I could hear myself breathing in and out the cold air. Slowly and deeply. It did its job by calming my and clearing my mind as the fact set in.
 
"I'm sorry."
 
"It's not your fault." I could not hear myself. It felt like I was in a vacuum and nothing mattered anymore. No sound. No emotions. Nothing.
 
"I will go talk to him tomorrow. Why did this have to happen?"
 
"It's okay. I want it."
 
"Jung, please." I finally turned to him when he begged in desperation. "You didn't want this." My eyes become watery when his helpless face came into sight.
 
"Whatever you do, it is not going to help anymore." And his face fell.
 
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have developed feelings for you." I shook my head, smiling bitterly upon what I heard. I was not referring to that and I had no reminding strength for it.
 
"I'm not talking about that. I just want you to know that you are not the cause of what just happened." He slumped back on the couch, a distance away from me as he buried his face in his hands.
 
", , ..." He mumbled in sheer helplessness and frustration. I turned away, staring at the clock. Time continued ticking away, and I was left drowning in my own thoughts.
 
Ji Yong left me to rest in his room, making sure that I only go back after getting some sleep.
 
'Call your manager tomorrow. Rest here for the day. I won't bother you.'
 
A part of me was feeling sorry that he felt like he was responsible for the break-up. But I was too tired to reassure him. I just can't be bothered at this point in time.
 
I was lying on the bed, staring at my phone on the coffee table. I could not go to sleep but I was beyond exhausted. It was crazy. I felt weak and my limps were like jelly. My tears had stopped and the pain had completely numbed my senses. Struggling to crawl out of bed, I dragged myself to the table and dialed for my manager.
 
It showed on Jin Hye's face when she came to fetch me home. I must have looked so screwed up that they became cautious. Jin Hye and Yoo Hyun guided me to the van without any more questions. I closed my eyes as I turned to face the window, feeling a tear streaming down my cheek.
 
My managers walked me up to my unit. When the door opened, I emotionlessly kicked off my shoes and headed for my room, ignoring my worried parents who were waiting in the living room. Not bothering to put on the indoor slippers, I thought that winter did not make the floor cold enough. Nothing could be as icy as my heart.
 
I closed the door to my room and collapsed on the floor. Maybe the freezing floor could ease the burning pain. I could feel them coming back. The whole scene of the break-up, the agony and the one man whom I had given my whole heart to.
 
"Girl, I'm coming in." Dad's quiet voice came from behind the door. The door creaked opened and probably surprised to see me on the floor, he rushed to my side. My mum was here as well and reached for my forehead.
 
"She is not having a fever." She said and Dad grabbed me, lifting me to lie on the bed.
 
"Of course she is not. You can't imagine how strong our daughter is." Dad mumbled quietly and calmly, in contrary to his busy hands frantically tucking me under the thick blankets. My eyes remained half opened and lifeless. My mum placed an electric heat pillow over my chest and stomach, making sure I was not cold.
 
"We heard what happened. You are alright. Don't worry about it. Go to sleep." Dad's voice came and I closed my eyes, finally couldn't take it anymore.
 
I didn't know how much I slept but when I woke up, I felt like I was dying. My body still felt weak and now, my joints were aching. Frowning as I tried to get out of bed, I stumbled a little and quickly grabbed the edge of the dressing table to regain balance. Turning to the side when I sensed some movements, I saw Dad stirring as he sat on the floor. My mum had her head rested on the study table with a blanket wrapping around her. Dad must have given it to her during her sleep. When Dad looked up with his sleepy eyes, I looked away in embarrassment as I stepped out of the room to wash up.
 
When I was done, I ignored my reflection on the mirror which showed a zombie with super puffy and swollen eyes. Stepping out, my father was already in the kitchen. He was sitting at the dining table and gestured for me to go over, patting on the chair next to him.
 
"Come talk to me, girl." Biting my inner cheek when I heard his calm, quiet voice, my jaws tightened as I slowly go over.
 
"Good morning, Dad." I mumbled, trying to sound like I was absolutely fine. He managed to smile. Just a little.
 
"I wish you a good morning too." His warm, big hand landed at the back of my cold one. His palm was rough from all the years of work, but still comfortable. It was a different kind of warmth from what I had been receiving from Seung Hyun. A sharp intake of breath cut me off. I shouldn't be thinking about him anymore.
 
"You are going to be alright." He cooed, his grip on my hand got firmer. I sighed, attempting to swallow the urge to cry. How the heck did he know everything when I have not sprout a word about anything?
 
"It doesn't seem to be the case." My eyes fell to my hands which were clasping tightly together till the knuckles turned white. I gave up. It was so hard to put up a strong front.
 
"Your mother and I were predicting that you will probably not make it home. But you are looking good. You did well."
 
"It's not something I should be praised." I retorted in my weak but annoyed voice. Why on earth would be say such things at this point in time?
 
"And why not?" He was the least shaken as he shot back as gently. "I personally think this is the best decision you have ever made after you decided to come here alone to pursue your dreams."
 
"Dad." I called, hinting that he should stop. My lips trembled and my eyes shone in begging tears. Please just stop. Taken aback when he stood up, I thought he was about to shout at me for rebelling him but he only took a small step and pushed my head gently to his stomach.
 
"Until when are you going to keep it in?" He whispered and that triggered my tears. It came flowing like a damaged dam but I didn't make a sound.
 
"Don't your throat hurt?" Yes, it hurts so much from the strain to stop myself from wailing.
 
"Don't your heart hurt?" It hurts a whole hell lot, Dad. It's unbelievable.
 
"It's okay. Let it all out." He cradled my head as I buried myself deeper so no one could see my tears. I didn't want my parents to see me cry. Ever since I entered my adolescence years, I had never shed a tear infront of them. It was something in me. That I should not show my weakness to anyone, not even my parents. I wanted to hide this time as well. It was so embarrassing that even after becoming an adult, my parents had to get involved in the break-up of my first love. But it really hurt too much. I could not hold it in anymore and let out the first sob.
 
"There you go." He my hair the way my mum would when she was trying to put me to sleep. It felt like something heavy was pushing me to the ground and I could not move. It was suffocating that I could hardly breathe and my whole body hurt. 
 
"You will be alright. You are going to be stronger after today. As expected of my daughter..."
 
"Please take the pain away..." I grasped for air as I pleaded, totally out of my mind. My sobs turned into muffled wails. I screamed so much that I got tired, only to be embraced tighter.
 
"I know. Daddy understands... It's okay. It is going to be over soon." It must hurt him to see his independent and prideful daughter going so hysteric like this. But I really hoped to go insane. Then maybe I don't have to experience such pain.
 
Dad, you said I would eventually break up with Seung Hyun and it happened. So does it means it’s true that you said this nightmare will be over soon? Pinky swear...?
 
My body limped against my mum as I breathed slowly. Apparently, I had woken up my mum with all my cries and she teared up. It was the first time I ever behaved like this and my parents were expectedly shocked beyond words. She hugged me to her, bringing me to her chest as the both of us continued to cry.
 
"Please let go already. It's hurting you so much... Stop being stubborn." She sobbed and I broke down even more upon her shaky voice.
 
Now that we were sitting on the couch, she continued to cradle me as she my hair. It calmed me down so much and my tears gradually stopped and I was an exhausted mess.
 
"We should go to the hospital to get you a drip. You are so tired. Do you have work today?" I simply nodded. I have work and I truly need a drip before I faint.
 
In the end, my mum called Jin Hye and an appointment was booked. As there were some free time, I decided to go to YG first. I had a meeting with Ji Yong in my schedule.
 
"I thought you are going to the hospital?" My mum stopped me when I was preparing to head out.
 
"It's in the evening. I will just discuss some matters in the studio and come back." She looked at me with reluctance and disapproval while Dad simply placed a heat pack into my hand.
 
"We will go fetch you later." I nodded with a smile, thankful that he was compromising. Looking apologetically at my mother as I waved, I gave my best smile before stepping out.
 
I took a taxi to YG, knowing that I won't be able to reach there alive if I were to drive.
 
Ji Yong was in the recording studio alone and when he turned to me as I slowly entered, he turned away and I became cautious. Is he in a bad mood?
 
"Oppa, I'm here." I muttered softly which he ignored. Instantly feeling embarrassed and awkward, I placed my bag down on the couch and walked over to his side. I waited but he never gave me a care in the world.
 
"Is there something wrong, Ji Yong oppa?" My cold hand carefully reached for his arm. Just as the tips of my fingers brushed his knitted sweater, he snapped his head to me with a sharp glare. His condition don't look good and it seemed like he was feeling unwell. Look at those eye bags and pale lips. My eyes widened in shock.
 
"Will you leave me alone?"
 
"What's wrong?" I suddenly got scared. I just broke up with Seung Hyun and he was this angry. Did something happened? Did Mr Yang find out and scold him? Did Seung Hyun yell at him again?
 
"What could have happened? Since you stepped out of my pension in the middle of the night, then get out of my studio." My brow furrowed. What does that mean? But just as I was about to speak, he beat me to it.
 
"I told you to rest till morning and you simply humiliated me. I felt so stupid when my parents and I brought food to you only to face an empty room. Are you this scared of me? Are you so scared that reporters would find you staying in my place and accuse you of sleeping with me? Do you not have a life? Am I that wrong for falling in love with you?!" He shouted and I was shocked at how ferocious he could look. I don't even mean that way when I left. I just wanted to get away and my mind wasn't clear. All there was in my mind was the break-up and honestly, I was not bothered about the fact that Ji Yong was actually interested in me.
 
"No..." I shook my head. "It's not that you think..." But nothing went into his head as he continued.
 
"If anyone were to ask me right now, I will say I love you. I love you way before Seung Hyun hyung laid hands on you. Evidence?" His eyes widened and he sprung up to his feet, picking up the multiple albums lying on the table. He started tossing each album onto me as I took a baby step back.
 
"You have every single album that I produced. Go ing listen to it." Another album fell my thigh and to the ground.
 
"Blue." Came another album dropping around my legs.
 
"Missing you."
 

“Coup d’Etat.”

“Crooked.”
 

"I need a girl."
 
"Bad Boy"
 
"Heartbreaker."

 
"And if these are not enough," He flung another album at me, showing his recent album.
 
"Not enough?" And he picked up the thumb drive which he stored the songs that we were still working on. It came flying to my stomach before joining the rest on the ground. Dumbfounded, I stood rooted to the ground as his chest rise and fell from all the agitation.
 
"These are almost 6 years worth of work. And they are all about you." His voice fell to a dangerously soft tone. He took a big step forward.
 
"The whole world heard the songs expressing my feelings for you. The whole world supported my songs. The whole world made my songs on the top of all charts. And I'm no longer afraid to let the same world know who the main character of all my songs is."
 
"Stop it." I said, a part of me fearing that he might really mean what he said.
 
"Why? Everyone already thinks that I am the third party. A little more damage won't make a difference. Let's start with this ed up building." When he said that, a thought suddenly came like a shoe flying towards my head. Oh gosh, the CCTV! I immediately spun my head towards the camera installed on the top right hand corner. The lens was aiming at us, giving a clear view of the entire studio. No, Mr Yang shouldn't know about this. At least not so soon!
 
"Oppa!" I cried in horror, trying to make him stop.
 
"Oh, but what do I do? From what I know, Hyun Suk hyung is in his office right now." He stated in mock sarcasm, successfully reading my mind. As we stared into each other, the intercom telephone on the desk rang. The one that Mr Yang would call to talk to anyone in the studios.
 
So here we were, standing abreast infront of Mr Yang's desk watching Mr Yang read the stock market on the newspaper. He called us up and refused to say a word. We know his style and attempted to speak first, but Mr Yang stopped us.
 
"Stay still and keep quiet."
 
It seemed like he was waiting for someone and I was worried, my mind making up something ridiculous. What if he's waiting for Seung Hyun? When I heard a knock, all I felt was dread. I really had this gut feel, that all those crazy thoughts might be so true.
 
"Annyonghaseyo, Hyun Suk hyung."
 
Oh .
 
My eyes shut tight when I recognized that one and only voice. So, today is war huh? I gave up and lifted my head. Fine, if today was supposed to happen this way, then I will play along. What's the big deal? We have broken up and I don't see the need to act the couple show infront of Mr Yang. I turned to my right and looked straight into Seung Hyun's eyes with a firm but indifferent gaze and turned away. In that brief moment, I saw how tired he was. His dark circles and puffy eye bags. Did he not sleep well? Like Ji Yong and I? He had a black military cap on to hide his hair since he won't be styling it and his black leathered biker's jacket reflected in the bright room. He still looks as good as ever.
 
"Kids." I looked at Mr Yang when he started. "Just what in the world happened?" I sighed silently, ready for a round of explosive screaming from a president that I wasn't even under. Why the heck am I even here?
 
"What was that I heard you saying in the studio, Ji Yong?"
 
"It's just as what you have heard." Ji Yong shot back nonchalantly and I could tell that he was getting rebellious.
 
"Are you crazy?!" Mr Yang flared up while I just kept my eyes on the window behind Mr Yang. I don't want to look down on my feet because I don't think I did anything wrong. And I could not be bothered at the war between Ji Yong and Mr Yang. Ji Yong started it so he is going to deal with it alone.
 
Just quickly end this already so I can sleep in the hospital.
 
"Please do not be angered by it. Seung Hyun hyung knows about it too." Ji Yong talked back with not even a tinge of fear and regret. I didn't know he could be this childish.
 
"You can ask them. What happened at my pension." Annoyed at his tone, I turned and frowned at him. Even though he wasn't looking at me. When I swallowed that lump of anger, I turned back and took in a brief glance of a clenched fist at my right. It was so tight that his knuckles turned completely white and veins became visible. I looked up and saw Seung Hyun clenching his jaws as he stared down at the younger one.
 
"We broke up." Frustrated at the situation and annoyed at how helpless I looked, I decided to just confess. God damn it, this is so irritating. Now, all three pairs of eyes were on me. Screw those manners, I don't give a anymore.
 
"I don't know why I am even called up here, Mr Yang. I don't deserve to be interrogated like this. Not by a CEO who I am not even under. We broke up and I don't think it is something so wrong that I have to experience these from anyone. Yes, a big money tree loves me, we get together. Then, I found out that another, bigger money tree has feelings for me too. Daebak. I made the right choice. I found my fortune here. All these are only possible in President Yang Hyun Suk's agency, YG Entertainment." With widened eyes, I fired back in a calm voice.
 
"But you know what, I am fooled by these two people for six years. All they know is to earn money to make you happy. Ever since I got to know about your idol group, I have become a fool of myself. Now that I have received enough fame, enough fortune from these two people, I should get going before my plan backfires." I turned, about to walk through the door when Mr Yang stopped me. I turned back, watching as he stood up from his chair and walked around the table. He stopped infront of us.
 
"Both of you, wait for me downstairs. Don't go anywhere. I am not done with you yet." He told the boys and the two retreated.
 
"Sit." He said as he walked to the coffee table. I obeyed hesitantly, settling myself opposite him.
 
"Look, you know I have always admired you in many ways. I don't mean to offend you earlier on." He started. I did not say a word and he proceeded.
 
"The reason why I'm so shocked at the news is because the relationship between you and Seung Hyun will affect many things." I looked up from the coffee table.
 
"I know what you are worrying, Mr Yang."
 
"No, you don't." He replied instantly, causing me to slightly furrow my brows in confusion.
 
"This is something within YG but I don't think I can keep it from you anymore." I waited, somehow knowing that what he was about to say wasn't going to be pleasant.
 
"After the media knows about your relationship, the industry had responded positively. There are companies who came to me promising endless of endorsements for Big Bang if the relationship continues. Now, I know you are probably going to say I am making use of you." And I cut in.
 
"So when you approve me to work together with Ji Yong oppa, is it also part of the plan?" My widened eyes spoke so much. Betrayal, reality, cruelty and disappointment.
 
"That's what I am trying to explain." He calmly rebutted. "No, only Seung Hyun and I know about this. The contract for the collaboration is what you and Ji Yong want. Remember?" The both of us stared into each other's eyes and my mind brought me back to the time when Ji Yong expressed how he liked my style of music and would like to work with me in a long-term basis. I looked away, sighing in helplessness.
 
"When I say I am happy that Seung Hyun found a girlfriend like you, I mean it. Jung ah, I mean it when I said I like you. I am sorry for keeping this from you." Even though I hated to admit, I heard the sincerity in Mr Yang's voice.
 
"So what do you think I should do?" I asked back quietly.
 
"You might think that I am really selfish. And it is true when you said Big Bang is making money for me. They started their career out of passion, and now, they became money-making machines. I won't blame you for that because it is true to an extent. But Jung, if you think about it, aren't you the same?" I couldn't help the frown forming on my face and my gaze got intense.
 
"Aren't you also earning money for your agency? Aren't you also enjoying the fame and popularity?"
 
"Mr Yang."
 
"This is the reality we are living in. Your agency and YG are the same as other agencies out there. This is a business, how can we not think about money?" He rationalized.
 
"I hope you don't see this negatively." I nodded, knowing that even though whatever he had said was not pleasant, it all made sense. Mr Yang let out a sigh out of a sudden, confusing me and I waited for to continue but he just held his forehead.
 
"Please continue, Mr Yang. I would not judge." His gaze turned to me and confessed.
 
"It is actually in Seung Hyun's contract that he has to secure his relationship with you." I thought I suddenly went deaf or something as I could not even hear my own breathing for a moment. My lips were apart and my widened eyes fixed on his face in disbelief.
 
"I don't know if Seung Hyun had told you about this. But it was my idea. At that time, he was very confident and it didn't seem like it would affect anything."
 
"Could this be more ridiculous?" I whispered after finally regaining my speech. "Then what do you want me to do now? Does this even make sense?" At that point, I really doubted that he was the president that I had always respected. Why would he want to include that in a contract?!
 
"Hear me out." He said, trying to calm me down and I had to clench my fists to stop those tears from pooling in my eyes. Why am I crying anyway?
 
"If you need to see the contract, I could show you."
 
"No, it is not necessary." I rejected, feeling myself getting angry. He nodded and continued.
 
"I am not worried about Seung Hyun paying the compensation because he breached the contract. What I am worried about how the media would perceive Big Bang. You might not believe me, but I am also worried how this will affect you." I nearly scoffed out. Must be kidding me, if he is worried about me, he wouldn't even have done this.
 
"You and Ji Yong got into a scandal and now, you and Seung Hyun broke up. Ji Yong became the third wheel and people doubt your personality." And it hit me hard. How my fans will react to the whole situation.
 
"I am not talking about YG breaching contracts with the companies It's about you and Big Bang. It is about the reputation, the time and efforts that your president and I have put in. I don't know how important you are to your agency. But Big Bang is the pillar of YG. YG gained its name because of them. They are like treasures to me and as a president I would not allow the media to smear dirt on their name just because of a scandal. I hope you understand my circumstances. Your agency would probably do the same to protect you too." I looked away as I breathed in to calm myself and blinked away those tears.
 
"So what are you suggesting?" I asked again.
 
"I respect the decision of the both of you. Seung Hyun is rash but I trust you. The fact that you have accepted the outcome means that you are not planning to patch back with Seung Hyun again. A break-up is not something worth hiding. What I am planning is that when the media finds out, deny it. Not permanently. After Seung Hyun's contract expires." I bit on my inner cheek, sighing.
 
"So when does his contract end?"
 
"Three years later." Oh gosh, it's freaking three years...!
 
"Okay." I simply agreed after calming down again, knowing that it was for the best. I was already scared at the thought of how the public will receive the news of our break-up.
 
"Jung ah, I know things will never be the same again. You won't see me like you used to. But I hope we could still work in a good atmosphere." I nodded half-heartedly. "Talk to Seung Hyun and Ji Yong." I looked at me like he was crazy. I'm not saying that I won't talk to them anymore, but now?
 
"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable working with Big Bang." But again, he made sense. Maybe it is true that he has my interest in his heart too. At least a bit.
 
"Okay, Mr Yang. I will need to go for an appointment now." I grabbed my bag, wanting to leave as soon as possible. He stood up as well and walked me to the door.
 
"But Jung," he stopped me when I was about to grab the door knob. "You don't look to good. Are you feeling okay?" He asked out of concern. I nodded with a tired smile, appreciating his care and concern before bowing and leaving.
 
I really need to sleep. This is getting unbearable.
 
I immediately knocked out in the van when my managers came to pick me. My parents were around but I just slept through the ride despite experiencing the biggest mind ever.
 
I was given counseling after the drip and additional treatment for I have caught a cold. I still felt weak as ever but I was still able to listen to the counselor.
 
"It's okay if you still could not take food, Yi Jung-ssi. Remember to maintain your intake of fluid." The lady looked into my eyes in a gentle, friendly gaze. "You have feedbacks that you are constantly tired. This is common since your body is lack of nutrients and you might feel more sleepy after every drip. Thus, it is advised that you have your drips at night as you are sleeping." I nodded with another weak smile. I did feel a little energized since I slept while I was on the drip but I could already feel those limited strength draining away.
 
In the end, weekly drips had been changed to once every two days. Which basically meant I had to visit the hospital and spend a night here every two days. Gosh... This is driving me crazy.
 
Back at home, I was at my desk surfing the net on my laptop. I had placed away the iPad Seung Hyun gave me. It just didn't make me feel good seeing it again. My phone rang and I picked up the call from Yoo Bin.
 
"Unnie." I called.
 
"Hey, girl. What are you doing?"
 
"I'm at home surfing the net."
 
"I see. Remember the song you sent me a few weeks ago? Mr Park has just approved it." My eyes lit up a little as I sat up straight.
 
"Is it so?"
 
"Yeah. But we contacted your president and he said it might be on hold because you are tired recently. I am worried so I called to check. Are you okay?" I smiled bitterly.
 
"I really want to do it though."
 
"Yeah, it has a pretty unique concept. But your health is more important." Heaving a silent sigh, I hesitated a little before saying.
 
"How about we meet-up?" 
 
In the end, we decided to meet at my place since Yoo Bin was around the corner. I opened the file containing the collaboration details and stared at the lyrics of the song displayed on the monitor. I had always wanted to perform onstage with Yoo Bin and we talked about it a lot. Yoo Bin promised to do it if there is an opportunity and it finally came. It was a project that I had been anticipating and preparing for. And it would be too much of a pity if my health condition became an obstacle.
 
I immediately read my mother's expression that she was upset at me, knowing that Yoo Bin and I were definitely going to discuss about work the moment I led Yoo Bin to my room but I just gave her an apologetic smile before disappearing in the hallway.
 
"My goodness, Jung ah...!" Yoo Bin grabbed my arm as the door closed. "Why are you so skinny?" She reached up my cheek and briefing touched it. Her face expressed horror with her eyes so wide.
 
"I almost couldn't recognise you!"
 
"Unnie, actually I..." And I told her about my health condition. From her look, I could sense her blood turned cold and she stood infront of me completely stunned and unable to move. Her eyes scanned my body from head to toe and I wasn't sure what to feel. Cautiously, I tugged her lightly to sit on the bed as I planted my on the chair from the dressing table.
 
"I'm sorry..." I wasn't sure what the apology was for but I was definitely sorry for giving her a shock. "But don't worry about me. I'm under treatment now."
 
"I think it's better that we postpone the collaboration. All the promotions and performances will tire you too much."
 
"But, unnie... It's an opportunity that doesn't come easy." I persuaded. "You know how much I wanted to perform on the same stage with you."
 
"The work is going to be too much for you. Listen to you president." She reached for my hand. "Let's do it when you get better."
 
"But I really want to work." Tears unconsciously gathered in my eyes as we looked into each others' orbs. "After my agency got to know about my disorder, all schedules are rearranged and the only places I have been to are home and the hospital. They don't even allow me to participate as much in the production anymore." My lower lip trembled as I controlled my tears. Yoo Bin sighed.
 
"Your president is not going to allow this."
 
"I will convince him." She sighed openly, tightening the grip on my hand.
 
"Jung ah, what's the hurry?" She asked in exasperation, could not understand why I wanted this.
 
"I don't want to feel like a patient."
 
Yoo Bin gave in and was heartbroken that she shed tears. She still tried to make me reconsider but I was the impatient one. Taken aback when I informed that I would go to the agency to talk to President later, she frowned.
 
"Jung, just rest. See him tomorrow."
 
"It's okay. I'm starting to feel excited already." She rolled her eyes at my smile and when I heard the door bell, I knew Jin Hye had arrived.
 
"Mum! I will be right back." And without waiting for her reply, I pulled Yoo Bin out. Just as we were about to part ways, Yoo Bin caught my wrist by the van.
 
"I didn't know if I should tell you this when you are so sick."
 
"Please tell me." I urged and she closed eyes, head hanging low before looking up again. Her eyes opened and she finally spoke.
 
"You know the drama I am going to be in?" I nodded, waiting for her to continue. "The producer was currently looking for singers for their OST collection. I thought one of the songs suits you so I recommended you. From what I know, he has contacted your managers but there was no response." A smile broke out.
 
"Thank you for telling me, unnie. You are definitely the best."
 
"Don't push yourself too much!" She called as I hopped onto the van, waving before sliding the door closed.
 
President shook his head.
 
"No, you can't."
 
"But, SaJangNim-"
 
"No means no." He stared deadly at me. "You would not be able to handle the preparation with your body condition." He dismissed, standing up and going behind his desk to take a seat. I jumped onto my feet, following him until I was before his desk. 
 
"I have been listening to you."I tried to rationalise. "You halted all my schedules and didn't allow me to participate as much in production. All you want me to do is to sleep, go for drips and counseling. I have slept so much and the fatigue is not going away. It is not working!" I stood up for myself and argued, unaware that my volume increased. President's eyes widened for I seldom talked back at him.
 
"No matter how much I sleep, I still feel like I am dying. I still feel like I could not take another step but I do not want my illness to stop me from doing what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don't want to give in to this damn disorder and SaJangNim, you cannot take my career away from me!" I declared in a firm and loud tone, getting agitated as the accumulated tears spilled.
 
"Please, SaJangNim. You know singing is my life..." My voice became soft and my head hang down. Feeling a little worn out now that I had relaxed, I breathed slowly.
 
"Is that what you want?" President finally asked after a long silence. His voice was soft and had a warm tone. I looked up with teary eyes and wet cheeks.
 
"Do you want it so much like it is the last thing you want to do before you die?" Looking down to hide the coming tears, I nodded.
 
"I don't want to waste any more time." A tear fell to the floor next to my shoe. To be honest, I know if I don't take care of myself, I would die. My body would slowly eat up my organs and I won't know when I will be leaving the world. I thought I could just start to eat again but it was so hard. Everything came back up my throat the moment I swallowed them. I didn't know eating can be so miserable. Every morning when I woke up, I was thankful that I had another day to spend. Anorexia made me appreciate that I was able to breathe. Even though I live with uncertainty, I was grateful I was not dead. And I want to make use of life, even if I would die tonight.
 
A long sigh came from President.
 
"Go ahead then." My head lift up slowly. "But this project will be under my supervision. I will decide how many meetings you attend and how many performances this collaboration is allowed to have." I nodded, heaving a sigh of relief.
 
"Thank you. Thank you..." And I teared up again, feeling so glad that at least, I was able to sing on stage again. I don't know if I would have the stamina to sing well, but I was more thankful for the opportunity.
 
"Seeing that you have met up with Yoo Bin-ssi, you must have also known about the OST recording." Wiping my tears, I nodded for the nth time. He turned to the shelf at the back and pulled out a file. Retrieving a brown document envelop, he handed it over to me and stood up, guiding me back to the coffee table again.
 
"The composer and lyricist for the song is Jung Joon Young-ssi." I turned to him as I pulled out the piece of paper with the lyrics printed, taken aback.
 
"I didn't know he was one of the casts." President shook his head.
 
"He is not. But he knows the producer and was invited to produce a song. Probably because Jung Yoo Mi-ssi is in the cast." I nodded, knowing that Jung Joon Young and Jung Yoo Mi had admitted to being in a year relationship last year. Yoo Mi had the main lead role while Yoo Bin was playing the minor role of her best friend. Personally, I had a few encounters with Yoo Mi in the several TV Stations and I would say we were pretty close.
 
Pulling out the thumbdrive that President saved the sample audio, I heard him continue.
 
"I thought Joon Young-ssi is only devoted to rock. But looks like he is pretty talented and professional to be up to the producer's expectations. I must say it is good. We should thank Yoo Bin-ssi for recommending you to the producer." I nodded again, reading the lyrics.
 
"It is ballad and I heard it would be used as the ending theme song if everything goes smoothly. Go listen to it. If you like it, I will contact the producer."
 
"SaJangNim," I called, gaining his attention. "Why are you allowing me to take up so many projects out of a sudden?" I was already thankful for the collaboration with Yoo Bin, but now he approved another recording...
 
"I have given up." I smiled embarrassingly.
 
"I'm very disobedient, right?" Apologetic, I muttered.
 
"Now that I have given you what you want, talk to me honestly." Ignoring my previous statement, what he said confused me. However, I still nodded.
 
"Tell me about you and Seung Hyun." As if time stopped, I could only hear my breathing as surprise continued to take over.
 
"Your managers and I more or less have an idea but I want you to confirm it."
 
"We have broken up."
 
"When?"
 
"Yesterday."
 
"Okay. Go ahead." I stood up, bowed to him and left.
 
Stepping out, my managers were leaning against the wall with a slight frown that they might not have noticed. When Jin Hye saw me, she came over and I noticed her reddened eyes. She must have heard the bicker between me and president. Jin Hye embraced me.
 
"What shall I do... I'm so sorry..." She sobbed and I knew she was heartbroken and feeling sorry over my condition. Even though it was not because of her, I knew she had the hardest time getting over it. I looked up when an affectionate ruffle was felt on my hair to see Yoo Hyun smiling bitterly to me. As much as they were feeling guilty, I blamed myself for make them worried.
 
The first thing I did when I reached my studio was to turn on the desktop. While it loaded, I gave Yoo Bin a text to tell her the good news. Sticking the thumbdrive into the CPU, I plopped down the chair and picked up my phone once it rang.
 
From Yoo Bin
 
Really?! I'm driving. Call you in five minutes.
 
I smiled, sensing her excitement as well and turned back to the screen.
 
After listening the audio guide a few times, my phone rang again. With a smile, I reached my phone without tearing my from the screen, already know who the caller was.
 
"Jung ah," My smile became wider.
 
"Unnie, have you reached home?"
 
"Yeah, just stepped inside my room."
 
"Your manager might receive a call soon. My president will be making arrangements."
 
"He will be the producer this time?"
 
"Not exactly but he will be supervising it."
 
"See. I told you this whole thing is just going to worry him."
 
"Oh, come on. Unnie..." I whined a little with aegyo and I heard her literally groaned.
 
"Okay, okay. I got it." I laughed, which she followed and decided to meet up again soon to discuss the collaboration stage.
 
Two days had passed by and I was getting ready to leave the hospital. Instead of getting the drip in the night, I took it in the morning just this time as I had a recording in the afternoon. Frankly speaking, I was worried. Even standing for a long time could exhaust me and I don't know how I was supposed to survive the long hours singing in the studio. I sighed at the thought, closing my eyes as I did some mind-controlling.
 
You are going to be alright. Do it good and it's going to only take a no more than a day. This is nothing.
 
My eyes flapped opened when I heard the door slid open and Jin Hye appeared.
 
"Let's go. Yoo Hyun oppa has the car ready." I nodded with a smile. I was feeling excited even though I don't exactly had confidence. But I guessed that was good enough as of now.
 
I was guided into a recording studio by a staff with my managers trailing behind me.
 
"Annyeonghaseyo." I bowed with a smile when I recognized the producer, Ahn Han Chae sitting at the desk. He stood up and came over, offering a hand shake. I bowed again as I accepted and turned to Joon Young who had stood up from the couch. I bowed again and greeted him.
 
"First of all, I would like to thank Yi Jung-ssi for accepting our offer." Han Chae said with a smile. "Have Yi Jung-ssi heard the song?"
 
"Yes, I have listened to it a few days ago."
 
"The song you will be recording together is composed by Joon Young so he will be here as well throughout the recording." I nodded to acknowledge.
 
"I heard you are friends with Yoo Mi. Have you met Joon Young then?"
 
"We have greeted each other a few times. Other than that, we have not interacted." I told Han Chae. The producer turned to Joon Young.
 
"You are a lot quieter than you used to be. Don't you have anything to say to Yi Jung-ssi?"
 
"You lost quite an amount of weight." I chuckled awkwardly, seriously not expecting something similar.
 
"Thank you."
 
"Don't mind him. He is like that."
 
"Yi Jung-ssi, I hope you do a good job." Joon Young said and I smiled.
 
"Please guide me along the way."
 
"Alright." Han Chae clapped his hands, looking at the both of us. "Shall we start?"
 
Han Chae and Joon Young briefed me on the song before I was sent into the recording booth.
 
"Let's go." Joon Young clicked the button and the song came. My eyes fixed on the lyrics infront of me as I sang, carefully emphasizing on certain words.
 
"We will do that again." Joon Young said and I gave an 'okay' sign. I sang it again. "Okay."
 
It went on for a total of eight hours. Pretty crazy as I was starting to feel slight fatigue. I was given breaks in between and I silently thanked god that I actually practiced a lot the last few days. I was expecting to get yelled at but it went a lot better than I thought.
 
"Good job." Joon Young said and Han Chae stood up, clapping a few times to thank each other.
 
"Thank you for the hard work." I went out and bowed to the both of them as well as an additional staff assisting in the recording.
 
While I was recording, my managers gestured that they will wait downstairs after making sure that I had settled down and was doing fine so I stayed back until they returned.
 
"Yoo Mi noona is coming. She said she wants to meet you." Joon Young said as he passed me a bottle of water. I thanked him and nodded before joining him on the couch. Han Chae then needed to leave for a meeting.
 
"You really did not disappoint, Yi Jung-ssi. I'm once again impressed." I bowed with a humble smile as I walked the producer to the door.
 
"I have been guided well. Thank you."
 
Now that it was left with Joon Young and I, it was a little awkward.
 
"Have you eaten?" He asked to break the ice.
 
"Yes." Well, the drips are like my meals so I am not exactly lying... "How about you?"
 
"I have not eaten since breakfast."
 
"Ah... What would you like to eat? Let me buy you something."
 
"Oh," Like a light bulb appearing next to his head, he continued. "You are my senior, right? Buy me black bean noodles." Knowing that he had an extraordinary character, I laughed softly as I instantly agreed. I ordered spicy seafood noodles for Yoo Mi as well, just in case she had not eaten.
 
"I like NGMiracles." He said randomly as he slurped on his noodles. I smiled with my eyes lit.
 
"Oh, the kids told me that you gave them advice backstage."
 
"Ah, it was nothing. I like them."
 
"Who in particular?" I asked with a light-heartened smile. He has similar personality as Jung Jun.
 
"Kim Jung Jun." I chuckled, accurately hitting the bull's eye. "He is the same as me." I laughed more at his statement. Because I know how true it was, it appeared funnier.
 
"Yeah, I can tell." He took a sip of his coffee.
 
"Is he very worrisome? You look very worried." He teased with a serious look. How did he do that?
 
"Yeah." I simply agreed, knowing how Jung Jun was. He took another mouthful of the noodles as I watched him.
 
"Thank you. For taking care of them." He peeked up from his plate.
 
"Nah, I did not even do anything." There was another pause before he started again.
 
"Why did you suddenly drop out from '1 Night 2 Days'? Is the programme tedious?" I flashed a small bitter smile, already knowing that the cast was going to change completely. President pulled me out of the show, knowing that no way I would be able to keep up with the filming anymore. And with many rumors about the change of cast, the production team had decided to take the opportunity to have a completely new cast.
 
"I have decided to focus on music this year instead." I lied. "And because it is an outdoor show, there is a tendency for unexpected situations. Other than that, it is pretty fun. There are rumors that you would be in the new cast."
 
"Apparently, the rumor is true. The filming seems pretty torturous. I am hesitating." I laughed.
 
"But you get to go on a vacation every two weeks." I gave a pro to participating in the filming.
 
"But you don't always get to eat." He argued. "Do they really do that? Isn't that ill-treating the artistes?"
 
"Then you could just suggest to play another game to get simple food. Then share it among everyone. To be honest, there are times when you get so tired and your appetite is gone. But it definitely does taste better when the food is shared. Even if it is just instant noodles."
 
"Oh, really? Shall I just accept the offer then?"
 
"You should. It's really fun." We continued to chat about music and career.
 
"I see you do collaborations very frequently. It's like your speciality now."
 
"I find it fun. Like blending different styles from each singer and make the whole concept work."
 
"We should work on one too." My eyes brightened.
 
"I thought Joon Young-ssi is interested in only rock music, but after recording the song just now, it looks like you do ballad quite well too. Let's collaborate." I chirped, totally enthusiastic about the idea.
 
"No. I am intending to make you do rock." He clarified which I chuckled in ridicule.
 
"Oh, come on. You know it is not possible."
 
"I am going to fall asleep if I perform a ballad song. Your hair actually has the rocker style. You can do head-banging." My eyes widened in horror at the picture my mind came up with as I burst out laughing. Our attention was diverted to the door when we heard it open. Yoo Mi poked her head in and a grin instantly appeared on my face.
 
"Unnie...!" I squealed, getting up and going to her.
 
"Hey...!" She smiled widely but she commented something I was so used recently.
 
"You're so skinny!"
 
"Stop saying I am bony and unhealthy. She has it worse than me." Joon Young told Yoo Mi and even though it was meant to be a joke, it did sadden me a little. I lost weight to get compliments. Not in my dreams had I thought that I might look unhealthy... I mustered a smile, turning back to Yoo Mi.
 
Yoo Mi settled down and joined us for food as we chatted.
 
"Jung, I will pay you." Yoo Mi declared as she grabbed her bag. "What's wrong with this boy making you pay..." Turning to Joon Young, she threw him a sharp disapproving look.
 
"It's okay." I stopped her. "He didn't make me do it. I wanted to buy him a meal."
 
"You think everyone is like you? Making juniors pay for everything?" Joon Young shot.
 
"Did I buy you steak or not?" Oh gosh, there they go again. "You meet her for the first time, and you are so thick-skinned to ask for a meal!"
 
"We are already close. She calls me 'oppa'!" He quickly defended, giving Yoo Mi an expression like he was wrongly accused. I bit my inner cheek to stop myself from laughing. God, they are so entertaining to watch.
 
"Okay, okay." I interrupted. "What is this bicker all about?" With a warm smile, I wrinkled my nose to control the laughing urge as the both of them gave each other dirty looks.
 
My managers soon came up again to check if we were done with work and were surprised to see us chatting casually. I smiled to Jin Hye and Yoo Hyun, definitely in a good mood. They smiled back, probably simply glad that I was smiling.
 
"Are you heading home, Jung ah?" Yoo Mi asked.
 
"Hm. Do you guys need a ride? Where do you live?" I asked, turning to Joon Young since I knew where Yoo Mi stayed.
 
"Oh?!" Yoo Mi suddenly cried. "You two stay next to one another!" Confused, I stared at elder girl for her to continue.
 
"You live in Samseong too?" I nodded when Joon Young asked and recited the full address.
 
"Then your building is just diagonally across mine." He stated. "Okay, we could go for soju soon. There is a particular cart stall, the ahjuma sells heavenly diced chicken."
 
"Oh! I know who you are talking about!" I exclaimed, immediately giving him a high-five as I chuckled in amusement.
 
"Deal!"
 
"You two absolutely click so well." Yoo Mi uttered in disbelief. "I don't know you belong to a similar category as a weirdo like him, Jung."
 
"Then why are you his girlfriend?"
 
"Then why are you my girlfriend?"
 
The room burst into louder chuckles and the infamous devil-like laughter as the two of us shared a loud high-five yet again for having some kind of telepathy.
 
"You two get closer than I expected." Jin Hye stated when we were back in the van, referring to Joon Young and I. I was surprised myself that we were already speaking informally. I lied back on my seat relaxingly.
 
"He's fun. I used to be like him when I was still in Singapore. He's like a friend back at home."
 
"I can foresee you two sticking together in the future." I laughed flippantly, my eyes already half-lidded.
 
"Finally tired?"
 
"Yeah. When I was working, I don't really feel it."
 
"Looks like working energizes you." Jin Hye draped a blanket over me, keeping me warmth as Yoo Hyun turned off the lights to allow me to rest better.
 
"Yeah, keep the schedules coming..." Giving in to the last bit of restraint, my eyes flapped closed.
 
The next morning, I was reading an article on NGMiracles' performance in a Japan showcase when I heard my mum.
 
"Girl, your manager is here." I looked up, heading to the door to see my mum just arriving at the door. I instinctively held her hands with both hands as we walked out together.
 
"Unnie," I called. Jin Hye had called to fetch me to the agency out of a sudden, leaving me hanging when I asked for the reason. Jin Hye smiled when she saw me and bowed to my father when he offered her a warm can of coffee.
 
"Let's go." She guided me outside as we bade farewell to my parents.
 
Jin Hye and Yoo Hyun walked me up to President's room the next day and I didn't know what caused this tension in the air. They refused to utter a word whenever I asked.
 
"We will be waiting at the end of the hallway." Jin Hye informed cautiously, which brought more confusion clouded in my head. Yoo Hyun gently opened the door after lightly knocking on it and they stood rooted to the ground as I stepped in. I heard the door closed and just as I was about to greet President, I saw Mr Yang and Seung Hyun seated at the coffee table. Surprised, I hurriedly uttered my greetings.
 
"Have a seat." President's smile calmed me slightly and sat down at the seat next to him.
 
"I'm sorry to have caused any inconvenience. After hearing from Mr Yang, I was so appalled at how ridiculous things have became so I decided that we all meet up to talk." President explained.
 
"I'm sorry, but it is the best solution that I could think of." Turning to Mr Yang when he said that, I was taken aback. With my gut feel, did President happened to know about...
 
"Mr Yang," President started calm but I know he was about to explode. "Do Hooks Entertainment and I look like a pushover?" While Mr Yang sighed and was guilty to the extent that he could look nowhere but the floor, I started to feel sorry for him. I mean, he is a CEO afterall.
 
"I know whatever I say, all arrows will be pointing at me. But please understand that I have to think for my agency too."
 
"That's true. So you do whatever you want within your company and I will do it my way. How dare you personally talk to my artiste and brainwash her that she agreed to these lies you are cooking up?!" He raised his voice and as usual, I jumped before closing my eyes to calm myself.
 
"The contract between you and your artiste has nothing to do with us so we will not be complying with any of your schemes." President declared and Mr Yang looked up, about to say something when Seung Hyun beat him to it.
 
"Yes," He bowed to President. "I'm sorry for causing all the commotion."
 
"Seung Hyun ah, keep quiet." Mr Yang instantly shut him off before turning to President again.
 
"This is something that could affect both parties. And I don't understand why you are okay with the media knowing this."
 
"You did not consult or discuss anything with me before you made the contract with Seung Hyun-ssi, and I have no plans to explain my decision."
 
"If the public knows about this, not only Seung Hyun, Jung is going to suffer losses too. I don't think I have to list the other consequences." Mr Yang argued and I was speechless. Why are the both of them arguing infront of Seung Hyun and I?
 
"Please settle your issue within YG Entertainment. You do not have any rights to interfere how I handle the issue." President remained firm.
 
"I know you are concerned about your artiste. My request here is not to hide the truth away permanently. It is just for a few years." Mr Yang fought his stand and I started to ponder on how desperate he must be in order to speak like he was actually trying to help us.
 
"Can you even hear yourself?" Seung Hyun suddenly raised his voice a notch, startling us. "What you have asked for is absurd and I don't want to play the couple game. I know what you are concerned. The shares and the expansion plans this year. I told you I understand everything! I will pay every single cent that you lose. Doesn't that settle the problem?!" He ranted, glaring straight into Mr Yang.
 
"For the possible damage on Big Bang, how are you supposed to compensate?!" Mr Yang yelled back. "You messed up, Seung Hyun. Don't you dare raise your voice at me."
 
"What on earth are you two doing?!" President exploded, infuriated for the two outsiders causing a commotion in his office. "If no one is taking a step back, then get out of my building right now!" And that shut them up. I looked at them, judging them for being immature. A deafening silence took over and gave Seung Hyun and Mr Yang the opportunity to calm down. My mind flew back to what Mr Yang said a few days ago, I know he was doing this mainly for Seung Hyun and Big Bang. But I clearly know I will be at the losing end as well if I don't follow his plans.
 
So this is how it works in the world.
 
I remember the couple commercial Seung Hyun and I had participated, clearing knowing how it would affect the commercial business if the world knew we had broken up. I would be affected as well and of course, Big Bang. Poor Ji Yong, he might need to halt the production if amendments had to be done to the scheduled plans. And that made me more determined to keep our break-up in secret. I have bothered too many innocent people.
 
"SaJangNim, don't worry about me. As long as the media don't know about it, we don't even need to explain anything." I assured. It's only three years. What's so hard about that?
 
"I'm not going to let this affect my career. It is all I have left." I declared, knowing that my words would affect Seung Hyun even though it was just sheer childishness.
 
In the end, I got President so mad that he chased me out of his office. But I don't feel embarrassed. All I could think of was how this drama was going to end. President and Mr Yang remained inside while Seung Hyun was dismissed as well. I knew war might even start between them but I hoped things do come together and a resolution could be formed.
 
Seung Hyun and I were silent in the lift lobby and I thought I should talk to him first. We might have broken up, but we still had to work together.
 
"Shall we talk?" The both of us said at the same time and turned to each other awkwardly. I nodded. Maybe Mr Yang told him to talk to me as well...
 
I brought him to my recording studio. It was the most private place in the entire building. Unlike YG, there were no CCTVs here. He had come before quite a lot of times so I don't exactly feel anything about bringing him to my work place. Offering him a seat, I went to the mini fridge to get him a drink. I handed it to him and sat down on the couch, a seat away from him. We stared at the front for a long time. I wanted to speak to him, but I don't know where to start. And it was made known to me that I could not handle being with him in an enclosed area yet. I clenched my jaw to control myself from pouring out my tears and moving over to hold him. I can't do that anymore. And I hated the fact that I was actually not that strong after all even when I had convinced myself that he would not be able to affect me much anymore.
 
"Why did you agree to the arrangement?" His quiet deep voice echoed in my studio and I longed so much to hear him again. "It's not going to be easy."
 
"Everything Mr Yang said, makes sense."
 
"Makes sense?" I turned over when I heard his mocking voice, watching how he looked at me in disbelief. "Do you think the situation we are in right now make sense?"
 
"Maybe you can say I am scared how this is going to affect me." With a quiet voice, I looked down at my hands, sighing as I had started to hate everything about myself. I have become a slave to my career.
 
"Min Ah-ssi is right. I cannot afford to lose all these. It is too much for me to handle." My voice became a whisper as I uttered the sad reality. Even though I still believe that neither Ji Yong nor Min Ah was the reason to our break-up, somehow whatever Min Ah said was true. We broke up because of trust issues, but Min Ah was so capable at picking out my flaws and exaggerate it to Seung Hyun. Why must things become this way?
 
We stayed silent for another moment.
 
"So, you love Ji Yong?" Despite my surprise, I calmly turned to him.
 
"Do you believe Min Ah-ssi words more than mine?" He couldn't provide an answer and I continued.
 
"You still don't get it. Everything happened not because of Min Ah-ssi or Ji Yong oppa. It's us." My eyes shone helplessness within the pool of tears. "It's about us trusting each other. That is what stopping our relationship." Glancing away to in my tears, I turned back to him after another sigh.
 
"I know you would think that I am crapping about the trust topic. Anyhow, it won't make a difference anymore. Find someone who could make you happy again." The last sentence often sounded very cliché in dramas but I finally understood the meaning behind it. I couldn't let him go but I had no choice. All I had was worry, because I know he was just an ordinary person who needed love and care like any other person does. Even when Min Ah would be the person who shows him affections, I wouldn't mind anymore. I just don't want him to be left alone to go through this break-up.
 
Because I know how hurting it will be.
 
After Mr Yang came to get Seung Hyun, I was left with President again.
 
"You are my artiste and you actually trust others' words more than mine. Are you still regarding me as the president? Why don't you join them after your contract ends with me?" President shot back quietly. And it hurt me when he said that. I know he was sick of me being disobedient but apart from that, I knew I have hurt him.
 
"That's not what I mean..." My voice softened as I tried to explain but realised that there was no other way to clarify myself. "I'm sorry."
 
"Your contract with me is ending in six months' time and I heard from Jin Hye that you are getting many offers. Is Mr Yang one of them?"
 
"SaJangNim...!" I must have really disappointed him as he usually don't question things like this. It was true that I have been getting offers from other companies but I told Jin Hye to leave them in the box in my studio. When my contract expired the previous time, I did the same thing and honestly, I have not even looked at what others had to offer. No, I don't even know which company was trying to recruit me. I want to stay here and I am serious about it.
 
"Please don't misunderstand me. That's not my intention." I denied softly, shaking my head slowly but he just gave me one last look before leaving the studio.
 
My managers sent me home and I was talking to Seung Gi on the phone in my room. Seung Gi and NGMiracles already knew about my condition since there was no way to hide from them since I had to give a reason for not able to participate much in their production.
 
"You seriously, just focus on recovering. You really made the whole agency frantic." I smiled faintly, standing by the window as I looked out at the night sky.
 
"I'm sorry, oppa."
 
"I can still send you the songs if you insist but remember you promise you would work in moderation."
 
"Alright. Thank you." Just as I was hanged up the call, another call came in.
 
"Yeoboseyo?"
 
"It's me. Where are you?" Joon Young spoke at the other line.
 
"Hey, oppa. I'm at home."
 
"I'm actually around the corner. Wanna come out and have a drink?" Instinctively, I looked down and spotted a skinny man strolling across the carpark. Isn't he familiar?
 
"Perhaps, are you that skinny, messy-haired man with a cigarette?" I asked lightly, smiling to myself. Instantly, the man halted in his tracks and looked around.
 
"Upwards. Fifteen storey." I said and the man turned and looked up.
 
"I can't see you."
 
"But I can~" I sang, my gaze fixing on Joon Young downstairs.
 
"So what? Are you coming or not?"
 
"Fine. Give me a minute." I walked away to grab my coat. Approaching my parents' room, I knocked and poked my head in.
 
"Mummy..." I called before going in, embracing her from the back. "Do you want anything to eat? I'm meeting a friend for supper." She turned back, confused.
 
"Supper? You?" I smiled.
 
"I'm probably just watching him eat."
 
"It's a guy? Be careful. What if others see you?"
 
"Everyone knows I have plenty of male friends." I stated in defense.
 
"I should really change this bad habit of yours. Why must you keep meeting people at night?"
 
"Everyone is busy in the day." She eyed me, knowing that she would not win in this verbal 'battle'.
 
"What time are you coming back?"
 
"We will probably in the neighborhood. Will be probably back by midnight." Mummy walked me out, making sure I was wearing enough.
 
"Give your dad a call when you are coming back. God knows where he is wandering around again." I smiled, knowing that my father must have gone to the park again out of boredom.
 
Joon Young and I went looking for the stall with our favourite Ahjuma and luck must be really with us when we soon spotted her next to the traffic light. We sat down and ordered one serving of the famous diced chicken, a bowl noodles and a bottle of soju. Joon Young literally jeered at me when I told him I was on a diet. Rolling his eyes, he slurped on the noodles.
 
"I signed the contract for 1 Night 2 Days today." He said and my eyes lit up.
 
"Really? You are going to have fun. You won't regret it." I assured and he shrugged. We chatted for the next hour and somehow, we started talking about games.
 
"Are you serious?" He looked at me with a what-the-heck look when I told him the only game I played was my favourite Super Mario.
 
"Where did you buy that game anyway?"
 
"Oh...!" I sat up straight as I started to get excited to share how to come across this extinction.
 
"I really wanted to play that game so tried searching it on Google Play when I am using my manager's phone. Then it is there! Free of charge! And it's like super old school. There are sixty four games in that download and the navigations are designed like the gameboy. Super fun!" I ranted on and he laughed, pulling out his phone.
 
"Download it." He said as if to challenge me. Not wanting to lose, I grabbed the device and searched for the game. No way I am losing in this! Gonna prove it to him that it still exists!
 
"Ta da!" I handed the phone back to him when the download was completed and he immediately tabbed on the icon. His eyes widened at the sight infront of him.
 
"Oh... My... God..." And you know what, he instantly started playing and got addicted. He played a few rounds before glancing up at me.
 
"It sure brings back memories." He said, putting the device down on the table.
 
"Yeah. I used to be better in that. But now, I can't go over the third level."
 
"Come up to my place for games soon. My friends and I used to gather to play. Join us." He invited. I laughed quietly at his randomness, nodding.
 
"Okay."
 
Joon Young was talking on the phone with Yoo Mi when she called while I texted my father.
 
"I am with Jung. Quickly go to sleep. Don't you have filming tomorrow?" He nagged with a cigarette between his fingers, serving it towards his lips.
 
"Come on, you just don't understand how much she likes spending time with me." I smirked upon that. How can he say such things to his girlfriend? He is really one of a kind. "But she's really no fun. Didn't even drink a drop of soju..." I playfully glared at him. I had refused to drink anything, stating that I had to take care of my skin. Dad said he would be reaching home soon.
 
"You're not going back?" I asked after he called his manager to pick him up soon.
 
"I'm so disappointed. You didn't know I have a radio show every midnight?"
 
"Ah..." I looked at him with my lips slightly apart. "Shimshimtapa..." He nodded as he glared into my face.
 
"Remember to tune in." He reminded in a haughty voice as he walked ahead while I made a face at his back. We sat on a bench outside my apartment and no one said anything until I saw a familiar figure walking towards the building. With a smile, I stood up.
 
"Daddy..." I called in a light voice. Turning back to Joon Young, I smiled kindly at him when he looked surprised.
 
"I will see you soon, oppa? Work hard." He nodded nonchalantly as he watched me walking in with my father.
 
"Looks like you when to the mall." I stated, noticing the bags he was holding and quickly reaching for them to give him a helping hand.
 
"Yes, I did. Who is he?"
 
"I got to know him recently. He's a composer of a song that I sang."
 
"What are you doing with him? It's so cold outside and it's near midnight." He asked further as we stepped out of the lift. I knew he was just worried. We walked over to our unit and I pressed the pin to unlock the door.
 
"He stays nearby so we just went out for a chat." I reassured him as I pushed the door open. Mum was waiting at the living room and we went to put down the things.
 
"I brought some food. Eat it for breakfast." I smiled to my mother who came to the dining table and stared at what we brought back. My family should really try the diced chicken...!
 
"Stop going out when it's late. You are a girl. And that guy is so skinny. Will he even know what to do when you meet reporters?" Dad continued his nagging.
 
"Daddy, do you mean I can only go out with singles?" I laughed. "I don't need anyone to protect me. Don't worry, he is attached." Before Daddy could say another word, my mother butted in.
 
"He has a girlfriend?" And the both of them frowned at the idea. Upon realization, I sighed inwardly at how sensitive they had become after all the scandals and drama.
 
"Don't worry, I know what I am doing." I softly replied before escaping into my room.
 
Yoo Bin and I were in my studio for a discussion.
 
"Actually, I think we should go all out on this dark concept." She said as we were on the lyrics. "Right now, it feels like we are still holding back." I glanced at her before tilting my head as I processed her words.
 
"Give me a second." And I started anew on the lyrics.
 
"How about this?" I pushed my chair away from the screen so she could have a better look. Shifting herself infront of the screen, Yoo Bin stared at the lyrics.
 
 

Title: Vixen
Artiste: Yi Jung (ft. Yoo Bin of Wonder Girls)
 
 
(Yi Jung)

Somewhere around you
I see you but you don't
All your words and laughter

Everything about you
I can’t seem to get it off my mind
 
I may sound crazy
I may appear obsessed
Because I won't let you go and
 
 
(Chorus) (Yi Jung)
 
Until I get rid of the girl beside you
I won't stop
Call me a vixen
I don't care
I'm going to make you mine
 
Run because I would never stop until you embrace me
Your scent intoxicates me
Your gaze breath-taking
No one else but you
I will get to where I belong
Right next to you
 
 
Pretending to meet you coincidentally
I start an endless conversation
Messing with your girlfriend
I play the Game of Innocent
And when you trust me
I know I won and
 
 
(Chorus) (Yi Jung, Yoo Bin)
 
Until I get rid of the girl beside you
I won't stop
Call me a vixen
I don't care
I'm going to make you mine
 
Run because I would never stop until you embrace me
Your scent intoxicates me
Your gaze breath-taking
No one else but you
I will get to where I belong
Right next to you
 
 
(Yoo Bin) Uh uh, I am the vixen
I play games
I play men
Society judges
But heck
I judge society
 
Shut up,
I know I won
Loser
Get things right and scam off
You don't deserve perfect man like oppa
 
 
After being working on ballad for a long time, I had always wanted a change. As if I was still a child in her rebellion phase, I actually wanted to play around with darker concepts like revenge and sins. And since Yoo Bin wasn't really the kind for ballad, I thought it was a good opportunity to work on a song like this. And when I was working on this song, I was actually struggling with all the dramas Min Ah started and somehow, it became the main inspiration of this song.
 
"Perfect!" She gave me a hi-five which I gladly accepted. "Gosh, you are good!" She clapped like a seal with a kiddy smile. I laughed softly, something suddenly coming up in my mind.
 
"Since the lyrics are a little strong, the song might get banned. Are you okay with it?" Yoo Bin shrugged.
 
"Who cares? We are too old to be controlled."
 
"Are you feeling rebellious lately?" Smirking as I turned back to the screen to print out the lyrics, I stood up and went over to the print to retrieve the document.
 
"Yeah, slightly." I smiled as I handed it to her.
 
We started the recording right away, only knocking off nearly midnight when President realised I had not gone home. As usual, he nagged and ordered Jin Hye to send me back to rest immediately. Thank God Yoo Bin and I were already packing to leave. I submitted the full recording to President and emailed Mr Park Jin Young the audio. From what I know, President had arranged a meeting with the stylists and directors to discuss on the clothing and music video details. I know I was not allowed to participate in the meetings so I had handed the head stylist all the details I wanted to be included in the collaboration this morning.
 
My parents were in the hospital with me as I had my drip.
 
"The project this time is the simplest one I have ever worked on." I relayed the details on the collaboration with Yoo Bin as I could start feeling the effect of the drip.
 
"We don't intend to have any extensive promotion. Just one performance per music station so there will only be four performances to participate and the promotion is done." My eyes flapped closed for a moment to relieve the drowsy strain I was bearing with.
 
"Go to sleep." My mother did not comment on my work and simply said. "Let me more about it when you wake up."
 
"This is it. There's nothing more." My tired voice ended as my eyes closed again, hearing my father's quiet laugh and goodnight before darkness consumed me.
 
I was not lying when I said the collaboration was a simple one. The photo shooting for the jacket photos only lasted for barely an hour and I doubted if there were enough cuts for the music video. President was around all the while and even though he allowed me to shoot the poses that I had planned, I felt pretty restricted. It was like even if I wanted to reshoot a certain pose because I think it could have been better, President would say that it was good enough and the shooting proceeded.
 
The work was done in less than three days as I don't know how President did it but the factory sent us the albums within four days. Does the factory only manufacture our albums and not others? I actually didn't feel quite good because it felt very rushed, but the end product turned out to be better than I had expected.
 
Yoo Bin and I were in my studio as we looked at the hard-covered album. There was only one song with the instrumental version of it but we decided to invest more in the packaging of the album since it was a long awaited collaboration for me. There was a booklet containing a fair amount of jacket photos. I stared at that one photo where Yoo Bin and I were sitting on the floor, clad in all black, leathered mini shorts and long-sleeved crop top, leaning our back against each other as we stared intensely at the camera. Thank God that my bony stomach were not revealed in that shot. Another page showed the both of us facing each other in close proximity, hugging one another lightly where our pelvis were touching. My head was slightly bent and my gaze was casted downwards with my hand bringing a cherry up to my lips while Yoo Bin was having a cherry between her lips as she threw a seductive look to the camera. The other of us had heavy make-up, placing emphasis on the eyes and lips. The stockings and tight skimpy clothes complemented the theme of Vixen but yet portraying a classy and y image. I would say the photos were edited well though, because I don't look as skinny as I was in real life.
 
I turned to Yoo Bin when I thought I heard her stifled her laughter.
 
"What?" I asked, my hand holding onto our album.
 
"This is first time I am experiencing this. It's like we are on fast-forward mode." I laughed while she shook her head in disbelief, all the one wearing a smile.
 
"But will we be able to even sing the song on broadcast?" I shrugged at her question, since all four music stations had announced the ban for our single when we released it.
 
"But I heard from your president that SBS might be able to give us the green light."
 
"Don't think so. If the collaboration is with YG, then there are chances." She laughed.
 
"Aigoo, shouldn't they just take a tiny step back for the sake of maintaining relationship? You have been working for YG for so long." I wasn't really affected since I had already foreseen this would happen so I did not comment anything about it.
 
"It would be great though. If we did not have any appearance but still continue to top the charts." When it released, the public was pretty surprised at the daring concept mainly because I had the image of a girl next door like how all ballad singers had. But then, much of the irony and contradiction, our song made an all-kill.
 
"Let's grab the triple-crown!" She cheered and I joined in.
 
On the very same day, Jin Hye phoned me that SBS had gave us the permission to perform once at Inkigayo but certain lyrics had to be censored. I actually didn't want to do it because I wanted to keep the ordinary meaning of the song but considering that man underaged might be watching the show, I agreed to make the necessary changes. I quickly had the edited copy sent to Yoo Bin so she could listen and familiarize herself. And before I know it, days had passed and it was time for the recording. I was not able to do live so we had to pre-record it. But before that, I had an interview with a reporter from Singapore. The first Prime Minister of Singapore had passed away and as one of the many locals staying overseas, I was contacted to say a few words to our founding father.
 
I refused to dress up and met up with the reporter bare-faced. I know the consequences when the video was broadcasted. People are going to question about how I looked but I don't think it was appropriate to turn up with my face caked with powder and dressed in fancy clothing. I wanted to speak my feelings as an ordinary Singaporean and not a celebrity.
 
It was a very simple and short meet-up with only one cameraman, a staff and the female reporter. The atmosphere was low and a video was recording with me speaking, ending the video with a ninety-degree bow.
 
"I was deeply shocked when I heard the news of Mr Lee Kuan Yew's passing. There were many news stating that the younger generation would not understand what Mr Lee had done when he was building the nation. As much as I was unable to witness the painful journey that the older generation had walked together with Mr Lee, I understand that it was not easy at all. I grew up in Singapore and my family, my friends and I enjoyed the fruits of Mr Lee's hard work. All these did not drop from the sky. Singapore definitely isn't a country that we got overnight. And I have great respect for that one man who decided to take charge of a third world country which was once nothing to the eyes of the world. It will forever be the loss of Singapore that Mr Lee is not with us anymore. But even when life remains hectic and busy, I will continue to mourn and grieve the loss of Mr Lee. And I believe every other Singaporean would as well. Thank You, Mr Lee Kuan Yew and rest in peace."
 
I rushed off to SBS and met up with Yoo Bin in the waiting room. The stylist helped me in getting changed and getting my make-up and hair done.
 
"I hope you are not too tired." I was resting on the couch, worrying over how I would look on stage. The audience was going to see me in person and they would surely noticed how much I had changed. I almost argued with the stylist when she wanted me to wear a skirt. I looked down at leathered skinnies I was wearing. It was not comfortable because I had worn three more layers under it. But even after all the effort, my legs still looked ridiculously thin.
 
"I just hope I won't shock the audience at how bony I had become." I murmured, feeling very bothered at the fact.
 
"You look amazing." She reached for a wrist and I turned to her. She gave me an assuring smile which I managed to faintly smile back. She gave me an encouraging hug, patting in my back to cheer me on before we went on stage.
 
I did not check the Internet after the performance as I resumed my lifestyle going to and fro the hospital for treatment the next day and resting at home most of the time. Until President called me two days after the Inkigayo performance, informing me to visit his office since I will be dropping by at the agency. He smiled at me when I got inside and I instantly felt relieved at his smile.
 
"Great job on the performance." I smiled back.
 
"Thank you, SaJangNim."
 
"The black ribbon you tied on your hair with. Fans, especially from Singapore, noticed it and had reacted positively. You basically set a trend."
 
"No." I shook my head lightly. "It's about the sincerity." The Black Ribbon was a movement to remember our founding father and I wanted to keep my word when I said I will remember Mr Lee in the midst of my hectic lifestyle. So I thought of something at the last minute, the day when I was supposed to perform at SBS Inkigayo. I initially made a knot that resembled The Black Ribbon and attached it to a bobby pin but my stylist argued that it did not suit the concept of the song. After much insistence that I will use the black ribbon no matter what, she tied a knot on a small portion of my hair and wrapped the ribbon around hair in a spiral way to the end of my hair before securing it with a rubber tie. President gave me a warm smile again before continuing.
 
"Have you seen the news?" I shook my head, hating how I began to get alert and nervous.
 
"Rumors have started. That you and Seung Hyun-ssi had broken up." My eyes widened in surprise. I did a performance two days ago and had done nothing suggesting the break-up. How in the world did the reporters know?
 
"Did Seung Hyun-ssi contact you?" I shook my head again and he sighed, already disliking what he was about to say.
 
"You might be meeting him soon. To work out how to tackle the media." And I nodded in silence.
 
"And," I turned to him again, giving him my attention. "We have arranged a different hospital for your treatment. It is closer to the agency too."
 
"But why?" I asked, finding something fishy that he wanted me to go to a hospital that is closer to the agency instead of my place.
 
"Don't you know? The reporters got hold of the details of your treatment." My lips parted in shock, even though I already knew it will happen soon.
 
"Be prepared. Once they get the necessary evidence, articles will be out in no time."
 
And I felt more scared than expected.

===

Hello! Really glad to be back! I was on an internship for three months during my last update. So I am really happy to be back writing again.

Hope this chapter is still okay even after having a long break from writing and many hopes that you guys have enjoyed reading! ^^

P.S. People, I’m really not going to abandon this story. Pinky swear.

P.P.S Rushing to upload this update as there are news that Internet will be cut off the whole day tomorrow to mourn for our Founding Father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

Schedulex2(C)

Copied and pasted from iTouch, edited, wrote author’s note and posted on 23:54PM, 280315

He is a loving family-man who made Singapore's vision his life mission. And he is our Founding Father. #RIPLKY #RememberingLKY #Respect