​A/N - okay woah... Trying to update from my iPad in Korea and it is totally ineffient...laptop...come back to me. On the bright side, ImaVIPbaby, I can now try out the Japanese keyboard ~~~

@thunbii - haha thanks for the praise. That chapter was one I was quite proud of, so your comment makes me happy ^_^ And as for the mysterious girl, to be revealed in this chapter!!!

@Secretmbleast - Waah I'm amazed that my chapter could be so emotional >< but yes, joon's story isn't going to be a happy one either. And I could totally see data saving seungho because that's how the two of them are. Saving one another, always~~~

@SNSDMBLAQ - Waah thanks so much!!! I hope the coming chapters prove even better!!!

@Ainnurdoongie - Pft unnie I think u did your equal share of doongie torture time. Getting slashed, locked in a box and pretty much starved him *raised eyebrow* ahhh but yes, I know what you like unnie! Lots of angst in the coming chapters~~~ haha and yeah, me being Ji-yun totally fits right now coz I am torturing poor doongie to hells end >< hopeou like this chapter tho~~~ it's all about joonie this time instead of doongie!

@HanSang - HUGE hug for all your help dongsaeng! Waah can't believe I made so many mistakes, buuut they should bxed now and all ready to go! Pft this is what I get for making such a tangled and twisted story plot. Will try to ensure the timeline is correct n future, but keep pointing things out!!! And hwaiting for your seemingly endless supple of exams!

@drYang - Haha seems like you're the opposite of ImaVIPbaby. Just glad you're enjoying it!

@Cazz_96 - Lolz it seems you've joined the long line of people who I have caused to cry as a result of my story. um, answers soon? ^^

@wookielove - Don't worry, don't worry. Doongie's time isn't up yet! There's still a lot left in store for him!!!

@ImaVIPbaby - Haha I'm sure you know who the girl is already *wink wink* And remember, nothing is as it first seems! Another important moral of the story I guess~~~ Pft and I guess I did make joonie too serious in this story. I dolove his real life cuteness and natural silliness Tho. I guess it just ended up this way >< and nope I'm not Korean. I'm Chinese, but what made you think I was Korean? Curious~~~

@T4kara - don't worry, there's still a lot till the end comes! For now enjoy this chapter about joon's past!!!

In addition, thanks to Yas_22 for subscribing!!!

Chapter 45 – Through Thunder and Lightning, he spills his secrets

Seungho POV

It had been three days since Sanghyun had disappeared; the thug, Go Ji Young and a mysterious dark-haired girl taking him away in that car.

And once again I had failed him.

“I’m afraid there’s no news yet.” The police officer debriefed us. Actually it was just me and Dara since everyone else was in hospital. We had gotten off with just bruises. Mir and Chae-rin were in for concussion, G.O for several broken ribs and a sprained foot and Joon for a broken tibia and embedded shards of glass and rubble. “We’re still trawling through CCTV cameras to get ahold of the number plate, but to be honest the explosion rendered most of them fuzzy. The most we could get was the first three digits and the car model.

My fist tightened and it took all I had to not slam it into the wall with frustration.

The officer saw me and understandably became twitchy. “Um, sir,” he gulped and continued when I motioned for him to do so. “Well we’re also tracking down the rest of the Syndicate members to see if they know any information. However being small time, they were never really on our radar and most of them have scattered by now. So…um…”

I tried to hold back the explosive swear words that begged to be set free.

The officer was sweating now. “And um, we do have one lead to find the other members. Chae Jung Hwa is a journalist with close affiliations with the police force. Apparently her son used to be a small time member before he left, but um to get him over to Seoul will take some time.”

I clenched my teeth and tried not to snap at the poor soul.

The officer was rushing his words now. “He’s overseas you see and Chae Jung Hwa has requested for him to come back, but he’s in America right now and it won’t be for some days until he can return. And so um…that’s all.” The officer bowed furiously and quickly retreated.

I shut my eyes close and buried my face in my hands.

“Seungho.” It was Dara’s cool hand against my sweaty forehead.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized with a sigh. “I can’t help feeling so…frustrated…so…helpless.”

“We’re all the same baby.” She soothed me with her kind words and her lyrical voice. “We’re all angry at our helplessness.”

Then she leaned in and pulled my chin up to kiss me sweetly. Her kiss was bitter, full of regret and sorrow. It tasted the exact same way I was feeling right now. I kissed her back, letting out bodies melt together and our tongues sooth each other.

Then an awkward array of coughs interrupted us. I pulled away and glared at the source.

“Um, hyung.” Mir scuffed the floor. “Sorry to interrupt you, but Joon says he has something to tell us all.”

Joon POV

Mir sidled into the room, face flushed slightly and a guilty tug to his mouth. Behind him came Dara and Seungho, hands interlaced, reminding me bitterly of what I did not possess.

“Mir says you have something important to tell us.” Seungho broke me out of my reverie. I gulped, feeling my mouth go dry at the thought of confessing my most dark, secretive moments; moments stashed away the way a crow hoards his silver with beady eyes and a protective wing. But I had to.

I coughed, clearing my throat and then explained. “I know who that girl was.” I whispered, eyes closed because I couldn’t bear to see their reactions.

“Who?!” Ji-eun, who had joined us, asked eagerly, her eyes ablaze with excitement. I closed my eyes again, not wanting to look at her because every time I did, I saw another person imprinted there.

A darker voice, a smokier personality, a sinuous body that wound around mine.

“Ji-yun.” I said hoarsely and the room went quiet.

I opened my eyes to see Ji-eun back against the wall and slide to the ground, her shoulder shaking but her eyes dry as bone.

“Why is always my sister?” she whispered and buried her hands in her face.

Ji-eun POV

My sister. My twin. My other half.

The source of everything.

In other words, my fault to share, my fault to bear.

Joon POV

“Explain.” G.O demanded from his wheelchair. We were in my hospital room because as the kid with the broken leg, moving me was least advisable. On the other hand, G.O only had broken ribs and a sprained ankle; therefore wheelchair-mobile was still an option.

I gulped. “Okay, okay, hyung.” I held up my hands in surrender. “Just…let me do at my own pace.”

“Sorry.” G.O’s face turned guilty instantly. “I’m just a little tense that’s all.”

“We all are.” Seungho clasped his shoulder and turned back to me. “At your own pace.”

I in a deep breath and let myself walk down memory lane. “You see…” I just blurted it out, no point holding out any longer. “Ji-yun was my girlfriend.”

I heard the sharp draw of breaths and the rough coughs of disbelief.

“Oppa.” Ji-eun stared at me blankly. “You were dating my sister?”

I nodded feeling heat creep up my neck. “Yeah.” I said. “For two months only though.”

The best two months of my life. And then the worst month following it.

“Tell us what happened.” Seungho asked quietly, his voice understanding that this wasn’t something easy for me to talk about. In that moment, I truly thought he was our leader. So I nodded and steeled myself.

“Very well.” I pursed my lips and gripped the bedsheets. “It all started at the beginning of June.”

4 months ago - June 2010…

Joon sat outside on a random bench, savoring his anonymity and the dark sky above. He didn’t care that no one tried to talk to him. He was just there for the stars and the silence. There to clear his minds and rid himself of those hateful thoughts and that dark, shadowy figure.

“Is it that fun to be alone?” a cool voice surprised him. Joon spluttered and leaned forwards, turning around to get a better look at the female who had started the conversation.

“I guess you could say everyone else was a little busy.” Joon mumbled, squinting to get a better look at the girl who stood half in the shadows.

Then the girl took a step forwards, out of the shadows and into the soft yellow streetlights. Joon choked as he got the shock of his life, particularly when the girl shyly sat down, smoothening her navy blue dress that hugged her curvy figure – a figure Joon had never really noticed before.

“You-“ Joon stuttered.

She smiled and laughed a little at his nervousness.

“Why?” Joon couldn’t help but ask. “Why not him?”

Her smile widened, curving like a cat who had just laid eyes upon a saucer of creamy milk. “Why not?” she whispered and leaned in close, her dark eyes bewitching him with their depthless black pools. “I like you, you know.” She said the exact words Joon had always dreamed of.

“Me?” Joon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Maybe he had fallen asleep somewhere along the way and this was all just a fictional dream.

“Yes, you, silly.” She chuckled and as if to prove her point leaned in gently to press a tentative kiss to his lips. “Unless you don’t want me?” her eyes widened at the sudden thought and she began to pull away.

But Joon’s hand quickly snuck around her neck and gently pulled her back so that their lips touched again and Joon felt like he was melting as her lips shaped around his, her soft touch and raspberry taste intoxicating him.

He thought he would never get tired of the way she tasted.

Present time…

“That was how we first met.” I confessed. It had been like a smoky dream, one that usually dissipates by the next morning. But when I woke up, she had still been there, lying next to me with a peaceful flicker of a smile on her pink lips. I had touched them, barely able to believe my luck, and then kissed her forehead when she woke up. “I wonder now if I should’ve been suspicious at her arrival, but I didn’t think back then.”

“Did you know she was Ji-yun?” Ji-eun asked me the dreaded question.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Then?” she drew a sharp breath.

“Yes,” I admitted, avoiding her gaze. “I thought she was you Ji-eun. I didn’t even know you had a twin so logically I assumed she was you. And I’ll admit I had a crush on you from the beginning, that’s why I accepted it so easily.”

Ji-eun blinked in surprise. “You had a crush on me?”

I had to laugh at her innocence. “A lot of people did, Ji-eun. Fanboys, call them what you want. But secretly I liked you. A simple, boyish crush.” Then my thoughts took a darker route. “At first it wasn’t that I really wanted you…but…when I found out you were close-“ I said this word with a dark twist. “-close friends with our Sanghyun, I was suddenly jealous.”

I still remember those dark, angry feelings that Sanghyun had the girl I wanted whilst I had no one.

5 months ago - May 2010…

It was 3pm and Joon stood under the scalding water which rained down the arch of his back, its harsh temperatures matching his angry thoughts perfectly. He felt like a pitiful coward, but he couldn’t help the need to hide, to be away from Sanghyun’s infectious smile, even if it meant he exceeding his usual shower time of three minutes.

The harsh hailstorm of water turned his skin pink, but all Joon could think about was what he had saw that afternoon with Mir. Sanghyun and Ji-eun sitting side by side on swings, eyes focused on each other –  living in their own sweet, little world.

Unbidden, his hand gripped tightly into a fist and Joon slammed it against the slick, tiled shower walls. It stung, hands raw from the hot water, but he could care no less. Joon was too consumed in his memories of the way Sanghyun handed her a present, of her bright eyes and the kiss she gave him before they left. It was all too obvious that the two were an item and if not, then a soon to be couple.

Why am I thinking this way? Joon shook his head roughly. I should be congratulating and teasing my little dongsaeng. Getting his first girlfriend in twenty years, I should be smacking him on the back heartily. Instead I felt like smacking the air out of his system. Joon snorted. What a great hyung I am, he thought darkly.  

Joon sighed and turned off the hot water. He stepped out of the shower and shivered at the blast of cold air. Wrapping a towel around his waist quickly he quickly headed back to his room. But as he passed by G.O and Sanghyun’s shared room, he couldn’t help but pause and stare at the open crack.

Against his good will, Joon peeked a look. Sanghyun was asleep in his bed; blanket half-covering him and mouth slightly open. Joon chuckled and walked over, pulling the blanket up to Sanghyun’s chin and then squeezing the younger boy’s adorable cheeks. It was times like this that Joon’s murky thoughts dissipated; he couldn’t help but smile at the kid’s cuteness.

That was right. Sanghyun wasn’t at fault. Of course not.

Joon turned and was about to leave when Sanghyun suddenly mumbled something.

“Oh, sorry.” Joon coughed. “Did I wake you up?”

Joon walked back to Sanghyun, but he was actually still asleep. “Huh?” Joon was confused.

“Mmmmph….” Sanghyun mumbled. “Ji…eun…” Then he smiled.

And the dark thoughts returned. They stabbed at his heart and twisted it like putty. Joon’s eyebrows furrowed and he gritted his teeth. Quickly he strode out and shut the door as quietly as he could with his trembling hands. Then he entered his room and threw himself down into his bed, uncaring of his half- status and covered his eyes with one arm. He didn’t want to see reality.

It was then that Joon admitted it to himself. He was undeniably and irrevocably jealous of his little dongsaeng and it was a feeling that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.

A/N - So yes, this chapter and the next will delve into joonies past and his relationship with Ji-yun. It's quite a dark and smoky relationship in contrast to the other couples of the story, perhaps that's why I depicted joon as such a serious character in my fanfic. However more tomorrow. For now, yes, Ji-yun was the girl who went with Go Ji Young and you'll find out why later~~~

I also meant to thank you guys all for commenting so often and so rapidly. Seriously, I just update a chapter and then there's like three comments in the space of ten minutes. Love you all~~~~ and apologies for late updates during this week coz I'm using a ridiculously slow and difficult to type with iPad. Pft, just the a/n comments took me like half an hour. 

Last thing before i go, i reccomend this seungdoong heartbreaker fanfic: Black and White by Dorian_J_Sinclair . Have a try~~~