~chapter four~
guardian

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My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment, this order's tall

“Look what I found” Taemin said with a smile, entering Kai’s room with a big, paper box in his hands. Kai frowned his brows, and beamed after two seconds. He recognized the box right away. Good, fresh emotions washed into him.
“That’s our Magic Box” he said, smiling widely. Taemin nodded energetically and sat on the ground, right next to Kai, who was segregating some papers a minute ago. It was 2 pm already, Suho was still working and those two had some time for themselves, because it was Wednesday – both Taemin and Kai had some break from job and work. “Where did you found it?”
“I was searching for my medical papers or something… I have to go to the hospital tomorrow” Taemin answered, opening the box. Kai raised his brows.
“To the hospital? Why?” he asked. His Hyung shrugged and scratched his neck.
“Just some blood examination and all… You know, the things you have to do once a year. Anyway, I found it in my wardrobe. It was a shock. I was sure that I left it home” he answered quickly with a smile. Then, he pulled out some papers from the box.
“These are our mails, right? When you were here and I was still home” Kai said, taking half of it. They started reading it and soon both of them were laughing on the floor, nearly crying. Taemin wiped away a tear.
“Oh my gosh, it sounds so weird, cheesy and…”
“…childish? Right” Kai finished his words and they glanced at each other. They digged in again. Kai pulled out two bracelets, and Taemin now had some photos in his hands.
“High school” they said in the exact same time.
“Look, even with Taesun…” Taemin said, pointing at the photo with his brother. He laughed loudly. “Remember the day before the ball?” he asked and Kai blushed suddenly, making him laugh even more. Taemin showed him a photo of him sitting in the bushes and looking for something. He was all dirty and had mud all over his face and arms. Taemin made a weird sound, between choking and snorting. 
“Okay, give it back!” Kai shouted, laughing, and threw himself on Taemin. They started bickering, and soon Kai had the photo in his hand. He mehronged at Taemin, who pouted, but continued to laugh and stare at the photos, telling who was on them and passing them to Kai every time he finished looking. Kai was enjoying this a lot. Most of the photos were of them two. Their memories from the beginning to the end of their relationship.
“Why did we stop taking the photos and all? It all ended at the time I moved here” Taemin said, frowning. Kai shrugged and pulled out the bracelets. One was purple, the other one was blue. They were made from thick beads laced. They bought it on their vacations.
“What colour was for me?” Kai asked.
“Blue” Taemin answered without looking. Kai raised his eyes to look at him.

Taemin was reading their letters and pulling out new things from the box. His lips were slightly apart, his hair messy, and still, he managed to look good. Kai pouted somehow. His features got stronger and right now he really looked like a man, if someone was looking from this angle. Lately, Taemin got more mature, but Kai felt like he was missing that point. And it suddenly hit him.

How long has it been already? How long time ago they talked for real, hanged out for real? They didn’t throw anything new to the box, because they didn’t have anything.

Taemin was training all the time. Kai was working. And besides that, Kai was closing himself in his own world. At first Taemin was angry at him because of that. Then, Suho told him to give him time. So Taemin did. He waited patiently. But then, he made new friends. His memories got blurry, his dreams got more real and he got closer to fulfilling them. Kai was still his best friends, but he seemed to be so far away that Taemin was slowly forgetting about everything what they had in common. Kai closed himself up.

Taemin was missing him. His Kai. His old Kai. But he was hiding it, and hoping that one day Kai will be himself again, because he has run out of the ideas of helping him. Kai didn't know that, he could only guess. 

Taemin raised his eyes and their stares collided. They were sitting in silence, staring at each other, like they didn’t see each other for a long time already. It really was like a long time passed.

“We should wear them” Taemin suddenly said, pointing at the bracelets. Kai blinked and hummed. He passed him the purple one and put the blue one on his left wrist at the same time. They looked at each other again.
“Let’s do something today” Kai said. Taemin smiled widely and nodded.
“Sure” he said, putting the papers and photos to the box. “I will leave it here” he said, putting it in the corner of the room. Kai was watching him going out from the room.

~*~

               
Both of them burst out laughing, as well as everyone in the cinema. Taemin leaned closer to Kai and commented on the scene, what reminded Kai about something that happened in the past. He chuckled and Taemin beamed, seeing his friend like that.

For two hours, Kai completely forgot about the whole world. He felt as he came back to his middle and high school memories. Taemin’s well-known voice was guiding him there. While they were watching the movie, he became light again, and nothing could destroy it.

They exited the cinema with smiles on their faces. Taemin stretched and yawned, but smiled and threw his arm on Kai’s shoulder playfully.

“Let’s eat something” he said. Kai nodded.
“Okay” he said, though he wasn’t even hungry. Taemin heard that sound in his voice.

Kai wasn’t really eating. He was never hungry, or he couldn’t feel that he was hungry. He got a lot skinnier than he was. Suho had to force him to eat most of the time, as if Kai was a little child. Even now Kai probably didn’t want to go anywhere to eat.

“Come on. Pizza?” Taemin asked, nodding at him. Kai smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, pizza” he said.

Taemin led him to a big and popular restaurant with not only pizzas, but many different types of food. There was a big scene on the other side of the restaurant, and a lot of people everywhere. There was also a place to dance, with colorful lights and big speakers around. Kai felt a throb in his heart when he saw people dancing and laughing together. He felt Taemin’s hand on his wrist. The older one pulled him lightly closer, mumbling “come on” to him.

They found an empty table. It was already dark outside, the music was playing and the atmosphere was nice. No drunk men, no smoking or drinking kids – just groups of friends, couples in love and people who liked to dance. Soon, the waitress came and they ordered one huge pizza. They were talking and laughing while waiting, but Kai wasn’t as open and honest as before. That weird mist appeared in his eyes again and he was stealing glanced at the dance floor. When the pizza came, he ate one piece and thanked for the meal, but Taemin forced him to eat another one with jokes and tickling him, so Kai ate it finally, making fun of his hyung.

“Who wants so show us yours dancing skills?!” the voice in speakers bombarded them. Taemin turned his head to look at the restaurant’s owner, who was speaking to the microphone. “The scene is free! Everyone are welcomed!”
Taemin turned his head to look at Kai. He had a big smile on his face. Kai chuckled.
“Go, go” he said, pointing at the scene. Taemin beamed and jumped on the chair before running on the scene. He talked with DJ about the music and stand on the scene. Everyone got silent.

And then, the music started playing, and Taemin started dancing.

Kai felt as if his heart was squeezed and stabbed with pain. A weird feeling of regret washed into him. But he was staring at Taemin, who moved with the strong music. He could notice even the smallest move of his friend. He was imaging the feeling of rocking, falling on that floor, popping, the feeling of music bumping in his ears.

Everything slowed down. He felt like he’s watching some movie. After three minutes, Taemin bowed to everyone and only then Kai could hear everyone’s wild screams, clapping and shouting for more. Taemin bowed a few times more and got off the scene. Everyone were patting his back and saying that it was awesome, and Taemin was really beaming.

Kai smiled to him.

“That was great” he said honestly. “The spinning and popping… I didn’t know that you got this good” he said. Taemin smiled and giggled lightly. Nothing was as good for him as dancing. While dancing, he felt like a teenage girl in love. Literally.
“That’s because you stopped coming to see me performing” he said, raising his brows with a 'duh' tone. He drank his coke and threw his arm in the air. “Excuse me!”

The waitress came and he ordered one more glass of coke.

Kai’s heart was beating rapidly, his legs were shaking. He wanted to dance so badly. Just seeing Taemin dancing was enough for him to feel like regretting and… well, very bad.
“That’s because I don’t have a lot of time” he said, grunting quietly. “And besides, I just saw you now”
Taemin looked at him, still breathing deeply after the dance. His stare was strong and Kai felt hesitantly all of a sudden.
“Why don’t you dance?” Taemin asked. Kai froze.
“I don’t want to” Kai said, scratching the back of his neck and looking at the table.
“Don’t lie to me. You want badly” Taemin said, crossing his arms. “Maybe sometimes I act like a child. But I’m not stupid. And I know you, probably better that you yourself. You can lie to me, but why are you lying to yourself as well?” he asked, making Kai’s heart beat faster.
“I’m not lying to anyone” he said firmly. “I just… don’t want to”
“You don’t want to or you can’t dance?” Taemin asked, or rather whispered.
“I…” Kai was still staring at the table. There was a very long minute of silence. Taemin was waiting patiently, and Kai was scratched his neck awkwardly. His legs were even more shaky now, not because of fear, but nervousness and the fact that he really felt like lying. He hated that feeling.
“Is it because of her?” Taemin asked. Kai’s heart stopped. He closed his eyes from pain. “Is it because dancing was the thing that connected you two?”
Kai didn’t answer and Taemin was getting nervous as well, seeing his painful reaction.
“Kai, I know that you miss her. I know that you are in pain. But I have been waiting two years for you to come back. I hoped that old Kai will finally appear. I wanted to talk to you so many times, but everyone were saying that you should manage yourself. But really, I have had enough of you being silent about your feelings. We were always so close. I knew everything about you, and I was telling you everything. Why can’t you open to me once more?”

Kai clenched his fists and pressed them to his knees.

“Look at me, Kai” Taemin said strongly. Kai knew this voice. He heard it just one time in his whole life. It was when he wanted to do something stupid out of anger. If not Taemin, who would know how it would end.

He looked at him. Taemin had sincerity in his eyes, but also, a warning.

“Is it because of Sang Hee?” Taemin asked.

Kai’s eyes snapped open. Immediately, her name filled his mind. Memories flowed into him, her face appeared. Her name was echoing through his mind crazily, his heart was beating rapidly.

Sang Hee, Sang Hee, Sang Hee, Sang Hee, Sang Hee…

He hasn’t heard her name for two years. No one ever mentioned her so clearly, straightforwardly. He didn’t thought of her as “Sang Hee”, but as “her”. But it was too much for him to handle.

So pathetic, he thought. Just hearing her name and you are like this.

“Why can’t you just forget about her, Kai?” Taemin asked, pleaded. Kai finally looked him in the eyes.
“Why are you suddenly asking about her?” he asked with a warning in his broken voice.
“I can’t wait for another two years with this, Kai”
“Don’t talk to me about this” Kai got up, but Taemin did as well.
“Kai, please. That’s enough. She left you. She didn’t love you. Why are you still like this? You can miss her, but why are you running away from dancing? You want to dance. Dance was everything for you. You came here to dance, you opposed your parents, you gave up on medicine to dance together with me. Have you ever once thought about how I was feeling?!” he finally spat, pointing at Kai. The younger’s eyes widened.
“That’s enough” he said and passed him.
“Kai!” Taemin shouted, running after him. Kai turned to face him and Taemin almost bumped onto him.
“Stop there, Taemin. I don’t want to talk to you about this. I don’t want to talk about this to anyone. Not now. Someday, maybe. But not now”
“Then when?” Taemin hissed, clenching his fists. “Another two years? I want to help you, Kai-“
“I don’t need your ing help!” Kai shouted with a growl. Some of the people looked at him, surprised. Taemin felt his heart throb painfully and his eyes got watery. He bit his lip.
“You know what?” he whispered. “I’m your friend. I would jump into fire after you. But when I’m with you, it’s like I’m staring into mist. I can see you, you are there, but I can’t hear you and I can’t get closer to you” he said, his voice soft and quiet. “You think that you are the one who suffers the most. But in fact, you have hurt so many people, that you don’t even know” he looked him in the eyes. Kai wasn’t angry anymore. He was shaking from sadness, regret and guilt. His throat was clenching. “I don’t know if I can still be your friend. I’m not sure if I’m able to do so.”

Kai blinked a few times.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“You changed. You are not my Kai anymore” Taemin said. “Come back, Kai.”
“I didn’t…”
“Forget about Sang Hee.”

Another painful throb.

Kai growled and turned away. He pushed the doors. The cold wind hit him, his throat clenched.

Taemin was standing in the restaurant, his heart throbbing. After three seconds, he closed his eyes in pain and he kicked a chair with a growl, making the people around him jump in the place, and exited the restaurant with tears in his eyes and clenched fists in his pockets, before the security could even react.

~*~

Kai was running.

He was covered in sweat, his throat was aching because of the freezing air that was getting into his lungs. His legs and muscles ached as well. His heart ached. But the anger flew out of him. Now there was only tiredness and sadness. And guilt.

He stopped running after an hour. His condition was bad, very, very bad. He felt like vomiting. He fell on the ground, straight into the snow. Everything was painful.

Taemin’s words were painful. The memory of his parents was painful. Sang Hee’s name, echoing in his mind, was painful. The snow on his cheek was painful. The fire in his stomach was painful. His head was spinning. He just wanted to sleep.

He slowly sat on the snow. His jeans were already wet because of it. He looked around, ignoring the people’s weird stared. He was in the park. He glanced at his phone. It was 9.48 pm. The night was cold and the sky was dark as ever. He realized that he’s staring at some very unfriendly clouds.

“There will be snow falling…” he mumbled without thinking. He glanced at the bench which was standing not so far away and got up. Immediately, his legs refused to obey and he fell on the ground with a shocked expression and weird sound.

"Oumph” he growled. Slowly, he got up again, and finally managed to get to the bench. He fell on it with a painful sound and after a few minutes, he just laid on it, taking the whole place, breathing heavily.

“You quit?” Sang Hee asked, glancing at him shyly. Kai snorted.
“It’s not your business” he spat. 
“Yes, it is” she said calmly. “It really is. You is you, but you dancing is something else”
“So what do you want to hear from me?”
“You shouldn’t quit dancing”
“You can’t tell me what to do”
“Oh God, Kai!” she cried and got up to look at him.. “You can hate me, but please, don’t quit dancing”
“That’s a big order, isn’t it?” Kai growled, closing his eyes.
“That’s not an order. Please, Kai…”
“I didn’t quit because of yo-“
“We both know that you did”
Kai froze and didn’t look at her again.

That memory was very clear in his mind. He started to analyze everything. After she left him, he was sad. He just wanted to be alone. He cried once, but only once. He didn’t eat anything. At that time, Taemin saved him, he could say it like that. Because of him, Kai was eating and behaving like always. After that, he got angry. He was pissed all the time. He was bickering with everyone, he was mean to everyone, and he was shouting at everyone. Once again, Taemin was talking to him and spending time with him, even though he had his own things to do.

After that, he was depressed all the time. He was watching all the movies he could find. He wasn’t working anywhere, so he wasn’t eating, again. Taemin was forcing him to.

The first month was like that. His mood was changing all the time. That was the darkest month in his life. But then, Taemin talked to him and Kai understood that he’s still alive.

He understood that he can’t still look back at Sang Hee. That he has friends who care about him. And that he’s not her prisoner. He had to show her that he’s strong. Because he really was.

He was strong, right?

At that time, he thought that.

“Like a little kid…” Kai whispered to himself, staring at the sky. “Like a stupid, depressed teenage kid" he said, and finished the sentence in his mind: "And Taemin was there all the time. And you didn’t even look at him. What was he doing at that time even?” he growled. He covered his eyes with his hands.

You were like a plant. What would you do if Taemin would become like that?

The pain hit him and his eyes snapped open. What if the same thing would happen to Taemin, and not to Kai? How would Kai behave? How would he feel?

Only thinking about Taemin, imagining him acting like that, made his heart throb. His throat clenched again. He sat on the bench quickly, hit by the thought.

And he was still there. He was smiling and joking. Patting your back and shouting when you were getting worse. He woke you up.
Yes, he woke me up.

Guilt flew into him. Why was he still like this after two years? Why all the memories and dreams about Sang Hee were hitting him right now?

He hated her so much for doing something like this to him. He also hated his mind to still think about everything like this. And still, he wanted to see her, hear her voice.

He cursed under his breath. His throat ached and he started coughing loudly and strongly. Like he was going to spit out his own lungs in a moment.

“You won’t be able to talk tomorrow” someone said suddenly and Kai turned his head to see the red haired girl. 

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Hi everyone! 
Yes, I'm finally back. The next chapter is almost ready, I have to add some details only, so I will add it today :D 
Sorry if this chapter was a bit boring, though I don't think so (my honest side lmao). You can see how Kai's life was after Sang Hee (her name! yaay!) left him, and also, how his relationship with Taemin still survived. 
The next chapter is full of red haired girl, so you won't get bored (I hope).
Thank you for your comments and subscribing. Heart for you: 
♥