~chapter thirty~
past's remains
____________________________________________

Every word, every thought, every sound.
Every touch, every smile, every frown.

Kai was looking at Mari as if he was seeing her for the first time in his life. He stared, observed for every little twitch of her brows, every little move of closed eyes. He watched as the sun creeped through the windows and made her hair redder and redder, and her skin golden. He was counting the moles and freckles on her cheeks, realising that she had a lot of them, really. They weren't as visible in winter, but now, in Spring, they looked like a splash of paint on her pale skin.

Her eyelashes looked even darker, and long shadows were casted on her cheeks; she was breathing with peace and easiness, and the bruise from her cheek was almost invisible.

For a few minutes Kai felt as if nothing has ever happened in her or his life. They were there, in one piece, laying beside each other, and the sun was warming up their skin, and the covers and blankets were rustling under their moves.

He got lost in the time, just looking at her lips, her eyes, her skin, her hand; he wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to embrace her, like he has so many times. He hugged her so many times before, and yet he never felt such a strong urge to do that. He never felt as if it was the most important thing to do, but now his hands, and his legs wanted to move on their own, to just lay behind her and embrace her with his whole body, to feel every inch of her skin under his.

It was different than it was with Sang Hee, and he didn't really think about her when he was looking at Mari. It was just something speaking to him inside him, telling him that this is right, that she's the one. He wanted to protect her and love her, and...

"Yo, you have something to eat?" Someone whispered, and Kai would've jump out of his skin if he wasn't so focused on Mari. He slowly turned his head towards the person that was talking to him, praying that that person was too hangover or sleepy to even notice his creepy behaviour. It turned out to be Xiumin, who else.

"I don't think so," Kai said, standing up anyway. He did that with as much will as he could collect, casting one last look at Mari before disappearing in the kitchen. He had to avoid six bodies on the floor. He looked into the fridge and saw a couple of eggs, milk, and a yoghurt. Xiumin joined him after stepping on
Sehun's leg and getting punched in the calf, which woke up Luhan. It suddenly became loud in the room.

"We're out of food," Kai said, going through all the rubbish and dishes on the counters and in the sink, looking for anything.

"We can always just order something," someone said with a yawn. Kai knew it was Suho, but guilt suddenly hit his heart and he wasn't able to look at his hyung. "Pizza is always good, no matter the time."

"Yes, pizza..." Xiumin mumbled, and Kai could almost see him drowling. He snorted under his nose.

Soon enough, most of the guys were awake and watching the news. When Kai came into the living room Mari was awake too, her hair tossed, her nose scrunched and her everything...

He was not going to call her adorable, definitely not.

"So who wants tea?" He asked, and of course everybody wanted it.

"I'll help you," Mari said, yawning, and stood up. She avoided all the guys on the floor and on the couch with incredible grace, managed to avoid Chanyeol's wild kick and grinned when she finally stood beside Kai.

And the fact that she got so close didn't help, because he could feel her shampoo when she passed him by.

He cursed under his breath.

He was spending so much time with her, and it suddenly became so awkward? He suddenly wanted her? That was insane.

He set the water to boil when she was pulling out the mugs and cups she was able to find in the cupboards. Kai leaned on the counter and crossed his eyes, his head heavy. He was frowning heavily and looking at the girl making tea, adding sugar and somehow remembering how everybody wanted their tea, including Kai.

"How did you remember?" Kai asked.

"What?"

"How much sugar to add and stuff."

"I have a good memory, I guess," Mari shrugged, smiling under her nose. "And it's not really hard to guess what they like after seeing them eating yesterday."

"So you watched them eat. Not creepy at all," Kai snorted, and Mari rolled her eyes, but almost cracked a smile too.

"I'm just very aware of my surroundings, that's all," she stated, and Kai started wondering when did she start to pay so much attention to everything and everybody and how much effort and strain it took.

"Have you ever tried drinking tea with milk?" Mari asked, pulling him out of his thoughts, looked up at him, trusting and curious.

Mari wasn’t so skinny anymore. She looked healthy. She was still pretty pale though, but it only made her more charming; with her red hair and big eyes she looked like a character out of the book.

Right, her eyes. They were still big and dark, but Kai felt like he was looking at them for the first time. They looked more black than anything and they were kind of gorgeous. He always liked her eyes. They seemed to shine. The last thing Kai focused on (and he couldn’t believe that he was actually focusing on them) were Mari’s lips. And if her eyes were gorgeous, then her lips were obscene. Full, pink, slightly pouty; they were practically perfect and Kai wondered what they would feel under his-

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer."

Kai’s eyes flickered from her lips to her eyes. That didn’t seem to help.

Mari raised her brows at him and chuckled.

"I'm kidding." she said, seeing his confusion and embarassment, but Kai could see her body turning away from him and showing bitterness; he opened his mouth to say that he didn't mean it to look like that, when there was a soft cough and Taemin let them know about his presence.

Mari's cheeks got pink and Kai had an urge to cough, but he only scratched the back of his neck, and when Taemin looked at him, raised his brow and clapped him on the shoulder, he poked him in the ribs.

Taemin, like the sneaky bastard he is, grinned under his nose.

~*~

 

Mari was the first one to left their house, claiming she had to work. Everybody said "bye" to her by either waving at her or ruffling her hair and Kai felf a pang of jealousy every time someone touched her hair, which. No. Just no.

Rest of the guys left soon after her because they all had something to do. Key and Jonghyun left together and nobody really believed when they said they have to work, so there was a lot of bickering and joking, and Key was as red as a tomato when he was leaving, while Jonghyun just looked smug, that bastard.

In the end Suho had to go too and Kai and Taemin were the only people left. Taemin had a day off, and that's why he didn't even count the beers he drank last night; he was so hungover that it pained Kai to look at him.

"You have to be back at work tomorrow?" Kai asked. Taemin was making a very unpleasant face at the TV, hugging a pillow close to himself and mumbling something about "freaking cranberry beer" (because he apparently had a taste of a 21-year old college girl).

"What's the whole thing with Mari?" He asked instead of answering.

"I already told you that it's a secret," Kai answered, rolling his eyes.

"No, I know, I'm asking about you looking like you want to climb her like a tree," Taemin said, making weird gestures with his hands and slurping a little. Kai felt his whole body tense and turned his head at his best friend.

"What"
"Was that a question? Because if it was you really need to start emphasize them," Taemin accused, frowning at him. "Dude, I thought you two were just friends."

"We are," Kai said, feeling an urge to stand up and go away and forget. Taemin suddenly put a hand to his chest, as if he knew what he's thinking about.

"I know what you're thinking about."

And if that wasn't the creepiest thing Kai saw, he didn't know what was.

" off," Kai blurted, lying on the sofa and hiding his face in a pillow. Taemin started patting his back in a weird rhythm.

"It's not wise to use such strong words on your beloved hyung when he's just trying to help you."

"By telling me how pathetic I look?"

"Oh, you don't look pathetic, you look like you want to bone her. You look aroused."

Kai growled and stood up before Taemin could scoop him back with his hand. He didn't come back until it was night.

~*~

The next day, the weirdest coincidence happened in Kai's life, and the whole creepy wibe that was going around him lately was slowly getting to strong. Seriously.

The whole thing was bizarre; he was going home from the late session and decided to drop by the store. He was going through the sweets when he heard a loud thud and raised his head to look at the doors.

He saw Garn barging into the store, knocking out two vegetable stands and run wildly towards the back door, two guys on his tail, chasing him like crazy. There were shouts and screams when he heard the sounds of shooting, and a few bullets swished right beside his ears.

The dudes were gone within a minute, but the store was a mess, there was a baby crying and two lights out.

Kai paid for his stuff, leaving a ten dollar tip, and left, completely disoriented (an hour after he realized that you don’t leave tips at markets, what the ). His senses got sharp once he got out of the shop, and he went straight to Mari's bar, with bananas and chocolate bars in his hands. He ate two on his way there and he was on the third when he entered the steamy and loud club.

Mari had her hair up, which was new, because she usually kept them free. The fact that she had a lot of freckles on her shoulders and collarbones didn't slip past Kai's attention and it was hard to take his eyes off since it was the first time he'd seen her in a black tank top.

"So something weird just happened," he said.

"Hello to you too," Mari smiled at him and already pulled out a glass. "Coke?"

"No, give me something with alcohol."

"Oh hey Kai," Key said, passing him by, and Kai waved.

"So what happened?" Mari asked, frowning with worry, making him some kind of a drink. It was blue. And looked delicious.

"Does any weird happenes between the guys that get the money from you?"

"Not that I know of, they're like a family. They don't betray each other, they don't work between each others backs, they're watching each other's backs. Why?"

"I just saw Garn running away from two another guys, and I think they're from the same business."

Mari leaned on the counter, crossing her arms, and her frown deepened.

"You're gonna get a wrinkle here," Kai said softly, poking at the crinkle, and making Mari huff a chuckle.

"Whatever it is, it's not worth your attention. And I don't really know, Garn looks like a kind of guy to betray someone."

"If he's out of the picture, would it change anything for you?"

"No."
 

~*~
 

“I just figured.” Taemin said, rolling onto his stomach on the couch. Kai raised his brows at him to show him that he’s listening, but he was still focused on TV. “You’re demiual,” Taemin said.

“What’s that?” Kai asked, biting his chocolate bar.

“It’s when a person doesn’t experience ual attraction to someone unless they form a strong emotional connection with a person,” Taemin said, basically reciting the exact definition that he had come across.

“Wow, I didn’t know there was actually a word for that,” Kai mumbled. Then he finally glanced at Taemin. “But that doesn’t make sense. It was like a slap in the face with Sang Hee”

“That’s the point!” Taemin waved his hands that were dangling from the couch. Kai raised his brow skeptically. His best friend rolled his eyes. “Sang Hee caused your nature to… I don’t know.  Anyway something in her made you change your uality!”

That sounded ridiculous.

“So she was an exception?” Kai asked, still thinking.

“As much as I hate to say it, yes” Taemin growled. “But she was exception from something good. Which means that she was bad.”

“What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense, Taemin” Kai swallowed the last piece of his snack.

“What I’m trying to say is that you were never meant to be. She was an exception, but because of that, she was an abomination too. And after she left, you finally started being yourself again. That’s why you didn’t even try to have any relationship. You probably would if you were like, normal, heteroual or bi or anything, but you were – are - demiual and you didn’t make a lot of friends after so you haven’t even thought about love.”

“But you’re saying that I was always demiual. I wasn’t,” Kai shook his head at him, making a face. “Remember me before Sang Hee?”

“Of course I do. I didn't know a single girl at school who wasn't all 'oh you're Kai's friend' when they met me. And you know what happened next."

“Right?”

“But have you ever really felt anything towards all the girls you’ve met?” Taemin asked. “Because sure, you can see when someone is hot, but it’s not like you want to… with them… you know. Not right away,” he mumbled, making Kai laugh. They stared at each other, Taemin deep in thoughts but also blushing, and Kai just smiling widely without moving an inch.

“God you’re so ridiculous,” he said and stretched on the chair.

“Hey, listen to me!” Taemin said, clapping him on the shoulder. “I’m being honest here! And trying to be helpful!”

“And I really appreciate it,” Kai said, chuckling. “But-“

He couldn’t finish because he’d gotten a text message. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and waited for a picture to load.

“It’s Mari,” he informed Taemin. The older boy didn’t even move at that, already focused on TV. “,” Kai said, his voice amazed, and at that Taemin turned to him.

Kai handed him his phone wordlessly, only glancing at him once to see his reaction.

Taemin looked at the photo of Mari’s painting. It was Kai’s face drawn with nothing but pencil; the lines were sharp, but thin, and no shadows were made with the pencil.

Instead, Mari painted the shadows using grey watercolors.

Kai’s face seemed very real and incredibly detailed, and on the top of his head Mari painted a colorful head garland. She also added antlers, and usually Kai would be surprised or laugh at the weird addition, only it fit so well he found himself mesmerized.

“Wow,” Taemin muttered. “It’s beautiful.”

Another text came from her and it was a simple ‘what do you think?’

Kai told her exactly what he thinks and added Taemin’s colorful comment to his message.

“Let’s try selling it,” Taemin said. “I mean, I love it, I like your face bro, and if she wants to keep it, sure. Or if you want to keep it. But just think about it – you’re kinda famous right now. It’s like fanart. Someone would surely want to buy it and maybe she could even earn a lot of money.”

It’s not such a bad idea once Kai thinks it through. He doesn’t mind seeing his face everywhere anyway; he’s quite distant about it. He knows how he looks and even if he doesn’t think that he’s that handsome, if people like him, he should enjoy it, right?

“Yeah,” he says, and immediately writes to Mari about the idea.

~*~

A few days later Kai visits Mari at home with a pizza. She looks tired and incredibly worn-out, and Kai greets her with a smile, but his face falls once he sees her.

“Don’t tell me I look like , I know,” she says, pointing an accusing finger at him. Kai smirks a bit at her and doesn’t make a comment, instead gets in and takes off his shoes. “Make yourself at home.”

He does. He places the pizza on the plates, smears ketchup on the pieces and makes tea, and he places the food on the table.

“Ready,” he chimes, and Mari comes to the kitchen with a smile, stretching out her limbs. “What were you doing?”

“Painting,” she answers. “I’ve got an hour before work, I didn’t want to go to the warehouse,” she explains, sitting down. “About your idea, I can sell your portraits as long as you’re comfortable with it. But it means that you’d have to be my model.”

“I spend lots of time here anyway,” Kai notes, taking a piece of pizza and shoving it into his mouth. You’re now graceful about your own food either. He even finds your eating adorable and it freaks him out.

“You could make people’s portraits on the streets,” Kai supplies. “I heard that people get a lot of cash from that. I remember that almost my every friend had a portrait made when they were on vacation back in primary school.”

Mari nods, seems thoughtful, but cringes at something.

“I don’t want to pick up another job, to be honest,” she says.

Somehow they drift to the government topic, and then they talk about money again, and then, incredibly, they end up talking about Jaejoong.

Mari groans. “Have you met my brother?” Then she her head. “Wait, have you met my brother? I mean, aside from the odd homicidal quest here and there, have you ever been formally introduced?”
Kai opens his mouth to answer, but the red haired cuts him off. “Jesus, what am I saying? That’s like offering to hook up gunpowder and gasoline; there would be no survivors.” She shudders.

Kai wonders, idly, which one he is.

~*~

“You’re officially famous,” Siwon says, patting his on the shoulders; Kai startles, surprised by his presence, because he was literally just falling asleep on the sofa in the hallway waiting for him. The older man seems so pleased that his face makes this creepy thing where his eyes almost disappear.

“Yeah?” Kai chokes out, dazed. Siwon sits beside him, pulls out his phone and shows him some site on which Kai’s photos are displaying. He scrolls down onto the comments section.

“Read,” he commands. “Out loud,” he adds after Kai takes his phone. The boy leans onto his knees and frowns at the screen. He can feel his cheeks burn.

“Do I need to read them out loud?” He asks, sends Siwon a distressed look; the man nods stubbornly.

“We need to work on your cockiness. You don’t realize how hot you are and it sadly makes your bad boy image look weak,” Siwon informs him casually. Kai has to cough just to give himself some more time.

“Okay,” he sighs and begins to read. “The first comment is: Gosh, he’s so hot, kill me now,” he cringes, glances at Siwon. The man is grinning like a madman. “Second… How is it possible to be that handsome? He’s perfect in every aspect. Three: that little piece of… ?” He frowns in confusion, glances at Siwon. “Those are good things?”

“You’ve never been in a fandom, have you, my friend?” Siwon asks, throws his arms on Kai’s shoulders and squeezes him. “Believe me: the worse the comments sounds, the more the girls love you.”

“I hate you,” Kai reads, scowls. “Does that mean they love me?”

“Yep.”

“What about that comment?”

“Oh, that’s hate, don’t read it,” Siwon snatches the phone away from him, frowns at the screen. “You’re so famous you already have haters, that’s good.”

“I really don’t understand,” Kai admits at loss. Siwon chuckles and pats him on his back again.

“You will,” he says. “Go drink a coffee or something.”

Kai nods and stands up, but Siwon stops him with a hand gesture.

“Seriously, though, I have fan mail for you,” he says, handing him four envelopes. Kai takes is hesitantly.

This evening he reads how much of an aspiration he was for a girl who calls herself Sunny; how great his work is for a guy who started studying photography. He reads that his photos are hanging above a girl’s desk, and she says that she knows it may be creepy for him right now, but he’s like an idol for her and she looks forward to see more of him.

He’s bashful and surprised at such good feedback and when Taemin comes home, he tells him that his friend asked him to get his signature.

“I’m surprised that you only started doing this now,” Taemin admits, stealing popcorn from him.

~*~

Mari ties her boots tightly and huffs out a breath. She stands in front of the mirror, eyeing herself up and down; her pale skin, deep eyes, ruffled hair. She’s gotten a bit rounder lately and she loved that, honestly; she always looked so skinny and hungry, and now her face was fuller, her bones weren’t sticking out so badly and she looked overall healthy.

And she knew it was partly thanks to Kai.

She smiled at the thought of him, but her heart swelled in the same time.

She took the envelope from the counter, put it inside her bag and took a deep sigh. She wanted to handle it calmly this time, and she was doing great until it was the time to lock the doors and her hands started shaking so badly she dropped her keys twice.

She tried to calm herself down, doing some simple breathing exercises, and finally managed to close the door after her. Then she made her way out of the flat, caught a bus and then walked to the old part of the city.

It always looked the same and she was always shaking when she went there. She knew it will never change.

The only difference now was that Garn was the only person waiting for her. His cheek was bruised and his right eye was swollen, purple; she stopped in her tracks at the sight of him.

“Are you waiting for an invitation?” Garn spat venomously.

Garn was never annoyed or angry. He could be hissing like a snake, growling lowly in his throat, but he never showed so much anger and hatred towards her.

Her heart was beating crazy as she made her way towards him, trying hard not to look him in the eye. She handed him the envelope and he snatched it away before she could even stretch out her arm fully; he grumbled under his nose while opening it and he quickly counted the money, even though he usually counted it very slowly.

She took a peek at his eye and it snapped up.

“The you looking at?” He spat, pushing at her shoulder; Mari staggered back, immediately looking at the ground.

“Nothing,” she said shakily, but she felt triumphantly. It must’ve showed on her face because Garn was suddenly up in her personal space, pushing at her and giving her soft smack on her cheeks.

“You feel playful, huh? Want to make fun of me?” He asked lowly, and Mari felt her whole body buzz with nervousness, fear and need to run; she lifted her chin, trying to get away from his slaps, but he just slapped her other cheek, as if she just turned for him to do exactly that.

“Oh, you’re responsible alright,” Garn mused, suddenly smiling, and his words made her want to puke. She looked at him with shock and fear, and he chuckled, grabbed her by her wrist and pushed further towards the wall.

Mari tried to push him away, but he pushed at her with his whole strength until she was pinned to the wall; he got closer, his breath stuttered on her neck, and Mari gasped from fear.

“I’ll be nice to you,” he murmured, and her insides twisted, screamed and growled.

She kicked him hard and Garn growled  at the sudden pain at his crotch; the envelope fell from his grip and Mari kicked him once again for good measure, until the man was lying on his side, clutching at his perineum.

“Don’t ever touch me again,” she said, her voice shaky, and her hands clutching nervously onto her shoulders, elbows, stomach, as if she was checking if she was okay, if everything was still in the right place.

She ran away, quicker than ever. She wanted to hide somewhere, get out of the sight, get rid of the touch of his breath on her skin, and the first place she could think of was Kai’s house.

She ran there, knocked nervously on the door; Taemin opened her, toothbrush in his mouth, and frowned at the sight.

“Hi,” he said. “You okay? Kai is working,” he added, stepping away from the door to invite her in. Mari swallowed hard, but her own saliva got stuck in . Everything inside her was twitched.

“When will he come home?” She asked, shaking from nervousness. Taemin eyed her up and down, pulled out the toothbrush, officially worried.

“In an hour,” he answered. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“No,” she said quickly, smiling at him; it came out twitchy. Dammit. She wasn’t weak, she shouldn’t react this bad at Garn touching her, it wasn’t the first time it happened. So what was going on?

“Can I help you somehow?” Taemin asked. “I have to go to work soon, too, but I just made some soup and there’s cocoa on the counter. I can leave you the key and you can wait for Kai to come back if you want.”

Mari nodded simply, too scared to say anything.

~*~

When Kai got home he found her on the couch, curled up into a ball under the smallest blanket they had in the house. His expression softened and he immediately felt the need to comfort her somehow, make her life better, but right now there was nothing he could do.

He put his things down, stripped from his jacket and slowly, quietly slipped behind her with a blanket in his hand. He lay down, covering them both with it, and spooned Mari until he felt comfortable.

She was warm, but shaking a little from time to time. In the moment he put his hand on her hip, she gasped suddenly and grabbed his palm in shock; Kai frowned.

“It’s me,” he said. “I’ve got you.”

Mari’s hand stilled on his and then it slowly fell back onto the couch. Then she intertwined their fingers together and shuffled closer to him, until they were completely flush.

Kai’s every sense was full of her and it felt amazing.

~*~

They were woken up with a doorbell. Kai opened his eyes lazily to find the room completely dark; it must’ve been the night already. Mari was breathing softly under his arm, unaware of the doorbell, and he tried very hard not to wake her up while making his way towards the door.

He swung it open, revealing a man in his fifties. He was wearing a suit, his hair were silver, and he was nervously shuffling on his feet.

Kai frowned down at him, still a bit dizzy from the sleep.

“Yeah?” He said informally, because he didn’t know the guy and was too tired to figure out what the hell he wants; and the man was silent for the last ten seconds, so it really seemed weird.

“Hello,” the man said finally, very sternly; Kai scowled at him.

“Good evening,” he answered, bowing slightly, because he still had manners, okay.

“I was told I’d find my daughter here.”

Kai was confused at first.

“Someone must’ve told you wrong,” he informed the man. “I live here with my two male friend,” he added, pointing vaguely inside the house. “What’s her name? Maybe you mistook the houses,” he supplied helpfully, but the man smiled at him indulgently, which was weirdly familiar.

“No, young man, I think not,” he said, pointing at Mari’s boots in the corridor, which were clearly a girl’s boots.

“She doesn’t live here,” Kai said dumbly, only then he realized that the man could be looking for Mari.

His first reaction was to almost close the door entirely, until he was completely preventing the man to go inside. He frowned at Kai’s behavior. Then again, if he was a bad guy, he’d already knocked him out, wouldn’t he?

And he said daughter.

“You must be kidding me,” Kai said, venom in his voice. The man’s smile faltered and a pained expression replaced it.

“Judging from your reaction you know about our past,” he said. “So is my daughter here?”

Kai couldn’t stop himself from doing the thing he did.

He opened the door, took a step outside and took a fast swing at the man. His fist collided with his jaw with a loud thump and the man jerked back, falling down onto the stairs, shocked and surprised. He didn’t fall because the blow was so strong, Kai did put all his anger into it but he didn’t want to break his jaw, dammit, but it was surprising.

“I deserved it,” the man said from the ground, rubbing at his check and moving his jaw to see if he can still use it normally. He glared at Kai.

“You know you did, ,” Kai spat, stopping himself from spitting to the side; he had a bad taste in his mouth. “She’s inside. You better have a good explanation, douchebag, because once she gets her hands on you, not only your jaw will be hurting.”

I wasn't sure if I should mark this chapter M or just give you a heads-up for the attempt, and I still don't know because it wasn't very graphic. But if any of you felt bad when reading it and you'd prefer to know about something like this in the future please let me know, so I can set trigger warnings for this chapter before more people will read it. Okay?

I'm sorry you had to wait so long for another update otl I'm a horrible author I know. 

Thanks for reading!

Oh and I changed my username, I was shawol-in-red-dress. But it's still me guys lol.