CHAPTER 1   THE PROBLEMATIC

 

Tik Tok Tik Tok

 

Droplets of rain water hitting the bucket echoed in the small room. The rain has stopped but the remaining from the roof still makes its way inside the apartment through the small hole in the roof near the wall.

 

“I really should fix the roof.” I told myself as I lazily carried the half filled bucket.

 

I headed for the bathroom and poured the rain water into the toilet bowl and flushed it. I watched the whirpool of water until it calmed.

 

I laughed. Laughter that lacked emotion. An empty laugh.

 

This is a metaphor of my life. It rained so hard a while ago….. just like how it rained hard in my life. The rain had stopped but the remnants of the rainfall still falls down to the ground… just like how the emptiness and pain lingered in my heart.

 

I dropped the bucket and faced the bathroom mirror. I looked at myself. I stared at myself.

 

“Who are you? What have you become?” I asked the person in the mirror who was looking back at me. Pointing her finger at me just like how I point my finger in her face.

 

The lady in the mirror has sad eyes… I have sad eyes.

 

That lady looking back at me… I don’t recognize her anymore.

 

“Who am I? What I have become?” I asked myself in a sad whisper. I lowered my gaze.

 

I don’t know what to do…

 

I don’t know what I want..

 

I’m empty..

 

I’m lost…         

 

I don’t know what happened to me, to my life, to my enthusiasm. One day I just woke up feeling like a hollow shell. I felt the urge to look for something that I really want..  what I really need… what I really crave.

 

But where would I start? Where would I start the search when I don’t even know what I’m looking for?

 

It’s a tough task, I know… but it will all worthwhile when you capture what you’re chasing.

 

But what am I chasing? What am I looking for?

 

I had been into couple of relationships before, even stupid enough to give myself to a guy who I thought loved me. *sigh*

 

Stupid, young and naïve…. That’s who I am.

 

But I want to change it…..

 

 Stupid, young and naïve… That’s who I was.

 

I stepped out of the house and locked the door.  I headed for the side of the house where I parked my “wheels”.

 

I don’t have a car since I can’t afford one, I couldn’t even afford to rent a decent apartment. Instead, I have a bicycle… which I won through a betting game.

 

I rode the bike and started “driving”.                             

 

It was a gloomy Sunday afternoon. The sun just started to show itself slowly in the sky. Sun.. you’re late for work.

 

I was never really fond of going out of the house during Sundays, I’d rather sleep, sleep and sleep more. But for some strange reason, I found myself paddling and paddling with no specific destination whatsoever.

 

After “driving” for who knows how long, my “wheels” came to a stop. I looked around the unfamiliar surrounding. Great… I’m lost… where am I?

 

“Oh… I’m at a park. How did I ended up here?”

I found a bicycle parking space. I attached the chainlock  of my bike to the steel bar and left after I heard the satisfying click.

 

With my hands inside the side pockets of my jacket, I walked and walked at the unfamiliar place.

 

I got lost in my thoughts. I was walking with my head bowed and my eyes on the ground when something or should I say someone.. bumped at me. It was just a light nudge but was enough to make me step back.

 

“Oh! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” The girl said while bowing at me.

 

“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking! I’m so sorry!” She repeatedly bowed.

 

I couldn’t see her face clearly. She kept on bowing and apologizing. My eyebrows furrowed with annoyance to the stranger’s super politeness.

 

Seriously! This girl is overdoing doing it!

 

I held her jaw and make her face me. Then I flicked her forehead… HARD.

 

“Owwww… Awwww… Ouch… that hurts..”The girl grunted and whined while rubbing her hurting forehead.

 

What a dork. *sigh*

 

Finally… I saw her face… her pretty face.

 

“Ohhh….” She kept on whining.

 

She’s cute…

 

I chuckled.              

 

She looked at me confusingly while still holding her forehead.

 

My annoyance vanished into thin air. I smiled at her. She stared at me with mouth opened.

 

Huh? What’s her problem? Well….. still cute. ^_^

 

“Hey Miss… you can close your mouth now.” I .

 

The girl got out of trance and closed . Her pretty face turned into bright red and she faced the other way.

 

Why is this girl blushing?

                                                                     

But anyway…again… I found it cute. ^_^

 

“It’s okay. I’m also at fault. I wasn’t looking. I’m sorry, too.” I told her before I proceeded walking again.

 

“Uhm.. wait..” I heard her say after I took 4 steps. I looked back at her.

 

“Hmn?” I raised my brows with no hint of annoyance.

 

The girl told me her name. “Hi… I’m Taeyeon.”

 

I sat on the grassy field under the shade of a big leafy tree. I pressed my back into the wide tree to find comfortable spot. I’m sleepy.

 

“Taeyeon… her name is Taeyeon…” I mumbled to myself. I smiled and shook my head.

 

She gave me her name but I didn’t bother to give mine. I just smiled at her, nodded then walked away without looking back.

 

I was about to fall asleep when I heard sobs. I opened my eyes and look around. There was no one and the sobs stopped.

 

Maybe I’m just imagining things.

 

I closed my eyes then the sobbing resumed, this time louder.

 

Someone’s crying… near me…

 

I stood up and circled the tree… and there she was.. a girl.. crying while holding her phone. I couldn’t see her face which was covered by her long straight silky hair.

 

I’m not the kind of person who minds other people’s business, but this time, I had the urge to mind this stranger’s business.

 

“Here….” I knelt down and handed her my handkerchief.

 

She raised her head and our gaze met.

 

She’s… pretty….

 

She stared at me in confusion with red eyes and puffy nose.

 

I smiled.

 

My smile immediately turned into a frown when the girl cried even more. I got surprised when the girl suddenly hugged me tight and cried her heart out in my shoulder.

 

I may not know this person and I may not know her problem.. but at this moment, I know what to do. I wrapped my arms around her and patted her back.

 

We were in that position until the girl stopped from crying. I held her shoulders and slightly moved her away from me.

 

“Are you okay now?” I asked.

 

She sniffed, nodded and smiled.

 

Awww…. Cute.. hehe ^_^

 

“Good” I said.

 

I patted her head, stood up and readied to walk away. I’ve already done my part.

 

Before I could step away, she spoke.

 

“Thanks… by the way… I’m Jessica.”

 

I smiled, nodded and walked away.

 

Taeyeon and Jessica…

 

Two pretty girls that I met in this day that I decided to wander aimlessly.

 

Jessica….

 

Taeyeon…

 

I’m done with wandering. It’s time to go home.. be bored and sleep.

 

But.. how the hell would I come back home? I don’t even know where I am.

 

Ohh… me and my empty head.. >.<

 

*sigh*