“No…I know you.” I said recalling the faint memories that I tried so hard to recall, but only succeeding in retrieving a handful of pictures; the blonde boy, I didn’t remember his face but I remembered his voice and what he called me. I remembered his smile and his laugh along with his tears and his pain.

“So you finally remembered.” Luhan smiled, brushing away my bangs from my forehead and leaned down to give me a soft kiss.

“My sweet Baozi.”

I stared at him in confusion, trying desperately to bring back those memories. Why couldn’t I? Every time I dig deeper into my mind it’s like I’m faced with this brick wall that I can’t get through. Somehow I feel like that wall is protecting me more than anything…..

“Baozi?”

I looked into his anxious eyes hoping it will trigger something but nothing happened.

“I can’t remember.” I whispered softly.

It was his turn to look confused.

“What do you mean you don’t remember?”

I decided to give up.

“Meaning: I was little, I barely remember anything then and alright I knew you when I was little, so what?”

His expression was outraged, but deep down you can see that he was hurt.

“So what!? Do you have any idea how long I was loo-“

We both jumped at the banging sound coming from the door.

Who the hell is knocking on your door this late?

“APPPAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

Oh . Yoogeun!

“Appa?” Luhan repeated and I could feel  the thousands of questions rising in his mind.

“Why do I hear a kid calling you Appa? Do you have a son?” He asked in disbelief.

“I’ll explain later!” I said as I rolled my eyes at his stupid assumptions.

There was another round of soft fists hitting against the door along with the impatient cries of my younger brother.

“APPPPAAAAAAAAAAA!! Wake up!”

“ I can’t let him see me like this! Stay here. Don’t move. I’m going to go change into a change of clothes. Do not. Move!”

He stood their baffled not knowing what to or say.

“Appa!!”

“Coming! Just a minute, Yoogeun!” I called out as I ran to our room picking up any set of clothes from the floor.

Luckily I picked up my long pajama pants from this morning but I was having difficulty putting on my shirt.

It. doesn’t…fit!! I spat struggling to put it over my head.

Then it hit me…

This is Yoogeun’s shirt!

I flung the shirt to the other side of the room violently as I made my way into my drawers creating a huge mess until I found a long sleeve.

I let out a sigh of relief as I held out the shirt in front of me.

A pair of small eager cold hands wrapped around my leg catching me in surprise. I winced at the pain from my still sore leg.

 “Appa’s home!”

I covered myself with my shirt so he wouldn’t spot the bandages and unwrapped his hands from my leg.

“Yoogeun-ah! What are you doing up so late?”  I smiled and ruffled his hair as he drank a carton of juice.

“Who’s that boy?”

I figured he was talking about Luhan who I strictly ordered to stay still.        

“Oh he’s just a-“

“Boyfriend?” Yoogeun finished off.

I was taken aback by what just came out of my three year old little brother’s mouth.

“What? How do you know that word?”

He took another sip of his juice before he answered.

“That’s what he told Tao-shii”

“WHAT!?”

I ran my way down the hall putting on my shirt and snatching a pair of oven mittens from the counter as I passed the kitchen looking like a crazed lunatic.

And there they were, glaring eye to eye at the door not saying word.

I gulped as I took in the scene.

It’s like I walked onto a battle field.

Tao was standing at the door holding a paper bag of what seemed like those pastries he promised me yesterday.

Somehow that felt like it was a million years ago since he told me that.

“Minseok! What’s this brat saying?” I heard him call out in a menacing tone that sent shivers down my spine.

“Uhh I-“

“Who are you calling a brat!!!?” Luhan spat taking a small step towards him.

“Do you see any other brat around here dip!?”

Oh no this isn’t good….I’ve never seen Tao mad but from what I’ve heard it’s not a pretty sight.

Luhan growled at his smart remark; his hands now a tight balled fist hanging at his side ready to launch.

I quickly ran in between them making them step back from one another.

“Would you guys stop being so childish Yoogeun’s in the roo-“

“What happened to your face?” Tao questioned; his fury now completely washed away with worry.

I remained mute not knowing what to tell him. That somebody shoved me in a furnace? That I fell in it? No, he wouldn’t believe that.

“And why are you wearing oven mittens?!”

I could hear Luhan suppressing a laugh so I spun myself around to send him a look that read ‘shut up or I’ll kill you’.

I felt my arm being jerked forward now facing Tao.

“Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?” He said as he glared at Luhan.

“No I’m fine!” I assured him.

“I’ll ask you one more time. What happened to your face?”

“I fell.”

He cocked an eyebrow not believing the words that came out of my mouth.

“On glass.” I finished off, defeated.

“And the mittens?”

“I was baking.”

“You don’t bake, you .”

True.

“I was cold.”

“Minseok!”

“I told you I fell on glass! What more do you want!?”

He leaned down cupping my face but his eyes were elsewhere. On Luhan’s.

I felt Luhan’s anxious stare boring down my back as Tao leaned in closer, still not averting his eyes from Luhan’s.

I saw Tao smirk as he got his satisfaction of what I’m guessing was Luhan’s expression and connected his lips to mine.

Tao was then instantly tackled to the floor. I saw it coming, but it still caught me off guard.

“DON’T GO TOUCHING THINGS THAT AREN’T YOURS! HE’S MINE!” Luhan shrieked as he pulled his fist back and aimed it forward to Tao’s cheek. I shut my eyes and held my breath as I heard the blow.

I opened them only to see Tao’s livid expression. He didn’t seem affected by the impact one bit. Of course he wouldn’t. He’s a highly trained martial artist who has had years of experience. One look from him and it will paralyze you from the waist down.

Luhan on the other hand resembled an angry puppy who got his toy taken away by a cat.

“He’s yours!? Who the hell do you think you are!!!? You don’t even know him!!” Tao spat back as he pushed Luhan off him.

Luhan jolted up from the floor and screamed down at Tao’s direction.

“OF COURSE I KNOW HIM!”

I rolled my eyes at their stupid fighting and dreaded for a long night of writing apology letters to our neighbors.

As Tao glared at him, I knew that if Luhan had a tail it would be drooping down way between his leg. I didn’t know what to do. Fear took over me, but I only feared for his life.

“I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!” Luhan said which sent a wave of confusion over me.

Tao stood up crossing his arms as he cocked an eyebrow.

“Go on.” Tao said smugly.

What does he know about me? I waited anxiously for him to say it.

Luhan took one long look at me and then back at Tao.

He took a deep breath; got on his toes and began…

“HIS NAME IS KIM MINSEOK; HE IS 22 YEARS OLD; BLOOD TYPE B; HE’S ALWAYS WRAPPED UP IN BANDAGES; HE HAS THE CUTEST SMILE AND SMALLEST HANDS! HIS FAVORITE FOOD IS ICE CREAM AND HE LIKES TO DRINK MILK! HE’S SCARED OF THE DARK AND OF MONSTERS! HE LIKES LOOKNG AT THE STARS AND MAKING WISHES ON THEM; HE DOESN’T LIKE ANY VEGTABLES AND HE LIKES TO MAKE WEIRD FACES! HE’S KIND OF SHORT AND HE SNEAKS IN CANDY BEFORE HIS MEAL AND LIKES TO PLAY WITH BUGS! AND HE ALSO LOOKS LIKE A BAOZI!”

I stared at him as he struggled to catch his breath.  His fists still balled up tightly at his sides as he stared with his wide angry doe eyes at Tao.

 Everything went silent…

No one moved an inch or said a word.

Only the exasperated panting of Luhan’s breath filled the air.

It didn’t last long.

Tao then burst into laughter as he took it all in; His lungs looking like they were begging him to stop.

“How stupid can you get!?!” he managed to shout in between laughs.

 “What the hell are you laughing for!?!” Luhan shouted which only made him laugh even harder.

We watched him as he clutched his stomach still laughing ignoring the pain that is probably growing in his abdomen.

Tao soon stopped short and looked at Luhan straight in the eye.

“Ya. Minseok-ah hasn’t liked those things since he was nine. You sure you’re not in love with Yoogeun instead?” Tao finished off with a snarky grin on his face accompanied by low chuckles.

Luhan remained frozen as Tao’s harsh words sank into him….

It was as if he got punched in his stomach. Like a thousand needles pierced right through his bones. The blood drained from his face leaving him ghostly pale. His body stiff and fresh tears stained his eyes. His fists were no longer balled up but were hanging loose like a damp towel; His gaze empty as his eyes stared at nothing.

I could tell he was holding back. Trying to remain strong….

But I knew what he was really feeling inside. Out of all the memories I could manage to hold his crying face was the strongest.  He was that same little boy that was hugging his knees as a last attempt to drown out his cries. He was hurt. Just like then, he wanted to cry. Just like when he was small, he wanted to run away.

 

I didn’t know what came over me but as I watched his pained expression all I could think of was my need to wrap my arms around him.

 I wanted to wipe away the tears that were dangerously close to escaping. Just like before I wanted to assure him that everything was going to be alright, that I will always be here for him. I wanted to bring back that sweet bright smile that sent butterflies down my stomach. But most of all, I wanted to kiss him…..

Just like when we were eight and I kissed him to stop him from crying. But I knew that wasn’t the reason I did it back then. I may not remember much but I do remember that I kissed him simply because I wanted to.

I stared at his quivering lips and I wanted it more than anything in the world and just the thought of it scared me.

But then Luhan’s eyes sparked with ferocity and he regained his composure.

I felt an instant relief sweep through me and a stupid grin spread across my face as he started to resemble that furious puppy again.

But that was until he clenched his fist and banged on the nearest object.

This unfortunately was Yoogeun’s bookshelf.

 I watched as all the books fell down to the floor along with a box of crayons that I bought the other day.

“Oh. Minseok baby, I think your friend is getting a little angry.” Tao said mockingly.

“DON’T YOU ING CALL HIM THAT!” Luhan shouted throwing himself, fist first, at Tao once again.

My mouth fell open in shock as Luhan met nothing but air in Tao’s place.

Tao had dodged it!

How!? I didn’t even see him move an inch!

Luhan swung his fist again the moment he regained his balance only to have Tao catch the blow effortlessly with his hand. Tao wrapped his long fingers around Luhan’s small fist and adjusted his grip for a better hold.

 “Please. Don’t think you’re tough just because you got me once. ‘ Sides, I was a little too preoccupied with your so-called boyfriend.”

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to scream for Tao to stop but no sound came out. I wanted to protect the blonde boy but my feet didn’t dare to take a step. I didn’t do anything but stare with wide eyes darting back and forth between them.

Tao pulled back his fist, but was left with it suspended in midair, frozen at the sound of soft thuds coming from the hallway.

“Appa!” Yoogeun called out urgently.

It was as if the chains that were keeping me frozen in place disintegrated, leaving nothing but ashes in their wake.

Tao wouldn’t do anything in front of a kid especially if that kid was Yoogeun.

And I was right. Tao groaned in frustration as he released Luhan from his hold.

As for me, I couldn’t be any more happy that he didn’t hurt him.

Which was weird since the punk obviously deserved it for calling me his boyfriend. I don’t know why my heart skipped a beat as I thought about that, but I shook it off making my way towards Yoogeun who had a wide pout over his face.

“Appa! I want more juice.” He whined as he held out his empty juice box for me to grab.

“Hmm, what’s the magic word?” I and waved the empty juice box over his head.

“Preeeeettyy pretty please!!” Yoogeun cooed.

I ruffled his hair lifting him high up in the air and gave him a soft peck on his lips.

“That’s my boy!” I chimed holding him around my arm; careful to not putting any unwanted pressure on my leg.

 “Ya! Do you just go around kissing everybody?!” Luhan scoffed and grumble something in disgust.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of a 3 year old.” Tao mocked.

“Who said anything about being jealous?!” Luhan barked.

I felt like I was watching a set of headless chickens going at it. Can they be any more annoying?

“Meehhhrong!” Yoogeun chirped sticking out his tongue at the blonde boy.

“Did you- Did you see what your kid just did to me!? The least you could do is teach him some manners!”

Good job kiddo.” I whispered at Yoogeuns ear for only him to hear.

I glanced at Tao who I felt like he was too busy plotting ways to flea Luhan out of the country.

I needed to talk to him desperately. He’s my best friend; I owe him some sort of an explanation. He can be a little irritating sometimes but I do care about him deeply. Besides Yoogeun he’s the number one person I hate lying to and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I didn’t even know where to start. Do I start with Luhan? Or what really happened in his room? Or why I get butterflies in my tummy whenever he smiles? For some reason I thought it would be safer to skip that last part. My mind grew fuzzy as I pictured the conversation. I hated this. Before, I was able to tell him everything. My crush on some of my classmates, my parents, and how scared I was for yoogeun to end up like me. But now I couldn’t even tell him about the guy at the factory who pushed me in the furnace?  I let out a groan as I thought of yet another thing to add to my list.

I rolled my eyes at Luhan’s constant ing and handed him yoogeun.

“Here, take him.” I ordered him.

“What! Why me!? He can walk just fine!”

“Stay with him for a little while I need to talk to Tao.”

“NO!” Yoogeun and Luhan so in sync, it could have been practiced.

I fixated my attention to Yoogeun who was squirming in Lu’s uncomfortable grasp.

“Yoogeun-ah, will you let daddy talk to Tao for a little while?”

“Juice.”

I grinned as I leaned in to give him a quick peck but Luhan spun them around giving his back to me.

“Poor thing. He doesn’t know where his ‘daddy’s’ mouth has been.”

“Seriously?” I blurted, incredulous. 

“Yes. He’s far too young for you to be passing him an STD.” He called out.

“This is the guy you were too scared to sleep for?” Tao said sarcastically.

I laughed at his snarky remark. It’s true. Can’t believe I once thought those Bambi eyes could actually hurt me.

“YA! What the hell are you guys laughing for!!?” Luhan shouted but immediately covered his mouth with his free hand.

“Omo! I’m so sorry Yoogeun-ah, don’t ever repeat that word again ever, do you hear me? Not ever. Not in a million years, not in a billion years, not in a t-“

“Twillion?” Yoogeun finished off.

I tried to suppress a giggle, but it managed to escape anyway.

Way to prove my point, bambi.

In our messing around, I had forgotten about Tao’s presence. But now, right now, I could feel Tao’s sorrowful gaze on me; which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I need to talk to him right away.

“Alright well I’m heading out.” I said to Luhan.

“With that!?” He spat pointing a finger to Tao who sent him that scary eye thing in return.

I ignored his immature comment and unhooked my jacket from the coat hanger.

“Wait! What am I supposed to do with him?” Luhan shouted referring to Yoogeun who was being held awkwardly.

“You could start by giving him juice.” I said as I shoved the empty juice carton to his chest.

“YA!! Baozi!!” He shouted after me as I shut the door, Tao right behind me.

“Oh and learn how to hold a child!” I called out from behind the closed door.

 

 

---

 

“Baozi!?” Tao repeated in disgust as we reached the rooftop.

“What are you giving each other pet names now?”

“And what about you!? ‘Minseok-baby’? What the hell was that?” I argued.

“So basically you took me to the rooftop to argue with me?”

I let out an exhausted sigh.

“No. Of course not! I came here to apologize….and to thank you for the pastries.”

“What is he to you?” Tao questioned anxiously.

“I-“

What was Luhan to me?

“He’s a long lost friend.”

Somehow even though it was somewhat true it still felt like a lie.

“Excuse me? No. I’m your friend. That punk is not your friend, do you see the way he looks at you!?.....of course not, you’re too dense.” he said flicking me on the forehead.

I ignored his childish insult and took a deep breath. Where do I even begin?

“We sort of met when we were little.”

“I thought he lived in China this whole time?”

“Apparently not….”

It sort of irked me that I didn’t even know a single thing about Luhan. It shouldn’t matter but why does it. It gives me this empty feeling at the pit of my stomach. I wondered if this is how he felt when he realized he doesn’t really know much about me either.

“Look I know he can be a bit of a brat, but he’s kind of been away from home for a long time.”

And why the hell do I always find myself defending him!

“Minseok. I have lived in China. You don’t just become a when you’re away from home!” Tao exclaimed.

“Yes. But that’s different, you had your parents and you weren’t alone.”

There I go again defending him! It’s like every opportunity that jumps out at me, I take it!

“Does he have something to do with why you’re limping like that? Did he you!?”

I thanked whatever god there was above me that it had to be night time because my cheeks were scorching red with embarrassment and I’m pretty sure I have never looked more like a tomato in my life.

“W-W-WHAT!? Are you insane?! Of course not!” I hissed, hitting him softly in the arm.

“Then why are you blushing?” Tao asked with pained eyes.

“Because any one would if you say it like that!”

The thought that I’m still a made me sigh in relief.

“So what really happened to you?” He asked in a worried tone referring to all my cuts and bruises.

He’s my best friend. I care for him deeply. I need to tell him the truth no matter what. I thought.

I took a deep breath and kept my eyes set on the ground as I let the words scramble out of my mouth.

“Well you see, I was at the factory and then I offered my help to this old guy to shovel out the coal from the furnace. So I did, but turns out he didn’t really want my help so he kind of sort of shoved me in…..So my hand got burned and I passed out. I guess Luhan found me and he took me to his place in secret.”

Now that I think about it…..Why was he at the factory? I know it’s owned by his family but he didn’t really strike me as the type that would soon take over his family’s business. Maybe he just wanted to kill time….

“Minseok?” Tao called out waving his hands across my face to bring me back to earth.

“Uh…where was I? Oh yeah, so he hooked me up to an IV and wrapped my hand up with these lousy bandages that kept coming off but those were the only ones he had. He fed me soup and a sleeping pill. I woke up at the middle of the night and found a note with a lamp that ‘supposedly’ said he was going to go get some good bandages. I took the lamp and as I was climbing down the stairs I tripped and dropped it and then I fell on top of the glass…and then yeah.”

I let out a deep breath and grinned nervously at my best friend who looked like he was about to pass out any time soon.

“But everything’s fine now I’m okay. He fired me from the factory and took out all the glass. I know he can be a bit of a brat, but like I said before he’s not all that bad once you get to know him.”

I looked up at Tao expectantly. But he didn’t even utter a word. His expression was blank and distant. Did I say something wrong?

It was silent for a while….

“Minseok?” Tao asked making me jump at the broken silence.

“Yes?”

I had a bad feeling about this. I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. I wanted to put my hands over my ears to try to escape his next words. It’s what I’ve always been trying to avoid. What I buried deep into my brain. But there was no running away. I knew that the second I realized I needed to talk to him. But how I wish I could. The reasons behind the butterflies; the constant blushing, the warm light hearted feeling I get whenever I’m with him, the reason behind feeling so lost and empty whenever I’m not. It was all coming out. What I tried so hard to deny it was going to be revealed. I will never be able to put it past me or burry it deep within my heart. I can’t run away.

“Do you like him?”

I stared at his pained eyes filled with hurt and betrayal.

Tao, you’re my best friend and I care about you. You don’t even know how much I care about you. It kills me to have to lie. It kills me to have to look at you in the eyes as I say this to you. But it’s because you’re my best friend, It’s because I care about you- it’s because how much I love you  that I have to lie. I have no choice. I have to look you straight in the eye and lie no matter what.

“HAHA! Of course not! He has chicken scratch hand-writing and he thinks I look like a steamed meat bun!”

I’m so sorry Tao.

He bit his lips and raised his hand to my cheek.

I was frightened that he may not have bought it but that soon washed away as a playful grin spread across his face as he pinched my cheeks.

“Yeah. What was I thinking! You’re not dumb enough to fall for that!” He laughed and ruffled my hair.

“You should give me more credit!” I joked, happy to have my best friend back.

“Well it’s getting late I should probably start heading home. And you too, I don’t really trust that idiot with Yoogeun.”

“Me neither. Well, have a goodnight”

He took one last look at me and smiled sadly before he headed out to the exit door.

“Don’t trip on any stairs while I’m gone!” He shouted out after me.

I watched him disappear into the night with his sad smile that would forever remain in my memory.

“I knew how much it would hurt you if I told you the truth. I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings Tao.”

I turned my attention to the starry night and made a wish on the brightest star.

Don’t be sad for long you stupid panda.

Tao’s Point Of View:

Minseok-ah, you’re a bad liar; you always have been…..

But it’s because I love you, that I won’t burden you with my one-sided love.

It’s because I love you that I won’t let him take you from me.

And it’s because I love you so much that these tears won’t stop flowing.

Why do you have to be such a bad liar Minseok-ah.

You always have been…..

I love you.

 

---

 

A/N

I really love tao so this was really hard for me to write ><.

We're sorry Tao!

Well I can't think of anything to say so....

See you next week~ 

Tell me what you think of this chapter~

Annyeong!