A/N - So chapter 62 = 4 chapters remaining~ This one is pretty long, but it details dear Sanghyun's final path of redemption. All the loose ends that he has left behind will be tied tightly and hopefully >< i will have not missed anything. Let me know if i do so (*koff koff* HanSang my lil editor~)

@wookielove - hee hee yesss~~~ Marriage and the fluffy whiteness that comes with it~~~~

@ImaVIPbaby - YESSSSSS fluffy white clouds, fluffy white sheep~~~ ^^

@HanSang - keke, but it's better if all four belong to me XD Very well, u shall marry Baro and i'll come watch the wedding. Ah, but will Baro wear a cap on his wedding day??? Hmmm~~~ I did say that CL's lover back then was an mblaq member *wink* and somehow i guessed that Seungho would be an unexpected one. Buuuut it makes sense since now she wants Dara and Seungho to get together, right?!/!! Haha yesss, the two baby tigers!!! Adorable lil tigers~~~ (reminds me of my tiger hoodie, i shall join their realm~)

@ainnurdoongie - >< Hopefully this chapter will be better!!!

@T4kara - Haha, we shall see~~~ Buuut the wedding will come soon! >< Yeah, i know, i was so excited and then deflated after i found out. Sigh. It's a good think i'm not that big of an SM Town fan or else it would kill me that i can't see them even tho they're coming to SG (i'll be in the UK during then *rolls eyes*) so i won't die twice in one year. Haha thanks~~~

@cazz_96 - Yes, yes~ One Sanghyun served on a silver platter!

Chapter 62 – Without looking back, he lets go of his demons

Cheondoong POV

Six months ago, I chose to Ji-eun. It was only temporary but I missed her like hell. But this was something I had to do and I had to do it alone. Consider it a final path of redemption.

I had to make my amends. I had to seal my nightmares. And I had to say I was sorry.

Five months ago…

“Hello, Hyo Jin.” Sanghyun spoke carefully as he entered the hospital room. His eyes watched Hyo Jin’s movements carefully, the way a zoo keeper tracks a lion when he enters with the food bucket – waiting either for the lion to lope over casually or to leap on him with claws outstretched.

Hyo Jin’s eyes narrowed and her lips pursed into a tight line. “You.” She said. “You’re back.”

“I am.” Sanghyun agreed. He took slow, even steps into the room which betrayed his wariness.

“What for?” her words were cold, like ice, and they knifed through him. She watched his progress and he tried not to shiver.

“I came,” Sanghyun began in a casual voice. “Because I never had a chance to apologize.”

Hyo Jin’s defense lowered and her voice warmed. “Apologize? For the accident?”

Sanghyun nodded.

“But how were you to know?” Hyo Jin tilted her head. “Byunghee told me afterwards, after you ran that night, that you never knew it was me.”

Sanghyun shook his head. “That is no excuse. I should have known. I knew there was one other person involved in the accident that night, but I never investigated. I never took the lengths that were needed. For that, for ignoring you, I am sorry.”

Hyo Jin’s eyes widened. Then they softened and so did her lips till they tugged into a gentle smile. “Sit down.” She patted the visitor’s chair and Sanghyun gingerly did so.

 “Somehow,” she said wistfully. “I never thought you would do so. There are so many cases of hit-and-run accidents that so many victims go forgotten. But you…you…sought me out, that is admirable.”

“I didn’t do it to be a Good Samaritan.” Sanghyun leaned forwards. “I just needed to apologize, even if I knew I could never make up for what losses I caused.”

“Thank you.” Hyo Jin said softly, taking Sanghyun’s hands in her surprisingly warm ones. “I don’t think I truly blamed you, not after seeing your face in the hospital that night. But part of me was still a little bitter: why am I here? Why am I so scared? Why are the months before so blurry?”

“You had a tough time, didn’t you?” Sanghyun said, but he did not show her pity. He simply stated it.

“Perhaps I did, but I think Byunghee suffered more.” Her eyes grew distant. “He was the one who cried the most after the accident. I don’t know why and Cheolyang told me not to ask, but he was crying for days. And then when he finally came to visit me, he told me we were friends beforehand.” She shook her head then. “But all I remembered were blurry bits and pieces. Lunches, car rides and inviting him over. I don’t know why he was so sad. He wasn’t involved in the accident was he?”

“Not really.” Sanghyun admitted. “But in a way, he was involved much, much more.”

“How so?” Hyo Jin’s eyes sought Sanghyun’s. “Will you tell me?”

“I don’t need to.” Sanghyun shook his head and grinned when Hyo Jin looked at him, puzzled. “Because I’ve got something else for you.”

Hyo Jin watched as he took out to the package from under his arm that he had been carrying. It was a common parcel-wrapped rectangular thing. The wrapping was terrible, but it piqued Hyo Jin’s interest as he handed it over.

“What is it?” she asked as she peeled back the layers carefully, noting the rough edges and excessive use of tape. “And who wrapped this?” she raised an eyebrow and Sanghyun looked sheepish.

But her laughter died as she the paper fell away to reveal a black book with the simple words ‘Memoires’ scrawled in beautiful white cursive on the front.

“What is this?” Hyo Jin ran her hands over the luxurious velvet cover. “A photo album?”

“Yes.” Sanghyun replied simply.

“Of what?”

“Open it.” Was all he said.

So Hyo Jin did. As if cradling a baby, she turned the first page and stared at the photo. It was in black and white, as classically beautiful as the book was and for a moment Hyo Jin was stunned into silence. She stared and stared and then, unexpectedly, a tear ran down her cheek.

Hyo Jin reached up to touch the tear. It had been almost two years since she had cried. Byunghee had done all of that after her accident and she had been dry as a desert mirage.

“This is…me…” she whispered, tearing her eyes away from the photo to look at Sanghyun, as if for confirmation.

“You and Byunghee.” Sanghyun nodded.

The photo was of Hyo Jin and Byunghee sitting in a garden swing chair, perhaps in the Jangsaeng farm,  and their hands were entwined and they eyes staring deep into each other. They weren’t kissing or hugging, but Sanghyun had chosen that photo simply because of how when you looked at it, it was undeniable that they were togther. And he wanted Hyo Jin to realize this.

“I loved Byunghee, didn’t I?” Hyo Jin asked slowly, tears still trickling.

Sanghyun nodded. No words were needed.

“And he loved me?” she questioned further.

 “He still loves you.” Sanghyun corrected her. “He still loves you Hyo Jin. Do you remember everything now?”

“Not entirely.” Hyo Jin whispered and turned the page to find another photo and another memory. This time it was a camera selca of the two, sitting in some sort of café. Then it was Hyo Jin laughing with a swirl of whipped cream on her nose. After that, there were selections of Byunghee shots: of him running through the garden to her, him smiling at sunset, him picking her up and whirling her around as if she was a bride already.

There were photos with everyone else: with Mir, with Hyo Jin’s parents and her other sister. With the animals, with her friends who Sanghyun hadn’t known but he had approached them nonetheless and explained his plan of a photo album to help bring back Hyo Jin’s memories and they had hugged him tight even though they were strangers and told him he must be an angel in disguise. It had made Sanghyun laugh, but they had found him millions of photos and he had sat there for days, sorting out which ones to put into the book and which ones to leave out. Then he had neatly written dates in a white pen and found this gorgeous velvet book which somehow felt just perfect. The trickiest part was wrapping the thing, but Sanghyun guessed it wouldn’t matter once the paper was ripped off and all.

And now it had all paid off. “I remember…” Hyo Jin wept. “I remember him. I remember those dates and that night and…and…he had left…but he came back, didn’t he?”

“He did.” Sanghyun said warmly and turned the last page to reveal the final photo. It was another black and white picture and it was of the moment that Byunghee had first met Hyo Jin.

This photo was from Hyo Jin’s photographer friend who had thought the moment was too perfect. Hyo Jin’s bright pink face, not obvious in the shades, but her expression of surprise and indignation and even a hint of shyness was all captured in the moment Byunghee stood in front of her with wide eyes and an even wider mouth.

Hyo Jin remembered the moment clear as day now. She had been in a café, chatting up with her friends. Her best friend, a photographer, had been snapping away and commenting about how the guys here were top pedigree and Hyo Jin had laughed and swatted her. And then Byunghee had appeared. He had walked over and Hyo Jin had looked up in surprise and then he had told her that she was the most beautiful woman he had seen – ever – and she had blushed, surprised at his brashness and wondering if he was doing it on a dare, but touched all the same.

She had stood up, ready to tell him off, but then he had the biggest, guilty grin on his face and had properly introduced himself. She did the same and then her sneaky photographer friend had invited him for coffee. Hyo Jin didn’t want him there at first (or at least she was trying to tell herself that), but over coffee, she found he had a hilarious personality and made her laugh till her sides hurt. And later, they found out they lived in the same direction and so he had offered to walk her home. She had agreed, but little did she know that night was going to end in a small, sweet kiss.

“He was a really bad kisser.” Hyo Jin laughed, the first time in months, as she recounted her memories to Sanghyun who listened and laughed. She remembered the awkward press of lips and his bright red face. “But his lips were so warm. And he asked me out. It was the happiest moment of my life.”

She stopped and looked at Sanghyun. “Thank you.” She breathed. “Thank you for letting me remember him.”

Sanghyun smiled. “I just want the two of you to be happy.”

Hyo Jin leaned forwards to gather him into a hug and in that hug she conveyed her gratitude and her forgiveness. Sanghyun basked in the sensation.

“Thank you,” she whispered close to his ear. “Thank you so, so much.”

Present time…

My next target was harder to track down. It took me another month or so, but eventually I found him. In all places of course…

Three months ago…

“Hello Sanghyun.” A raspy chuckle filled the air. Go Ji Young, the man who had once scared me, sat on the beach smoking. “Wondered how long it would take you to track me down.”

Sanghyun shrugged. “I should’ve known you would be here of all places.”

Here, meant the burnt down beach house.

The police had long taken away the yellow tape and wind has smoothened away the flurry of footprints. All that was left now was burnt wood and the slight stench of smoke that refused to be banished. It was Ji-yun’s grave in a way.

“It’s over, now.” Sanghyun told Ji Young who sat with his back to him. The Syndicate leader was gazing at the sea and watching the sun set. “It’s all over.”

“It is.” The leader’s quick acceptance surprised Sanghyun. “What else do I have?” he said wryly, turning around to note Sanghyun’s expression. He laughed and stood up, dropping the cigarette to the ground and grinding it deep into the sand where it would be buried for years to come.

“Ji-yun is gone,” he said and tucked his hands into his black slacks. “The police are after me now that the Syndicate’s activities have been unearthed. That organization is over.” He said in an afterthought. Then he gave a sly grin. “I don’t even have my good looks anymore.”

Sanghyun’s eyes grazed over the leader’s face and if he was horrified, he didn’t show it. Ji Young’s face was burnt, the right side covered in blackened and twisted skin so much that his right eye looked beyond help.

“What more do I have left here?” he asked Sanghyun and Sanghyun knew it was rhetorical. “I have nothing.” He answered his own question. “And you,” he looked directly at Sanghyun. “You have everything.”

“So what are you going to do?” Sanghyun asked, half unsure of what answer he might get.

Ji Young shrugged. “Don’t worry.” He said, seeing the wariness in Sanghyun’s eyes. “My time is long over. I won’t go after you or revenge or anything. It’s not worth it anymore. I think I’ll retire.” He stretched.

Sanghyun burst out laughing and Ji Young raised an eyebrow to stare at him. “What?”

“You?” Sanghyun bubbled with mirth. “Retirement? I just can’t imagine it.”

Ji Young let his expression soften into a smirk. “Well believe it boy.” He grinned. “I’m going to become some old-aged retired guy living in the countrysides.”

“The countryside?” It was Sanghyun’s turn to raise his eyebrow.

“Oh yeah,” Ji Young lip’s curved like a cheshire cat. “The grass, the green, the sickeningly healthy fresh air.” Then his arms dropped. “I’m leaving it all behind, so boy, I doubt you’ll ever see me again.”

“This is how it ends, huh?” Sanghyun mused, dropping down onto the sand. “Kind of an anticlimax.”

Ji Young crossed over so that he stood next to Sanghyun, but he didn’t look at him. “Kid,” he said. “This is no fairytale. There’s no knight in shining armor and big battle. Not everyone gets a happy ending and I’m tired of it all. So you and Ji-yun’s sister, you two live happy for both me and Ji-yun, okay?”

Then he took two strides away, leaving Sanghyun behind. But Sanghyun wasn’t done. “Have you visited her yet?” he called out and Ji Young stopped. Both knew what he was referring to.

Ji Young shook his head. “I’ve messed up her life enough, Sanghyun.” He said, turning around briefly to convey his words. “I don’t think Ji-yun would want to see me even in death.” He grinned mockingly with just a trace of his old arrogance.

But just before he was about to turn and disappear for good, Sanghyun added on something. “I think Ji Young,” he declared. “Ji-yun did care about you. She loved you in a way, so don’t disregard that.”

Ji Young blinked, his mouth half open. Then he smiled. “Brat.” He grinned. And he turned around, but stopped with one final word. “Hey kid.”

“Yeah?” Both had their backs to each other, but funnily enough, this was the moment when they were attuned to each other the best.

“Tell you mother something for me, would you?”

“What is it?” Sanghyun’s voice quieted to a hush and in the background, the roar of the sea filled the silence.

“Tell her,” Ji Young whispered. “That I still love her.”

“And?” Sanghyun knew that wasn’t it.

“And,” Ji Young smiled. “And that Tae Hyun better take care of this time round.”

And then he was gone and Sanghyun was left sitting in the sand and watching the sun disappear below the sea, the bright orange warming him until it was dark and cold and the sea was haunting to hear and finally, Sanghyun went home.

Present time…

Home.

Home is where the heart is. But it also where you feel the warmest, the safest and the happiest. My home was where I visited next. Because I had a lot left overdue.

One and a half months ago…

“You’re home.” Was all Ji Min could say when her son came through the front door with dark eyes and hair that had grown far too long. “And you need a haircut.” She muttered, making Sanghyun laugh at her mother-hen instincts.

“Hello umma.” He smiled and hugged her tightly. She practically squeezed the life out of him, but it warm and safe and he felt like he was anchored to a rock and would never run the risk of floating away. It truly felt like home. “I’m back.”

“That you are, my son.” She smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then she dragged him down the hallway to the dinner table and they sat down. Sanghyun inspected his mother. She wasn’t young anymore, but his disappearance had put wrinkles on her face and dark eyebags that could rival Seungho’s and her hair was shot through with grey. Instantly, he felt guilty.

“What have you been up to?” she finally broke the silence. His mother too had been inspecting him, searching his eyes for the months of pain and scars and injuries and all she saw was that her son had grown up. No longer was he that sweet, baby-faced child with a tendency for pranks and a pocket-full of tricks. He had grown up.

It was evident in the worldlier gaze he gave, the way his eyes wouldn’t just skim over the room or his mother, but rather selectively track down sections of interest. It was present in the way he seemed to think about what to say before he even spoke and it was obvious in the sharper angles of his cheekbones which served to highlight his thinness. But even then, there was life and love in his expression, in the way he took his mother’s hand and in the way he smiled like he had been blessed.

“I-“

“Sanghyun!” a pair of feet raced down the staircase and a body flew into his. His noona – Durami. “You’re back!” she sobbed, pulling away momentarily to stare at his face and prove to herself it was her little brother and then she was hugging him tightly again. Sanghyun just laughed.

That made Durami pull back and scold him. “Where do you think you’ve been, not even contacting us? Mother was out of her mind with worry until Sandara called us.”

Sanghyun offered her a small smile. Then Ji Min took over. “Shhh, sit down Durami and he’ll tell us.”

Durami sat down with a soft sigh and then all of a sudden, a grey blur dashed out from the kitchen and leapt into Sanghyun’s lap. He made a sound of surprise, but then laughed at the purring fluffball. “Long time no see Dadoong.” He grinned and the cat he has missed. “I missed you too.”

Durami cracked a smile and scooted her chair next to her brother so that she too could the little cat. Dadoong purred with absolute contentment.

“So tell little brother.” Durami said.

Sanghyun looked up, rolled his eyes at Durami which made her smack his arm and then told his mother and sister his entire story from the very, very beginning. From the time he had first met Ji-eun so long ago after his failed JYP audition to the accident and then till this moment in the house where he was his cat. Except for one part – his father.

“Ji Young, huh?” Ji Min finally said once Sanghyun finished his tale. Her eyes were mellow and slashed with sadness. “I can’t believe he’s been harboring a grudge from so long ago…and I can’t believe that’s where Tae Hyun went.” She closed her eyes and Sanghyun took his hand off Dadoong to take his mother’s.

She opened her eyes and offered him a half-hearted smile. “I’m okay.” She said, but both Durami and Sanghyun knew that was not possible. Especially Durami whose eyes had grown wider and wider throughout the retelling of the story. Her mother? A childhood friend of the gangster who had terrorized her little brother’s life?

It made her head spin.

“Umma?” Sanghyun finally asked, getting the question that had been nagging him all along out of his system.

“Yes?” Ji Min sounded distracted. “What is it?”

“Umma…did you…love Ji Young?”

That caught Ji Min’s attention. She choked for a moment and Durami patted her back.

“Umma?”

She sighed. “Perhaps I might have a long time ago, but Ji Young and your father were very different people. When I was young, Ji Young caught my heart with his passionate confession. But as I grew up and saw more of the world, I realized that Tae Hyun would be there for me through thick and thin…”

“Even after he left?” Durami voiced all of their thoughts.

“Even then.” Ji Min confessed. “After I told him to get out, part of me thought he was coming back. I was so disappointed when he didn’t, but I kept secretly hoping that he was out there for us, doing whatever he needed to do.”

“And you were right.” Sanghyun smiled. And so he told Durami and his mother everything about his father, about how he saved him, how he told him the truth and how like a real father he was there for Sanghyun every step of the way.

And when he finished, his mother was truly crying. She hadn’t cried in years and so it was absolutely shocking to Durami and Sanghyun. It rated somewhere similar to seeing actual cats and dogs rain from the heavens above.

“Umma?” Durami touched her arm and Ji Min raised her head and wiped away her tears.

Ji Min shook her head. “So Tae Hyun really was out there protecting us.” She whispered and Sanghyun nodded. “Where is he?”

Sanghyun frowned. “Probably back at the house he rented. Ji-eun and I stayed there for a while.” His eyes widened. “Are you going to let him come back?”

Ji Min bit her lip. “I don’t know Sanghyun.” She sighed. “It might be too soon. But maybe…we should have a chat…”

Durami smiled softly. She too barely remembered their father and she had missed him, even as her mother had regaled him as a stranger.  

“Can you tell him that Sanghyun?” Ji Min inquired a little hesitantly and Sanghyun nodded immediately.

“Anything for you umma.” He said instantly.

Then Durami changed the topic. “Sanghyun.” She said, leaning out to touch his hand. “What are you going to do from now on? Go back to mblaq?”

Sanghyun shook his head. “Not yet. I still have things to do. One more thing and then…”

“You know Dara and Seungho are getting married in about two months time, right?”

“Wha-?!” Sanghyun spluttered and Dadoong screeched from his perch in Sanghyun’s lap as Sanghyun pressed down a little too hard. “Married?!”

“Yeah.” Ji Min laughed at her son’s protective nature. “I thought you would have expected it. You gave Seungho the ring already didn’t you?”

Sanghyun nodded with a guilty expression. “Don’t look so mortified Sanghyun!” Ji Min berated him playfully. “I gave you that ring for a reason and I’m happy to see those two together. Well not only those two, but-“ she glanced at Durami whose eyes sparkled all of a sudden.

“I’m dating Changsun as well.” Durami confessed with a smile.

If Sanghyun’s eyes could get any wider, they did. “WHAT?!” his mouth dropped open. He had not seen this coming. Dadoong hissed and jumped out of lap, finding the floor to be steadier ground. “Y-you and Joonie-hyung?!”

Durami laughed freely. “Yes, babo. I met Changsun a few months ago…and well it we became more than just friends.” She laughed even harder when Sanghyun’s eyes narrowed and he looked like he was about to jump out his seat and track down Joon and interrogate him till the older man was a whimpering ball on the floor. “Relax.” She smiled. “This time, I’m sure he’ll be a better guy for me. Umma already approves.”

Ji Min nodded. Both her daughters had picked good men and whilst she hadn’t met her son’s girlfriend yet, she had heard enough.

“So Sanghyun.” Ji Min spoke. “What are you going to do now?” she repeated the earlier question.

Sanghyun steadied himself. “I’m going to stop blaming myself. I’m going to stop hiding secrets and I am going to trust them.”

“Good.” Ji Min smiled and touched her son’s cheek. He looked like Tae Hyun so much it hurt. “Trust and truth my son, the world revolves around those two things.”

Sanghyun raised his hand to touch hers. “I know umma. I know now.”

“Good boy.” She stood up and walked around to kiss his forehead. “Then go make me proud.”

Present time…

And now this was my last stop. I had made amends with Hyo Jin, I had crossed paths with Ji Young and I had reunited with my mother and sister. All that was left was her.

“It’s been a while.” I said, standing in the cemetery and letting the wind buffet me. It was a beautiful place, bringing justice to her final resting location. “Hasn’t it, Ji-yun?”

I looked down at her grave. It was a simple thing, etched stone and tended flowers.

I had asked Ji-eun where she was buried, or at least where her ashes were buried, and after a moment of hesitation, Ji-eun told me. She knew this was the last thing I had to do: bid Ji-yun farewell.

“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? Only three years ago we were stilling playing around in the ocean. You loved the ocean so much that we used to joke you were half-fish or something and then you would splash us and we would all have to sit on the beach till we dried off. But it was fun.” I recounted our memories with a smile. I could look back on it all with happiness now.

“I came here because you were the last person I needed to talk to…before I go back.” I knelt down in front of her grave and reached out to touch the headstone. It was a light grey color and curved. In the centre, cursive words were etched on black marble saying ‘A Brave Fighter till the end’ and I smiled. It was fitting. “I won’t say I’m sorry because we both know that apologizes won’t work.”

I took a deep breath. “Instead, I’m going to live – for both of us. Your life may have been short, but I’ll make sure to live my life to the fullest so that one day, when I meet you up there – and I know you’ll be in heaven, don’t even try to argue with me – one day, I’ll be able to proudly tell you everything I experienced and say that I was happy. So don’t you dare blame yourself any longer. Because I won’t either.”

I leaned forwards so that my forehead touched the cool marble of her headstone. “I won’t blame myself, I promise. No more. I’m only going to look forwards from now on. Into the future. So wherever you are, Ji-yun, wherever you are I hope you’re happy.”

I stood up and took one step backwards. “You hear me, Ji-yun!” I yelled, leaning back and stretching my arms out. “I want you to be happy! So don’t regret anything, just live and love and make sure you only look forwards.”

I panted, a little tired from yelling, but happy. This was what I had to tell not just Ji-yun, but myself as well. I grinned and then took out the flowers I had placed to one side. Blue violets. I had asked the florist for the flowers that suited this occasion the best and he told me that they would be just right. Blue violets and mixed Zinnia.

They meant: ‘I’ll always be true’ and ‘thinking of you’

I thought it was fitting.

“Goodbye Ji-yun.” I whispered, wishing I could see her bright smile one last time. But I knew that was a foolish dream, so I turned around and prepared to leave. But suddenly there was a soft giggle, a familiar laugh, and I spun around.

But there was nothing.

“Am I imaging things?” I blinked, staring back at the grave, but the bright sunlight gleamed and blinded me for a moment. I raised my hand to shade my vision and suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and a breath tickling my ear.

“Ji-yun?” I whispered, not daring to move.

With a hushed whisper, she said, “Thank you.” And then there was a brush of ghostly lips against my cheek and when the sun disappeared behind a cloud, she was gone.

I stopped and touched the spot where she had kissed me and it was cool to touch. A wide grin came over my face and I turned around and left, satisfied that even if I had imagined the whole thing, I was certain Ji-yun was at peace now.

“I’ll come visit you again.” I promised and then left. It was time to return to reality.

Ji-yun POV

I watched him go as I sat on the grass next to my headstone. He was still as beautiful as always, but he looked healthier now. Happier.

And he had come to bid me farewell.

I smiled and waved him goodbye, knowing he would be back one day. And then in a sparkle of sunlight, I disappeared.

A/N - 4,769 words…crap…ummm super long >< Sorry. But lotsa Sanghyun action. He's so mature in this chapter, isn't he? And guess what the next chapter entails...??? Kekeke, i'll give you guys a hint: bells~

And did you check out the picture >< Adorable Doongie! When i saw it, i was reminded of the saying 'when life gives you lemons, make lemon juice'. Except here it would be like...'when life gives you candy, you damn well take it.' Yup. I'll take one Doongie please~