the casual conversation of her not wanting to be saved by him, and her asking for another favor. After he left, she stood there alone, in the middle of her room where it was dark, cold, and lonely, she cried again.

But it was rather surprising, when her tears dried up and she eventually fell asleep. For the first time in years, she slept tight and well, she didn’t jolt up out of nightmares, and she didn’t cry herself to sleep. She cried and cried for good, yet she slept well that night. The night of the first break up.

It was around seven in the morning when the sun rises, its warmth greeted her body. She fluttered her eyes opened; still surprised at the fact that she slept really well last night. Yet again, it was a scary thought. She immediately shut her eyes closed, as she searched for a familiar present that used to stay close to her. But none, there was none. Then it hits her again, how the two is over. They are over.

***

“Has Kai eaten yet?” Luhan asked Kyungsoo, who was busy preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

The frog-eyed man heaved a sigh and shook his head, “I don’t even know when he last ate.” He looked up, pointing at the room where it was all silent. “They’re a mess and he’s a mess, but it’s his fault.” He pointed out.

“Give me the food; I’ll give it to him.” Luhan stated, only for the frog-eyed man to stare at him, as if he was questioning his motive. The whole EXO know Luhan wasn’t fond of Kai, not after what happened to Jieun. “He has to eat.”

Again, Kyungsoo stared at him in silence. “Do you think it will work?” He heaved a sigh. “We all have been trying to feed him, but he would only lock himself up, yelling at us, or even leaving the food cold. Unless…” He looked up but then cut himself.

“Unless what?”

“Unless… Lee Ji Eun came and feed him; I don’t think he will eat at all.” Kyungsoo looked up, trying to search the annoyance or anger in Luhan’s eyes, but find none. “And we all know that is not likely to happen.”

“Just give it to me, he’ll open the door and eat, I promise you.” He took a deep breath, “After all, he hated me and I’m the last person who was with her last night. He’ll either punch me in the face or beg for me to tell how Jieun is doing.”

***

The stairs felt long and heavy, somehow tiring and he couldn’t help but to feel nervous. His room was the first on the left, which caused him to be much more nervous. He took the food trail with him, breakfast, as boringly as it could get, was consisted of omelets and rice. He was deep in his thoughts as his steps come for a halt in front of the wooden door. It was all silent, as the others was busy fooling around or rehearsing. It was slightly scary, thinking how messy this man could have been.

Three knocks was more than enough for his heart to pound and for him to suppress his anger. No answer was heard, much to the thrill. Luhan, again, tried to knock, but knowing it would be hopeless he stopped himself. Instead, he called out for the man to come out. It was hitting his nerve.

“It’s Luhan, open the door, Kai.” He gently stated.

The door swung opened minutes later, it seems the younger was agitating whether he should open the door or to simply let him be. Luhan was the last-man-standing that he would like to see at times like this, yet Luhan too was the first person he needed to confront sooner or later. They need to talk, but Kai doubted now was the right time. But then, he doubted he could be better later, after all Lee Ji Eun is no longer there. He woke up this morning, when the reality hits him all over again; Lee Ji Eun is no longer there.

Luhan was taken aback when the wooden door swung opened. A messy figure popped out, after hiding its broken self behind the wooden door. There were no greetings, as the two wasn’t close to begin with. They simply stared at each other, before Kai backed off to let the older entered his room. It was clean, as if it has not been touched before. It stayed the same, as the last time Lee Ji Eun entered this place to claim and took back what belongs to her.

He entered the room, quietly. Kai sat on his bed, turning his back against Luhan. Luhan heaved a sigh and handed Kai his breakfast, in which he replied nonchalantly. “Eat up,” he repeated only to be ignored. Luhan placed it on his desk, where he found the photos being flipped so none of their memories will ever be recalled.

“I don’t feel like it,” Kai replied nonchalantly.

Luhan shut his mouth, he doubted picking up a fight or arguing will do any better. He sat next to the younger one, fishing something out from his pocket, as he took the golden key. He tapped the younger’s shoulder as he silently returned the key to its owner without letting out any word. Kai stared at him, confused and shocked, but then soften as he realized the elder’s intention. Although somehow Kai believe that his intention was questionable. Why? He keeps wondering.

“Jieun’s key, it belongs to you.” Luhan looked away, avoiding Kai’s gaze. “She cares, and I know you do. It belongs to you, if she ever returns, don’t hurt her. If she did not, it still belongs to you. It’s… a key… to her home… to her presence; it’s a key to reach her.” Luhan heaved a sigh. “It belongs to you.”

Kai didn’t mouth a thank you or even said a word. He sat frozen, staring at the key, again with his pair of sorrowful eyes. He was left in despair, and if this key holds hopes, than it would kill him bit by bit knowing the hopes would probably never be fulfilled.

“I… Jieun cried last night.” Luhan trailed off. “This is what she requested. She told me she had a favor. She said… she wanted me to take care of you, to make sure you eat and sleep well, to make sure you always did your best, to make sure you are healthy and happy, to comfort you when you are down. She wanted me to always be there for you, to take care of you, because she no longer can.” He stopped for a while. “She’s hurting, even more than you think she does. She hides a lot behind her façade. She loves you, I guarantee that.” He looked at the younger’s eyes, looking serious. “It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.”

***

She was crying, on her way back home, and again after he dropped her off. He didn’t let out a word, because he knew she didn’t need those. Words, at times rather than comfort, it left scars. Words, he has grown to be rather careful of them, and at times he grew scared and worrisome. Because words mostly left scars behind, intended or unintended.

He cares about her; he once confessed how much he does care about her. He claimed that he cares a lot, but then those were lies. He grew to admit and accept those feelings that can be confusing at times. He chooses to embrace it, and again even if it hurts, at least he has once fallen in love for a splendid woman. He loves her a lot; that at times he fears it might drive him insane. Will it be too much? Will it be too little? Those types of thoughts passed through his mind.

He stayed for a while or maybe for a few hours since he didn’t leave her until past midnight. She was still crying, she would try to suppress her sobs only for it to come out louder. It wasn’t easy for her to calm down; she did not stop crying even after hours. But then, there were limits to how people grieve themselves, to the sadness, or even to the mourning. She stopped, maybe it was partly of the tiredness that took over, or simply she was at her limits. Maybe by tomorrow morning, she would start crying again, but not tonight.

“Luhan-ssi,” she called out as he headed for the door to excuse himself and leave. It was surprising, somehow it bring backs memories of how she suddenly hugged him. He could feel his body heating up, and his body jolting at her soft voice, again his heart almost exploded.

He turns around, to face her fragile and broken figure, but then let out no words. He stared at her, as she avoided his gaze. She was sitting on her bed, hugging her knee as she star-gazed the starry night sky. She looked so small, so petite, so beautiful, yet so broken, as she sat beneath the glowing moon. Her fair white skin looked perfectly pale, she looked like an angel. Again, she would be the fallen one – so beautiful yet so broken.

“I don’t want to be saved. Please, stop saving me. It’s a favor.” She trailed, “I know you care, but if you do then please stop saving me. It hurts, Luhan-ssi, it hurts even more to be save knowing there were no hopes left behind.”

He couldn’t and he won’t. He would stop for a while, giving her space, but then he would always save her. There were bitter truths behind her words, of how hopeless the world can be at times. But again, it hurts even more knowing he could never be her perfect savior or for the least, her hopes. Was it too much to ask? He wanted so badly to be her savior, to be her hopes. He wanted to show her, of how so much better the world can be.

“And… can I ask you for another favor?” She sneaks glances at him, as he stood in silence. “You probably won’t be pleased. But I’ll owe you a lot.” He continued to stand in silence, staring at her from a distant. Hey, stars, will it be better this way?

“Kai, please take care of him. Please take care of Jongin because I no longer can. I no longer have the rights to do so, I can’t interfere his life, not anymore.” Jieun smiled bitterly. “He’s the type to hide his sadness, so please be there for him when he’s down. When he danced, he often got to engrossed to it, so please make sure he eat well and also rest well. Sometimes, he likes to neglect his health, so please make sure he is healthy and when he’s sick, please make sure he takes his meds.” Her eyes were watery, “There’s a lot of things about him. He’s 20 yet he acts like 10.” She giggled, “So please take care of him.”

Author Note

I'd like to greet you with a hello then a thank you! 100 subscribers mean a lot to me, so thank you my lovely readers! This chapter is rather short and I don't think it's comparable to the last one. It's messy and likely to be fillers. I think readers needs to know what happen to the two of them as they part ways. And there's another thing I'd like to say. I've been in AFF for a year and it was so much fun. I've always loved writing and I enjoyed it a lot, yet somehow it suddenly became a burden to me. Because I see lots of  "updates soon" I kept thinking I need to update ASAP, so I often ended up forcing myself to write. It became burdensome and I think my writing qualities became bad because of it. So, this is what I'd like to state today :

"I'm not angry of those "update soon!" comments, I'm delighted. It meant lots are looking forward to it. But then because I do have other things to do, and also some writer blocks, I'd take my times and updates. It may take a very long time, maybe not even an update in months. But I hope all of you would wait patiently! Thank you!"