It was three o’clock in the evening, when the rain finally pours. Lee Ji Eun was all alone in her room, sinking deeper to the darkness that surrounds her, in which she has created herself over years; also deeper to the loneliness that has long lived inside her room. She gazed outside the window, embracing the pain that was engulfing her in a slow and torturing way. But she did not cry, her plump lip form a bitter smile, her eyes was teary, but no tears dared to fall. She was lifeless, worse than before, now that she is all alone in her room. She looked up to find the blue sky being clouded by the gloomy-colored gray, in sync with her painful life.

Dropped, she looked up, feeling the cold wetness dropping on top of her head. She heaved a sigh. It’s been long since she embraced her pain. It’s been long since she last lived alone without him. Slowly, she stood up, dragging her feet to the bathroom. A few seconds later, she came back, dragging an empty bucket. She placed it exactly under the dripping water, as she sat back at her previous spot which turned out to be her favorite for the last eight hours. The sound of dripping water against the empty bucket echoed throughout the room, followed by the gloomy sound of the ticking clock. Jieun gazed outside the window, emptily staring down at the pouring rain, creating poodle of water on the streets under her. Her fingers were tracing the raindrop that remains on her window. She pulled it back, only to find it wrapped in thick dark-colored dust. How long has it been? She wondered, nevertheless she returned tracing the raindrops.

Still hurt after yesterday’s incident but failed to recall anything afterwards, she hasn’t stopped thinking nor did she stop drinking. Her room reeks the smell of alcohol so badly, as always. She wanted to get drunk so badly, yet the more she drinks, the more sober she gets, to the reality, to the engulfing pain. Again, her train of thoughts brought her to the scary thought of dying. If she keep this up, how much longer will it be before her world ends? With that on mind, she gulped down another shots.

***

Byun Baekhyun cursed out, wondering since when the flower boy Luhan stopped being all sweet and started to learn having sarcasm in his words. You’re her best friend and I’m nothing. It was partly true but it left him wondering if Luhan shared the same feelings as he does toward Jieun. What was that supposed to mean? Tired of those long trains of thoughts, he clenched his fist against the steering wheel, abruptly braking his car, causing his body to be slightly thrown forward. He has arrived at Lee Ji Eun’s place.

He found himself daydreaming for a while, once again sinking to his train of thoughts. He was worried about lots of stuff: Lee Ji Eun, Kai, Luhan, and himself. It took him a few seconds to be aware of his surroundings. He swiftly took his back hoodie, hiding his figure behind it’s large-sized, tightening it all up to secure himself.

He left his car, making sure to lock it tight, with a double check. He tightens his hoodie even more, covering his face with an additional cap, trying his best to walk casually, to look normal. He was greeted by the strange yet familiar scent that made him cringes eventually. He could smell it – the smell of alcohol, blood, violence, and drugs – and he hated it. Byun Baekhyun looked around, spotting abandoned child and woman, also the poor who lived indecent life, with all the rubbish and dirt on the streets, under the boxes. He cringed; pitying them, yet mentally slapped himself. Screams and traces of violence echoed from time to time. He is a man, yet he was scared. It was an environment he rarely sees, a horrible one. It was hard to believe such place existed in a big city like Seoul.

He lowered his cap, hands in his pocket, and then fastens his pace. Her apartment was barely a meter away yet it felt as if he has a long way to go. He swiftly opened the door to her apartment building and slammed it close. He could feel his heart thumping in fear, a lowly life he could never imagine was out there. At times, he would wonder why Jieun decided to live at a place like this. She had more than enough money to buy a house in an elite environment, or even the best of the best. Yet why did she choose to live in a poor environment like this? But each time he questioned her, the answer was crystal clear to both of them. This is where she belongs to.

He heaved a sigh, but then inhales deeply when he saw his surroundings. The smell wasn’t good at all, the disgusting smell almost makes him threw up. He looked down to his palm which was covered in dust, he once again cringed as he dusted it off. The walls were cracking and the whole building was falling apart, not to mention the lack of security. Why did she choose to live here? The thoughts slap him hard as he slowly climbed the creaking stairs.

He has no choice but to admit that this place is creepy, one of the reason why he rarely came to visit her outside her dorm or workplace. Why does she belong here? His head was in a mess thanks to her, yet he didn’t mind at all. Why does she belong here? The thought once again passed his mind, as he climbed the stairs and the creaking sound echoed through the emptiness. She does belong here, he knows that. But he also knows, she doesn’t deserve this.

She, whom he loved for who she is – her lovable character and darker past that she hid – has been living under the darkness for so long. She was a happy and cheerful girl; at least she used to be that way despite the changes she had undergone. She was poor, despite all the money she had. She lost everything she ever had as a human, as a person, as a woman, as a Lee Ji Eun. She lost what money couldn’t buy, gaining what money could buy. She never longed for fame and fancy, for what money can gain. She never cared for a single thing money can do, she longed for what money couldn’t buy. All her life, she rarely feels things that money couldn’t buy. She could gain all the things in the world which money could buy, but none would ever satisfy her. She was poor, since she could never buy what she wanted. She was poor, since what she longed for are things that money couldn’t buy. Love, honesty, kindness, and others which one can’t ever buy with money.

She lost them at a young age, losing all her hopes one by one, leaving her with nothing to hold on to. Her bestfriend death, her rare occasion with her parents, her grandmother death, then her parents death were all horror to her, it came in a flash, taking away all she could ever longed for. Then soon, she was treated as a taboo by the society, unwelcomed and unwanted. She suffered. Byun Baekhyun could understand her, no matter how wrong and insane she could be. Her painful life was brought to light and also deeper darkness when she found Kai, the man of her life who claimed to love her. He was everything she could hold on to, the only thing she longed for, he was everything to her. And now, when she once again loses everything, it was her being dropped back deeper to the darkness. If he was to put it another way, she was dropped back to her abyss.

He hesitated in front of her door, scary thoughts passing through his mind. He didn’t want to witness any horror, naively wishing she would be okay, selfishly wanted to run away to save himself from the horror. What is she doing inside? He wondered, once again hesitating whether he should knock or simply wait outside, or even using the keys he had stolen from Kai earlier. Despite the fear and horror, he didn’t show any sign of pity or sympathy toward her, only some anxiety hinted at the corner of his darker-brown eyes. Heaving a sigh, he took off his hoodie and cap, showing a better figure than before. Biting his lower lips, he looked like a coward but he did not care, he knocked on the wooden door three times, wishing it would bring much luck to his side, chasing away all the horror that may awaits later.

***

She was tired, she was in pain. But the knocks on the door managed to brought her mood to a whole different level – anger and annoyance, yet she calmed herself, claiming that anger will only brought much more pain and it would be too much for her to handle. The rain was still pouring and how she wished it would continue for the rest of the day, in fact if the next morning the rain would still be pouring, she would be glad and thankful. She couldn’t cry, her tears dried long ago, so she was thankful the rain would cry for her.

She dragged her feet toward the door, whoever it is she did not care. Yet her cowardly and weak heart longed for him. How she wished when she swung the door opened, he would appear in front of her, pulling her to his warm embrace and pressed his lips against hers. She let out a weak laugh, mocking herself for being so naïve. She dragged her feet, through the pieces of broken glass, uncaring if one would pierce through her skin and left scars behind. She reached for the door and swung it opened, yet she could not let out a sigh of disappointment rather than a smile. Byun Baekhyun was there.

Baekhyun almost gasped, when he saw her fragile-broken figure. She was a mess and it was clear how healing her would take a long time. Kai, if Kai ever returned to her side, then maybe she would be okay. Yet love, it is complicated; it could heal her but also broke her even more. He managed to hide his gasp, controlling his expression well; nevertheless he knew Jieun could read his mind. They were close and at times it would confuse him as well, if perhaps, he had a chance with her. He shook his head, what if he break her even more? His body shuddered at the thoughts, earning a soft chuckle from the woman.

He softened and smiled, despite being worried over her appearance. He followed her behind, as she welcomed him. He took a detailed-look of her appearance, of how much of a mess, broken, and still breaking she was. Her silky brown hair was a mess, her eyes were puffy-red and it was teary, her eye-bags were dark, and how much she reeks of alcohol. Her surroundings was a mess to, a broken lamp which kept her living under the darkness, empty bottles of alcohol, and shattered pieces of glass on the floor. She did not even wear her favorite slippers, something Kai bought for her, she dragged her feet around, uncaring if one would pierce through her skin and hurt her. She was hurt yet she was smiling, a bitter-sweet smile that pained even him. Baekhyun need to withdraw his urge to pull her fragile figure to his embrace and patted her back, to become her comfort and let her have a shoulder to lean on.

“A man who wondered if he would break the woman he loved, will never hurt her.” Jieun quoted, which Baekhyun founded many errors, yet still true. He cracked a smile, looking at her back, as she looked outside the window, embracing the rainy weather. “Do you want to drink?” She took a new bottle of alcohol, facing him with a bitter smile.

***

They sat next to the window, Jieun’s new favorite place. She was pouring him drinks. “You shouldn’t drink too much. It could hurt your voice.” Jieun said, despite the fact that she ignored the rule long ago. She was addicted to it and she wouldn’t let go. Now that Kai is no longer there, alcohol became her only friend and light.

Baekhyun cracked a half-hearted smile after her words, gulping his first shot swiftly, but Jieun wouldn’t pour more for him, claiming he could lose his voice. How about you, Lee Ji Eun? He wondered, but again withdraw himself from sinking deeper to his train of thoughts. Jieun, herself, stopped drinking, as if she managed to read half of his thoughts. She tossed the empty bottle to the empty bin, and then wrapped herself in a pastel-colored jacket. It was cold, yet the warmth would only make her feel even colder.

“You promise Luhan you would call Jiyeon to accompany you, today.” Baekhyun said, earning a sigh from the woman.

“I do,” she lightly smiles.

“But you don’t,” he chuckled, avoiding her soft-gaze. “You never do. He’s new, he knew nothing about you. I came, since I knew you would spend your time mourning alone,” he mocked Luhan in a playfull tone, “that’s why I came.”

“You’re good,” Jieun looked down, “I guess, you’re good. Thank you… for coming.”

“Isn’t that what friends are for?” Baekhyun stood up, gently tugging a strand of her hair behind her ear, as he tidied her messy hair. “To help each other, to count on each other, to trust each other, to lean on each other,” he said. “I am your best friend after all, while he… is nothing but stranger.” He murmurs in a low tone.

“Are we best friend, Byun Baekhyun?” She took his hand, away from her hair, looking up to meet his gentle eyes.

“You know how I feel about you.”

“I do,” she stood up to face him, “that’s why we can’t be one.”

“Why is that?” He twirled her hair, “I love you, friendship is the only thing I can give you and you can accept without a burden. After all, you owned me, but yours is owned by someone else.”

The silence filled the air, as his words remain her of him. She looked down, avoiding his gaze. He bit his lowered lips, realizing the mistakes he had just done. “Baekhyun… how is he? Jongin…. How is he?” Her voice was weak and trembling, piercing through the silence, the dark, the emptiness.

“He is… a mess, Jieun.”

“Let’s just rest, Jieun.” Baekhyun breaks the long silence after his tales and placed her tired body on the bed.

“Byun Baekhyun… thank you,” she held her hand, “for always being there for me, for always understanding me, for keeping up with me,” she closed her eyes, “thank you for being my best friend, despite the fact that love… has never been fair.”

Lee Ji Eun woke up, later in the evening, finding her best friend was no longer there. She heaved a sigh. Looking out the window, the raindrops were still dripping down. She was not the only one who is in pain, he do too. Yet on those days where she let the painful flashback fill her mind, where she desperately tried to search for the magic tricks or the honesty in his eyes, why can’t she find it? Did he truly love her? Does he truly love her? She wondered again and again.

This is their relationship, more than friends, but less than lover. Byun Baekhyun can live with it.

***

Luhan schedule ended late at night. In fact, it was two hours past midnight, when their schedule finally ended and they were finally able to call it a day. Luhan was worn-out, so were the others. But he was sure none was as tired as he was, or maybe not since Byun Baekhyun spend half of the day taking care of Jieun and Kai who was a mess. Luhan has to admit, part of him almost softens at the sight of Kai, who somehow looked miserable and pitiful. It took him lots of courage or maybe cruelty to let the man be and suffer on his own. Even the EXO were ignoring him.

The trip back to the dorm was filled in silence, half of them passed out to their deep slumber, half of them trying to entertain themselves, and a few who choose to stare out the window with their sorrowful gaze – Kai, Luhan, Baekhyun, and Suho. In which, Sehun joined them since Luhan was being gloomy and ignorant ever since he returned this morning. It seems those man were having lots to think about tonight.

Kai seems to regret it a lot, what he did yesterday to Jieun. He shouldn’t have doubted her, he should have been loyal, and stood by her side during the happiest and the saddest. But what have he done? He broke her and the thought of it was horrible. From time to time, Luhan would steal glances at him, in which remain unnoticeable or ignored by him. Kai was rather quiet today, quite in unusual way, he looked sad and gloomy rather than being quiet to maintain his image. He didn’t do well and Luhan was sure Kai was going to be scolded, later when they arrived home, or maybe the first thing tomorrow morning. But he didn’t care, maybe Kai does deserve it. He mentally slapped himself for a second, when he noted himself that Kai will not be the only person in trouble, but also himself.

It was three or maybe four o’clock in the morning when they arrived back home. The majority chooses to enter their bedroom or collapse on the couch. But not to Luhan, he hasn’t stopped thinking about the girl he left behind this morning, and the girl he took care yesterday. Grabbing his car key, he sneakily went outside the building and made his way to her place. Her place wasn’t something he was very fond of; nevertheless he didn’t have a choice.

As what happened earlier to Byun Baekhyun, Luhan reacts almost the same way as soon as he arrived; maybe he overreacted since it was late at night. The horror was twice as it was in the afternoon. The screams were horrifying and the figures were lifelessly sleeping on the street, which brought creep upon him. Her place, as some may have expect, looked like an old abandoned house, cracking and ready to collapse anytime soon. Despite his flower-boy-like looks, he braced himself as he got out from his car, entering her place with firm steps. He managed to hide his fear well and he deserved a credit.

After hesitating in front of her door for half an hour, he once again braced himself, as he unlocks the door with the keys Baekhyun has given to him earlier, something he stole from Kai. The familiar yet spiteful smells greet him, which caused him to groan and scrunched his nose. Nothing has changed about this woman; she was still the same broken woman as she was when they first met. Her room was dark, messy, and full of alcohol, everything was the same as when he first came to visit her.

There she was, sleeping peacefully on her small bed, under the blurry-pale lights of the moon. Her bed was placed next to the window, which he assumed has become the place where she spends the day daydreaming and mourning after what happened between her and Kai. The careful and gentle steps he made as he approached her, give off the same feelings as it did yesterday’s night. He didn’t want to wake her up, he simply sat beside her, gazing at her flawless face with his pair of eyes which shared the same color as hers.

She was sleeping, but it seems her pain haunted her even to her dreams, turning the sweetest she could ever taste to be the bitter one. Luhan observed how she would scrunch her nose, forming soft wrinkles on her forehead, and at times, cold sweat would drop. Her fingertips were cold; it brushed against his warm palms just now. And again, she would moan the man’s name again and again, despite the pain he would bring to her. Luhan heaved a sigh, pulling the blanket closer to her, so she would not feel cold.

He felt it, his huge urge to touch her. He wanted to touch her, to trace his fingers against her flawless face, to hold her hands, to tug her hair, to pat her, and most of all to embrace her fragile and broken figure. But he knows how much of a light-sleeper she was, afraid to wake him up, he withdraw himself and locking all his urge today, only to find his attempt as a failure. He reached for her brown-silky hair, caressing it slowly, as he swung her the sweetest lullaby, trying to calm her down.

“Shhh…” he would let his voice echoed and pierce through the emptiness once in a while, each time he heard her groaned or moaned out the man’s name.

But it shocked him, when he felt a strong grip on his wrist, it was cold and thin, the grip was strong yet he could feel sadness and weakness radiating from the touch. He found himself staring at her, eyes wide opened, teary, and horror was reflected. And it was her, who abruptly got up and wrapped an arm around him, letting herself fall to his embrace. She was trembling and cold, she was weak and sad, she was in pain, Luhan could feel it. He finally gave in, to the lust of wanting to touch her, he hugged her back. To his surprise, she did not struggle; instead she let him embrace her even tighter.

Author Note

As always, hello there! Greetings to my reader. I'm all up for writing! And hopefully this chapter doesn't sound too cliche. I have lots of fun writing this, which I found it absurd. I think I like the first part of the chapter, but then the quality eventually degrades (?) Hopefully not though. Anyway, tell me what you think and thank you for those who commented for the last chapter!