It has to be a lie. For Pete’s sake, it has to be a lie. He would not do something like that to her. It must be a lie. At least, it had to be. Jieun was trembling, barely breathing with her chest pounding heart. Something must have gone wrong with her ears or she might be dreaming nightmares because it sounded so scary that it made her trembles in fear. She bit her bottom lips before hitting the replied button once more. She was stupid though, because it is truly a wrong choice.

IU, Suzy?

Suzy.

His deep and manly voice made it easier for her to differ his voice from others. She was once addicted to it. It felt so nice to hear his voice, to listen to his stories, and have him to sing her lullaby and nights. Hearing his voice used to feel so heavenly, yet suddenly his voice has caused a great pain upon her. It hurt her, hearing his voice and words. His deep gentle voice and heart-fluttering words suddenly becomes a sharp knife that stabs her chest.

He would not tell such a lie; she badly wanted to believe it. She wanted to be a bit more naïve and imaginative, a bit more optimistic rather than being a realist she is. It would be all better. She would get hurt in the end, or maybe she would become blind but she love him so much that she’s ready to give her whole self to him. It’s a lie, he’s secretly protecting her. Although he never lied to fame, this one had to be a lie.

She was being naïve and even too optimistic. She pushes away those pessimistic that somehow has become rather realistic, just to believe he love her. She wanted to be blind for once, to love him even more, but her soul rejected it. It rejects her choice. It left her anxious, how she knows he would never lie to fame. And it had been days, after he promised her everything will be alright and he’d run to her as soon as his schedule ends. It was such a lie; the man was such a liar. None has been fine, and he hasn’t even appeared in front of her after days without any news.

She glances at her injured wrist that somehow has been bandaged nicely and treated very well. Everything is going to be okay. It was such a smart lie; it keeps pounding around inside her head. It was devastating, how those sweet words of his turns out to be a lie. Nothing has been fine; her room was filled with more smell of alcohol and even more bottles of soju. She hasn’t stop drinking, she has so much thought in mind and this new thing has just driven her to an even crazier level.

She ruffled her hair in frustration and scoffed angrily. She was indeed a bipolar woman, how her mood could change from one another easily. It didn’t even take her a single second to turn from such a strong-willed woman to a broken one. It fades away, all of her happiness. She turns pale, ruffling her hair, while crying her lungs out. She was scared. Without him, she’s nothing but a piece of shattered glass.

Has she become boring to him? Has he become tired of her? Has he stopped loving her? The question just popped out inside her head. Slowly, it was driving her crazy. She found it hard to breath and her chest was pounding anxiously. What would she do if he ever leaves her? She’d be dead by then or maybe she should try killing herself. Even right now, she had a hard time struggling to be alive and without him, she’d prefer to be a dead body. Right now, truly right now, she only needs to hear those three words to escape his lips; those three words that would wash away all of her insecurities – those three words, I love you.

***

It has such a displeased how she would have to face him early in the morning. It was an awkward atmosphere, of both who wasn’t daring enough to spills the word and ended up in such a situation. The Chinese boy was surprised to see her early in the morning, yet it hurts knowing she’s here to find another man. He took a quick scan at her – her wrist, it was still bandaged. It was a long three minutes that both of them spent just to stare at each other.

He threw her a lovable gaze, yet he shouldn’t have expected her to return him a wonderful gaze as well. Instead, she threw him a death glare. She looked unpleasant; to have him as the first face she had to see in the morning. She has come to the point where she dislikes him a lot, despite the good thing he had done to her. She couldn’t help it, she purely dislikes him. The more he tried to get closer to her, the more she pushes him away.

“H – “

She didn’t even give him a chance to greet her properly, but rather shoving him off to a corner and barge in to enter the small dorm. She give a quick glance at the Chinese boy before turning her back against her, acting as if he has never existed in the first place. She took off her cap, panting heavily, before bursting in anger in front of her best friend – Byun Baekhyun. She was anxious and right now, she has lost it. She no longer knows how to hold it all in.

“Where’s Jongin?”

“Ka… Kai? He… he’s out. I think… he’s out.”

It wasn’t normal of him to be stuttering when she asked him a case or two. He’d be care free, answering it leisurely with his cheeky smile. But not today, he was stuttering, he looked rather nervous. It was a bad move though, because soon it made Jieun feels even more anxious. It didn’t take long before she heard loud grumbling from the higher floor. It must be him.

“Byun Baekhyun, where is he?”

“He’s…” a long sigh escape his lips, “upstairs, Jieun. He’s upstairs.”

“Next time… please don’t lie to me.”

And with those words that escape her lips, he left her all alone as she rushes upstairs to meet her love one. Baekhyun could feel her lovely presence fading away, her scent slowly merged with the wind, and her lovely smile turns to something he longed for. He still loved her, this man does, but he knows someday he would have to stop. This is just wrong. He ruffled his hair in frustration and a bitter smile appears across his face.

“I don’t want you to get hurt, Jieun. That’s why, please, don’t get hurt.” He murmurs.

***

She wanted him to say those three scary yet lovely words – I love you. She needed to know he loves her so much that he’d only look at her and love her only. She wanted to hear it so badly. It was a bad choice of him, to be turning off his cell phone. She was very anxious, biting her nails, before finally rushing off to this place with only a cap on. She could barely care about the world or if the paparazzi caught her. She needed to wash away all of this anxiousness before she turns even more broken.

“Kim Jongin,” she swung the wooden door open, calling out his name, and stares at him with her lovely gaze.

He was there, having his leisure time to watch the TV. He was on bed, baring his chest and abs. Jieun heat up at the sight of it, she found herself blushing and her skin turning hot by seconds. Her chest was pounding hard, in a lovely way, but also in a different way where it breaks her. The sight of it made her eyes glisten in tears and her heart ache in pain. I’ll run to you as soon as it ends, where does the promise come from? Why did he break it and lie? He had more than free time for her, he had all time in the world, yet why did he… He didn’t even call her.

“Jieun…” He quickly scrambles to find a shirt to cover his bare chest.

“Why… Jongin? Why…?” The words painfully escape her lips, with tears rolling down without her noticing it.

“What do you mean, Jieun?”

It breaks him too, every time she shed tears, and every time she questions him. It was painful and sometimes it made him regrets most of his action. He wanted to pull her to his warm embrace, to run to her and console her, yet he fears he would break her instead. She was so fragile, so easy to break; one wrong move and she would be shattered to pieces.

“Do you… truly love me? Do you… truly will only love me? Do you… truly will only look at me? Tell me, Jongin. Tell me the truth.”

“I do, Jieun. I do. With all my heart, I’ll tell you I do.”

“Then tell me.”

“I love you. Lee Ji Eun, I, Kim Jongin, love you with all my heart.”

“Then… why did you choose that woman?”

His eyes widen in surprised, Lee Ji Eun notices it. He looked sad and pain, yet surprised. His gaze softens at her question, slowly walking closer to her, enclosing their distance. He stares at her warm brown orbs, which now have been filled with tears.

“I love you, Jieun. I truly do. I’ll only look at you. I choose that woman because I need to protect you. I need to protect us. Shall I prove it to you?”

He encloses their distance, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist and kisses her forehead. He stares at her brown orbs, before claiming her lips. He was very gentle, leaving trails of kisses very gently. He slowly deepens the kiss, rubbing her back gently. She shut both her eyes closed; enjoying his presence and warmth that slowly overwhelms her. Her hand reaches to his back, drawing circles with her fingertips. She loves him so much.

But why did he tell me such a lie?

It was the day, where she opens her eyes to his lies. She could smell a woman’s scent, something that’s not hers, filling his room. It was faint, she could barely smell it if she did not found something strange. It was thanks to Byun Baekhyun that she could notice such a thing. The more he moves closer to her, the smell stands out even more. He had a woman scent on his body and that wasn’t hers.

It was the day I open my eyes, yet shut both close to the blindness. I didn’t want to believe it. For once, I love him so much that it is okay to be blind.

***

It would be too good to be a coincidence, how both of them has to pass by each other, facing each other once more. The Chinese boy keeps staring at her and slowly it bothered her. She truly dislikes him, although she had no right to hold a grudge against her. But this man, he looked as if he would keep bothering her, being a caring person, while she did not need such a person. Having Kim Jongin by her side is more than enough, she did not need anyone else, him is more than enough.

“IU-ssi, have your wrist gone better?”

“It’s fine, Luhan-ssi.”

“It’s a relief then. You should take care of it or it may leave scars. May I take a look at it?”

“Luhan-ssi, it was a very nice deed of you taking care of me. I have no other words but to say thank you. Thank you very much. However, I will be pleased if you’d stop caring about me. Please, give me some more space. I could take care of myself. And don’t ever call me by my name. I hate it.”

She was emphasizing every word, which made those words that softly escape her lips sounded even scarier. Luhan was surprised by her words and it was undeniable how he was hurt. She could see the pain reflected in his eyes but she spent no effort to console him. She had nothing but grudges and dislikes upon him.

“IU-ssi…”

“I’m leaving.”

She swung the door open and leave, right in front of his eyes.

***

“Jieun!”

She wondered who called her name, it sounded very sweet and caring, not to mention desperate. She wanted to know who called her; the voice melted her cold heart and brings her back to reality. It stopped her falling deeper to the darkness. The voice seems to glisten in lights. How she hopes it was Jongin. But the voice was different, Jongin was deeper and manlier, unlike this voice she heard.

Her blood continues to drip down; she could feel the warm red liquid oozing out from her skin. Her right hand was still holding the broken bottle she broke earlier and the floor was covered in shattered glasses and red stains of blood. She stares blankly at it. Will she died by today? How does it feel likes to die? How does it feel like to live? She knows neither any of them. She knows nothing. She did not know how it feels like to live and sometimes dying seems to be another option she has yet to learn.

A man, her blurry vision almost mistook him as a girl. The man quickly barged into her room and stares at her in a way where she could cringes out of it. She could see the man cringing at the sight of her and her room. He quickly rushes to her; not caring if the shattered pieces of glass would broke his new pair of shoes or hurt his legs. He rushes to her with all his might, grabbing her wrist and pressing it to stop the blood from oozing out.

She stares blankly at him or maybe she was lifeless. It was the man she met a couple of days ago. It was him, the Chinese boy, Luhan. It was Luhan. He acts like a pro, how he quickly grabs a white cloth and presses down her injury. He wrapped it in a white bandage after cleaning it and putting some medicine. He look very worried for her, and rather relief that she didn’t cut down an inch deeper that would lead to her death.

“You need to go to the doctor.”

She remembers how scary it sounded. The world would know she has committed such a sin; they would throw tantrums at her. It sounded so scary that she desperately shook her head. Hospitals, how she hates them. It was such a scary place that she hated so much, not only for the death it brought but also the fake hope it gave for sick people. She’d always get an attack there, that’s why she will always avoid it.

With drops of blood oozing out of her, she lost quite some blood that soon it tires her body. She felt weak and cold. She felt very tired and soon fell asleep. She could barely regain her memory at the time. She wasn’t sure if she was in a right state of mind. She remembers having him kissing her forehead and nose, yet with her smiling at him. And then, it all turns pitch black.

It was the next morning, where she found everything turning very differently. Her room turns very clean and the shattered piece of glass has gone. The floor was still slightly red, but lesser compared to the day before. Her room, the curtain was open that the sun rays brightly entered to refresh her morning. It didn’t even reeks the rotten smells of alcohol. It was very clean and neat. Next to her was a glass of warm water and she was covered in warm blanket. It was him, Luhan.

***

“I can’t.”

His words suddenly surprised her. He ran after her, right after she left by the door. With pounding heart, he grabs her by the wrist, her injured wrist. She was very surprised that her eyes widen in shock. She stared at him, rather than with her deathly glare, it was with pain. He stared back at her, with his lovely and pained gaze. He smiles bitterly, as he open the bandage.

“I can’t, Lee Ji Eun. I can’t do any of those requests. I… I care about you. I care a lot about you.”

Something about those words moves her heart. It felt like magic, how those words melt her cold heart and shaken it. The walls around her, it was slowly crumbling because of him. With one movement, he melted her cold heart. His gaze, something about it pained her. It looks so gentle and pure, so honest and lovely, yet knowing he is in pain was something harmful.

“Luhan-ssi.”

“I care about you, a lot.”