A/N - Okay, last of the deleted chapters has been reposted! To make up for not updating for so long, i'll post chapter 13 and 14 by tonight. Enjoy~

Chapter 12 – My fault I cannot sleep

Cheondoong POV

Bright lights, screeching sounds and then a ripping CRASH! The sound of metal grinding on metal, glass shattering and people screaming. The sound of utter chaos – a cacophony of death and the dying.

I feel blood trickle and my hand twitches, moves towards the light.

I strain. I reach. I grip.

But I touch nothing.

And then I fall.

G.O POV

Only half an hour later, when I had finished cleaning the table that none of the other lazy kids wanted to clean, did I notice Cheondoong was missing.

“Where’s Cheondoong?” I asked the three members sprawled around the living room. They glanced up.

“Right there-“ Mir pointed to an empty spot. “Strange. He’s was there just now…”

My heart thudded as I imagined the worse. No. “I’ll check the bedroom.” I said quickly and my heel. Opening the door as quietly as I could, I blinked in the darkness of our shared room.

“Cheondoong?” I whispered as I entered. I peered up at the top bunk and sure enough there was his dark figure, huddled under the blankets with his back to me. I let out a sigh of relief.

“Is he okay?” came Seungho’s raspy whisper from the door.

“Yeah, just sleeping.” I whispered back. “Guess he was tired.”

Seungho nodded and slid the door close, returning back to watching over the other two. I turned around and rearranged Cheondoong’s rumpled bedsheets so that they covered him properly. I touched his messy hair with brotherly fondness and decided to leave him in peace.

But then, at that one touch I realized he was shivering. Shaking. Shuddering.

“Are you cold?” I tilted my head and crossed over to the air-con remote. I turned it up so that warmth flooded the room. Then I walked quietly over to the door and put my hand on the doorknob.

But suddenly a scared mumble of words filled the air.

“Cheondoong?” I asked for what must have been the fifth time that day. I turned around and quickly padded over to his prone figure. I touched his body which was shivering even more violently now.

“Cheondoong!” I shook him, alarmed now. What was wrong? Was he having a fit or something?

“I’m sorry!” Cheondoong suddenly sobbed and curled up even tighter. “I’m sorry!”

“What’s wrong!?” I shouted, shaking him so hard that he turned around and his face was right in front of mine. I could see his expression was full of fear, creased and crumpled. “Cheondoong, are you having a nightmare?”

“I’m sorry!” Cheondoong screamed.

And desperate as I was now, I slapped him across the face. He woke up instantly with tears pouring down his face and a bright red mark on his left cheek. For a moment, he gazed around the room, heaving as if he had run a marathon, with a lost expression as if still trapped in whatever dream he had been in.

“Hyung?” he then said, uncertain.

“Cheondoong.” I put one hand on his head and him till he stopped shivering.

He stared at me with lost eyes. And then he buried his head in my shoulder and sobbed.

“Shhhhh…” I soothed him, patting his head until his tears and shivers subsided. “Shhhh… It was just a nightmare. That’s all. Just a nightmare.”

I repeated the mantra until he lifted his head and looked at me. “Sorry, hyung.” He apologized. “I think I can sleep now.” He moved away from me and snuggled under the covers again.

I tucked him in, pulling the covers right up to his chin and then pushing his messy hair backwards. “Just think of good things and the nightmare will go away.” I smiled. He nodded, but I could see he didn’t really believe me.

“Sure thing. Goodnight hyung.” He whispered in a voice so fragile and vulnerable that it broke my heart.

“Goodnight Cheondoongie.” I said affectionately and closed the door behind me.

In the living room, three heads turned to look at me with questioning eyes. I shook my head.

“This isn’t good.” I said to them.

And that was putting it simply.

Cheondoong POV

G.O was so kind. Telling me it’s just a nightmare.

But it isn’t just a nightmare. It was reality.

I should know.

Seungho POV

G.O told us everything that had happened and to be honest, I was afraid of this. Cheondoong is still hiding things and then faking his happiness. And the damn brat can act pretty well. I think he fooled us all this evening with the dinner fiasco, but I can’t be fooled anymore. I musn’t.

Why, Cheondoong? Why won’t you just tell us what’s wrong!?

G.O POV

I checked up on Cheondoong right before I went to bed. He was sleeping more soundly now, breathing evenly and lying flat on his back. He looked so peaceful that I almost didn’t dare to touch him. But I did, just one touch to his pale baby cheeks.

“Sleep well.” I whispered and then slid into my own bed.

I should’ve known better.

Just when I drifted off 10 minutes later, the bunk bed creaked and I saw Cheondoong slide from the top bunk to the floor, his movements as smooth as a ninja. He glanced at me and I was glad of the shadows that hid my open eyes. The damn brat had been pretending to be asleep!

Cheondoong nodded to himself as if reassuring himself that I was asleep and quietly crept out of the room. Three seconds later I was out of the bed and trailing him.

He walked over to the practice room adjoining our dorm and switched on the lights. Suddenly, his fist slammed into the wall and he let out a fierce roar that seemed to encompass all the sorrow, pain and hidden feelings he had been piling up inside of him for so long. He sunk to his knees, his body shaking with unshed tears. Then, recovering with a bitter gaze on his face, he loped over to lock the door and crank the music up loud The room was soundproof enough that he was confident it would not wake us up. And he began dancing with a frenzied type of energy. 

I returned to bed knowing that I couldn’t change his mind, but inside my heart was breaking. Because even in sleep, Cheondoong couldn’t find any peace.